Live on Jeri Supuringaa: Love Hina Much Later!
A Love Hina citrusy manga fanfic
by hkmiller
10 September 2003 - FFML Draft
11 September 2003 - Fixed typos
The characters of Love Hina were created by Ken
Akamatsu, and are licensed to TV Tokyo and Bandai.
No disrespect intended by my unlicensed usage.
Spoilers for entire series. Serious Lime warning.
- - - - - - - - - -
"My first time with him?" Kitsune told the eagerly-
listening studio audience with a wink and a smile. "It
was the day of his first divorce from... let's call
her 'Ranu'. A bunch of us had been celebrating in an
onsen. See, the others had all wanted to marry him,
and now they had another shot. Well, we'd been there
for a bit, and maybe we'd had a bit too much to drink,
you know how that goes. And then in he walks,
strutting that macho strut and giving us that dazzling
smile of his. I went all weak in the knees. He took
all five of us right then and there, ignoring our
feeble pleas and protests. We had no chance to resist
him."
The studio audience leaned forward, hushed. "And what
happened then?" asked Jeri, the host.
- - - - -
Still confused, feeling partly like a loser, partly
vindicated, Keitaro stumbled into the Hinata Inn. Why?
Why hadn't Naru believed that they were right for each
other? Hadn't they been happy? Naru must have thought
so, since she'd changed her mind ten minutes after the
divorce was finalized and pleaded to get married again
as soon as possible. He'd agreed, of course, but the
whole experience still bewildered him. The emotional
roller coaster of feeling that he'd lost Naru forever,
only to find that he hadn't, had left him drained.
What did a guy do on his sole night single for the past
two years, and hopefully his last ever? Naru had gone
off to drink the night away with Mutsumi, so he was on
his own.
Not watching where his feet took him, he was surprised
to look up and find himself in the onsen area, looking
right at Suu, Motoko, Shinobu, Kitsune, and Kanako, all
obviously drunk and staring back at him like a hungry
tiger stares at a baby deer. The sight unnerved him,
and he turned to flee. Unfortunately, his foot came
down on a stray bar of soap. He fell backwards,
somersaulting through the air and hitting his head on
the stone floor before ending up floating face up in
the onsen.
"Well?" Kanako asked, pointedly looking at Motoko.
"Hmmm," mused Motoko. "I suppose it couldn't hurt.
CLOTHES SHREDDING BLADE!"
Keitaro tried to move, but was too dazed to do so. His
best suit shredded into tiny pieces of cloth as a
whirlwind carried him straight up into the atmosphere.
Dimly, Keitaro realized he was revolving as he rose;
now he was facing straight down at the girls. Somehow
none of them were wearing towels now, he noticed.
Blood spurted from his nose as he crested and began to
fall. Amazing how developed they all were these days.
He landed with his face planted squarely in the middle
of Kitsune's chest, knocking her down. She smirked at
the top of Keitaro'd head. "So now you want me? Well,
I don't know, Keitaro. You just got divorced from my
best friend today; I really oughtta wait a few hours."
"Fine with me," Kanako interrupted, glaring at Kitsune.
"I'll take him off your hands." One of her hands
grabbed Keitaro's shoulder; the other reached between
his legs and took a firm grasp. She lifted Keitaro off
of Kitsune and turned to flee with her prize.
"Wait!" cried Shinobu in alarm. "Sempai should make
his own choice."
Motoko quickly grabbed one of Keitaro's ankles.
"You're not leaving with him!" Motoko and Kanako both
began pulling. Shinobu grabbed Keitaro's other leg,
wrapping her arms around his thigh.
"He's too dazed to make intelligent choices right now,"
Kitsune observed, crouching and peering up at Keitaro's
face closely.
Kanako remarked, "I think his lower brain will suffice
for my needs this evening."
Motoko spat out, "You don't get him unless we all do!"
Two eye-blinks later, she muttered to herself, "Did I
really say that?"
"Goodie! I can measure how many times a Keitaro can do
it with my invention!" Suu plopped a curious wired
metallic helmet onto Keitaro's head, then hopped up and
down, dancing in a circle around the other five and
clapping her arms above her head, her manic grin
threatening to split her face in two. "Mr. Erectric
Mark 1!"
