Don Juan: CANTO THE TENTH
I
- When Newton saw an apple fall, he found
- In that slight startle from his contemplation --
- 'T is said (for I'll not answer above ground
- For any sage's creed or calculation) --
- A mode of proving that the earth turn'd round
- In a most natural whirl, called "gravitation;"
- And this is the sole mortal who could grapple,
- Since Adam, with a fall or with an apple.
II
- Man fell with apples, and with apples rose,
- If this be true; for we must deem the mode
- In which Sir Isaac Newton could disclose
- Through the then unpaved stars the turnpike road,
- A thing to counterbalance human woes:
- For ever since immortal man hath glow'd
- With all kinds of mechanics, and full soon
- Steam-engines will conduct him to the moon.
III
- And wherefore this exordium? -- Why, just now,
- In taking up this paltry sheet of paper,
- My bosom underwent a glorious glow,
- And my internal spirit cut a caper:
- And though so much inferior, as I know,
- To those who, by the dint of glass and vapour,
- Discover stars and sail in the wind's eye,
- I wish to do as much by poesy.
IV
- In the wind's eye I have sail'd, and sail; but for
- The stars, I own my telescope is dim:
- But at least I have shunn'd the common shore,
- And leaving land far out of sight, would skim
- The ocean of eternity: the roar
- Of breakers has not daunted my slight, trim,
- But still sea-worthy skiff; and she may float
- Where ships have founder'd, as doth many a boat.
V
- We left our hero, Juan, in the bloom
- Of favouritism, but not yet in the blush;
- And far be it from my Muses to presume
- (For I have more than one Muse at a push)
- To follow him beyond the drawing-room:
- It is enough that Fortune found him flush
- Of youth, and vigour, beauty, and those things
- Which for an instant clip enjoyment's wings.
VI
- But soon they grow again and leave their nest.
- "Oh!" saith the Psalmist, "that I had a dove's
- Pinions to flee away, and be at rest!"
- And who that recollects young years and loves, --
- Though hoary now, and with a withering breast,
- And palsied fancy, which no longer roves
- Beyond its dimm'd eye's sphere, -- but would much rather
- Sigh like his son, than cough like his grandfather?
VII
- But sighs subside, and tears (even widows') shrink,
- Like Arno in the summer, to a shallow,
- So narrow as to shame their wintry brink,
- Which threatens inundations deep and yellow!
- Such difference doth a few months make. You'd think
- Grief a rich field which never would lie fallow;
- No more it doth, its ploughs but change their boys,
- Who furrow some new soil to sow for joys.
VIII
- But coughs will come when sighs depart -- and now
- And then before sighs cease; for oft the one
- Will bring the other, ere the lake-like brow
- Is ruffled by a wrinkle, or the sun
- Of life reach'd ten o'clock: and while a glow,
- Hectic and brief as summer's day nigh done,
- O'erspreads the cheek which seems too pure for clay,
- Thousands blaze, love, hope, die, -- how happy they!
IX
- But Juan was not meant to die so soon.
- We left him in the focus of such glory
- As may be won by favour of the moon
- Or ladies' fancies -- rather transitory
- Perhaps; but who would scorn the month of June,
- Because December, with his breath so hoary,
- Must come? Much rather should he court the ray,
- To hoard up warmth against a wintry day.
X
- Besides, he had some qualities which fix
- Middle-aged ladies even more than young:
- The former know what's what; while new-fledged chicks
- Know little more of love than what is sung
- In rhymes, or dreamt (for fancy will play tricks)
- In visions of those skies from whence Love sprung.
- Some reckon women by their suns or years,
- I rather think the moon should date the dears.
XI
- And why? because she's changeable and chaste.
- I know no other reason, whatsoe'er
- Suspicious people, who find fault in haste,
- May choose to tax me with; which is not fair,
- Nor flattering to "their temper or their taste,"
- As my friend Jeffrey writes with such an air:
- However, I forgive him, and I trust
- He will forgive himself; -- if not, I must.
