The Who in – Gone With The Wind

[Open in the hallway of Rhett and Scarlet’s house. JOHN and KEITH are stood together. KEITH is wearing a long red dress and JOHN is wearing a suit. KEITH is crying, JOHN looks unaffected]

KEITH: Bat, Jun! Er… Rhett! Where shall I gow? Wot will I do?!
JOHN: Frankly, Keef, erm, my dear, I don’t give a damn.
KEITH: Hmph! No chainge there then!
JOHN: Cat it aut!
KEITH: Maik me, yer big lamp o’ lard!
JOHN: I’ll give you bladdy LARD!
KEITH: I’d laik ter see yer traiy!
JOHN: Don’ ‘ave ter TRAIY, yer liddle midget!
KEITH: [furiously] MIDGET?? ‘OO JEW FINK I AM? ROGAH?!?!?!
ROGER: [equally angrily] ‘EY! First me ‘air, NAW I’m a bladdy MIDGET?! RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!
JOHN: [to KEITH] Wot, yer mean…??? Oh, ‘m surry, Keef. Le’s staht ugenn. From the top!
KEITH: Raight.
JOHN: An’ Rogah. Shat ap.
ROGER: I’ll give yer shat ap!
JOHN: I’d laik ter see yer traiy!
ROGER: Don’ ‘ave ter TRAIY, yer big lamp o’ lard!
JOHN: I’ll bladdy give yer bladdy LARD!
ROGER: [cattily] I bet yer saiy that ter AW the gels!
JOHN: [honestly] Wew, actually, I do…
KEITH: Wew, it worked on Ally!
JOHN: You keep aut o’ this, yer big nosed git! Oh, no, wait, you’re not Pait…
KEITH: Nah, I’m Wease, remember?
JOHN: I’m Jun ENTWISUW, not Jun SCHOLLAR!
KEITH: Ah…
ROGER: Keef, ‘ow long ‘ave yer bin in the band?
KEITH: Wew, actually, I’ve jast bin sittin’ in fer the lahst fifteen years. Nobody ever towd me I was actually part o’ the band. I knew it by instinct…
JOHN: OI! Can we finish orf the scene? Fank you! Raight, where was we?
KEITH: Er… Ah! Where will I go, wot will I DO?
JOHN: Frankly, mah dear, I don’t give a damn!

[exit JOHN]

KEITH: Wew, fiddle dee dee! The taight bahstahd left me wivaht enny manny!
ROGER: Keef, them ain’t the words!
KEITH: Oh, yeah, ‘ang on… er… [looks in script] Oh yeah! Ahem. ‘E’ll cam back, I knaw ‘e wiw. Arfta aw, termorrah, is annavah daiy!