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| "step by step and little by little" chapter one: ticket please property of: rachel ryan |
| "Today the beginning. Tomorrow the world." ~unknown |
| the beginning of my life I've wanted to go for what I have dreamed of for years and what I want to do and work for it, and in the end, only God knows what will happen, but I have to do my part and figure out everything along the way. My life, to me, was just starting and I knew pretty much exactly where I wanted to go into my life and I planned to succeed, but keeping in mind that I knew I wouldn't always have it my way. But my chance had arrived to prove to myself that I could be independent and live my life and succeed. I was graduated from high school and I was on the road to beauty school and entertainment business; which happened to be the two main things on my list to bring to life in my life. They were also my first loves. The fact that I was finally an adult and at the age of eighteen was a little weird for me, but kept in mind that the older I get, the faster time moves and you have to learn how to take advantage of it, or else, it will take advantage of you and drive you crazy. I had a scholarship in the mail around the summer time in July before I was senior and it was for a college in California that I had look up and decided to check it out and see what there was to see. I wanted to maybe double major in beauty school, but I was thinking to go for just majoring. My first love on top of everything was to be an entertainer. In my late childhood years I wrote songs and they didn't really mean much to me, but I kept on writing and writing and more the I wrote, the more "mature" they came to be. I loved singing and at around the age of four, I was in dancing for about four to five years, but quit because of how mean my instructor got to be over the years and a girl in my class thought that she was much better than everybody else, so she was a brat. I tried making friends with her, but that just turned me into what I never wanted to be like as a child. I took the agony for as long as I possible could, but decided that I wasn't going to do something and have to come class absolutely miserable. But, with the memories of things that I knew I'd never forget, I took with me and remembered them so clearly. They all lead to making me the person I am today and I like who I am. Who doesn't like who they are? I mean, yeah, there's always something that we don't like about ourselves, but it's the way we're supposed to be. I just take what I have and make the best of it. For me, I was only doing a rather big experiment that could do two things to me. Decide I don't like the carrier of beauty school, or figure out that I really do like it and that I could really see myself making a living out of it. That is if the entertaining business wouldn't work out for me. My parents divorced in the summer right after I completed seventh grade. That did a number on me, so that's how I started to get even more mature with the work I had done with song writing. I spilled it all out on either drawing, or else I put my feelings into a song. I lived with my Mom and I rarely see my father because we don't get along very well. We never got along after my parents divorced. But the funny thing is, I was a person who was opposite from my Mom but yet I was living with her and oddly enough, I get along with her really well. I was a person who always believed that if you want your dreams to come true bad enough as to where you go out and get them, they will come true and to life. My Mom however didn't exactly believe that. She was more conservative with the choices I was making in life. Either she thought I could make them possible, or else I wasn't capable of doing them. As for me, I was just loose and I wanted to follow things, but I always followed them if only if my heart told me to, even though I knew that she was thinking I was more than crazy. She probably thought that I would only be setting myself up for a hard time in life. But, I was always the one who had always looked at the big picture. I loved traveling, meeting new people, trying new things and if they failed, I would go from where I stood in life. I wanted to see the world. I wanted to go wherever I possibly could. I wanted to go beyond what the limits and the rules would let me. I wanted to live somewhere far away from the life that I was in for so long, but take some of it with me. What I needed was a taste of reality and what the world was really like. I was ready to make me come to life. I didn't want to follow my Mother's words, because you never know who is right and who is wrong. You just have to follow what your heart tells you to do and that's what I planned to do. I continued to pack my things and every so often I looked up to my walls just for a break or time for relaxation. I looked in the mirror for a second and I studied my own feelings and what they showed up to be on myself physically. 