| F e b 2 1 , 2 0 0 3 . S e a s h e l l F l o a t i n g When days get so pressing, so demanding, and so tough, I feel like a tiny sea shell floating helplessly on the vast, wide and deep ocean. Or I wish life is really as simple as a tiny sea shell; then all I have to do is to float on the waters, not clinging onto any burdens or complications. i thot, my life sucks. three midterms next week drove me to say that in my head for the four days. earlier this morning i bumped into Jane our cleaning lady ourside the washroom. i haven't talked to her for a while 'cause i've been too tired by my own things. i used to stop by to chill for fifteen minutes or so just to listen and talk with her. she has borrowed my pocket Chinese-English Bible to read; she's still reading it. she's so tired today, she told me. she only slept for about three hours last night till 2:30 and couldn't fall back asleep since then. now she has a whole day of work before her, plus another house she needs to clean. crap! i thot. after our short chat, she continued to work. i went back to my room to sit around my bed for another hour and a half, and i thot my life sucks? |
| F e b 2 2 , 2 0 0 3 . B r a i n w a s h C l i n i c Today I had a dream that one day I would be able to open a "brain-washing service clinic" where people come in to receive a brain-wash. In simple terms, service is offered in three types of packages. (bX1) Structural Wash - to reset all the thot "pathways", "patterns" and "combination" used to process information input, arrive at a decision or solve a problem. It's to clear out the way one thinks. (bX2) Content Wash - to delete all of the bits of info such as stories, facts, and images which are the "content" of one's thots. It's to clear out the type of things one thinks about. (bX3) Total Wash - basically both of the above: structure and content all washed out. It's for one to start from scratch like a blank slate. If I were a customer, I'd first want package (bX1) Structural Wash. How I wish to wipe out the way I think! It's causing me a lot of pain, frustration, apprehension. It leads me to darkness, sadness, despair, loneliness, loss of hope, and withdrawal from others. Given the deep %#*x!@ I have been in these few days, frankly, I would not mind a Total Wash either. |
| . I N T R I C A T ' s . . |
| F e b 2 4 , 2 0 0 3 . B r e a t h As long as I can take another breath, I know He loves me. If not because of Him, I would be what? Nothing, vaccuum, zero. He loved me enough to give me life. If not because He loved me, right now I would be no more than none. None. As long as I can see, I can hear, I can walk, I can sleep, and I can wake... As long as I can take in another breath, I know full well that He plainly loves me. [ a thot during a break on 2nd floor open space at Robarts Library ] |
| F e b 2 5 , 2 0 0 3 . S k a t e b o a r d i n g I was dreaming about skateboarding this morning before I woke up. I was practicing on my ollies on the sidewalks. Ollies, imagine! I never fell, not nervous either. I was surprised to find that the snow was actually rubbery -- so I could bounce on them, like soft wheels, ye know! It was a happy dream. =-) |