XII
- Old enemies who have become new friends
- Should so continue -- 't is a point of honour;
- And I know nothing which could make amends
- For a return to hatred: I would shun her
- Like garlic, howsoever she extends
- Her hundred arms and legs, and fain outrun her.
- Old flames, new wives, become our bitterest foes --
- Converted foes should scorn to join with those.
XIII
- This were the worst desertion: -- renegadoes,
- Even shuffling Southey, that incarnate lie,
- Would scarcely join again the "reformadoes," [*]
- Whom he forsook to fill the laureate's sty:
- And honest men from Iceland to Barbadoes,
- Whether in Caledon or Italy,
- Should not veer round with every breath, nor seize
- To pain, the moment when you cease to please.
XIV
- The lawyer and the critic but behold
- The baser sides of literature and life,
- And nought remains unseen, but much untold,
- By those who scour those double vales of strife.
- While common men grow ignorantly old,
- The lawyer's brief is like the surgeon's knife,
- Dissecting the whole inside of a question,
- And with it all the process of digestion.
XV
- A legal broom's a moral chimney-sweeper,
- And that's the reason he himself's so dirty;
- The endless soot bestows a tint far deeper [*]
- Than can be hid by altering his shirt; he
- Retains the sable stains of the dark creeper,
- At least some twenty-nine do out of thirty,
- In all their habits; -- not so you, I own;
- As Cæsar wore his robe you wear your gown.
XVI
- And all our little feuds, at least all mine,
- Dear Jefferson, once my most redoubted foe
- (As far as rhyme and criticism combine
- To make such puppets of us things below),
- Are over: Here's a health to "Auld Lang Syne!"
- I do not know you, and may never know
- Your face -- but you have acted on the whole
- Most nobly, and I own it from my soul.
XVII
- And when I use the phrase of "Auld Lang Syne!"
- 'T is not address'd to you -- the more's the pity
- For me, for I would rather take my wine
- With you, than aught (save Scott) in your proud city.
- But somehow, -- it may seem a schoolboy's whine,
- And yet I seek not to be grand nor witty,
- But I am half a Scot by birth, and bred
- A whole one, and my heart flies to my head, --
XVIII
- As "Auld Lang Syne" brings Scotland, one and all,
- Scotch plaids, Scotch snoods, the blue hills, and clear streams,
- The Dee -- the Don -- Balgounie's brig's black wall, [*]
- All my boy feelings, all my gentler dreams
- Of what I then dreamt, clothed in their own pall,
- Like Banquo's offspring; -- floating past me seems
- My childhood in this childishness of mine:
- I care not -- 't is a glimpse of "Auld Lang Syne."
XIX
- And though, as you remember, in a fit
- Of wrath and rhyme, when juvenile and curly,
- I rail'd at Scots to show my wrath and wit,
- Which must be own'd was sensitive and surly,
- Yet 't is in vain such sallies to permit,
- They cannot quench young feelings fresh and early:
- I "scotch'd not kill'd" the Scotchman in my blood,
- And love the land of "mountain and of flood."
XX
- Don Juan, who was real, or ideal, --
- For both are much the same, since what men think
- Exists when the once thinkers are less real
- Than what they thought, for mind can never sink,
- And 'gainst the body makes a strong appeal;
- And yet 't is very puzzling on the brink
- Of what is call'd eternity, to stare,
- And know no more of what is here, than there; --
XXI
- Don Juan grew a very polish'd Russian --
- How we won't mention, why we need not say:
- Few youthful minds can stand the strong concussion
- Of any slight temptation in their way;
- But his just now were spread as is a cushion
- Smooth'd for a monarch's seat of honour; gay
- Damsels, and dances, revels, ready money,
- Made ice seem paradise, and winter sunny.
XXII
- The favour of the empress was agreeable;
- And though the duty wax'd a little hard,
- Young people at his time of life should be able
- To come off handsomely in that regard.
- He was now growing up like a green tree, able
- For love, war, or ambition, which reward
- Their luckier votaries, till old age's tedium
- Make some prefer the circulating medium.