'I know I'm making the right decision, but I also know that this is one giant leap that I am now having doubts about, not knowing if I'm ready or not?am I ready?' I thought to myself. 'No, I'm ready?I know I am. I've been waiting for this day for a long time.' I smiled at myself and for my own amusement I flexed my biceps and said to myself, "I'm one sexy bitch." I allowed my arms to drop to my side and then walked over to my window and pull up the blinds. It was beautiful weather outside. Fall would be here soon though, so I had to enjoy the rest of my time while it lasted. I looked to the sky and it was pure blue and that just sent a small tingle down my spine but a warm sensation feeling throughout my body and I felt comforted by what my naked eyes could see. "I have to get back to packing, or else at the last minute, I'm going to rush and pull the rest together at once and I'll forget something for sure." I turned the radio on to 101.3 and Destiny's Child 'Survivor' was on. I turned it up to the point where I wouldn't get into trouble for having my music too loud, but I was in a way taking a small chance. I sang along to the song and continued to throw clothes on my bed to sort out which ones I should take and not take. After that, I looked through all of my cd's that I had and grabbed the ones that I wanted to take with me since I wouldn't be back until Christmas time. I knew I could just burn them, but that would take me just a little too long and it'd be a waste of my time. I then took all of seashells down from the shelf on my wall and on my dresser and carefully wrapped them in the paper towels that I had them in and then put them in a box and duck taped it shut then marked it. "Claire, we have to leave in about thirty minutes otherwise you'll miss your flight!" My Mom yelled from downstairs. "I know, I'll be ready no worries!" I said. "What am I missing? I know there's something else that I need to bring along with me." I pondered on my own remark and then it hit me. "Hello?somebody's not functioning correctly upstairs. I need my sheets off of my bed." I tore off the sheets and then folded them up. Just as I finished 'It's Gonna Be Me' by N*SYNC came on the radio. "Reality check to KDWB. This is not today's "hit music". More like last year stuff." I said in irritation. I switched the station to 94.5 and the phone rang. "I'll get it!" I turned down my radio and picked up the phone. "Hello?" I asked. "Hi, is Amy home?" They asked. "Yes, just a minute please." I covered the phone up with my palm and called for my Mom. Seconds later I heard a click on the phone. "Hello?" My Mom had picked up the phone. I turned the phone off. I had everything that I needed and I lied down for a little relaxation time on the floor of my room. I closed my eyes and thought of the ocean and walking along the waterline. The sun just perfect, the wind had a breeze in it and as the waves came in, they crashed down at my feet. I felt a little on the dancing and singing side and since I couldn't see anybody around, I started to dancing and singing to myself. "Lying here with you. Listening to the rain. Smiling just to see, the smile upon your face. And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive. And these are the moments I'll remember all my life. I've found all I've waited for and I could not ask for more. Looking in your eyes, seeing all I need, Everything you are, is everything to me And these are the moments I know heaven must exist. And these are the moments I know all I need is this. I have all I've waited for?and I could not ask for more. I could not ask for more than this time together. Could not ask for more than this time with you. Every prayer has been answered. And every dream has come true. Yeah and right here in this moment. It's right where I am meant to be. Oh here with you here with me. And these are the moments I thank God that I'm alive. And these are moments I'll remember all my life. I've got all I've waited for and I could not ask for more I could not ask for more than this time together. Could not ask for more than this time with you. Every prayer has been answered. And every dream has come true. Yeah right here in this moment It's right where I am meant to be. Here with you here with me. Could not ask for more than the love you give me Cause it's all I've waited for and I could not ask for more. No?.oh?..yeah?.and I could not ask for more?.oh." I awoke from my daydream and I felt like something had been completely washed over me and it felt really good. My brain and body were both ready for whatever was to come for the rest of the day. I sat up and couldn't help but to just smile at the sky for a minute. "God, you're awesome and I just want to say thanks for the opportunity of my life time. My Mom isn't as happy as I am, but thanks very much for helping her understand or just to let me go on my own. Thank you." