I consider myself a unique individual in this world. Now I realize that everyone in the world is unique, but what I'm getting at is the uniqueness of the people who I associate with. Virtually everyone has a certain group or type of person they like to hang around with. We refer to these people as "friends" or "loved ones". So now I ask you, how often do you hang around with your enemies, or those who you constantly clash with on ideals and principles? I would venture to say not often for the public at large. While we say our world is becoming more open minded and a unified nation, we begin to discover that if we are all getting along with each other, we have nobody to hate or clash with. This is not a good thing in my opinion. Without conflict or confrontation, you have no progress. Now I am not saying physical conflict like a war or something is required to keep man chugging along, but just a disagreement. It is the desire to solve and workout problems that drives the human species and continues to make us better ourselves. For those who read this, this is just a beginning, an outline for what I see as the biggest limiting factor to mankind's progress. I will talk more on this at later times and raise some different points on various things around the globe. It will also be a page of poetry and beauty of words, and the message they can convey.


I will not be saying when I am updating this at all. If you have interest in this page, you will read it when you feel like it, not when somebody has told you "Hey this is new, you need to see it and ignore everything else." You have your mind, which you can make your own decisions with. If I am talking about something that interests you read on, if not, keep and open mind and move on. Some friends of mine have seen this page and commented about how some of the women I am showing only claim to fame is that they appeared in Playboy. This is true for some of the women shown. But drop the walls in your head and look beyond the horizon and you will find that there is no one right way to "claim your fame". There are the noble ones like enduring great pain and surviving, the hereditary ones like being born into it (examples are the Prince's of Wales and Michael Jackson's son), and athletic ones (how many of you knew who Sammy Sosa was before last year, or even Tiger Woods a few years ago). People gain fame by having a talent for something and being able to show and use that talent for all to see. For some, the talent is coordination, others it's mental, and still others it's their appearance. A person looks good and is fortunate enough to have this beautiful look of theirs shown across the world through one medium or another. In this country of the USA, a beautiful woman who is willing to take her clothes off and be photographed is considered less of a person than a woman is not willing to. Open your mind and realize that the human skeleton is the canvas; the flesh and muscles are the paint. We are all the same yet different, perspectives, ideas, hopes, and dreams. I choose to show a woman who I think is beautiful and attractive. Another thinks it's because she was in Playboy. What do you think? What would you show? What is your perspective?


We go through life trying our best to fit in to society (whether we are trying or not), collect the most toys (car, house, time-share in the Keys), and find the one thing that eludes us all our life, our reason for being. Some think it is because God wanted us to, others theorize that evolution just is, and still there are some that think this might be a dream in someone or something's head. I don't know why we are here, nor do I really care. I like to solve a mystery as much as the next person, but there are mysteries that should be left alone, and our reason for being is one. Oh sure, everybody has those days when nothing seems to go right, and you wonder, "What did I do to deserve this?” I'm willing to bet 99.999999999999999999% of the time you haven't done anything to deserve it, which is good because what do you think would happen to you for the one thing you have done that you deserved to be punished for, but never were.


Love is a precious thing that makes us do the things that we swore to ourselves we would never do. It wraps us in joy and sprinkles us with happiness and makes us wish that a moment could last forever. We try to rationalize it and fail at every step, thus making it all the more mystifying in it's essence. As parents we try to help our children through their first loves and steer them clear of the "problem" boy/girlfriends. They tell us they are in love with this person and that you should be more supportive. We as parents think that with our experience of years and heartbreaks, we know a little more about love then they do. But we are wrong. Its simple feelings that it evokes in such powerful ways defy that we have come to comprehend in life and dwarfs all else. The power it wields over a person has been recorded throughout the writings of history, Romeo & Juliet being a strong case example. So on this day that we recognize our significant other by adorning her with chocolates, and roses, and other sentimental gifts, remember to tell them how much you love them. For the most precious gift you can ever give each other is love, and the joy and happiness it brings with it.
*NOTE: I am not a parent. But if one is to have an open mind and try to see things from multiple points of view, then perhaps one should try writing from a point of view different from one's own.....


