“Hey monster, you ready to go?”

Christy took a running jump at her father and leaped into his arms. She waved one bright pink sneaker at him and grinned. “I lost my other shoe Daddy.” Carter rolled his eyes and lowered his daughter to the floor.

“We better go and find it then.”

He stood in the hallway shaking his head as he watched the 4 year old race up the stairs, then heard her thump along the landing once she had disappeared from sight. He sighed and slowly trudged up the stairs after her.

“Can I go to work afterwards?” she asked when Carter reached her room and pushed open the door. Her voice was muffled and only her legs were visible, sticking out from underneath the bed. She resurfaced a moment later with a blue teddy in one hand and a Winnie the Pooh sing along book in the other. No shoe.

“Maybe” Carter replied. ‘Going to work’ in Christy speak meant a fun day out in the ER. Her version of work was sitting at reception with Jerry, pretending to answer phones and generally get in the way. No one seemed to mind though, they all thought she was adorable.

They didn’t have to live with her.

Carter knelt down and started looking through her toy box. Several other shoes and a half eaten cookie were found in amongst the broken crayons but no pink shoe. “Can’t you just wear a different pair sweetie?”

“Nope.”

Fair enough. It wasn’t even worth arguing about. She took after her mother, stubbon. There was a tap on Carter’s shoulder and he emerged from the big wooden box.

“Found it” she said, smiling and looking very proud of herself.

“Well done.”

Christy squirmed onto Carter’s lap as he sat down on the floor. She slipped on her newly acquired shoes. On the wrong feet. Carter smiled, put them on the right feet and proceeded to tie up the laces. It was hard, not least because there was a pigtail tickling his nose.

“Got everything?” he asked as he tied the last bow. Christy only grinned, knowing what was coming.

“Jacket?”

“Yup.”

“Backpack?”

“Yup, yup.”

“Lunch?”

“Yup, yup, yup!”

Carter smiled and heaved himself off the carpet. It was a game he’d invented a year ago to help her learn to count. Now she wouldn’t leave the house without playing it again. Their little ritual happened at least twice a day, and Carter never got sick of it.

Christy grabbed Carter’s sleeve and pulled him out the door.

“Have you remembered Edward Bear?” Carter knew full well what would happen if they didn’t. A rather large tantrum would ensue as soon as she realised. Last time they were in the popcorn line at the movies. Needless to say they missed the film.

She nodded. “Off we go then Woo.”

Carter shut the door and shoved the house keys into his pocket. ‘Woo’ was Abby’s nickname for her. Christy Whisty Woo. He hated it, but every now and then it just slipped out. He couldn’t help himself.

The sun was shining, it was a perfect day. Carter leant over to stroke the neighbour’s cat and trotted down the steps to his jeep. He unlocked the car and Christy jumped in. Carter grinned at her through the open car door and feigned confusion. “You mean you’re not driving?”

Christy wrinkled up her nose and laughed. “I’m four! Silly Daddy!”

Carter shut the door and got into the driver’s seat. Slotting the key in the ignition, he glanced quickly in the rear view mirror. “Belted up?” She nodded and they pulled out of the driveway.

“Is Mommy coming?” she asked a few minutes later after some babbling about water slides and pizza that Carter was only half listening to. He had nodded every now and then to pretend he was listening, it seemed to do the trick. His little girl never seemed to stop talking.

“Mommy’s at work sweetie.” Carter could see she was disappointed. “We’ll see her later though.”

* * *

“Off to feed the fishies!” Christy sang as she skipped along the gravel path. “Splash, splash, splash, splash, SPLASH!” She jumped an extra bit higher and threw her arms in the air to emphasise that last word. She also yelled it rather loudly and several people turned to stare.

They weren’t really feeding the fish, they were feeding the ducks. Christy didn’t like ducks, she did like fish. Her favourite movie was Finding Nemo. They had to put up with her ‘talking whale’ a week after she first saw it. After that unfortunate incident with the gerbils, him and Abby had bought a fish tank for the living room. She loved it.

Five minutes later, they reached the big lake in the middle of the park. A few other children were playing and several dogs on leads were being walked. Carter sat down on a near by bench, close enough to the water’s edge to reach out and grab, should Christy decide to go swimming.

She put her bag down next to him and pulled out a few slices of stale bread. She skipped happily towards the water and Carter winced. She didn’t want to explain the soggy car interior to Abby again.

“She looks like a handful.”

Carter looked up and saw that a tall, blonde woman in a blue dress was sitting on the other end of the bench. Carter smiled at her and watched his little pickle as she set about terrorising a Jack Russell terrier.

“Christy, leave the dog alone.”

