The Crass Menagerie

Issue #100 - THE FINAL ISSUE (Part One)

July, 2002

The Crass Menagerie Homepage

http://www.oocities.org/toocrass

Editor:

Jeb Toocrass---all writing by Jeb unless stated otherwise.

Staff:

Cat Warrior

Becky Raizman

Amy the nerd

Pat "The Rat" Kendall

Bradley Shaw

Bart Spew

Xed adamsX

Simon Thibaudeau

Dave Barratt

Keith McDonald

MikeSOS

Andrew Anti.5

Thee Fat Baxter

Speedy

Steve Silver

Guest Writer: Andy Shank

And lots, lots more over the years. A huge THANKS to all CM staffers past and present.

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Howzit?

Well, this is it. No more Crass Menagerie after this issue. I’ll probably keep the list active so that the archive of the old issues is still there and I may use the list once in a blue moon to send out news I think you might be interested in. Specifically news related to zines, bands, or other projects connected to myself or The Crass Menagerie. If you don’t want to be on that kind of a list send an email to crass_menagerie-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Be sure to send this message from the email account you’re a subscribed at.

Let me give a little history of The Crass Menagerie and explain this last issue. I started writing for zines in the mid-80s. I was young and my writing sucked worse than it does now, if you can believe it could be worse. The Crass Menagerie was by no means my first zine project but it has turned into my favorite. I first started The Crass Menagerie as a one page mostly punk/hardcore newsletter that was a side project to a mostly metal zine I was doing with Patrick Kendall called Not Fragile. This was around 1993, I guess. Not Fragile died, so I starting doing metal in The Crass Menagerie as well. The zine grew in size and scope until it reached the point that I had to kill it or move it online because I never wanted my zines to be a job, only a hobby (I’ve never gotten paid for anything I’ve written about underground music). I didn’t want a web page zine, so I came up with the email list idea for a zine. At the time I didn’t know of any other zines being distributed that way. At first I did it once a week with each week being part of a whole so at the end of the month you had the complete issue. It was a pain in the butt so I renumbered them after a while and went to a once a month (or so) method. I kept that up for awhile. My wife got very ill. I quit the zine. My wife got better. I brought it back. My wife got sick again. I kept doing the zine, although I had lost interest in it. My wife got better again. I rediscovered the fun of the zine. Then, suddenly, it was 2002. I was burned out. The zine was starting to suck (worse than it normally does). I decided to quit permanently with issue #100 and I decided to dedicate this issue to Slap A Ham records, the best label I ever discovered while doing zines. Chris Dodge, owner of Slap A Ham, was also a member of SPAZZ, one of my favorite bands (see the "Newzz" section below for info on a new SPAZZ 7"). Now Slap A Ham is quitting too, so this is a great way for both our projects to ride off into the sunset together. Ahhhh. Ain’t that just emo?

In this issue I have reviewed the entire Slap A Ham catalog (including the one record released by the Slap A Ham spinoff label Raging Woody Records). Some of these reviews are years old. Some are new to this issue. Some were first published in Not Fragile or other zines, but most were first published in The Crass Menagerie. I couldn’t find a lot of the old reviews (thanks to various computer crashes over the years) so in those cases I did new ones–most of the really old reviews are long gone so the earliest releases in the SAH catalog all got new reviews not to mention I may never have reviewed some of the oldest stuff, I can’t remember... I spent many hours looking for some of the lost reviews and finally decided they were gone forever. Truth be told, this whole issue took more work than I thought it would. I figured I would just cut and paste all the reviews, and "presto" instant zine. Boy was I wrong. Sometimes the old reviews really, really sucked and in those cases I did new ones as well. As you read this issue note whether the review is new or not because I am literally jumping around in time. For example, one review I will be talking past tense about a record that is years old (and I have the perspective afforded by those years) and then in the next review I’ll be talking in the present tense about a record just as old because the review is from when that record was actually released. It makes for a weird read, sorry. Sometimes I quote the old reviews in the new reviews, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I edited and fixed the old reviews but usually I didn’t touch them. I still agree with most of what I wrote over the years, although sometimes I don’t. I note in each review where it was first published, to the best of my knowledge. There is no way I could ever include everything I have written about Slap A Ham in past issues of The Crass Menagerie/Not Fragile and other zines, but this is going to give you a good taste of what the label and this zine are/were all about. I’ve included a couple of reviews by CM staffers as well so note the byline, okay?