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in slowly and exhaled slowly then opened my eyes up and I stood up. I took everything down to the car and after about ten minutes, the car was packed up and so was I. "Mom, I'm ready to get going." "You have everything you need now?" "Everything except for my plane ticket." I opened my mouth to say something else, but she took her hands away from her back and revealing my plane ticket in her hand. "I was just going to ask you why you had your hands behind your back." I took my ticket from her hand and we both smiled. I turned around and grabbed three jackets. One for the summer, fall and winter. I went down into the foyer and sat on the bench and I put my shoes on. I waited for my Mom to get her shoes on and then we went in the garage and got into the car. She hit the button for the garage to open and she started the car. We put our seatbelts on and backed out. I looked at my Mom and we smiled at each other. I then looked up through the sunroof and I smiled at the sky and then looked at the road. ~About 45 minutes later~ We pulled up to the unloading area for Northwest Airlines and I got out of the car and opened up the back of the car and started to unload my things. My Mom had to help because I had four suitcases and a bag. We shut the door locked it and then walked into the airport. We walked to the Northwest desk and got my suitcases onto the plane. I took my bag with me and then went through the security and after fifteen minutes we were finally at the gate that I needed to be at. My Mom and I sat down and looked at the clock to see that I only had a few minutes until I had to board onto the plane. We sat down and then my Mom spoke up first. "If you have any trouble at all when you're down there or just need to say hi then just pick up the phone cause I'll only be a phone call away. If you forgot something, which I really don't think you did, I'll find a way to get it down to you. I don't know what else to say or if you really need to ask me anything." "I think I'm good to go." I paused for a second. "I'll be home for Christmas and I get about a week off I think. Then it'll be back to everything else. I'll call you if I get anywhere with the entertainment stuff." I felt just a little claustrophobic when I mentioned that to her. "We are now boarding for flight 421 to San Diego, California." The lady announced. "You're going to be just fine and I have a big feeling that you're going to love college a lot. You picked a school so far away from here and I still am having kind of a hard time understanding why you choose one so far away, but something tells me it's all going to be fine." "I know, I know, I know. But?" I sighed. "I'm going with what I want and that's the most important thing for me as of right now and we both know that. As little or as hard as it may be for you I'm just doing what I feel I should really do. I understand that it may be hard for you to understand, but just remember. I love what I'm going for and it's what I really want in life. You had times like this with your Mom as well. Please don't forget that. You've taken your chance to become a nurse and you made it. Now it's my turn but at a much younger age." Confident that she would try to understand, I left my opinion at that. "I need to going now." "I hope you have a safe trip and enjoy the warm weather down there. It's beautiful and I know you'll love it. I did when I went down." "I'm sure I will. I love you Mom." "I love you too Claire." I gave her a hug and said bye. She said bye and then we let go. I took my bag and put a smile on my face, and it wasn't a fake one either. I walked up to the lady and gave her my ticket and then walked onto the plane. I found my seat and thankfully it was right by the window. "Perfect." I said in a whisper to myself. Out of nowhere I gave a little chuckle. Probably because I was so happy to get out of this bland Minnesota state. I got my bag and opened it up. I took out my personal cd player and I opened it up. 'Black and Blue' was what I had in it. I knew I had to wait until I was up in the air though until I could listen to the cd. I let out a little sigh and minutes later a man that was part of the crew gave the speech they did every time before lift off. 'Buckle your seatbelt?do this do that?this is what you do incase we crash.' I rolled my eyes in annoyance, but I knew they had to do it cause it was part of their job. Soon enough we were moving and lift off was only minutes away. 'Here comes Claire, here comes Claire, right down the runway lane of San Diego, California.' I sang to myself in my mind as if I were already down in California. 'This is going to be the trip of my lifetime.' I thought and looked out at the land of Minneapolis for one last look that I'd be seeing of it for a while. The plane was about ready for lift off and right before we went into the air I just had to a small urge to say in a low voice, "Toddles Minnesota." And waved my left hand as the plane lifted from the ground. |