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FRANZ FERDINAND TO BE IMPRISONED UNDER NEW ANTI-TERRORISM LAWS

Various BritPop bands to be interned for up to three months for inciting terrorism of failing to "uphold the British State".

OTHER BANDS TO BE IMPRISONED

The world of Rock is reeling, though not rolling, after sensational band Franz Ferdinand - whose new single Do You Want To is captivating the cool cats up and down the country - are to be interned by the Home Secretary.  Charles Clarke MP explained to a group of loyal monkeys and sheep he had trained to report favourably on governmental policy that "the new anti-terror laws make it perfectly clear that incitement to commit a terrorist act is a crime.  All members of Franz Ferdinand are to be held under the Prevention of Terrorism Act whilst we investigate allegations against them".  The band are believed to have incited terrorism and violence by calling on listeners to "take me out" in their single, Take Me Out. "I'm just a crosshair" appears to be suggesting that violence is acceptable.  The band are also guilty of sparking off a series of pro-terrorist songs, including the hit by the Kaiser Chiefs, I Predict A Riot, in which the lead singers suggests that people attack other people over the issue of taxis is acceptable, and also fails to prevent a riot which he has clear prior knowledge of. Under dramatic, sweeping powers, the law is to be retrospective, meaning that songs published before the start of the War on Terror TM can also see singers held.  Brian May, lead guitarist of 1970s sensation Queen, has already been forced into hiding for confessing during Bohemian Rhapsody that the group "just killed a man / Put a gun against his head / Pulled my trigger now he's dead".  Lead singer Freddy Mercury is to be disinterred and then interned in an effort to show that none may escape justice.

The Trammps - for incitement to arson in Disco Inferno ("burn that mother down") The Beatles - for suggesting terrorism is acceptable in Bungalow Bill ("The children asked him if to kill was not a sin / 'Not when he looks so dear', his mummy patted him" Tom Jones - for suggesting self-destruction during the act of love-making in Sex Bomb Prodigy - for a number of offenses encouraged or admitted to in Firestarter and Smack My Bitch Up.  Lead singer Keith originally protested that the latter was misquoted and is in fact Smack My Bishop, making him doubly guilty of religious discrimination as well.