Much of the Slap A Ham back catalog is out of print and the only way you can find a lot of these records is to get involved in trading or by shopping eBay. Be aware, however, that there are tons of these titles still available from Slap A Ham. You really, really, really want to buy as many of these records as you can now because once they are gone you’ll have to pay jacked up prices on eBay. I know. I’ve done that very thing myself. Go now to www.slapaham.com and start shopping. Come read this later. It’ll still be here. You can sometimes buy old SAH title directly from Dodge’s personal collection as well. Go to: http://cgi6.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewSellersOtherItems&userid=ponty

regularly and you are likely to find some real gems.

I’ve also included some old SAH related concert reviews in this issue as well. I have my review of the final SPAZZ show, Andy Shank’s review of the line at the final SPAZZ show, and Chris Dodge’s show diary of the final Slap A Ham Fiesta Grande. There is also a new interview with Chris where we talk about the end of the Slap A Ham (and naturally there are some SPAZZ reflections as well). I like to think of it as the "final" Spazz interview because that sounds very dramatic (to find out about the final SPAZZ 7", read the Newzz section below).

When all is said and done, I hope this final issue is more a celebration of Slap A Ham than it is of The Crass Menagerie. The CM was always about the music. The music is what is important, not the zines that write about the music. Y’know? Besides Curtis Rantcore has taken the initiative to give The Crass Menagerie a finer farewell tribute than I ever could... Read the "Newzz" section of the zine below for that info.

I will still be writing a bit for other zines but I can’t see myself ever running a zine again. In many, many ways this is a final goodbye.

Goodbye.

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Newzz

Working with the guys in SPAZZ, Curtis Rantcore (see his page at www.rantcore.com) has released one last SPAZZ 7" called, I’m not making this up, "The Jeb ep." It is a double AA side single. One side has "Jeb For Ruler of the (Formerly) Free World" remastered from the SPAZZ "Crush, Kill, Destroy" album. Which is a song about, well, me. The other side has the same song recorded live at Gilman St. in Berkeley, California at the final SPAZZ show with me as guest vocalist... it has not bad sound quality (my voice notwithstanding), so I'm guessing it is a soundboard recording. It is not from the bootleg that has made the rounds. The cover picture is me looking like I'm about to puke and the back is Spazz looking very holy. It’s very DIY and looks like a bootleg, but isn't. I had no idea this was in the works until it showed up in my mail box. I can’t think of a better tribute to The Crass Menagerie. Seriously. Thanks Curtis and crew. I felt stupid reviewing this record myself (although I will, watch In Music We Trust) so I asked Brad Shaw to review it. Here is his review:

SPAZZ

The Jeb EP

7"

