I am writting this to let the world know about my begining's and to do so I must start where it all began with my progenitors My Mother and My Father , when I was born my Father was already a Grandfather and He had reached his fiftieth year of life with in the first year of my life , unlike most children who played baseball and basketball with their dad's I did not , you see it is a lot more difficult to do that when you are a man 15 years from being a senior citizen but I gained so much more than the trivial sport's knowledge , I received history from my Father history that he had seen happen my Father served during World War II and had been a prisoner of war for 2 years before being rescued , He had grown up during the ending day's of the depression and He had told me about going to the movie theaters and paying with can goods to get inside because of the lack of money , My Father taught me about survival from pure will power and told me at the age of 5 ," if you do not allow anyone to break your will no matter what they did they could never humilate you , never let them hear you scream He said deny them that pleasure and even though you are a prisoner you will be free beyond anyones control ."
I do not wish to make my Father sound completely cold and lacking of emotions but I will tell you this in all my years alive I only saw my Father cry twice , once when his best friend of 30 years died and then when my Mother died but I will show you a side of him no one remembers I was a child of 3 years when my father proved just how much of a man He was and a loving Father aswell , I was burned almost to death on Easter Sunday of 1978 by scalding hot coffee a memory which to this day I try not to remember but the parts of it I do remember is my Father grabbing me and placing me in a sink full of ice cold water to stop the progression of the burning liquid from traveling further down my body than it already had , He then yanked me out of the water and tore my sleeper off my body with 1 single pull and this sleeper was 1 of those old Sears sleeper's the ones that only age could destroy as I could only scream from the sevarity of the heat he did the impossible He kept control of his emotions because his son needed him more with a will of Iron he defied all fear and did what had to be done to keep his child "me" alive He rushed me to the emergency and had me taken to the burn unit I heard later on from My Mother that My Father never shead a tear becuase in his opinion He didn't have time and the only reason He gave to me years later when I thanked him for saving my life was , " I told you to be strong and I would make sure You got better , You did that so I the exact same thing I may not have cried for you my son but I never for 1 second didn't wish that it was I and not You who was burned ," never shall I forget You .
Oct 1925 To Jan 2001
I know in our time together I was not the best son I could have been to You but never once did I ever wish for any other to have been My Mother , You taught me that there is alway's more to life than just what is perceived You taught me that Love was worth any loss because You walked away from everything You had been raised with just to marry My Father and not for one second did You ever show a slight twinge of regret for it , You told me as I grew that nothing was impossible just improbible and that any time you were turned away it was nothing more than an inconveince and that sooner or later the best of the world would eventually find it's way to You , I had to learn my hardest lesson's from You the lessons of total agony and unbareable pain by the loss of You at such a young age the saddest moment is that You will never be able to attend my wedding or see your grandchildren , I know You tried so hard to hang on for me for as long as You could but there came a point when You were to sick and weak to remain so You had to let go but never in my mind did I believe I would lose You because in my mind You were Mother who could chase away the nightmares and make everything better with just a little hug and a soft kiss and those simple words Mommy is here everything is alright , I sit here now a grown man remembering back on those many years ago when You were my hero for all womankind showing me that no one could ever hurt me because You would protect me .
I wish I could see You just once more to apologize for all the stupid and dumb shit I did to upset or hurt You because all You ever did was love me and I took it for granted because I never believed that You would die 2 months after I turned 19 , I alway's figured that You would be around so one day I could apologize when I reached the level of maturity to understand that You only did what You could do to make me the best person I could be but now I can look back and see how many times I took Your being in my life for granted and I wish everynight I could just say I am sorry for making You cry and be forgiven but sadly that will never happen because I fucked up and took the precious little time I had with You for granted , I will promise You this 1 day I shall make You proud to say that is my son and perhaps 1 day I shall be half a good a parent as You were .
April 1942 To May 1994