The woman laughed. “It’s ok, it’s my dog. She’s used to it, my Owen spends his life chasing her. Dr. Carter right? I think my son’s in Christie’s class at kindergarten.”

Carter nodded. “Right. Hi.” He offered his hand to the woman and she shook it.

“Laura Geeson, nice to meet you. I remember seeing you at Parent Teacher day, but we never really got to spoke. Your wife’s lovely though, Abby isn’t it?”

Carter grinned. “Yeah.”

“She said something about Christy putting a slug in the teacher’s desk draw.”

Carter rolled his eyes. “Yep, that sounds about right. Like I said, handful. Doesn’t get it from me at all.”

The woman smiled and adjusted her hair slide. “My eldest Grace was like that too. Do you have any other kids?”

Carter opened his moth to reply but no sound came out. “Erm, no.” He felt himself blushing and stood up quickly, feeling awkward. “Christy, it’s time to go.”

“But we just got here Daddy” she yelled from the water’s edge. Carter could feel a tantrum coming on but he didn’t mind, he just wanted to leave. He took Christie’s hand and walked away, leaving the woman wondering what she’d said so wrong.

She hadn’t said anything wrong, it was just the day. He’d been trying so hard all morning to… His self-pitying was interrupted by Christy tugging his sleeve.

“Where are we going?”

Carter stopped and crouched down to her level in the middle of the path. “You know where silly” he said, gently poking Christy on the nose. She giggled.

“Oh yeah” she said, and raced off down the path.

* * *

All day Carter had tried to keep it together, he didn’t want to break down, not in front of Christy. As he though, she skipped down the path in front of him holding a bunch of flowers, her hair bouncing as she ran. He smiled despite himself, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was missing. Someone was missing, and not just Abby.

He needed her today. He knew she was working, but he still wanted her here. He didn’t have anyone else to talk to about this. Kem had gone…

“Come on Daddy! We’ve got to go and see Joshua!”

A lump caught in Carter’s throat and a tear lingered in the corner of his eye but he walked on ahead.

“I drew him a picture Daddy.” Christy was at his side now, she’d slowed down to a walk but she was still the excitable little girl he loved. “You can’t see it though, it’s secret. I made him a birthday card, but I think I spelt it wrong.”

Carter looked down at the beautiful sparkling brown eyes and they made him melt. She was so innocent. She understood a bit, parts of what happened. Christy knew she had a brother and that he died but she hadn’t known him, not even for a minute. “Don’t worry” Carter said, his voice cracking, “he’ll understand.”

Christy was still chatting away but Carter had zoned out, he was only faintly aware of what she was saying. He stopped at the edge of the path, about twenty metres from the gate and walked down a narrow grass strip. Christy followed him, still skipping along.

He knelt down and stared blankly down at a little headstone through blurry eyes. Christy had suddenly gone quiet. “Daddy” she whispered, “Can I give him my picture now?” She was chewing her sleeve, suddenly unsure how to react. Her Daddy was fun and happy, she wasn’t used to se him crying. Carter lifted his head and drew in a breath, touching her on the arm to reassure her. “Go ahead, he’ll love it.”

She sat down on the ground besides Carter, crossed her legs, and laid the flowers down on the grass. She pulled a piece of paper out of her back and Carter caught a glimpse of some brightly coloured crayon. Christy paused. “You can see it if you want.”

“No, it’s for Josh.”

“Ok” She put it down next to the flowers. “I’ll draw you one when we get home.”

“I’d like that, Mummy would too.”

Christy bent down and whispered something into the ground so Carter couldn’t hear.

He smiled. It was odd, Josh died 3 years before Abby was even pregnant, all Christy had ever known of her big brother was from a photo and what little Carter had told her. But he still felt like they had a connection. When she was grown up, he knew that she would come here if she ever had a problem, to get some big brotherly advise.

The tear that had been threatening to wall started to slide down Carter’s cheek. Joshua would be 8 now, today. He stared at the gold lettering on the polished stone that read today’s date, 8 years ago. He covered his eyes and started to cry.

He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder and looked up. He hadn’t even heard her approach, and if Christy did she didn’t let on. But Abby crouched behind him now; her arms draped around his neck and planted a kiss on his head.

He’d never been as happy to see her than he was just then. He hugged her back and started to cry into her shoulder. Abby just held him, not saying a word.

Christy stood up and watched her parents apprehensively. Abby gestured for her to come over and wrapped her free arm around her shoulders. She snuggled into them, laying her head on Carter’s.

“He told me something Daddy, I heard him.” Carter stirred and looked at his little girl who was clinging to both him and Abby, bonding them together. He smiled, a genuine smile even though tears still streamed down his face.

“He did?”

“He said he wasn’t scared.”