Review by: Brad

If I wasn’t a friend of Jeb’s, on "staff" at the Crass Menagerie, and a big fan of SPAZZ, I wouldn’t see what the point of this record was. From a first glance it only has one song on it, one regular version and one live version of the "Jeb Song" and the regular version is available on the "Crush Kill Destroy" album. But since I am all three of those things (friend, staff, fan), I love this record. First of all, if you know Jeb you know how much he likes SPAZZ and since he is not a bad bloke it is cool to know that he got an EP dedicated to him (to go with the song dedicated to him). The cover has a picture of him sticking out his tongue while singing "The Jeb Song" on stage with SPAZZ at their final show. Since I am on staff at The Crass Menagerie I also happen to think this is a great record because, as Jeb explained to me, it was released as a sort of "dedication" to the zine. Although everyone knows it was the staff that kept CM from sucking, it is still great that someone actually cared enough to dedicate a record to this zine. Not to mention that all SPAZZ fans know that weird, funny, and hard to find records are all part of the mystique that is, I mean was, SPAZZ. Since only about 300 of these were pressed, this is the rarest SPAZZ record ever besides the 1", which was a joke anyway, and nobody can find, even on eBay. If you don’t know the song, it totally kicks ass. It is one of the best songs on the CKD album. It starts off with a raging bass line and sounds the most like one of the oldstyle SPAZZ songs of any song on CKD. Jeb’s live version is pretty raw but his voice is smokin’. He sounds kind of like Ray of Today because he gets kinda squeaky at the end of lines, just like Ray. This will never be anyone’s favorite SPAZZ record (probably not even Jeb’s) but for three bucks, this is my favorite record I’ve seen in a long time. It has a xerox cover and black labels and no inserts or anything, which is very DIY, but sucks because it looks like a bootleg (although it should help keep collector prices down). Send $3 US or $5 world to Curtis Dickinson 924 5^th Ave. Redwood City, CA 94063 if you want to own a piece of this SPAZZ history. I don’t even own one yet (I borrowed Jeb’s to write this), but Jeb promised to give me one for doing this review. I think I’ll just keep this one. What’s a little record thievery amongst friends? If you want to ask Curtis questions before ordering, email him about the record at jebep@faac.net

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Sound Pound - Reviews of the Entire Slap A Ham Catalog

Raging Woody Records #1

OLD JOE CLARKS

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in issue #10 of The Crass Menagerie)

The OLD JOE CLARKS have a 7" available on Raging Woody Records. Which is actually Slap A Ham. A different moniker was in order because this is different music than the label’s norm. Very different. This is bluegrass influenced, hillbilly junk. When I was 14 I was actually in a band that played music like this (don’t laugh, every kid in Utah has been in a band like this). They kicked me out because I couldn’t learn the banjo. This kind of music sucked then and it sucks now, but I still think you should buy this record because there are only 500 of these made and the sooner we can get them off the shelves, the safer this world will be.

Slap A Ham Records #1 and #1.5

PH.C. / INFEST

Split 8" and split 7"

Review by: Jeb (Blue Vinyl)

(This review originally appeared in issue #85 of The Crass Menagerie)

Because this is a re-issue of the first record ever released by Slap A Ham the temptation in writing this review is to do a history lesson... y'know, compare this new 7" to the original 8" flexi, talk about how influential to extreme hardcore both these bands turned out to be, even throw the word "legendary" around in reference to any number of things connected to this record. But as I played this slab what struck me the most was not the history it represents but instead how listenable it was. Even by today's standards, this is a monstrous release. It sounds more dangerous than dated, more aggressive than aged. P.H.C.'s sound is lurching and thunderous. They tune it low and tear it loose. As a bonus there is one additional song here that didn't appear on the original release. On the flip side INFEST spew out their fast and incensed brand of hardcore. They go right for the throat and start ripping and tearing. Shouted vocals and relentless thrash give this band their classic hardcore flavor. There are three additional tracks on this side as well to sweeten the pot. The cover is a relatively faithful recreation of the original. On the inside there is a reprint of the original MRR review of the 8" as well as the original advertisement for the flexi. Also faithful to the original is the fact that mailorder copies of the record come on clear blue vinyl (although the flexi was a sea green/blue color). Obviously this is a record that every extreme hardcore fan should pick up, but don't think it is only good for nostalgia... this sucker still rips.

Slap A Ham Records #2

MELVINS

8" Flexi

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

The second release from Slap A Ham Records is another 8" flexi. The victims this time are the MELVINS. There are multiple editions for this release with 1,000 copies of each edition available (as I understand it). Each edition has a different cover and color and each cover is picture of a member of the MELVINS when they were just pups. There are two tracks on here, "Your Blessened" (recorded live at Gilman in 1989) and "Pronoun Piece Me" (from 1986 - recorded during the same session as the 1st 7" on CZ). Although neither tune is anywhere close to being the best MELVINS material of those early years, both are definitely examples of why the MELVINS are legends. Only, perhaps, the mighty FLIPPER managed to master anti-punk slowcore power better in the 80s. Every copy of each pressing is hand numbered and the lettering is in Chris Dodge’s own inimitable (almost) bubble lettering made famous by the Slap A Ham logo. You can almost always find a copy of this release on eBay for less than you probably think possible considering it’s untouchable value as both a MELVINS and SAH collectable. At the time this was originally released I was not a big MELVINS fan and so I didn’t pick this up until years later.

