Ken's Stalker

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Disclaimer: All this characters belong to Koyasu Takehito and Project Weiß 
but Gerti belongs to me :P This fic has been inspired by Sassha Morgan's 
'Well', which is just great. Lots of OCC-ness and silliness to be had in 
this fic but oh well. Enjoy anyways!
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~*~Part One~*~

"I can’t believe that you forgot to get the peat soil," Yohji complained as 
they walked down the bustling street. "Now we hafta go all the way back."

Ken rolled his eyes. "The supply shop is only a block away. And besides, I 
didn’t see *you* remembering that we forgot the peat soil."

"That’s because you had the list Kenken."

"No I didn’t! You did! And furthermore, don’t call me Kenken!!"

"You’re cute when you’re mad, you know that?" Yohji snickered and pinched 
the younger boy’s cheek. "Cute lil’ Kenken."

"OW!" Ken yelled and punched Yohji in the arm.

The older boy merely pushed up his shades. "You hit like a girl."

"One of these days you’re so gonna get it," Ken threatened to a whistling 
Yohji. "I’m gonna rip you to pieces with my claw. I’m gonna tell Aya you 
made fun of his imouto. I’m gonna---"

"KEN KUN! OVER HERE!!!!"

Ken stopped his angry tirade and glanced across the busy street towards the 
direction of the voice. He immediately paled. "Oh dear God...it’s her!" he 
choked out, promptly breaking into a cold sweat. "No. Oh no. Anything but 
her!"

Yohji blinked at Ken’s odd reaction. The boy looked as though he’d just seen 
death...or worse. He pushed up his shades and looked over at the source of 
Ken’s anxiety. The girl was very tall and from what he could see, rather 
attractive with long blond hair that was streaming behind her. She was clad 
in a blue and green schoolgirl uniform and was frantically waving her 
bookbag while screaming Ken’s name.

"I don’t remember ever seeing her at the shop," he remarked. "She’s cute!"

Ken was breathing heavily. "She must have come back here from New York. Oh 
God. I thought I got rid of her!"

His shades slid down his nose as he surveyed the younger boy. "New York? You 
know an American girl? Way to pick ‘em Kenken!" And he gave Ken a 
congratulatory thump on the back.

Ken stumbled but managed to keep his balance. "Yohji, listen to me. She’s 
pure evil. We’ve gotta get outta here!"

Yohji caste a dubious look at the girl, who was still waving and screaming. 
"You think *that* girl is pure evil?"

"I don’t think it, I know it!!!" Ken burst out.

"You’re overreacting. Look at her. She’s just some schoolgirl."

"She a demented psycho who stalked me when I was in the J-league!"

Yohji’s response was drowned out by the girl’s shriekings, which were 
growing considerably louder as she tried to weave her way through the heavy 
traffic to get to them.

"Oh God, she’s nearly upon us!" Ken cried, panicking. He started to bolt. 
"I’m outta here!"

Yohji grabbed his arm. "You can’t run forever Ken. Face her like a man. 
What’s the worst she can do?"

Ken took a deep breath. He’d faced dozens of bad guys worse than her without 
so much as blinking. He could handle this. Yohji was right. He couldn’t run 
forever. She was just a schoolgirl afterall while he was a trained assassin. 
He squared his shoulders and looked straight at her. Unfortunately looking 
at her brought back many painful memories and Ken knew that, assassin or 
not, there was no way he could defeat this girl.

Yohji clasped his shoulder. "I knew you could do it!"

And suddenly a plan was forming...

"Yohji, will you help me?" he blurted out. "Without asking any questions? 
Just trust me? I’ll do anything you say after this, just help me get through 
this!" He knew that Yohji wasn’t going to like his plan but he had no other 
choice. It was the only way to make sure that she stayed away from him for 
good!

"Of course I will! You don’t have to ask. What’s a friend for?"

Ken let out a huge sigh of relief. "Thanks Yohji."

And he waited for his doom to come...which arrived about twenty seconds 
later.

"KEN KUN!" the girl shrieked and hurled herself onto the soccer player. "AT 
LAST I’VE FOUND YOU MY LOVE!!!"

"Ahhhhh!" Ken cried, nearly falling.

"Oh Ken kun, now we can finally be together forever!"

Ken shoved the girl away, which was no mean feat considering the fact that 
she was a head taller than he was and had a death grip around his neck 
tighter than a leech.

The girl looked shocked. Her lower lip trembled and her eyes filled with 
tears and began to wobble. "Why are you pushing me away? Don’t you love me 
anymore Ken kun?" she wailed, dejectedly.

Ken was no stranger to her extremely loud and extremely embarrassing bouts 
of crying. "Uh...this is my good friend Kudou Yohji," he declared, hastily.