The day of president's is upon us, and we are awash in the media hype of the campaign trail for the leader of our nation yet again. We pride ourselves on how our government is a "free" system where our pursuit of happiness is not restricted. But how do we define "free" to ourselves. We say that we do not oppress others and their beliefs, yet we do. This "free" country follows the majority and serves the majority, thus ignoring and persecuting the minority. What makes us different from Europe hundreds of years ago when the minority fled to find a place where they could be heard? We make jokes about the credibility of our leaders, point out the inefficiency of our government, and ignore the long term in favor of short term. Freedom is a long-term projection and ideal, not a short-term buzz.


Seeing man react in his finest hour, is to watch a miracle unfold before your eyes. To know that every action and step you take, there could be an innocent life, a thousand lives, your own life, riding on the outcome of your choice. The delicate balance we maintain everyday with ourselves, our parents, our coworkers, the person in the car in front of us at the stoplight can be shattered in a blink of an eye. As a collective species, we can not fathom why we would think of leaving this planet that has nurtured us for so long, and yet we do think of it. It is human nature to continue to push the walls of normalcy and break forth into the new uncharted ground of life and the unknown, yet every day we dwindle farther down into the set routines of life, never changing our ways. It is not until that threatening of life that the human nature puts itself second, and the others first. "Failure is not an option." echoes in the mind of every fire-fighter who walks into a blazing house to save a little girl, or surgeon who doesn't give up when the machine reads flat-line on the heartbeat. To watch them is to see miracles. To do this yourself, is to be human. To say that this action puts us above all other species, would be arrogant, to say otherwise, is in our nature.
NOTE: For those of you who have been checking up on this page for a while, will remember that I wrote this around July'00. It is painful to think of 9-11 and realize that................I'm sorry there's nothing more to say...


The holidays are upon us. The festivities of Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and the New Year are here. This means that people, in general, try to improve their disposition towards thy neighbor as a sign of good will towards man. While it is a nice gesture that I support, why is it that it only happens for a brief while during the year, and then snuffed out for another year as we return to the ugly reality of our jobs and lives. Why does this happen to our society, to our world? Has the world become so depressed, so corrupt, so close-minded, that it can't muster the simplicity of happiness for longer than a few weeks during the year? And if it has, what does that say about humanity as a whole. If an alien were to observe our so-called humanity, he would be disgusted with us and probably deem us "cosmic crap" not worth of spreading into space. The first alien life form we would come across would probably be at war with us within a few months after first contact. Why? Because we are a hateful and spiteful species most of the time and "pretend" to be nice once a year to mooch a better gift from a friend or relative.


Life is an ugly reality that we must all face. It's overwhelming to look at in it's true form and we find ourselves averting our eyes are focusing on piece of it, trying to not take in the whole. But no matter how hard we try to pretend it isn't as bad as we think, in reality it is. Kindness, caring, and love are fickle things in a constant state of flux. In the blink of an eye, the inaction of just one person to convey their feelings towards another can destroy this person in ways that words cannot describe. To want to be with someone, yet not be able to tell him or her is the worst thing in life that will happen to you. You cannot share your joy, you cannot share your happiness, and you cannot share your sadness. Sadness needs to be shared on the simple fact that if you keep it to yourself, it will drive you deeper and deeper down the whole of loneliness and despair. The only escape from this pit is the warmth and love of another kindred spirit. Someone who will stand by you in the hard times, in the good times, in the boring times, in all times. It is this bond that keeps marriages together. It is this bond that allows two people to fall in love and enter that world of togetherness. I have gazed upon this world once before, what seems like an eternity ago. I gazed upon it for a long time, watching its people be together, be happy, and be loved. Long did I wish I could go there, but it was not meant to be at that time. And now, for an eternity I have wondered, looking for that world again, watching, waiting, and doing anything and everything I can to find it. But it is a hard path, where the slightest inaction will send you spiraling off lost in the pit of despair. It has been a long journey; perhaps it has driven me mad with my desire to return, perhaps not. I will not know until I have returned, and find myself face to face with world once again. Will I be able to ascend to it, or will I only be allowed to look at it as I was before.


What is love?
Why does it illicit such strong feelings and passions from a person?
If man is to evolve into a more self-conscious individual that can remain in control of his emotions, then how is he to control love?
As mankind moves forward towards a society where the little mysteries in life begin to be solved by science, how will this society function when it can define love and either treat it or cure it. Is it better to be left as a mystery, or can it remained unsolved. And if love has the right to remain unsolved as to how it works, then what else do we do in life that should be left unsolved?


