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The Italian Job
(Reviewed April 7, 2003)
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I never saw the original (what, you want me to drive to Blockbuster and rent it? do I look like I'm made of money?), but this remake is dull, dumb and thoroughly uninvolving. Let's put it this way: The best stunt in the movie is one you don't even end up seeing, because it is planned by the crooks on a computer but never executed!
Also, most of the movie feels like a shameless infomercial for the recent relaunch of the Mini automobile. From what I have read, a Mini chase was one of the main features of the original "Italian Job." However, I'm assuming that Minis were a little less conspicuous in 1969 Italy than on the streets of 2003 Los Angeles. (That's right, folks: Most of this remake does not even take place in Italy, despite the title.) In other words, it makes absolutely no sense (except from an advertising standpoint) for modern-day crooks to race around L.A. in such an easily identifiable trio of cars--especially ones that are painted red, white and blue with racing stripes, for Christ's sake!
Then again, what am I thinking? This movie also takes place in a universe without any L.A. cops, whether in squad cars, helicopters or even in the subways. Good lord, it's dumb.
The stars are mopey would-be stud Mark Wahlberg, who has roughly zero charisma, and Charlize Theron, presumably in her last role as a skinny hot blond. (The flawlessly beautiful Theron is packing on the pounds these days to play a white-trash serial killer in some movie, turning herself into a flabby pudge for her art, and probably will never look as good again in her life. Can you say Renee Zellweger in "Bridget Jones's Diary?" There oughta be a law.)
Donald Sutherland is good as Charlize's father, but he is onscreen for a mere 10 minutes or so. Edward Norton essentially plays the same character he played in "The Score," and seems embarrassed to be part of the cast.
Ehhh, why go on. This "Job" blows.
Back Row Grade: F
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