XXIII
- About this time, as might have been anticipated,
- Seduced by youth and dangerous examples,
- Don Juan grew, I fear, a little dissipated;
- Which is a sad thing, and not only tramples
- On our fresh feelings, but -- as being participated
- With all kinds of incorrigible samples
- Of frail humanity -- must make us selfish,
- And shut our souls up in us like a shell-fish.
XXIV
- This we pass over. We will also pass
- The usual progress of intrigues between
- Unequal matches, such as are, alas!
- A young lieutenant's with a not old queen,
- But one who is not so youthful as she was
- In all the royalty of sweet seventeen.
- Sovereigns may sway materials, but not matter,
- And wrinkles, the d----d democrats! won't flatter.
XXV
- And Death, the sovereign's sovereign, though the great
- Gracchus of all mortality, who levels
- With his Agrarian laws the high estate [*]
- Of him who feasts, and fights, and roars, and revels,
- To one small grass-grown patch (which must await
- Corruption for its crop) with the poor devils
- Who never had a foot of land till now, --
- Death's a reformer -- all men must allow.
XXVI
- He lived (not Death, but Juan) in a hurry
- Of waste, and haste, and glare, and gloss, and glitter,
- In this gay clime of bear-skins black and furry --
- Which (though I hate to say a thing that's bitter)
- Peep out sometimes, when things are in a flurry,
- Through all the "purple and fine linen," fitter
- For Babylon's than Russia's royal harlot --
- And neutralize her outward show of scarlet.
XXVII
- And this same state we won't describe: we would
- Perhaps from hearsay, or from recollection;
- But getting nigh grim Dante's "obscure wood,"
- That horrid equinox, that hateful section
- Of human years, that half-way house, that rude
- Hut, whence wise travellers drive with circumspection
- Life's sad post-horses o'er the dreary frontier
- Of age, and looking back to youth, give one tear; --
XXVIII
- I won't describe, -- that is, if I can help
- Description; and I won't reflect, -- that is,
- If I can stave off thought, which -- as a whelp
- Clings to its teat -- sticks to me through the abyss
- Of this odd labyrinth; or as the kelp
- Holds by the rock; or as a lover's kiss
- Drains its first draught of lips: -- but, as I said,
- I won't philosophise, and will be read.
XXIX
- Juan, instead of courting courts, was courted, --
- A thing which happens rarely: this he owed
- Much to his youth, and much to his reported
- Valour; much also to the blood he show'd,
- Like a race-horse; much to each dress he sported,
- Which set the beauty off in which he glow'd,
- As purple clouds befringe the sun; but most
- He owed to an old woman and his post.
XXX
- He wrote to Spain: -- and all his near relations,
- Perceiving he was in a handsome way
- Of getting on himself, and finding stations
- For cousins also, answer'd the same day.
- Several prepared themselves for emigrations;
- And eating ices, were o'erheard to say,
- That with the addition of a slight pelisse,
- Madrid's and Moscow's climes were of a piece.
XXXI
- His mother, Donna Inez, finding, too,
- That in the lieu of drawing on his banker,
- Where his assets were waxing rather few,
- He had brought his spending to a handsome anchor, --
- Replied, "that she was glad to see him through
- Those pleasures after which wild youth will hanker;
- As the sole sign of man's being in his senses
- Is, learning to reduce his past expenses.
XXXII
- "She also recommended him to God,
- And no less to God's Son, as well as Mother,
- Warn'd him against Greek worship, which looks odd
- In Catholic eyes; but told him, too, to smother
- Outward dislike, which don't look well abroad;
- Inform'd him that he had a little brother
- Born in a second wedlock; and above
- All, praised the empress's maternal love.
XXXIII
- "She could not too much give her approbation
- Unto an empress, who preferr'd young men
- Whose age, and what was better still, whose nation
- And climate, stopp'd all scandal (now and then): --
- At home it might have given her some vexation;
- But where thermometers sunk down to ten,
- Or five, or one, or zero, she could never
- Believe that virtue thaw'd before the river."
