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MONUMENT
(PG) Six months after Voyager's return.
It was the third time in two months he had found her there. As Chakotay crossed the large expanse of close-cropped lawn, his eyes remained on Kathryn as she faced the monument, hands folded behind her and feet slightly apart.
Anderson, Lydia It was meant to be a memorial to Voyager's lost crew members, a testament of their bravery and sacrifice. Instead, it seemed Kathryn was drawn there for a different reason.
Bennett, David The monument itself was truly beautiful. A massive piece of marble that stood a story tall, one side as smooth as glass except for the names carved there. It stood proudly at Starfleet Headquarters in the north gardens that were meticulously maintained by Boothby's successor.
Darwin, Frank When the memorial committee wanted to list affiliation and rank after the names, ever distinguishing Starfleet from Maquis, Kathryn would have none of it. She insisted that titles, ranks, and affiliation were unimportant. The memorial would contain only the names of Voyager's lost family members.
Jonas, Michael Chakotay stopped several yards behind Kathryn and stood in silence as he watched her. He was relieved she was not sobbing as the first time he'd found here there, just days after telling her he loved her. It had been an evening he would never forget. Kathryn admitted she had loved him since early on in their journey. They had talked into the wee hours of the morning, ecstatic that the mutual love they had carried in silence had survived and could finally be explored. Their happiness was short-lived, however, sent reeling by her visit to the monument.
Martin, Julie Chakotay had remained patient with Kathryn. He understood all too well the guilt she carried. When she refused to see a counselor, he had gone instead in a desperate search for a way to help her. Their future, their happiness, depended upon her ability to get past the guilt.
Tuvix The second time he found her at the memorial was two days after they had made love for the first time. As he observed her there for the third time, the pattern finally became clear. He had proposed the night before. Each time an important step had been taken in building a future together, Kathryn seemed to feel the need to back up, remind herself of the guilt. Chakotay closed his eyes for a moment, filled with shame and regret for not seeing it sooner. For perhaps adding to the problem by moving too fast, pushing her. When Kathryn stepped carefully between the flowers at the base of the monument to get closer, he sighed with a heavy heart and went to her. She did not turn around or acknowledge his presence even as his shadow fell across the face of the marble. Her fingertips lingered on the name that held the most profound guilt. Rather than see her actions as having restored life to two men, she knew only that by her own hand, one had died. "Tuvix," she whispered. "His name really doesn't belong here, you know," Chakotay said softly as he moved to stand beside her. He took her hand from the wall and gave it a gentle squeeze. "He lives, in Tuvok and in Neelix." Kathryn nodded very slightly, as if part of her knew he was right. "Still, even if only for a short time, he was part of our family." "I know," he said. They stood in silence for a few minutes more then he led her back through the flowers to the grass beyond. He held her hands to his chest and looked into her eyes. "Kathryn, I'm sorry I've pushed you. I should've seen you weren't ready." She started to speak but a quick shake of his head silenced her. "I waited a long time for you, and as much as I want us to share a life together..." His eyes traveled over the names on the wall before returning to her. "We can't move forward until you get past this." "That's why I came here today," she said softly, smiling up at him. "To say goodbye, to let them go." She saw the relief on his face before he pulled her into his arms. He held her for almost a full minute before pulling back to cradle her face in his hands. "Do you need to be alone?" he asked. She nodded slowly and reached up to take his hands from her face. "I won't be long. Wait for me?" The joy in his heart made him bold, and he could not resist a touch of humor. He leaned closer, gazed lovingly into her misty eyes and smiled faintly. "If there's anything I'm good at, it's waiting for Kathryn Janeway."
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