Slap A Ham Records #3

NO USE FOR A NAME

Let ‘Em Out

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

If you only looked at this record from a 2002 perspective it would seem the obvious odd man out in the SAH catalog. After all, NUFAN is now a Fat Wreck Chords/Warped Tour/pop punk mainstay of a band. Back in the day however, it was a different story. Chris Dodge was a co-founder of the band and their influences were fast punk/early hardcore ala BLACK FLAG. On this record Chris is singing (at other times he was both a guitarist and bassist for the band). Some of my favorite NUFAN songs are on this platter including "Pacific Bell" and "Record Thieves." The other songs are, "It Won't Happen Again" and "Born To Hate." Although devoid of any metallic influences, the raw punk feel makes this not a bad fit at all for Slap A Ham, especially in those early days when they label was still feeling itself out and the extreme "scene" wasn’t evan a scene yet.

Slap A Ham Records #4

NEANDERTHAL

Fighting Music

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

The NEANDERTHAL 7" is easily one of the best records on SAH, which for my money equates to the same thing as being one of the best records EVER. Only 1300 of this classic were ever pressed with 150 of them being on purple wax. Owners of the purple versions are forever my sworn enemies (until such time as I am allowed to join their select fraternity) since I can’t afford the prices they go for on eBay. As you probably know this band was prototypical in the pre-power violence wave of extreme hardcore and eventually mutated into the legendary MAN IS THE BASTARD. If you’ve ever wondered what foundation MITB could have possibly been building on, here is your answer. Fast, heavy, thick and raw are all adjectives that spring to mind in describing this record, although "amazing" and "perfect" are also appropriate. Rumors have circulated forever that a complete NEANDERTHAL discography will be released someday on Deep Six Records. One was actually went to test pressings on Slap A Ham but was never released for reasons unknown. If you are one of the six or so people to own one of those test pressings I hate you worse than those with purple wax.

Slap A Ham Records #5

STIKKY

Cuddle

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

Although a bit quirky taken in the overall sense of Slap A Ham, this record remains one of my favorites from the back catalog. Another band featuring Chris Dodge, STIKKY had made quite a name for themselves thanks to a masterful LP on Lookout Records. Their mixture of blazing fast hardcore and absolute silliness was a slap in the face (ham?) of the overly pretentious punk rock scene. This record didn’t get released until after the band broke up, which is too bad since it is the best material they ever did. I have always had a hard time describing this band, since all my attempts make them out to be just a "joke," which is merely a part of the story. They truly knew how to kick it out. You can hear these tracks on the STIKKY discography still in print on Sound Pollution Records at www.sound-pollution.com.

Slap A Ham Records #6

FU MANCHU

Kept Between Trees

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

For whatever reason this is one early SAH release that I never bought. By the time I went on a crusade years later to complete by SAH collection I had to pay and arm, a leg, and a lung to get this. It remains one of the hardest to find early SAH releases, partially due to their only ever being 1000 of them and partially due to the demand created for them by the band’s later success. Funny thing is, it is one of my least favorite SAH records. No question that FU MANCHU were one of most impactful stoner rock bands in the 90s, but they never clicked with me. I have no good reason why, they play first-class rock ‘n’ roll, I just never paid them much heed I guess. This was their first release ever and the root of their sound is fairly intact. Tracks are "Kept Between Trees," "Bouillabaisse," and "Jr. High School Ring (7 Karat)".

Slap A Ham Records #7

Various Artists

Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh!

