I Wish
Ally

 CLASSIFICATION - Scully POV

 SPOILERS - Season 8 up to TINH 

RATING - U

 FEEDBACK - Please! Ally112038@aol.com 

ARCHIVE - If you archived me before then sure! If you haven't please ask first. Either way, drop me a note to let me know where it's going. 

SUMMARY - Wishing is painful when there's no one to hear. 

DISCLAIMER - All characters depicted within belong to Chris Carter, 1013 productions and FOX. No infringement intended. I have no money. Please don't sue me.

 AUTHOR'S NOTES - Everyone has regrets. I know I do! This is my take on a few of Scullys.

I wish things could have been different.

I wish you'd trusted me from the beginning.

I wish we hadn't wasted so much time.

I wish I could have listened to you more. Given more credence to your theories during our strange partnership.

I wish I hadn't laughed out loud and called you crazy when all the time I could see the hurt burning in your eyes.

I wish you could have met my father.

I wish he could have met you.

I wish that I had spent more time listening and less time talking.

I wish I had taken the time to really *look* at you. I wish I could have known you before the light fled from your eyes and the quest took over your life.

I wish I could have heard you laugh. I mean really laugh. To let yourself go without the shadow of guilt hanging over you to remind you that laughter was for others but never for you.

I wish I had taken the trouble to tell you that it was okay to let go of the sorrow for a while.

I wish you had told me that you needed me long before you actually did.

I wish I had noticed.

I wish I could have soothed your nightmares with a single touch.

I wish I hadn't pushed you away when I needed you most.

I wish I could have given you all the things you needed.

I wish we had found Samantha. I wish you could have held her in your arms and finally found peace.

I wish I hadn't ever asked you to lie for me.

I wish you hadn't kept so many things locked inside of you.

I wish you hadn't tried so hard to protect me.

I wish I didn't hate you sometimes in the dead of night for leaving me to face this alone.

I wish I had told you I loved you.

I wish I had told you every *day* that I loved you.

I wish I had told you I couldn't live without you.

I wish I could have saved you.

I wish you had known about the miracle I am carrying inside of me. I wish you could know your son.

I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you that you were right all along.

I wish I could whisper in your ear that miracles do indeed happen.

I wish I could watch you smile as our baby flutters inside of me.

I wish you could feel him.

I wish I could remember that special way you used to gaze at me.

I wish I could remember the exact color of your eyes.

I wish I could remember the way you looked when you were in pain.

I wish I could remember the way you looked when you weren't.

I wish I had never yelled at you even though you deserved it.

I wish I'd yelled at you more.

I wish I could believe that you didn't suffer.

I wish I could turn back the clock and never let you go.

I wish I could think of that night in the woods without wanting to scream.

I wish I could dispel the image I have of your beautiful face all battered and bruised.

I wish I could remember you when you were alive.

I wish I'd said goodbye.

I wish I hadn't needed to.

I wish your skin hadn't been so cold beneath my fingertips.

I wish we hadn't found you.

I wish I still had hope.

I wish I could begin to heal. But I can't.

Because you're not here with me.

I wish you were.

End