It has come to my attention recently, that people are actually beginning to read this page. Plus, what I have written here as provoked some rather deep and emotional e-mails with people who have read the contents of it. First I would like to say, thank you. The title of this page is "Open your Mind - Leave your prejudice at the door", and I am overjoyed in hearing that people are doing just that. They read what it is here. They stop, they analyze it, they see how it has reflected on their life, it makes them remember. The good times, the bad times, the times they wished happened, but never did. That kind of goes in line with a poem my friend Hammer wrote. I have one of his posted on another page, go find it. This one though ties in with a lot of what I feel at times, and what I am discovering, a lot of others feel a little of.

I've spent too long searching for that
"someone special",
Not realizing that the absence was of my own doing,
Just as the presence is.
As long as the burden is on another,
The cycle cannot be broken.

All I would ask of you,
All I would have you promise
Is to love me
As I have loved you-

Not with cymbals and trumpets,
Cards and trinkets,
But with firm conviction
And steadfast intent,
With your touch and presence.

Words warp, rust, fade...
I want us to love by _deeds_,
Not with words.

After reading through this I noticed that this can be applied towards new couples just starting out, or those that have been married for 25 or 50 years. I have seen some little documentaries on these old couples that have stayed together for so long, and they all the same thing. After a while, the passion, the romance, the fights, all the little things will fade away over time until all your left with is the feeling of love. It will hold you and bind you to the end. That is it's power, enjoy it.

I want to talk about something. It will change the world and make everything that came before it seem pale and uneventful. People will stop and figure out how they had managed to survive this long without doing or reading what this something is. Now personally, I don't know what this something is, or else I wouldn't be here right now writing this for you to read. What drives each of us as individuals is still beyond what we can fathom. I recently had a rather long conversation with two very good people. How do I know they were good you ask? I don't, but that's the chance we take in life. I can guess that they are good people by the actions they have taken in life, their current views, drives, ambitions, and what they want to do in the future. In this conversation that we three had, we discussed religion, immorality, good and evil, relationships, current events....life. Each of the three of us had a different view that we could share with the others and enlighten as to how we see the world. For the first time, I felt like I was really showing and explaining how I could be an atheist and still have a clear and just conscience on life. One of the two friends was able to express the sheer energy of life that one feels as they are about to graduate from high school and experience the world anew. And the other friend was able to convey his feelings and concerns of a father, concerned for the outcome of his child as they grow up in this world. Maybe sitting around talking with good friends is the something that I mentioned. The world has become so fast paced and everybody in a rush, that we are almost to the point that we have forgotten how to just sit down and relax, and talk with those good friends that we send e-mails to in the morning and at night before bed.

I want to tell someone that I still love her, even after being apart for so long. I haven't heard her voice or seen her beauty in countless ages gone by. But the pain of losing her so long ago has not left me. How do I overcome that powerful feeling of regret and sorrow? It has become so common in my everyday life that I often find myself bowing down to it and shying away from any kind of relationship. The pain is so great, it seems to know no limit. But the joy that could come from finding her again, can it be enough to overcome the pain? I don't know. Not knowing the answer, is the greatest obstacle I have faced in my life. For years I have fought within myself the urge to find her and try again versus the urge to let the past lay where it fell, and not to tamper with it anymore. But after all these years, I have found her. But that was only the first battle as I have discovered. While the urge for her now has the upper hand by having actually found her, I think of her again. But sorrow brings with it all the pain of losing her the first time. The battle is now to actually call her, and hear that voice that tore my heart asunder those many ages ago. Can my heart survive hearing her voice again? Can I survive seeing her one more time? That fleeting image of her crying in my arms as she said good bye is burned into my very memory, the last thing I will see as I close my eyes on my death bed. Can I overcome this which hangs heavy on my heart, and try to be with her one more time....I don't know. But, I can try.