7"

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

This was the first volume of a three part series that became a favorite amongst Ham Slappers. 41 bands doing 64 songs in about 7 minutes! It was the ultimate ADHD hardcore listening experience. Some of the tunes on here are actually pretty good little ditties while others are just one second bursts of noise, but either way this seeming novelty record turned out to be listenable given the right mood. It also featured a ton of bands that in spite of being perfect Slap A Ham material were never otherwise affiliated with the label. At one time I had great hopes that all three records in this series would be released as a CD (maybe with 275 bonus tracks or something) but considering the headaches that would be involved in securing permission from all those bands I can see why it never happened.

Slap A Ham Records #7.5

CHARRED REMAINS / PINK TURDS IN SPACE

Split 7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

Another record I didn’t pick up until long after it was released but I eventually scored both the black wax and colored wax versions. CHARRED REMAINS, as you know, changed their name to MAN IS THE BASTARD and were one of the most prominent of the first wave of power violence bands. In spite of their high profile, CHARRED REMAINS/MITB’s inimitable style is rarely mimicked, so even long after their demise they remain one of the scene’s most unique bands. The tracks on this record were recorded before the band was experimenting with a lot of noise and is literally a bulldozer of heavy-handed hardcore. PINK TURDS IN SPACE was a British thrash band who never got the recognition they deserved, probably because so called open minded punks had a hard time dealing with a female fronted band this manic. Although this is not a "must own" record musically, it is certainly a collector’s jewel and boasts one of the most outrageous cover drawing ever.

Slap A Ham Records #8

CAPITALIST CASUALTIES

The Art of Ballistics

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

The first unleashing of CAPITALIST CASUALTIES on the world. Nowadays it is hard to imagine an extreme hardcore scene without C.C. They are one of those bands that just seems to have always been around. I remember the first time I heard them I was blown away. They were so intense and in-your-face that, at the time, they seemed to me to be the perfect blend of ultra-speed metal and hardcore (without being grindcore). Listening back I don’t really hear the metal influences like I did then, probably because so many other bands have done so much more of that now, but I still marvel at the aggression and wrathfulness contained in these grooves. Production limitations aside, this record still hits as hard as it ever did. C.C. has certainly gown and improved since these early days but this 7" and their first LP will always be important milestones in hardcore history as far as I’m concerned..

Slap A Ham Records #9

CROSSED OUT

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

This 7" and the NO COMMENT 7" may be the pinnacles of the early Slap A Ham years. What amazes me most about CROSSED OUT is how well they age. I seem to like them more and more every time I listen to them. As impressive and powerful as this was at the time of its release, I think it is even more impactful today. While much of the early grindcore sounds a bit dated now (think TERRORIZER), this sounds better than ever. CROSSED OUT were the most severe of all the early pioneers of power violence and might even be considered as America’s answer to NAPALM DEATH.

Slap A Ham Records #10

CAPITALIST CASUALTIES

Disassembly Line

LP/CD/CS

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #7)

CAPITALIST CASUALTIES’ "Disassembly Line" is a full throttled bastard from beginning to end. It whisks you away in a tornado of grinding guitars and ferocious vocals and spins your round and round until you beg for a reprieve. After hearing your cries for mercy, CAPITALIST CASUALTIES merely laugh and begin slamming your face into the pavement. There are 21 tunes to offer (the CD has quite a bit more than that because it also has their entire debut ep) and every single one is demolishing. The longest song is "No Way Out" which clocks in at 3:03. The shortest is "Blind Faith" which entertains for a full six seconds. I’m no sure how to describe the music. It is too hardcore thrash to be metal, but it has so many metal tinges that it isn’t beyond reason to call it ultra-speed metal. Of course, I have a feeling that calling it metal may insult these guys, so I won’t call it anything in particular. Let’s just say if you go for the likes of HERESY or ASPIRIN FEAST (and you should) then you will like this. It is worth noting that most of C.C.’s lyrics are intelligent and well thought out. Most of them are political in one way or another, dealing with issues like social security, greed, absurd power, and one that will interest people in Not Fragile’s home state of Utah called "General Mormon Dickhed." Interesting, although not necessarily accurate in its generalization. If someone were to try and generalize Jews in the same way they do Mormons, they would be branded a Nazi in a second. Interject Jewish references in the song wherever it mentions Mormons and my point is made. My saying this does not mean I am trying to justify stupid Mormons and their actions, just that I think people should be judged as individuals. Do not assume all Mormons share the same political beliefs. If I thought all Mormons shared Bo Gritz’s political beliefs, I would jump in the Great Salt Lake naked after attacking myself with a cheese grater. Lyrical debates aside, I love this album. Do your eardrums a major disservice and buy this and play it at 11 all day.