XXXIV
- Oh for a forty-parson power to chant [*]
- Thy praise, Hypocrisy! Oh for a hymn
- Loud as the virtues thou dost loudly vaunt,
- Not practise! Oh for trumps of cherubim!
- Or the ear-trumpet of my good old aunt,
- Who, though her spectacles at last grew dim,
- Drew quiet consolation through its hint,
- When she no more could read the pious print.
XXXV
- She was no hypocrite at least, poor soul,
- But went to heaven in as sincere a way
- As any body on the elected roll,
- Which portions out upon the judgment day
- Heaven's freeholds, in a sort of doomsday scroll,
- Such as the conqueror William did repay
- His knights with, lotting others' properties
- Into some sixty thousand new knights' fees.
XXXVI
- I can't complain, whose ancestors are there,
- Erneis, Radulphus -- eight-and-forty manors
- (If that my memory doth not greatly err)
- Were their reward for following Billy's banners:
- And though I can't help thinking 't was scarce fair
- To strip the Saxons of their hydes, like tanners; [*]
- Yet as they founded churches with the produce,
- You'll deem, no doubt, they put it to a good use.
XXXVII
- The gentle Juan flourish'd, though at times
- He felt like other plants called sensitive,
- Which shrink from touch, as monarchs do from rhymes,
- Save such as Southey can afford to give.
- Perhaps he long'd in bitter frosts for climes
- In which the Neva's ice would cease to live
- Before May-day: perhaps, despite his duty,
- In royalty's vast arms he sighed for beauty:
XXXVIII
- Perhaps -- but, sans perhaps, we need not seek
- For causes young or old: the canker-worm
- Will feed upon the fairest, freshest cheek,
- As well as further drain the wither'd form:
- Care, like a housekeeper, brings every week
- His bills in, and however we may storm,
- They must be paid: though six days smoothly run,
- The seventh will bring blue devils or a dun.
XXXIX
- I don't know how it was, but he grew sick:
- The empress was alarm'd, and her physician
- (The same who physick'd Peter) found the tick
- Of his fierce pulse betoken a condition
- Which augur'd of the dead, however quick
- Itself, and show'd a feverish disposition;
- At which the whole court was extremely troubled,
- The sovereign shock'd, and all his medicines doubled.
XL
- Low were the whispers, manifold the rumours:
- Some said he had been poison'd by Potemkin;
- Others talk'd learnedly of certain tumours,
- Exhaustion, or disorders of the same kin;
- Some said 't was a concoction of the humours,
- Which with the blood too readily will claim kin;
- Others again were ready to maintain,
- "'T was only the fatigue of last campaign."
XLI
- But here is one prescription out of many:
- "Sodæ-Sulphat. 3vj.3fs. Mannæ optim.
- Aq. fervent. f. /3ifs. 3ij. tinct. Sennae
- Haustus
" (And here the surgeon came and cupp'd him)
- "Rx Pulv. Com. gr. iij. Ipecacuanhæ"
- (With more beside if Juan had not stopp'd 'em).
- "Bolus Potassæ Sulphuret. sumendus,
- Et haustus ter in die capiendus
."
XLII
- This is the way physicians mend or end us,
- Secundum artem: but although we sneer
- In health -- when ill, we call them to attend us,
- Without the least propensity to jeer:
- While that "hiatus maxime deflendus"
- To be fill'd up by spade or mattock's near,
- Instead of gliding graciously down Lethe,
- We tease mild Baillie, or soft Abernethy.
XLIII
- Juan demurr'd at this first notice to
- Quit; and though death had threaten'd an ejection,
- His youth and constitution bore him through,
- And sent the doctors in a new direction.
- But still his state was delicate: the hue
- Of health but flicker'd with a faint reflection
- Along his wasted cheek, and seem'd to gravel
- The faculty -- who said that he must travel.
