Confronting Your Feelings

Chapter 2

This chapter was written by my friend Jo, because I'd written the first chapter and got totally stuck! Thank you so much for this Hon! Much appreciated! Her website address is on the links page, if u enjoy this, go and check it out!

"Peter?" Susan approached the emotional man cautiously. She didn't want to upset him more than she had to. He just stood still, clutching his, by now cold, coffee in his hands and staring out from the rooftop over the busy city.

"Hi," he replied in his usual quiet tone.

"Coffee cold?" He nodded, facing away from her out towards the city. "I figured you'd be needing another one by no," she stepped forward, handing him one of the two cardboard cups she was holding. He set the old coffee down on the wall before taking a sip from the new cup. He relished the taste of the warm dark liquid sliding down his throat, and breathed in deeply, inhaling the strong aroma of coffee.

"Thanks." His hands were now wrapped tightly around the cup, taking warmth from it. They stood in silence for a few minutes, each sipping at their coffee.

"I'm sorry, Peter," Susan finally said, staring out across the city from her position next to him.

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have got so heated with the guy, her just."

"It's understandable," she interrupted him. He turned slightly so that he was looking at her, and watched her for a few moments.

"Cleo told you, didn't she?" he asked, turning back to his previous position.

"Yeah." She paused, watching the dull mist slowly dissipating across the city. "It wasn't Cleo's fault Peter, I pushed her too much. Don't be mad at her."

"Don't worry about it. You would have found out soon enough anyway - gossip spreads like fire in that place." Susan nodded in agreement, and then stood silently, waiting for him to talk. She didn't want to push him: it was best that he open up in his own time. "There was always that thought in the back of my mind that he might not be mine," he said after a while. "But I just kept on dismissing it. At one point I was so close to taking a paternity test, but I didn't: it didn't seem important whether or not I was biologically related to him, just that I loved him."

"Yeah." She took another sip of her coffee.

"If I'd taken that test we could have sorted it all out when Carla was still alive. And now there's nothing I can do.

"You can fight for your son."

"He's not my son," he sighed.

"Do you love him?" He nodded. "Then he's your son." Peter smiled at her, and then nodded again.

"Are you always right?" he asked, laughing quietly.

"I try to be," she returned. Once again they stood silently, sipping coffee and staring at the tower blocks.

"I know how hard it is," Susan said, putting her now empty coffee cup down on the ground.

"Thanks for trying to be sympathetic, but you can't possibly know how it is."

"Do you remember Susie?" She dug her hands deep into her pockets in an attempt to keep them warm. Peter nodded in response.

"Your sister's kid, right?"

"Yeah. Chloe's hardly capable of being a mother to her though, she always puts herself first. Susie's just extra baggage."

"Sounds a little harsh."

"It's the truth. When Susie was first born I'd go to work, and then come home and look after her. It was like she was my own child. Chloe just expected me to take her, so that she could go out with her friends, and take whatever drugs she was hooked on at the time.

"I never realised how much you were doing." Peter's cup now joined hers on the ground.

"Yeah," she nodded. "At first I just put up with it because I felt some strange duty to Chloe. But then I realised that Susie needed someone to love her, and that wasn't the sort of love Chloe could give. I adored her from the day I first saw her, and then I got to loving her like she was my own." She stopped and sighed. "I'm more of a mother to her than Chloe could ever be."

Peter stood silently, contemplating what his friend was saying. He knew Susan had been devoted to Susie: devoted enough to follow her sister across the country, leaving behind the man she loved. But he'd never known just how their relationship had been.

"Chloe plays this stupid game with me. She'll leave Susie, and then come crashing back into our lives, grab her daughter, and leave. That's no way to behave when there's a child involved, is it?"

"No."

"I've tried so many times to get custody, and I've come so close it's ridiculous. But Chloe always shows up, the perfect little mother, and then whisks her off somewhere new."

"She shouldn't be allowed to be a mother."

"Nature isn't picky about who is and isn't a mother." Susan smiled slightly. "Peter, you have to fight for Reese. Don't rest until you know your boy's safe with you, and do not five in. I told myself everything would be fine, and came traipsing back to Chicago. I haven't seen Susie in months, and goodness knows where she is. Never, ever give up, Peter." She stared up at the large man.

"I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Go fight for Reese." He nodded firmly, and smiled at her.

"Thank you so much Susan," he said, pulling her into a hug.

"Go, Peter!" she laughed, pulling away from him. "And good luck."

He smiled once more, before turning and walking towards the stairs. When he reached the door he turned round a looked at her. "I hope you get Susie back soon."

"Chloe always comes running back for help." She turned back towards the cityscape, and listened as Peter's footsteps grew quieter and quieter. She watched the traffic far below, and the people going about their every day business. The cold morning breeze nipped around her ears, and she knew she had to go back inside before she froze. She leant down and picked up the empty coffee mugs, before looking out across the city once more. It felt like what she and Peter had said would carry along with the wind forever. With that in mind, she whispered one last though. "Please let it be soon."

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