Slap A Ham Records #11

NO COMMENT

Downsided

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

When I first reviewed this 7" in The Crass Menagerie issue #3 it was a short and sweet review meant to coincide with the second pressing of the "Downsided" 7". In that I review I said, "Honestly, this is possibly the finest seven inches of thrash ever produced. NO COMMENT blaze hotter than hell and are as clean and sharp as a scalpel. The sheer energy on this record could light a small city for two or three generations." Looking back years later it is worth noting that every word of that review is still accurate including the statement that this record may be the finest seven inches of thrash ever recorded. These eleven tracks gave thrash in the 90s the same kick in the arse that the first D.R.I. 7" gave thrash in the 80s. Even hardcore fanatics who are too dense to be Slap A Ham obsessed are able to recognize this record as a classic. Simply put, if you only ever own one record on Slap A Ham it should be this one. Although looong out of print you can get all these tracks on the NO COMMENT discography available from Deep Six Records www.deepsixrecords.com

Slap A Ham Records #12

Various Artists

Son Of Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh!

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #7)

Just in case you didn’t get enough the first time... Chris Dodge and Slap A Ham Records have gone and done it again. The first Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh 7" featured 41 bands doing 64 (and I use the term lightly) songs. It featured some pretty intense bands, my favorites being GO!, BORN AGAINST, HELLNATION, EXTREME NOISE TERROR, and G-ANX. None of the bands featured a song over about 10 seconds. Most were in fact less than two seconds. Need I say, just thinking about it is enough to give one a headache! Well, the first 7" made Slap A Ham famous (sure it did...) and now it has gone and had a child–out of wedlock more then likely, you know how those damn 7" records keep making the rounds. So now we have "Son Of Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh." 52 bands doing 69, um..., "songs." Would someone please pass the Advil? Again, all the songs are abrasive, loud and short. If it is possible, this sucker is better (which of course means worse) than its parent. The bands on "Son Of Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh!" seem to have a better grasp on what makes a one second song really come to life. The song writing is phenomenal, and there is a real sense of complexity and melody displayed. Oh Please. Seriously though, I like this and I have no idea why. Maybe because it does exactly what it is supposed to do–put a smile on your face and a ringing in your ears. Before you dismiss this entirely, let me tell you that it features a song my THE MELVINS who are now on a major label (your band isn’t on a major label!). Take the time to grind your mind. Son Of Bllleeeeaaauuurrrrgghhh! Can be ordered direct from Slap A Ham through mailorder, although that will leave you wondering what a "gibbon" is...order it and see what I mean.

Slap A Ham Records #13

MELVINS

Love Canal / Someday

5"

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

This was my first exposure to a 5" record. In fact it being a 5" was one of the main reasons I bought it. Fortunately I had a record player that didn’t have too much trouble playing it... I could usually get it to play after five or six attempts at moving my needle towards the edge of the vinyl very slooooooooowly. I know some people who simply cannot get a 5" to play. At the time this came out I was not much of a MELVINS fan. I was stupid. I was, however, a FLIPPER fan and this record was MELVINS doing FLIPPER covers and it came out about the same time FLIPPER reformed and released "American Grafishy," ("Someday" was a track included on "American Grafishy.") an album I loved but a lot of old FLIPPER fans hated. After hearing this record I decided that MELVINS did indeed know what they were doing and I began buying their stuff.

