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“The Governess Theory and Other Ramblings”

      History teaches that governess’ tend to have an odd relationship with their employers.  The governess’ tend to be poor women sent to make their livings watching other people’s children.  Usually the mother of said children is dead, gone, whatever, and all that is left is a father, guardian, etc, who really doesn’t want to raise the kids on his own.  The governess and employer then fall in love, and, most of the time, marry, it’s true.  Let’s go over the basic examples, shall we?  Obviously, the entire Von Trapp affair, the father is super-strict, the kids like the fun-loving governess, and eventually the Captain and Maria fall in love, get married, and take a long hike over some mountains with the kids.  Oh joy, exactly what one is looking for.  On the stranger note, Anna Leonowens, at least she had taste with the guy she fell in love with, a King, that woman had very high standards.  But all those extra wives and kids?  Can you imagine?  And she wouldn’t even get to be Queen.  So she left the country (and contrary to popular belief the king did not die, at least not until years later).  Or, quite possibly the most depressing example of the lot.  Jane Eyre.  Now, that’s a tragedy: tormented child sent to vile school, turns teacher, goes to lonely house to teach French girl whose guardian is a disturbed older gentleman whose idea of a love test is flirting with a pretty girl and dressing like a woman.  Once they finally get around to admitting their love and getting engaged it turns out he’s got a wife in the attic (what does he do? Collect them?) So Jane runs away, nearly dies, ends up on someone’s doorstep, gets to teach again, gets offered a loveless marriage, starts hearing voices and returns to her former employer, who by the way has had his house torched by the other wife (now dead) and got severely maimed.  And they live happily ever after? 
      Speaking of Jane Eyre, out of all the books I ever read for English class, that one had the happiest ending, god, how depressing was my education.  Very, actually, very.  And then we were forced to read Wide Sargasso Sea; I liked Rochester before I read that book, ick, so I’ve simply decided to ignore it.  Still on the Jane Eyre thing, the score to the musical is fantastic; they should’ve waited till I’d seen it before they closed.  I saw them, Jane and Rochester, perform at the Tony’s, I was impressed.  I’d love to see The Producers too, Little Old Lady Land (there were just tons of horny octogenarians) I’ve heard most of that score too, hilarious.
     And while I’m rambling about musicals, Aspects of Love, Lloyd Webber’s strongest score, at least I think it is, that’s even more screwed up than Jane Eyre.  Alex falls in love with Rose, takes her to his Uncle George’s house.  George is having a little lovers meeting with Guilietta (whatever, it’s pronounced Julietta) finds out about Alex and goes to the house, George and Rose sort of fall in love.  Rose leaves Alex, Alex joins the army.  Two years pass… never mind, I’m losing myself in this plot, lets just say that at some point Rose and Guilietta end up together, Rose and George marry, have child Jenny, Jenny falls in love with Alex, then George dies and Alex and Guiletta go off together.  Yes!  The show where everyone sleeps with everyone else!
      Now that I’m entirely off the governess thing, I just thought of another example, that weird movie with Fran Drescher, The Beautician and the Beast, beautician becomes tutor to foreign king-type person’s children and they end up in love.  Isn’t that original?  Okay, so the part about her being a beautician is.  Or, actually, the Nanny itself, an entire TV show based on the Governess Theory.
      I’m listening to Jane Eyre right now; it’s the gypsy song.  Now that leads to men in drag, why is it so many men tend to look good as women?  Take Eddie Izzard, British transvestite comedian, he’s very funny.  Or a friend of mine who got dressed as a woman by another friend of mine for a dramatic competition, make-up design.  So then, what if a transvestite became a governess, would the employer then have to be either a woman or gay?  Or would it all just cancel out?  What does one call a male governess anyway? 
      Returning to the Anna Leonowens thing for a minute, did anyone else like Anna and the King?  It wasn’t a musical, or factual in more than just the scant basics, but I thought it was good.  Then again I think Jodie Foster is a good actress, mmmm, thinking of Silence of the Lambs.  I love that book/movie, it’s a variation on Beauty and the Beast, Lecter is so sexy (yes, I have odd taste in men) and Hannibal was wonderful too, especially the book, not so much the movie (the film’s ending sucked, but the score and photography were amazing).
      Look, I’m off track again, hardly surprising isn’t it?  Whatever, that’s what happens when I try to write theories in the middle of the night, and besides, you were warned!  The title of this told you I would get off topic.
      My final wonderment on the Governess Theory, why is everyone surprised when they end up together?  Why?  Honestly, history says it will happen and still everyone else thinks it’s some kind of freak arrangement.  Well, now it’s getting late and I will probably stop making whatever little sense I’m making now if I don’t shut up now, so here’s my closing:
      In light of the Governess Theory, and the example set by precedent, if you are going to be a governess be certain you like your employer, ‘cause you’ll end up together.  Or you could be like Maria and the Captain and marry for the sake of the children when you really can’t stand each other.  There, didn’t that destroy your romantic fantasies?
      Sincerely, the writer of your stories,
       Catherine
Authors Note:  This piece was written purely for the sake of humour and does not reflect the actual attitude of me.  The word sarcasm comes to mind.......