XLIV
- The climate was too cold, they said, for him,
- Meridian-born, to bloom in. This opinion
- Made the chaste Catherine look a little grim,
- Who did not like at first to lose her minion:
- But when she saw his dazzling eye wax dim,
- And drooping like an eagle's with clipt pinion,
- She then resolved to send him on a mission,
- But in a style becoming his condition.
XLV
- There was just then a kind of a discussion,
- A sort of treaty or negotiation
- Between the British cabinet and Russian,
- Maintain'd with all the due prevarication
- With which great states such things are apt to push on;
- Something about the Baltic's navigation,
- Hides, train-oil, tallow, and the rights of Thetis,
- Which Britons deem their "uti possidetis."
XLVI
- So Catherine, who had a handsome way
- Of fitting out her favourites, conferr'd
- This secret charge on Juan, to display
- At once her royal splendour, and reward
- His services. He kiss'd hands the next day,
- Received instructions how to play his card,
- Was laden with all kinds of gifts and honours,
- Which show'd what great discernment was the donor's.
XLVII
- But she was lucky, and luck's all. Your queens
- Are generally prosperous in reigning;
- Which puzzles us to know what Fortune means.
- But to continue: though her years were waning
- Her climacteric teased her like her teens;
- And though her dignity brook'd no complaining,
- So much did Juan's setting off distress her,
- She could not find at first a fit successor.
XLVIII
- But time, the comforter, will come at last;
- And four-and-twenty hours, and twice that number
- Of candidates requesting to be placed,
- Made Catherine taste next night a quiet slumber: --
- Not that she meant to fix again in haste,
- Nor did she find the quantity encumber,
- But always choosing with deliberation,
- Kept the place open for their emulation.
XLIX
- While this high post of honour's in abeyance,
- For one or two days, reader, we request
- You'll mount with our young hero the conveyance
- Which wafted him from Petersburgh: the best
- Barouche, which had the glory to display once
- The fair czarina's autocratic crest,
- When, a new lphigene, she went to Tauris,
- Was given to her favourite, and now bore his. [*]
L
- A bull-dog, and a bullfinch, and an ermine,
- All private favourites of Don Juan; -- for
- (Let deeper sages the true cause determine)
- He had a kind of inclination, or
- Weakness, for what most people deem mere vermin,
- Live animals: an old maid of threescore
- For cats and birds more penchant ne'er display'd,
- Although he was not old, nor even a maid; --
LI
- The animals aforesaid occupied
- Their station: there were valets, secretaries,
- In other vehicles; but at his side
- Sat little Leila, who survived the parries
- He made 'gainst Cossacque sabres, in the wide
- Slaughter of Ismail. Though my wild Muse varies
- Her note, she don't forget the infant girl
- Whom he preserved, a pure and living pearl.
LII
- Poor little thing! She was as fair as docile,
- And with that gentle, serious character,
- As rare in living beings as a fossile
- Man, 'midst thy mouldy mammoths, "grand Cuvier!"
- Ill fitted was her ignorance to jostle
- With this o'erwhelming world, where all must err:
- But she was yet but ten years old, and therefore
- Was tranquil, though she knew not why or wherefore.
LIII
- Don Juan loved her, and she loved him, as
- Nor brother, father, sister, daughter love.
- I cannot tell exactly what it was;
- He was not yet quite old enough to prove
- Parental feelings, and the other class,
- Call'd brotherly affection, could not move
- His bosom, -- for he never had a sister:
- Ah! if he had, how much he would have miss'd her!
LIV
- And still less was it sensual; for besides
- That he was not an ancient debauchee
- (Who like sour fruit, to stir their veins' salt tides,
- As acids rouse a dormant alkali),
- Although ('t will happen as our planet guides)
- His youth was not the chastest that might be,
- There was the purest Platonism at bottom
- Of all his feelings -- only he forgot 'em.
LV
- Just now there was no peril of temptation;
- He loved the infant orphan he had saved,
- As patriots (now and then) may love a nation;
- His pride, too, felt that she was not enslaved
- Owing to him; -- as also her salvation
- Through his means and the church's might be paved.
