The article that is written on this page is not quite what one would expect to find on a Wiccan/shamanic site as such, but when you have finished the read you may have an understanding as to why I found it very appropriate to do so, and indeed just how important to me that I have indeed done just that.
I am by know means a scholar within the written language my spellings leave a lot to be desired and my ability to speak fluently in an intellect way could both frustrate and amuse a person whose only interest is in the way I present my words and not the content of what I say, this is very often the case within the field of psychiatric practitioners.
My aim is not to condemn and herd them all off, and wire them all up to the nearest and biggest ECT machine although the thought has crossed my mind on many occasion not so much as I have a personal grudge on them as an individual but rather in their lack to see me as an individual the person I really am within, not for the person I portray to them, through there so called professional blinded eyes.
My own personal belief is that when they set out on their career path the intention may well have been justified to helping of another soul a fellow human being who suffers great pain and torment within their lives which results in a breakdown on the so called mental mind. I feel they start to loose sight of which once just may have been a good intention. They seem to be obsessed with chemical induced means to quell the mood and sustain a more acceptable so called normal being, and so often to the high cost of the patient, who soon becomes just that " A MENTAL HEALTH PATIENT " a stigma they will indeed carry for the term of life. I can only talk here about my own personal experiences and toward myself as the indeed classically termed mental health patient. Being just a number that suffers from ANOREXIA & DEPRESSION.
I have indeed been subjected to Physical, Mental, and sexual abuse. I consider myself as being one of the lucky ones though, I indeed know of and feel the Warrior that resides within and fight with intense strength to that which I have had to deal with in my past, and still often have to face. Unfortunately these memories never leave, and often bring me to the depths of darkness that reside within the cold dark lonely cell which resides in my being. There are many lessons to learn throughout life and I try to look positively within everyone that I have encountered along the way, I also look towards the reasons, of the abusers for causing this abuse to me in the first place. For it is within there own breakdown they cause a mirror effect on another within their abuse.
I am termed as being highly creative, artistic, and gifted within many area's by friends and family who know me for the person that I am, but throughout life I was unable to see this due to lack of confidence and an extreme low self worth and hatred to myself, I have caused great upset to the people who do actually love and see me as the person I actually am, for if you do not see or feel this and believe it yourself you can not believe the people who are telling you just that. Self hatred is a terrible thing to live with, it is with you at all times, however much beauty you may show to others in yourself or creative work, underneath is the self hatred that was fed to you from your past and is always there, to knock you down.
It has taken me my forty five years to realise just what patterns I follow and how destructive I have been to myself, Anorexia has been my shield but I have also allowed it to be my abuser for I know that the control I seek over myself is not my control but the Anorexia that indeed controls me.
I thought I knew what love was but realised that I could not possibly know for if you do not love yourself how can you love another. However over the past months I have experience many things that were new to me, it has probably been coming for many years and indeed my Spiritual has always kept me going never giving up on me from childhood. I am gifted by being born with a highly strong intuition I feel this has been what has guided me to my present state of awareness today in fact I know so. You may question if my intuition is so high how come I was not aware of such things that caused me such destruction, my answer to that would be sometimes I do not allow myself to follow it through even though I know it never lets me down, I choose to ignore it, and of course there are other times when no amount of intuition can save you from certain events in life, my intuition knew that my childhood sexual abuse was wrong but was unable to protect myself at such a young age and it became a part of a normal growing up pattern to me for i did know any different way of being the child that I was.
This all brings me back to psychiatric doctors, why do they feel that I should abuse myself further by numbing my brain to a state of oblivious thought, why do they feel that I should be wired up to a ECT machine and undo all the positive lessons that I have learnt, why should I want to exchange my high creative energy with that of electric volt energy, If I was to live within other parts of the world would I not be termed as someone quite different for my visions are plenty my insight is great, I have experienced many events that are termed as Shamanic Awareness I have taken myself right back to my birth within vivid visions, and have been shown many things which I have learnt from, so why should I be termed in this Western world in which I live as "mentally ill " would it not been better to have actually listened to me by this I mean listen not just to my spoken word but also to the unspoken word.
The Shaman's path is no easy path to follow I have much to learn and understand within this path that I follow I also know that it is not a cure as such, but it is far more positive in living and learning each of our lessons within a clear awareness to our knowing, rather than being in a state of oblivion through drug induced chemicals to make me more acceptable within the so termed normal society in which we live. I may still starve myself at certain times in my life when I allow myself to be pulled down but I refuse to feed you with allowing myself to be subjected to the current treatments that are the only form you offer within your field that you call your career. The only food I offer is food for thought.
KEEP WALKING THE PATH WITHIN TO THE ATTUNEMENT OF YOUR OWN SHAMANIC DRUM
LOVE LIGHT AND BRIGHT BLESSINGS
AMBER SHADOW WOLF
BLESSED BE........... |
