A FAMILY is everchanging. Sometimes growing, sometimes diminishing. A family is like an amoeba ... it splits to become a family of it's own, splits again and again in a never-ending cycle. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Families shape our heredity, childhood, environment, and future.

I am a single parent with two teenagers still living at home. That would be JACKSON, age 17, and LYNDI, age 14. My two oldest sons are Bobby and Shane. Shane, is a handsome bachelor of 26 years old. Bobby and his wife, Lillie, live next door to me with their three children. My lovable huggable rambunctious grandchildren are Jamey, Sarah, and Stevie. My boyfriend, Terry aka Radar, is my neighbor on the other side.

My extended family includes distant loved ones, friends, relatives, co-workers, internet buddies and sometimes for brief moments in my life even strangers. Relationships with others are our greatest source of joy, pride and happiness but preversely also the biggest cause of misery and sorrow. Together as a human family, we love, learn, grow and live. I love people, but most often I have to laugh (rather than cry) at their antics, complications and predicaments.

Any of ya'll have children? Pets are nice... but they do not count on this survey! I personally think you can not call yourself a true grown-up til you've suffered the pain and frustration of parenting. An "only child" does not technically qualify because you never have to listen to them blame each other for misdeeds that will continuously shock and amaze you for several decades. Silly me! I am raising one of both, a boy and a girl. My daughter's first words were "He hit me first" For awhile I was convinced there was a kid in our neighborhood named "Nobody" cause Nobody did all the bad stuff at my house.

All those stories of the rewards and bliss of parenthood are highly exaggerated... crafty parents spread that propaganda to enlist the gullible so they can borrow pamper coupons. There's a lot of truth in that old saying that "Misery loves company!"

I never believed during my pregnancy that BABIES kept you up all night with colic and cost more than a truckload of diamonds. Naturally, that would be somebody else's spoiled infant! When I was powdering their cute lil dimpled bottoms, it never entered my head that someday they would become (gasp!) teenagers. I fully intended to discuss and explain all to my children... and absolutely never ever say "Because I told you so!" So naive I was. I still didn't know toddlers ate bugs. Melted crayons all over the car's backseat, sticky fingerprints as wall decor, and playdoh in the carpet were still future events. And what sadistic person invented boxes of a thousand legos just to ensure you get plenty of exercise picking them up. I was unaware that happiness hinged on finding practical pediatric advice and a darn good babysitter. How could I know that financing Barbie's extensive wardrobe would force me to shop for my own clothes in thrift shops? I could not imagine how difficult a sixth grader's homework would be, and would have been totally intimidated if I had visualized all the school candy bars I'd have to sell over the years. Just to be charitable, I will not blame the mounds of dirty dishes and smelly breeding laundry on the kids, but it is a known fact that they are always either changing outfits or outgrowing them.

Oh, I want to be a good mom, and I proudly recollect some of their "cute" stuff. Like how Lyndi told everyone that I was the "best cooker of smashed potatoes and corn on the bone". Or Jackson with all his wilted dandilions and numerous marriage proposals to me. I have bravely listened to the MUSIC of beginner trumpet and violin lessons without a complaint. I even let them have the last piece of pie without complaint. I do remember seeing them sound asleep, and forgetting all the trauma of getting them to go to bed... just reflecting how sweet and innocent they looked. Trust me, children get together at conventions, and plan how to look so beguiling. Kids arrive with NO instruction booklets, but they are born knowing exactly how to make you feel guilty for doing it all wrong.

It happens so fast how they grow up. It becomes obvious when you realize that they definitely know much more about everythang than you do. If it were offered as a class, my DAUGHTER could major in "attitude", while my son would undoubtedly get awards for high hormone levels. As I look at Jackson and Lyndi, I wonder if all of us (meaning mostly me) will survive their teen years. Yep, it is seriously scarey about teenagers driving under the influence, dating, crime, weapons in school, drugs, DRINKING, and babies having babies. Having to eat some of the recipes they concoct is also life-threatening, and I have not yet experienced teaching either to drive. Yet that may not be as frightening as pondering on the real lack of laws to preserve and protect parents. Being on guard constantly makes me ironically their prisoner. Some day I might even be on the Montel Williams Show, telling the whole world how the young'uns finally left home and released me from parent captivity camp. If you happen to be watching that day, don't make fun of the babbling idiot... be kind! They will leave home when they are eighteen, won't they??? Please... won't they???

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