As we go through life, we make mistakes. These mistakes then teach us lessons that we will use later on down the path of life. However, sometimes we don't learn from certain mistakes and are doomed to keep repeating them. We are all guilty of it at some point in our lives, so it's okay to fess up about it. I myself have been making the same one now for the last 6 years. I kept telling myself that what I said was a mistake, and that she had to leave because of what I said. I kept telling myself this any time I thought of her or thought I saw her reflection out of the corner of my eye. But it wasn't my mistake. I wasn't in the right to ask what I did, but it did bring forth what I was feeling at the time, and could no longer keep buried in me. It hurt me to say it because I knew what the response would be. And yet still I spoke, the words escaping my lips for her to hear. She answered as I knew she would, and then began to cry, knowing that we could never go back to what we were after what had transpired. I can only guess and hope for her sake that she learned to get over it, because I have been living the last 6 years still stuck in that moment in the back of my mind. I thought that I had gotten over it a while ago, but I had just buried it deeper. I didn't want to think that I had driven away my one true chance at happiness in life. But I have come to terms with and learned that the true happiness we desire in life is made by ourselves in the friendships we make and the loves that we carry in our hearts. It isn't one person out there that we truly and absolutely need to make that bright and happy destiny that we see in our dreams at night. It's all the people that are around us, our soul mates, our friends, our family, our coworkers, everyone that is a part of our life. The more positive interactions we have with those around us, the brighter we make our own life, and theirs. It has taken me 6 long and painful years to learn this one simple lesson, but with the grief and sadness I have carried around with me for these years, I can now look forward to the happiness that is around me and that which I can now help create.

I was fortunate enough to attend the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert which rolled through my city here about 10 days ago, and after some time spent thinking and deliberating, I would like to share a part of what went through my mind that night.
"...sitting before a performance like I did, with a beautiful woman at my side, gave me a feeling of accomplishment. I had finally done something right, and now I was being rewarded. It was the type of night where you go, "This is why we exist. To create something beautiful, and then share the experience of it with every one, so it isn't lost to the cold nothingness from which we came." When they came to the song of "Christmas Eve, Sarajevo", the narrator spoke his snippet of story, and the last paragraph before the music began stirred something in me.
"And as he flew away
The angel did take note
That where he found this music played
One could always find hope"
When the music began, I reached for HER hand and took it into mine. While the music played, I sat there, it's every beat and rhythm pounding into me, as my mind and heart raced as one, following the flow of the music, the warmth of her hand. The touch of another person that gives rise to hope, it is powerful beyond what words can accurately describe...."
This was taken from an e-mail that I wrote to my friend describing how my night went. I replaced the name of who I was with with the word HER. It doesn't mean that I think this is the end all be all of women, and there will never be another. The woman I asked to join me for that evening was beautiful, yes, was an enjoyable companion for the evening, yes, is someone who I have and will try to do things with again, yes. I will put her on the shiny pedestal of caring, and bow to her requests, and laugh at her jokes. But I do so because she knows that I enjoy doing those things. She can come down off the pedestal and join me at anytime, and this she knows as well. As the Grey Crane would say, "Live as if each day is your last, and you will never life to regret." I have built up to many regrets in my past, it is now time to leave them behind and begin living my life as it should be lived, with joy and happiness.

Okay...spring has arrived again. The chance of endless possibilities is upon every man and woman as the blossoms on cherry trees give way to the beginnings of a delicious fruit. It is in this time that I found myself on my way to Chicago for a 5th year straight to attend Anime Central. What started in 1998 as my chance to finally say that yes, I have been to an anime convention and saw such and such guest and did such and such thing, has turned into a relaxing time when I can meet my friends that I haven't seen in a year, and establish new friendships with new people. This year was by far no exception. I saw my friend Devin and gave her a big hug even though I am 6'1" and she is 5'3". There was Brian(Maze), Joel, Jon(Shinji), and Chrono who I all sat and talked with at some point during the weekend. Adam and Erin a match made to be, was definitely a pleasure to see! Then there was the new people I met, Jacqueline and her brother Will, the memorable Brianna, which I'm still unsure off, but then does it matter, the Dance Dance Revolution freak Erin...who I still need to e-mail^_^. But there was one person who I wanted to meet, but the timing just never worked out right, and she was the ever beautiful Cheshire Cat played by none other then one of the most cultured and well balanced hopeless romantics I have never met, Samantha. I have managed to find her homepage and drop a note saying hi. Now hopefully she can follow the trail back to here and say hi back? After all, it's a year until the next Anime Central, plenty of time to make a new friendship now and meet one more friend next year.