- But one thing's odd, which here must be inserted,
- The little Turk refused to be converted.
LVI
- 'T was strange enough she should retain the impression
- Through such a scene of change, and dread, and slaughter;
- But though three bishops told her the transgression,
- She show'd a great dislike to holy water:
- She also had no passion for confession;
- Perhaps she had nothing to confess: -- no matter,
- Whate'er the cause, the church made little of it --
- She still held out that Mahomet was a prophet.
LVII
- In fact, the only Christian she could bear
- Was Juan; whom she seem'd to have selected
- In place of what her home and friends once were.
- He naturally loved what he protected:
- And thus they form'd a rather curious pair,
- A guardian green in years, a ward connected
- In neither clime, time, blood, with her defender;
- And yet this want of ties made theirs more tender.
LVIII
- They journey'd on through Poland and through Warsaw,
- Famous for mines of salt and yokes of iron:
- Through Courland also, which that famous farce saw
- Which gave her dukes the graceless name of "Biron." [*]
- 'T is the same landscape which the modern Mars saw,
- Who march'd to Moscow, led by Fame, the siren!
- To lose by one month's frost some twenty years
- Of conquest, and his guard of grenadiers.
LIX
- Let this not seem an anti-climax: -- "Oh!
- My guard! my old guard exclaim'd!" exclaim'd that god of day.
- Think of the Thunderer's falling down below
- Carotid-artery-cutting Castlereagh!
- Alas, that glory should be chill'd by snow!
- But should we wish to warm us on our way
- Through Poland, there is Kosciusko's name
- Might scatter fire through ice, like Hecla's flame.
LX
- From Poland they came on through Prussia Proper,
- And Königsberg the capital, whose vaunt,
- Besides some veins of iron, lead, or copper,
- Has lately been the great Professor Kant.
- Juan, who cared not a tobacco-stopper
- About philosophy, pursued his jaunt
- To Germany, whose somewhat tardy millions
- Have princes who spur more than their postilions.
LXI
- And thence through Berlin, Dresden, and the like,
- Until he reach'd the castellated Rhine: --
- Ye glorious Gothic scenes! how much ye strike
- All phantasies, not even excepting mine;
- A grey wall, a green ruin, rusty pike,
- Make my soul pass the equinoctial line
- Between the present and past worlds, and hover
- Upon their airy confine, half-seas-over.
LXII
- But Juan posted on through Mannheim, Bonn,
- Which Drachenfels frowns over like a spectre
- Of the good feudal times forever gone,
- On which I have not time just now to lecture.
- From thence he was drawn onwards to Cologne,
- A city which presents to the inspector
- Eleven thousand maidenheads of bone,
- The greatest number flesh hath ever known. [*]
LXIII
- From thence to Holland's Hague and Helvoetsluys,
- That water-land of Dutchmen and of ditches,
- Where juniper expresses its best juice,
- The poor man's sparkling substitute for riches.
- Senates and sages have condemn'd its use --
- But to deny the mob a cordial, which is
- Too often all the clothing, meat, or fuel,
- Good government has left them, seems but cruel.
LXIV
- Here he embark'd, and with a flowing sail
- Went bounding for the island of the free,
- Towards which the impatient wind blew half a gale;
- High dash'd the spray, the bows dipp'd in the sea,
- And sea-sick passengers turn'd somewhat pale;
- But Juan, season'd, as he well might be,
- By former voyages, stood to watch the skiffs
- Which pass'd, or catch the first glimpse of the cliffs.
LXV
- At length they rose, like a white wall along
- The blue sea's border; and Don Juan felt --
- What even young strangers feel a little strong
- At the first sight of Albion's chalky belt --
- A kind of pride that he should be among
- Those haughty shopkeepers, who sternly dealt
- Their goods and edicts out from pole to pole,
- And made the very billows pay them toll.
LXVI
- I've no great cause to love that spot of earth,
- Which holds what might have been the noblest nation;
- But though I owe it little but my birth,
- I feel a mix'd regret and veneration
- For its decaying fame and former worth.