"Any friend of Ken kun’s is a friend of mine!" she shrieked, her eyes 
lighting up.

Yohji, who hadn’t stopped laughing since the tall girl had hurled herself 
onto Ken, was unable to reply.

Ken was quick to move to Yohji’s side. "And Yohji, this is my...er... 
acquaintance from New York, Gertaline."

"Call me Gertie for short!"

"Gertie?!!" the older boy choked out and promptly burst out into a fresh 
wave of laughter. This was too much.

"What a great guy!" Gertie shrilled in her annoyingly high pitched voice. 
"He’s so happy for us!!!"

Well it was now or never. He took a step closer to his laughing friend and 
looked Gertie straight in the eye. "We’re over. There is no 'us' Gertie."

"WHAT???!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE’S NO US???!!!!!! HOW COULD THERE BE 
NO US???!!!!! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED???!!!! 
YOU LYING, CHEATING BASTARD, YOU’VE BROKEN MY 
HEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Uh..." Ken slid his hand around Yohji’s waist and clung to the older boy.

Yohji immediately stopped laughing. Every single instinct in his body was 
giving off warning signs. "Ken..." he began ominously.

"There is no us, Gertie," he repeated, ignoring Yohji. "Yohji is my 
boyfriend. I’m going to marry him, not you."

"WHAT???!!!!!" This cry of outrage came from both Gertie and Yohji.
Ken didn’t bat an eyelash. "I said that Yohji is my boyfriend. He and I are 
getting married. I’m gay Gertie."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GAY???!!!! HOW CAN YOU BE GAY?!!!! YOU WEREN’T GAY 
THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU!!!!!!!!"

"Well I was in denial but it wasn’t until I met Yohji that I realized that I 
was gay. He helped me come out of the closet." He hugged Yohji tighter. "And 
that’s why I love him."

During this little exchange, Yohji had turned four shades of purple and six 
shades of red. "Could I speak with you for a minute Ken?" he demanded 
tightly.

Ken smiled brightly at Gertie. "I forgot to tell him about you. He’s a 
little upset. We won’t be long."

Yohji hauled Ken roughly towards a nearby tree as Gertie screeched curses 
and wails behind them.

"Phew, that close," Ken said, heaving a great sigh of relief. "You’re doing 
a great job Yohji!"

Yohji’s hands were clenched. He wanted nothing more than to smash Ken, to 
strangle Ken, to kill Ken. What the hell was that bloody fool thinking? And 
damn him, he was standing around acting as though nothing was wrong! Acting 
as though he hadn’t just told some girl that they were getting married! "I’m 
not gay!!!" he hissed, enraged.

Ken looked over at him and blinked. "You promised you’d help me!" he burst 
out upon seeing that Yohji was really mad. "You saw Gertie. The girl’s 
crazy! You’ve gotta help me with this. I don’t wanna marry her!"

"And I don’t wanna marry *you*!!!"

"Aw c’mon Yohji. Just this once...you promised me, remember?"

"I promised I’d help you! I didn’t promise that I’d be your boyfriend!!!"

"Yohji please," Ken begged. "I’ll never ask you to do anything for me again. 
I’ll be your slave for a month. For a year. For forever! I’ll do whatever 
you want me to. Please, please, please help me!"

"No."

"I’ll do all the missions for you! Every single one!"

"No."

"I’ll pay you!"

Yohji looked faintly interested. "How much?"

"Whatever you want!" Ken cried desperately. "I’ll get you a date with that 
girl who works at the coffee shop and I’ll buy you a new wardrobe. I 
promise! Just help me out this once!!"

Yohji let out a very long sigh. "Alright, I’ll do it."

"Yeah! You’re the best!!!" he cheered and flung himself onto the older boy, 
hugging him tightly. "You’re a real pal Yohji!"

"Get offa me!"

"Keep your voice down. Do you want Gertie to hear you?" Ken demanded. He 
stood on tiptoe and peeked over Yohji’s shoulder. Gertie was glaring at them 
and she did not look the least bit happy. "Quit struggling would you! You’re 
supposed to be my boyfriend!!"

Yohji sighed again. "If any of this gets out then I will kill you Ken. I 
mean it. And I’ll dance on your grave too."

"Uh huh," Ken muttered distractedly. "Now come on, let’s go back. And 
remember, you’re in love with me."

Yohji was feeling a lot of emotions towards Ken and none of them included 
love. He grabbed Ken’s arm. "Let’s just get this over with, alright?"

Ken bobbed his head enthusiastically. "Oh I sure do love you!" he chirped 
loudly as they strolled back to Gertie.

"Ken’s managed to convince me that he hasn’t been seeing you behind my 
back," Yohji proclaimed, managing a strained smile at Gertie. "So I’ll 
believe him when he says that you’re just another one of his many admirers 
from the past."