"B-but, we can't!" Shinobu wailed, releasing Keitaro's
thigh as she raised her hands to her face in alarm.
"Not like this! It should be special, romantic!"
Kanako relaxed her stance. "Nobody's forcing you to
stay, Shinobu. Leave if you want." Kanako looked the
other four women over briefly, then shrugged. "Let's
put big brother down over there on the side."
Motoko grunted in acknowledgement. Picking up
Keitaro's other ankle, she helped Kanako carry the
still-dazed Keitaro over to the edge of the
onsen. "Shinobu, they're getting married again
tomorrow. Tonight may be the only day he's single for
the rest of his life. And I, for one, am not missing
this chance."
Shinobu stood frozen in indecision for another minute,
then nodded decisively, if fearfully, as she stepped
forward, following the others.
- - - - - - - - - -
"I suspect that that wasn't the first time for some of
the others, though," Kitsune confided to Jeri. "Four
years passed between his first engagement to 'Ranu' and
the wedding... a lot happened during those years. I'm
pretty sure he was playing the field for all he was
worth."
- - - - -
It was a blazingly hot day on Pararakelse Island. Deep
in a pit in the midst of ancient Turtle Civilization
ruins, Keitaro wiped the sweat from his brow. Sitting
up from where he'd been carefully brushing the
remaining dust and sand from a pottery shard, he looked
up at the sky. If only Naru could have gotten away to
spend some time with him! But at least Shinobu and
Mutsumi were here for a short visit, the first he'd had
from any of the girls in a year. Shinobu and Nyamo
were catching up on the last two years, he was sure,
while Mutsumi took a siesta in one of the tents.
"Kei-kun!"
"Sempai!"
Or maybe not. Looking up towards the edge of the pit,
Keitaro could just make out the shapes of Mutsumi,
Shinobu, and Nyamo, dressed only in leaves and
silhouetted against the sun. They waved down at him.
"Hey, be careful up there!" Keitaro yelled up. "That
edge of the pit is kind of... too late."
Sure enough, Mutsumi had put one foot in the wrong
spot. "Oh my," she commented as she plummeted over the
edge, dragging Shinobu and Nyamo with her towards the
bottom.
Galvanized, Keitaro surged to his feet and ran to the
spot where the three women would land, arms out to
catch them. The impact knocked the wind out of all
three woman, while hammering Keitaro onto his back on
the dirt floor of the pit, unconscious.
"Sempai!"
"Keitaro!" Shinobu and Nyamo cried in unison.
"Oh-fu-fu," noted Mutsumi with amusement, "All our
leaves have fallen off and now we're naked down in this
pit where nobody can see us. Maybe we'd better remove
Kei-kun's clothing and make sure nothing's broken?"
Shinobu smiled timidly. "Time for Nurse Shinobu and her
Amazing Medical Powers?"
"Oh my!"
- - - - - - - - - -
"Sure the women were jealous. They fought constantly,"
Kitsune assured Jeri. "All the time. Tooth and nail.
Dirty tricks, hair-pulling, everything. I remember
this one time. It was during his second marriage
to 'Ranu'. She'd been away on business overnight, and
he'd taken advantage of it, spending the night with
'Goth-girl'. The next day, the two of them got into
this incredible cat-fight..."
- - - - -
"I can't believe you," Naru huffed to Kanako.
"Disguising yourself as me and sneaking into bed with
Keitaro. Don't you have any shame at all?"
"None," Kanako replied airily. The two walked side-by-
side, both wearing power skirt-and-jacket combinations,
Kanako's black, Naru's violet, both carrying identical
attache cases with "From Keitaro, with love" inscribed
discreetly on the inside of the handles. "No more than
last time."
"And here I thought that pervert could see through your
disguises," Naru muttered to herself.
"Not while the light's out," Kanako replied as the two
raised their arms in synchronized motion to open the
courtroom doors. Heads turned from the two tables in
front to watch the two enter. "And I'm going to win
this case, Naru."
"Would you like to make a small wager on that?" Naru
stopped, putting her hands on her hips, while smirking
at Kanako. "My client's case is ironclad. If I win,
you don't ever sneak into bed with poor Keitaro again."