- Seven years (the usual term of transportation)
- Of absence lay one's old resentments level,
- When a man's country's going to the devil.
LXVII
- Alas! could she but fully, truly, know
- How her great name is now throughout abhorr'd:
- How eager all the earth is for the blow
- Which shall lay bare her bosom to the sword;
- How all the nations deem her their worst foe,
- That worse than worst of foes, the once adored
- False friend, who held out freedom to mankind,
- And now would chain them, to the very mind: --
LXVIII
- Would she be proud, or boast herself the free,
- Who is but first of slaves? The nations are
- In prison, -- but the gaoler, what is he?
- No less a victim to the bolt and bar.
- Is the poor privilege to turn the key
- Upon the captive, freedom? He's as far
- From the enjoyment of the earth and air
- Who watches o'er the chain, as they who wear.
LXIX
- Don Juan now saw Albion's earliest beauties,
- Thy cliffs, dear Dover! harbour, and hotel;
- Thy custom-house, with all its delicate duties;
- Thy waiters running mucks at every bell;
- Thy packets, all whose passengers are booties
- To those who upon land or water dwell;
- And last, not least, to strangers uninstructed,
- Thy long, long bills, whence nothing is deducted.
LXX
- Juan, though careless, young, and magnifique,
- And rich in rubles, diamonds, cash, and credit,
- Who did not limit much his bills per week,
- Yet stared at this a little, though he paid it
- (His Maggior Duomo, a smart, subtle Greek,
- Before him summ'd the awful scroll and read it);
- But doubtless as the air, though seldom sunny,
- Is free, the respiration's worth the money.
LXXI
- On with the horses! Off to Canterbury!
- Tramp, tramp o'er pebble, and splash, splash through puddle;
- Hurrah! how swiftly speeds the post so merry!
- Not like slow Germany, wherein they muddle
- Along the road, as if they went to bury
- Their fare; and also pause besides, to fuddle
- With "schnapps" -- sad dogs! whom "Hundsfot," or "Verflucter,"
- Affect no more than lightning a conductor.
LXXII
- Now there is nothing gives a man such spirits,
- Leavening his blood as cayenne doth a curry,
- As going at full speed -- no matter where its
- Direction be, so 't is but in a hurry,
- And merely for the sake of its own merits;
- For the less cause there is for all this flurry,
- The greater is the pleasure in arriving
- At the great end of travel -- which is driving.
LXXIII
- They saw at Canterbury the cathedral;
- Black Edward's helm, and Becket's bloody stone,
- Were pointed out as usual by the bedral,
- In the same quaint, uninterested tone: --
- There's glory again for you, gentle reader! All
- Ends in a rusty casque and dubious bone,
- Half-solved into these sodas or magnesias;
- Which form that bitter draught, the human species.
LXXIV
- The effect on Juan was of course sublime:
- He breathed a thousand Cressys, as he saw
- That casque, which never stoop'd except to Time.
- Even the bold Churchman's tomb excited awe,
- Who died in the then great attempt to climb
- O'er kings, who now at least must talk of law
- Before they butcher. Little Leila gazed,
- And ask'd why such a structure had been raised:
LXXV
- And being told it was "God's house," she said
- He was well lodged, but only wonder'd how
- He suffer'd Infidels in his homestead,
- The cruel Nazarenes, who had laid low
- His holy temples in the lands which bred
- The True Believers: -- and her infant brow
- Was bent with grief that Mahomet should resign
- A mosque so noble, flung like pearls to swine.
LXXVI
- Oh! oh! through meadows managed like a garden,
- A paradise of hops and high production;
- For after years of travel by a bard in
- Countries of greater heat, but lesser suction,
- A green field is a sight which makes him pardon
- The absence of that more sublime construction,
- Which mixes up vines, olives, precipices,
- Glaciers, volcanos, oranges, and ices.
LXXVII
- And when I think upon a pot of beer --
- But I won't weep! -- and so drive on, postilions!