"Afterall, trust is an essential part of any good relationship!" Ken quipped 
and hugged Yohji. "Isn’t it, honey cakes?"

"It sure is uh...pumpkin."

Gertie scowled at them. "You both are lying."

Ken and Yohji were the picture of confused innocence. "Excuse me?"

"Do you think I’m stupid? You just don’t want to marry me!!!"

"I’d love to marry you," Ken replied smoothly. "But I can’t. I’m gay and I’m 
marrying Yohji." He laid his head on Yohji’s shoulder. "We’re gonna be so 
happy!"

Gertie snorted. "Yeah I’ll just bet, you lying cheater! You don’t want to 
marry me and that’s why you came up with this whole gay scheme. Only you 
didn’t tell him..." she jabbed a finger in Yohji’s direction, "...and that’s 
why he dragged you off and started yelling at you. I’ll bet you paid him to 
act as your gay boyfriend, didn’t you?"

"Hey, she isn’t half as stupid as I thought," Yohji thought to himself. His 
thoughts were interrupted by a sharp poke in his stomach from Ken. "Ow!"

"Are you going to let her malign my good character like that, snookums?"

"Huh? Well...er...I guess not." He peered down his nose at Gertie and gave 
her his most intimidating look. "I don’t take kindly to anyone who insults 
my, uh, boyfriend! How dare you accuse him like this!" And what the hell, he 
threw an arm around Ken. The better they convinced Gertie that they really 
were a couple, the faster they could go home and forget this terrible 
ordeal.

His look of intimidation had no effect on the girl. She simply crossed her 
arms over her chest and said, "Prove it. Prove that you’re really a couple."

"Yohji has a mole on his ass!" Ken blurted out.

"Ken!!!"

Gertie rolled her eyes. "I don’t mean like that you idiot." She smiled an 
evil smile that brought instant terror into the hearts of our two heroes. 
"Since you guys are getting married and are *so* in love, kiss. On the 
mouth, right here, right now. Then I’ll know that you’re gay Ken and I’ll 
leave you alone."

"Now wait just a minute..." Yohji protested, looking horrified.

"I knew you guys were lying," Gertie said, smirking. "Which means that it’s 
wedding bells for you and me Ken!"

"NO!!!" Ken howled. "I’M MARRYING YOHJI!!!!!"

"Ken---" he began, not liking the look in the younger boy’s eyes. He 
couldn’t seriously be thinking about *kissing* him...could he? It was wrong, 
it was unhealthy, it was despicable, it was exactly what he was thinking. Oh 
God no...

Ken used the arm that was already around Yohji’s waist to pull him closer to 
him. He stood on tiptoe and before Yohji could say anything to further botch 
things up, he kissed him.

*Oh my* He’d never thought about kissing Yohji before but if he had, he 
would have assumed that the older boy would taste like cigarettes and ash. 
Certainly not like lime and wild raspberries and that exotic, nameless 
something else...Ken deepened the kiss. Yohji tasted *good*

*Oh bugger* The damage was already done. He would kill Ken later. But for 
now...may as well make sure that Gertie went someplace far away. He wrapped 
his arms around the younger boy. *Ken sure does know how to kiss*

Neither protested when the kiss became French. And neither noticed when 
Gertie stomped off in a huff.

                                ~*~

"What do you think of this necklace Manx? I think it’ll go great with my 
black..." Birman trailed off when she realized that Manx wasn’t paying 
attention to her or the necklace. "Hey, are you listening to me?"

"Birman, you are *not* going to believe your eyes..."

"What?" She hurried to Manx’s side at the store window and peeked outside. 
"I don’t see anything."

Manx grabbed her arm. "Come on. We need to take a closer look. I’m pretty 
sure it’s them but..."

"Who?" she cried, trying not to fall in her high platform shoes as Manx 
pulled her outside. She looked about trying to see what the redhead was 
talking about.

Manx let go of her arm. "Look over there."

"Where?"

"Not there. There!"

"Oh, there." Suddenly her eyes widened. "That’s not...that can’t be..." she 
squinted. "That’s them!"

"So you see them too?"

"How could I not? They’re doing *that* right in the middle of the street!"

Manx shook her head, her heavy curls bouncing. "I thought I was mistaken. I 
mean Siberian and Balinese of all people. I guess all that womanizing stuff 
was just a cover-up."

"They’re really going at it," Birman marveled. "Hey. Today must be their 
'coming out' day! That explains why they’re kissing in the street!"

"You’re right!" Manx cried. She took a closer look at the kissing couple. 
"Now that I think about it, they make a really cute couple!"

"Yeah, they really do!"

The two ladies looked at each other and grinned. "Awwww," they gushed 
together. "They’re so cute!!!"