Comfort lay in bed next to her husband, unable to sleep. She was still thinking about earlier when she had finally given into temptation and in one moment of weakness, had forgotten everything and shared a moment of passion with her co-worker, Finn.
What the hell was she thinking? She was married! But now that she had tasted him, she knew she would find it hard to resist his touch.
She had worked with him for a while now, and she had not once before felt such a strong urge to be intimate with him. She was not even sure why she had. She was happily married, in a loving relationship and apart from what she believed in her faith, it was morally wrong.
Why? She kept asking herself, and wondered again why she had done what she had done. It was Finn! Finn! Sure, they flirted like crazy and any woman would find it hard to resist his cheeky charm but.....
Hang on... She couldn’t resist his charm. That’s why she felt so guilty now. If it had been horrible and she had felt guilty at the time, that would be better but it was deep and passionate and she had made the first move.
He was the one who left the locker room at the ambulance HQ first, saying it was wrong for them to be together and she hadn’t started to feel this guilty as she did until she had seen her beloved husband. As perfect as she wanted to believe her marriage was, she knew there must be something the matter or she wouldn’t have let anything happen with Finn.
Fin.
She wanted more than anything not to hurt him. She had felt for a long time that he had feelings for her and she knew at the back of her mind that she had always felt that fatal attraction towards him too
Despite that, she vowed that she would never let anything like that happen again.
* * *
Comfort woke the next morning to the soft, reassuring touch of her husband kissing her cheek.
“Morning” he said and continued to kiss her face.
Comfort rolled over and forced a smile back.
“What’s the time?” she asked, still half asleep.
“Almost 6: 30.”
“Damn it!” she cursed and jumped to her feet “My shift starts in half an hour.”
She bolted out of the room and got ready in double quick time.
True, she was late for work but she was also doing her best not to see too much of her husband that morning, not until she had figured out what to do.
She finally ran into him in the kitchen. Her pace had slowed down now but she was still in a hurry.
“How are you this morning?” he asked. “You seem a little out of it.”
Comfort didn’t answer, she just grunted.
“Bad day at work?”
“Yeah.”
It was a bad day at work. That was the main cause of her getting together with...
No. She wasn’t going to go there again. She had spent the whole of last night reviewing her actions and feelings and she wasn’t going to lay the guilt trip on herself again.
She grabbed her coat off the hook and headed out the door, toast in hand, still not thinking about you know who.
* * *
Comfort sat in the front of the ambulance with Nikki in a car park eating her lunch and waiting for the next call over the radio.
She was so glad that she had not had to face Finn this morning, even though she knew she couldn’t avoid him forever and would have to confront their actions at some point.
“You’re being quiet” said Nikki from the passenger seat as Comfort found herself staring out of the window. “Is anything wrong?”
“Thinking”, Comfort replied, snapping back to reality.
“About what?” Nikki probed, “I know it couldn’t be or recent patients.”
Comfort gave a small giggle. Their mornings ‘patients’ consisted of a over protective mother whose son had fallen off his bike, a dog that they had resuscitated and a man that got his hand stuck in a clay pipe while he was doing some DIY plumbing.
“No, I...” She didn’t really want to talk about it. “Nothing.”
“You were thinking about spot weren’t you?” joked Nikki.
“Yeah” she lied with a smile. “What with that and the rabbit yesterday, I was thinking of packing in this job and opening my own vet’s surgery.”
They both giggled at that thought and continued to eat they’re lunch.
“Holby control to 3018,” came the call from their HQ.
Comfort picked up the radio and went through the usual drill. This time a man had collapsed outside a church and they went on their way to treat him.
Nikki turned the siren on and Comfort pulled out into the road and drove away.
She was dreading going back to the hospital. She didn’t want to run into Fin. Now she felt really bad and was going over and over in her brain what she was going to say next time she saw him. So far she was coming up blank.
No time to think about that, though. They had another life to save.
* * *
Comfort stood in front of the main arched doors that lead into the church, contemplating whether or not to go in. They had treated the man, who had only fainted and was now insisting that he was fine, if a little embarrassed. They were still going to take him to the hospital but she had told Nikki to wait while she went in.
She stepped cautiously through the doors but still coward near the entrance, taking in the beautifully carved woodwork and the brightly coloured stained glass windows, spraying coloured light everywhere.
This was killing her, all the secrecy. She had to admit to someone what she had done and get it off her chest, even if it was someone she didn’t know and would probably never see again.
It was also about making her peace with God. She had been a Christian for many years and tried to live how the bible says. She had tried to obey it as best she could, which is why she felt so guilty that she had broken one of the basic Ten Commandments.
Comfort walked across the marble floor of the church to the confession box, hearing her footsteps echo around the whole room.
She stepped inside the small wooden room. She was shaking. It was like she was coming before God for judgement and she was extremely scared and nervous.
“Father, I have sinned” she began, shaking more than ever.
The man on the other side of the lattice screen said nothing, just listened intently.
Comfort was not sure what to say next. She was fighting hard to hold back the tears and stay composed. She couldn’t let herself breakdown, she still had the rest of her shift to finish and she didn’t feel up to answering Nikki’s questions. Or anyone else's.
“Go on” coaxed the priest, gently trying to persuade to speak what was on her mind.
“I’ve been unfaithful to my husband” she replied. She was getting more and more weak and the tears were slowly breaking down the emotional barrier she had put up. “I’ve committed adultery.”
Adultery. That was such a harsh word. The tears began to flow as she realised the full extent of what she had done.
She found it hard to talk through the tears.
“I... I can’t do this” she said, mostly to herself and half ran out of the church.
She stopped by the door she had come in through and took a deep breath to compose herself. She stepped outside and climbed into the driver’s seat of the ambulance without saying a word.