Slap A Ham Records #14

CROSSED OUT / MAN IS THE BASTARD

Split 7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appears right here in The Crass Menagerie #100)

When I first reviewed this record in Not Fragile issue #11, I described MITB as "recondite" and CROSSED OUT as "powerful." While both of those descriptions are definitely accurate I also said that my anticipation for the release of this record made my expectations too high and so, in the end, I was disappointed with it. What? I must have not gotten enough sleep that year or something. I’ve listened to this record tons of the years and can’t ever really remember not liking it. I can only imagine that it was, for some reason, one of those records that as soon as I reviewed it I changed my mind about it. This is unquestionably a classic and you can hear the music on it by buying both the MITB "DIY" CD and the CROSSED OUT discography CD on Slap A Ham.

Slap A Ham Records #15

MONASTERY / ANARCHUS

Split LP/CD/CS

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #10)

There I was wandering aimlessly through the dark woodland, know to the locals as "The Forest of Death Metal." With my eyes blinded, my heart encased in a nearly impermeable shell of skepticism. I though I knew the secrets of the forest. I was convinced that no longer would anything in the forest surprise me. Then, without warning, a hideous beast roared a challenge of pure menace. The diabolic sound send shivers of both delight and fear shooting through me. I felt the shell around my heart tremble and writhe. Again the sound and again the nearly indescribable effect on my innermost being. A third roar and as if it was never there, the casing around my heart ceased to exist. I could see the light again. Oh, the ecstacy! My pleasure was short lived, however, as my newly recovered sight not only offered me illumination but also exposed me to the terror of a visual and emotional encounter with the ravenous monstrosity that was bearing down on me. With a hesitancy unfamiliar to me, I rose my arm to challenge and welcome the creature. An ancient tree of Death, slightly to the east of me, splintered and fell and the fiend tore a path to me. I whirled in that direction and standing there, like some mystical spirit from the underworld, was an ogre familiar in its framework but previously unknown to me. I was amazed and infatuated with the sight of its two horrible heads. With venomous saliva cascading from it blood tainted lips, the heinous thing loosed another great roar, both heads crying in unison with complimentary, yet very different, voices. I was driven almost gratefully to my knees. I gently placed my forehead to the warm, cracked earth and offered myself, in the traditional way, to the supernatural presence before me. Moving about my trembling figure, the ogre slowly growled its two names, one for each continence, in the ancient language. With my mouth placed firmly in the dirt, I smiled, for indeed it was truly an inspiring moniker. The ogre would now be known amongst man. His legend would precede him, for upon leaving the forest I registered the name of the two headed ogre with the village shaman. There it remains recorded to this day, in beautiful prose, along with the story of my near fatal encounter with the demon who called himself ANARCHUS/MONASTERY. You too can experience an encounter with the hideous, two-headed ogre ANARCHUS?MONASTERY by sending $7 for the LP or cassette, or $9 for the CD to Slap A Ham Records. Don’t run the risk of dying before you hear this album.

NOTE: I’m sure when I wrote the preceding review it made sense to me... with each comment being some wonderful metaphor for the music I was hearing. Now... well... I still am pretty sure I know what I meant but doubt anyone else ever did. The review sucks bad enough that I was tempted to do a new one but then I decided you would probably get a laugh out of it (at my expense) so I haven’t touched it. One other note: I love this release. I know it was a bit off track for SAH, but it is still a great death metal album. You wanna know how much I like it? I’ve owned all three versions of it, cassette, CD and LP.

