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Subaru’s Wish
"I've been looking for you...in order to fulfil my wish!"
Just how many times have we heard Subaru said
that?
Yeah Yeah Subaru-kun...we all
know you want to kill Seishirou.
REALLY?
Have you ever realized that Subaru has never
told us what his wish is?
In the confrontation in X 8,
the meeting with Kamui in X 9, even in the character profile CD – Subaru
only hinted us that he is searching for Seishirou and wants to fulfil his
wish.
Is it really to kill Seishirou
though?
We all assumed it is. It makes
a heck lot of sense anyway – he killed Subaru’s dearest person, he betrayed
his feelings, Subaru became cold and detached. Even Seishirou thinks Subaru
wants to kill him.
But these are all assumptions.
Let me tell you, Subaru hasn't changed. He's still the gentle boy we knew.
At first I felt sorry for Subaru
because it’s so hard to kill the person you love. But is his dream really
to kill Seishirou?
In Subaru’s character profile,
he said to his sister:
“I wonder what you would think
if you knew what my wish was.
Would you laugh?
Would you be angry?
Or would you cry?”
If his dream is simply a revenge – something so logical, how can that invoke so much emotions in a person, especially someone as calm as Hokuto? Didn’t we all expect that anyway?
Subaru said,
“He hasn't change.
He didn't change even
meeting me.
I still couldn't influence
him at all like before”
Sounds kind of sad and frustrated huh?
He admitted to Kamui that he loves Seishirou. Whenever he talks about him, there’s no anger, no hatred, just traces of pain on his face. He told us Seishirou is very special to him. Now think: if you love someone so much, what will you wish for? You'll just want to be special to that person, too right?
Now...to let Seishirou thinks you are special is no easy thing. Hokuto would probably laugh at his foolishness, cry for his hopelessness, angry at his obsession ne?
Then why is Subaru going
around looking for Seishirou and openly attacking him? (like in X8)
Have you ever thought
how to make Seishirou see you as special and different? We all know that
Seishirou can’t see the difference between a human and an object. Even
Subaru’s world no.1 kindness and innocence did not move him at all! Subaru
knows that too well.
An assassin who has never
failed, a perfect hunter. Imagine if a prey bites back, hard.
If the prey defeats the
hunter… imagine the shock! Seishirou’s only interest is to hunt, and if
Subaru crumbles that and defeat Seishirou, Seishirou will certainly look
at him very differently – he’ll become special. (Probably not the way he
wants it to be, but at least it’s a start)
Remember Tokyo Babylon,
at the end? What did Subaru say?
“I’ll defeat you!”
And look at us, we all
interpreted that as “I’ll kill you!”
Seishirou is special
to him, and all he wants, is to have Seishirou feel the same for him. A
pure dream we all ask from our lovers.
Subaru hasn’t changed – pure
and gentle. Hokuto has always told Subaru “to live life only for yourself”.
For once, Subaru is listening.
Will Subaru ever succeed?
In the confrontation in X9, Seishirou emerged without a scratch (that wound
on his face was from the fight with Kamui earlier on). Subaru is trying
so hard to become strong, just to make Seishirou thinks he’s special…
My Definition of X
X is the title of the
story. Even though it's strange, it makes sense.
"X" in mathematics
is the independent variable and the unknown, implying the "unpredictability"
and the mysteries in the plot. And I guess you can link it with the "X
files" - the unsolvable.
So "X" is a letter
of mystery and twists, which fits the story.
Also I heard from somewhere that the group
X Japan actually asked CLAMP to create a story named after them, and hence
"X".
Any other suggestion e-mail me at demonbell@hotmail.com
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