Hello, Earth talking, can you please stop pouring salt in my wounds, blowing smoke in my face, cutting my skin open, feeding me garbage, and last but not least, overbreeding. I can only take so much. Thank you

The first impression is usually considered the "hit or miss" stage by some. Either you are going to be at slight odds with whoever you are meeting for the first time, or you are going to get long fairly well. When I was in Chicago a couple of weeks ago, I had this peculiar thing happen to me more than once. I was introduced to some people by just talking and jumping into a conversation with them. After about 10-15 minutes, somebody I knew would come find me and say my nickname of Tenchi. Every time this happened, the individual who I was conversing with would widen their eyes a bit and stutter/stammer out "Tenchi? Your Tenchi?" I would have a slight look of confusion on my face, which was justly deserved in my opinion, and admit that yes, I was Tenchi. It seemed that after the exchange of my name happened, the conversations would take a slightly different tone or pace. In once case, the person seemed a little more relaxed and comfortable in their conversation, while another seemed to just clam up and only acknowledged my presence when I was speaking directly at them and nobody else. The incidents reminded me of a few lines from Romeo and Juliet.
"What's in a name? that which we call a rose"
"By any other name would smell as sweet;"
Even today, one's name still carries a certain weight with it. I had conversed and gained insight into these individuals, and they had done the same as myself. And yet, when my name is mentioned, their personal first-hand knowledge of me is seemingly disregarded, and the previous knowledge that they had, which was not a direct source, is given precedence. I do not consider this any thing more then just an observation I made, but as far as observations go, I do find it slightly disturbing....

I have been struck by a mood to type lately. I do not know why, but I am happy to let it be for the moment and let my fingers type away as they express myself and what I think. I go into work, and without fail, someone will always ask me how I am. My first response will always be, "Well...it's (insert day of week)." To which they agree. I set goals for myself, destinations to reach, but if you don't pay attention to the day that it is now, then how will you know you had a satisfying trip to your destination? Enjoy the moments as you pass from one to the next, and your trip is more rewarding, relaxing, and fruitful in positive well being. Okay, I'm not sounding like my normal self right now, I realize this. But at some point we all have to "take a step back" and just do something a little different to shake up the monotony that our daily routines in life establish for us. I have done a lot more of it in recent months, but then I had a lot of regrets built up that I have been slowly venting off. I have created a few new ones, but rather then let them lay where they were, I have gone through and kicked them over and done something with them. As a result, I have heard from Samantha(bows to the Samui of Cheshire:p), and I finally e-mailed DDR freak Erin(I'm glad Kittytron got better) For a shy observant type such as myself, taking a more aggressive role in life has proved to be very interesting so far. It might even lead me to Chicago twice in one year!

"Life is in a constant state of change, therefore one must be in a constant state of learning and adaptation in order to survive and ultimately thrive."
I had actually transcribed a rather lengthy post on this quote, and then decided to scrap it and start over. Why... it seemed to stagnant and repetitive, there was no change and adaptation as the post went on. Politics is the means by which we implement change in our country of the USA. For the most part, politics and I haven't exactly agreed on anything, I hated it, it was indifferent to me. After 9/11, politics worked at its finest in a long while. The representatives that we placed in office, were actually setting their personal issues aside and listening to the people and doing what the people wanted. Now as life has slowly returned to it's old pace and methodology we find our politicians going back to the way it was, bickering and stalling simply to get another kickback for themselves, or to cause a hassle with the other party. They proved that they could work together as a solid unified group, so why do they return to the old ways that perhaps helped influence the cause of 9/11? Have they learned nothing?

Labor Day has come and gone. The one year anniversary of 9/11 approaches. Much sadness was brought into the world on that day. And yet from it, the possibility to create such happiness. I have found someone who will make my heart race every time I'm near her, my breathing quickens when I hug her close, and my brain creates illusions of her when she is not here. How do I survive such intense emotions and insanity you ask. The answer is simple, love. It sustains me for her when I am hungry. When I am tired, it provides the strength I need to go on. It reminds me of the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips, the smoothness of her hands. There is no such thing as perfection, but she.........Erin, is as perfect for me as I could ever hope for. She makes me want to be a better person, somebody who give their word, then resist temptation and make good on what they said. It is something that all people should strive to do, be as honest as they can, and then maintain that honesty through all conditions. It is what I feel I must do for Erin, and the happiness that we could create down the path of life.... I miss you my love.

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