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"Swordfish"
(Reviewed June 1, 2001)
-
Absolutely terrible movie with only three redeeming features. There's a nice "Matrix"-style, 360-degree, frozen-action explosion that occurs within the first 10 minutes. And there are Halle Berry's nipples, which are really quite nice to behold, even if you only see them for under 10 seconds.
The plot is stunningly moronic. Hugh Jackman is a down-on-his-luck computer hacker on parole. He is enlisted by John Travolta to, in essence, rob a bank. What are supposed to be twists in the plot are not, unless your IQ is under 30. And what are supposed to be dramatic surprises are not, to anyone who has seen the ads on TV (which even include one of the very last scenes, and I do mean "very last").
This is the kind of stupid movie that tries to make the act of typing on a computer keyboard look as physical, dramatic and passionate as performing the lead in "Lord of the Dance." (A scene in which Hugh Jackman gyrates, bumps and grinds in his ergonomic chair while assembling a computer program is so silly it has to be seen to be believed.) The biggest mystery in this bomb is how Jackman managed to be such a good Wolverine in last year's "X-Men," because he is flat-out TERRIBLE in "Swordfish."
Stunningly bad.
Back Row Grade: F-
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