 The Irish are Coming!
The Irish are
Coming! |
|
 Well, It's
that time of year again folks. Better get ready. Ahem........... Aye 'tis a
grand day fer de Irish, now 'tisn't she. Top O' the Mornin' to Ye! Aye! By
Gosh and Begorah! Aye, I might be wantin' me a Shamrock Shake Missus. Feck! |
| That last
one was ours. As I'm sure we all know, St. Patrick's Day is upon us once again,
and we here at Cothú thought it would be a great public service if we put
together a checklist that readers could print out, to make sure that their
preparations for St. Paddy's Day are complete. I mean we've all had the
experience one time or another, you walk into your local pub at the crack of
dawn St. Patrick's Day, you've gone over your green clothing twice, and lo and
behold, you've forgotten you shillelagh. How embarrassing. Well, this year
that won't happen. |
|
What the Well Dressed Leprechaun
is Waring This Year |
|
O'Tip #1: How to beat your Italian Friends to
the Pub
It's a well know fact
that the Irish spend most of their lives and most of their wages on drink. But
lately, we've noticed a few of you slipping. Last year in fact, a random survey
showed that the majority of drunken stupors out of pubs, bars, and cocktail
lounges were conducted by non-Irish. What's happening here people? To rectify
this situation, we expect every Irishman and Irishwoman to sleep in their
clothes on March 16th, to be able to get to the pubs earlier, and begin the
traditional customs. |
|
O'Tip #2: The Zen of Green Clothing Choice
In order to properly
enjoy the holiday, it is VERY important to select the proper attire. Of
course we all know that there is only one color choice: Green, any hue, tint, or
shade will do. But it is also important to remember that your Irishness is not
judged by your heritage on this day, but rather by the amount of and gaudiness
of your green attire. Remember this simple list:
- Shoes (with green laces)
- Socks
- Underwear
- Pants
- Shirt
- Sweater/Jumper/Sweatshirt
- Green-rimmed sunglasses
- Spring-loaded Shamrock Antenna
- Traditional Plastic Green Derby
It is also important
to remember that your clothing should be loose enough to give you room to move.
This is especially important since it is much harder to fight in tight clothing.
Which leads us to: |
|
O'Tip #3: I'm More Irish Than You
Perhaps no phrase
better sums up the spirit O' St. Paddy's Day than "I'm More Irish Than You."
Traditionally this phrase doesn't come up until late in the evening, but why
wait? Anytime is a good time for the traditional "I'm More Irish Than You
Fight." |
|
O'Tip #4: Singing Lessons...Schminging
Lessons...
Nothing brightens the
spirit more on St. Patrick's Day than a rousing song, sung at top screaming
volume, as another plastic pint full of green Budwiser is dumped down you back.
(Ahhhh memories!) What's important to
know is that actual lyrics to songs are not important. What is important is the
absolute volume that you attain. Danny Boy works just as well as Freddy
Boy, and Black Velvet Band works just as well as Back Magic Hand.
Sing out! |
|
O'Tip #5: Everyone's Irish on St. Paddy's Day
At least that is, if
it can get you into the White House. Watch your TV news on March 17th, dollars
to doughnuts somebody from the UUP will be walking in the door. But out in the
pubs is where this phrase is proven so true, everyone's Irish on St Paddy's Day,
the rest of the year they're busy talking about what drunks the Irish are.
(See O'Tip's 1 and 2) |
|
O'Tip #6: Know When to Say When
We all know the
significance of the ceremonial green beer on St. Paddy's day, but unfortunately,
not all of us know when we have consumed the maximum amount. Follow this simple
rule:
Goes in Green,
Comes Out
Yellow
Keep on drinking, cheekey fellow
Goes
in Yellow
Comes Out Green
You're
as drunk as you've even been.
What this little
ditty is really telling us is that if you're drinking regular beer on St.
Paddy's day, you must either be A) Polish, B) Italian, C) Not Irish, or D) All
of the Above. It's a well documented fact that St. Patrick himself brewed the
first green beer, and decreed that in honor of his feast day, all Irish should
consume green beer in vast quantities, no matter what the consequences. So
remember, green is good. |
|
O'Tip #7: Learn the Lingo, Ringo
Perhaps the most
important way you can celebrate your Irish heritage is to learn the language of
your ancestors. Officaially known as Paddy, the Irish language is chock full of
colorful phrases that, when repeated continuously throughout you St. Paddy's Day
celebrations, become even more endearing. Here are a few phrases to get you
started:
- Top O' the Mornin' to Ya.
- Gosh and Begorah
- 'Tis (Instead of is)
- Wee (Added as an adjective, turns any noun into an Irish word)
- May the Road Rise Up to Meet You (As a toast before every
drink)
- Erin Go Braugh (Pronounced Err' in Go Bra) ( This phrase
is especially cute when the alternate Erin Go Bra-less is substituted)
|
| © 1998 by Cothú, All Rights
Reserved. Any reproduction prohibited without written approval. |
|
| The graphics on this page were
shamelessly stolen form other web sites. We here at Cothú make no claim
on copyright to them. In fact, we find them pretty wierd and insulting, but
hey, to each his own. If anyone out there is offended by our use of their
graphics on our page, please let us know, and we will yank those puppies right
off the page, and replace them with something else we've stolen form someone
else who isn't as tight-assed as you are. There. |
Happy St. Patrick's Day
-- Cothú | |