Slap A Ham Records #16

SPAZZ

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #9)

So anyway a couple of issues ago I reviewed a couple of totally raging releases from Slap A Ham Records in San Francisco. In those reviews I encouraged people to order direct from the label because Slap A Ham owner Chris Dodge is very trustworthy. So what happens? Chris loses my very next order. I sit here in Utah all confused, my faith in the very makeup of the universe shattered, as I wait patiently for Chris to pull his head out of his ham. Well finally I get ready to punish Chris for his negligence by making him kiss Rush Limbaugh on the lips, when low and behold I get a package from Chris with a note apologizing for screwing up and a free 7" by SPAZZ as remuneration for the goof. Chris even said a couple of nice things about Not Fragile, which blew me away since I don’t even say nice things about this friggin’ thing... SPAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTIC!! If you like it frantic, raw, and hyperspeed then I imagine you will drool over this record. Ten cuts of absolutely pummeling thrash/grind that will fade your tattoos. Are you familiar with the South American band CONFUSION (from Columbia, I believe)? Well SPAZZ reminds me of them if only for the sheer speed and craziness. I am at a loss as to how to translate SPAZZ’s brand of intensity into mere words. Pick it up for yourself and experience the brutality. SPAZZ is Max Ward on drums, Dan Lactose on guitar, and some strange cartoonist named Chris Dodge on bass. All three members share the vocal chores, which is a good thing since too much of this kind of growling could wipe out your vocal chords. I have records from three different bands that Chris has played in and I can honestly say this is as good as anything he has ever done.

Slap A Ham Records #17

LACK OF INTEREST / SLAVE STATE

Split 7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #10)

Thirteen tunes, two bands, one piece of plastic, and enough noise pollution to put an international airport to shame. This is a truly calamitous record that declares war on your very being. You thought you had experienced blistering thrashcore? Until you pick this sucker up you haven’t even lost your hardcore virginity. This 7" is the most impressive thrash I’ve heard since SCRAPS. LACK OF INTEREST, from California, rips along the lines of YOUTH KORPS with plenty of frantic and explosive playing. Their lyrics are very punk with all their songs telling someone or something to "fuck off." They attack the rich, the government, the tardy, the opinionated, and good ole’ George Bush. They support the poor, the middle class, and the underprivileged. SLAVE STATE, from New York, are a bit gruffer and heavier than LOI, although no less rapid paced. They seem to take exception to racists, the religious right, and the military. I like many things about SLAVE STATE, including their spirited denigration of that recently deceased idiot, G.G. Allin. Now all you G.G. fans don’t write me hate mail and tell me how "punk" he was. If he was so punk why was he on a national daytime talk show about three days before his death? Like Donahue and his ilk are punk. G.G. probably bought the drugs that killed him with the money he got for shocking all the poor twits who watch daytime TV.

Slap A Ham Records #18

CAPITALIST CASUALTIES

Raised Ignorant

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #10)

Following up their tremendous Disassembly Line" album, CAPITALIST CASUALTIES have just released a new 10 cut EP on Slap A Ham Records called "Raised Ignorant." The band maintains their white hot brand of thrash on this 7", and in many ways takes things to new heights. As you would expect, the playing is feverish and the band comes up with not only some of their most aggressive riffs to date, but some of their heaviest as well. The lyrics are sharp criticisms of society. They also viciously attack the drug culture and the mindlessness it can breed. The production on this 7" is solid. Everything is very clear and identifiable, which isn’t always easy to do when you are playing this aggressively and fast. The guitars are especially grinding and will (to paraphrase Ted Nugent) blow the balls off a charging rhino at fifty paces. Be sure to check this 7" out. You will be hard pressed to find a better way to spend $3.

Slap A Ham Records #19

RUPTURE

Baser Apes

7"

Review by: Jeb

(This review originally appeared in Not Fragile #11)

RUPTURE seem to only have one goal in life... to kick out the jams and offend as many people as possible while doing it. Their "Baser Apes" 7" is fifteen hyper blasts of thrash core that explode with fury that few bands would even dare to rival. The lyrics are a kick in the crotch to the P.C> left, which is fine with me since politically correct dogma is, more often than not, an affront to true liberal ideology.

Note: Over the years RUPTURE deteriorated lyrically in an ever desperate attempt to stay shocking and offensive. It didn’t take them long to cross over the line to the point where I was disgusted with them and their b.s. Regardless of the music, I do not recommend RUPTURE to anyone for anything anymore.

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End of Part One