- As the smart boys spurr'd fast in their career,
- Juan admired these highways of free millions;
- A country in all senses the most dear
- To foreigner or native, save some silly ones,
- Who "kick against the pricks" just at this juncture,
- And for their pains get only a fresh puncture.
LXXVIII
- What a delightful thing's a turnpike road!
- So smooth, so level, such a mode of shaving
- The earth, as scarce the eagle in the broad
- Air can accomplish, with his wide wings waving.
- Had such been cut in Phaeton's time, the god
- Had told his son to satisfy his craving
- With the York mail; -- but onward as we roll,
- "Surgit amari aliquid" -- the toll!
LXXIX
- Alas, how deeply painful is all payment!
- Take lives, take wives, take aught except men's purses:
- As Machiavel shows those in purple raiment,
- Such is the shortest way to general curses.
- They hate a murderer much less than a claimant
- On that sweet ore which every body nurses; --
- Kill a man's family, and he may brook it,
- But keep your hands out of his breeches' pocket.
LXXX
- So said the Florentine: ye monarchs, hearken
- To your instructor. Juan now was borne,
- Just as the day began to wane and darken,
- O'er the high hill, which looks with pride or scorn
- Toward the great city. -- Ye who have a spark in
- Your veins of Cockney spirit, smile or mourn
- According as you take things well or ill; --
- Bold Britons, we are now on Shooter's Hill!
LXXXI
- The sun went down, the smoke rose up, as from
- A half-unquench'd volcano, o'er a space
- Which well beseem'd the "Devil's drawing-room,"
- As some have qualified that wondrous place:
- But Juan felt, though not approaching home,
- As one who, though he were not of the race,
- Revered the soil, of those true sons the mother,
- Who butcher'd half the earth, and bullied t' other.
LXXXII
- A mighty mass of brick, and smoke, and shipping,
- Dirty and dusky, but as wide as eye
- Could reach, with here and there a sail just skipping
- In sight, then lost amidst the forestry
- Of masts; a wilderness of steeples peeping
- On tiptoe through their sea-coal canopy;
- A huge, dun cupola, like a foolscap crown
- On a fool's head -- and there is London Town!
LXXXIII
- But Juan saw not this: each wreath of smoke
- Appear'd to him but as the magic vapour
- Of some alchymic furnace, from whence broke
- The wealth of worlds (a wealth of tax and paper):
- The gloomy clouds, which o'er it as a yoke
- Are bow'd, and put the sun out like a taper,
- Were nothing but the natural atmosphere,
- Extremely wholesome, though but rarely clear.
LXXXIV
- He paused -- and so will I; as doth a crew
- Before they give their broadside. By and by,
- My gentle countrymen, we will renew
- Our old acquaintance; and at least I'll try
- To tell you truths you will not take as true,
- Because they are so; -- a male Mrs. Fry,
- With a soft besom will I sweep your halls,
- And brush a web or two from off the walls.
LXXXV
- Oh Mrs. Fry! Why go to Newgate? Why
- Preach to poor rogues? And wherefore not begin
- With Carlton, or with other houses? Try
- Your head at harden'd and imperial sin.
- To mend the people's an absurdity,
- A jargon, a mere philanthropic din,
- Unless you make their betters better: -- Fy!
- I thought you had more religion, Mrs. Fry.
LXXXVI
- Teach them the decencies of good threescore;
- Cure them of tours, hussar and highland dresses;
- Tell them that youth once gone returns no more,
- That hired huzzas redeem no land's distresses;
- Tell them Sir William Curtis is a bore,
- Too dull even for the dullest of excesses,
- The witless Falstaff of a hoary Hal,
- A fool whose bells have ceased to ring at all.
LXXXVII
- Tell them, though it may be perhaps too late,
- On life's worn confine, jaded, bloated, sated,
- To set up vain pretence of being great,
- 'T is not so to be good; and be it stated,
- The worthiest kings have ever loved least state;
- And tell them -- But you won't, and I have prated
- Just now enough; but by and by I'll prattle
- Like Roland's horn in Roncesvalles' battle.