Light glinted from Kanako's eyes. "For the remainder
of this calendar year or the remainder of your current
marriage to big brother, whichever comes first.
Agreed. But if I win, I get one night a week with him,
whether you're in town or not, for the rest of the
year. You don't tell him, you don't interfere. I think
you're in for a surprise or two regarding relevant
precedents, you see."
Naru glared at Kanako for a minute, fists on hips, but
then smirked herself. "And I have a pair of witnesses
who will rather surprise you, I think. You're on!"
Both women nodded in unison, then Naru went over to the
defendant's table, while Kanako sat down at the
plaintiff's table.
"All rise," came the bailiff's voice. "The case of
Mitsutomo Electric versus Hanagawa Inventions will now
begin."
- - - - - - - - - -
A hand went up in the audience. "Why do you keep
referring to the other women involved with pseudonyms?
If this is all true, couldn't you get some of the other
women on stage with you? Haven't you all been equally
victimized? Or are they still under this sleazebag's
spell?"
Jeri raised a hand. "The pseudonyms are required by
network policy; the ladies involved refused to sign
releases allowing us to use their names on the air."
Upstairs, the executive producer nodded slightly,
sweating, as he recalled the threats contained in the
letter from the up-and-coming law firm of Urashima,
Otohime, and Aoyama.
Kitsune grinned and added, "I can tell you this,
though: yes, they're all still smitten. They don't
realize how they've been victimized; they're all still
under his spell. But the other reason they don't want
their names used..." Kitsune trailed to a stop, pausing
to let the audience's anticipation build, then
raised a finger, smiling slyly. "Some of them have
reputations to protect. Some of them hold positions of
power and wealth. Two of them... if I told you their
names, you'd recognize them immediately."
Sudden intakes of breath came from all directions.
- - - - -
"Shinobu!" yelled Motoko, gripping a brand-new romance
paperback in her left hand in fury. The cover
displayed a bare-chested Archaeologist-Adventurer
leaning down over a woman about to lose her skimpy
blouse. The title read 'Homemaker in Love III:
Short-haired Girls Have More Fun.' "How dare you rip
off my best scene from 'Romance Ronin Avenges Her
Honor'?"
Shinobu leaned her head out the kitchen door and
answered indignantly, "That incident happened to Sempai
and me in the first place, not to you! I had every
right to use it in my book!"
"Huh? It happened to you too?" Motoko asked,
surprised. "He tripped, fell down backwards between
your legs while you were wearing a yukata, then pulled
you down into a squat on top of his head?"
"Well, I had to add the part about him panting
desperately that he had to have me," Shinobu replied,
blushing as she looked down at the batter she was
stirring. "Sempai was too dazed to say much of
anything."
"Same here," answered Motoko. "But all my readers are
going to think you ripped me off."
"They won't care. My publisher say your readers and
mine overlap almost completely, anyway."
- - - - - - - - - -
"Incest? Yeah, we had incest," Kitsune said
dismissively. "I've mentioned his obsessed little
sister, but there was also his wife's little sister.
His aunt's foster daughter. More. Underage, too."
Shouts of "Lynch the bastard!" echoed throughout the
studio.
"We even had Satanic initiation rituals!" Kitsune
proclaimed, getting to her feet with fists raised to
the ceiling.
Jeri whispered to Kitsune out of the side of his
mouth. "You may be overdoing it there. That stuff's
kind of passe."
"Whatever you say; you're paying," Kitsune whispered
back.
The muted response from the studio audience underlined
Jeri's point.
"Okay, here's what happened. A few years ago..."
- - - - -
Narusegawa Mei, Sara McDougall, and Maeda Ema crept
quietly through the tunnels threading the inside walls
of the Hinata Inn, their destination: Keitaro's
bedroom.
"I bagged the dork two hours short of my eighteenth
birthday," Sara whispered over her shoulder to Ema.
"'Bout time you acted; you've been nineteen for six
months."
"But won't Naru-sempai or Shinobu-sempai be upset?" Ema
whispered back fearfully. "I don't want them mad at
me."
"Neither's married to the dork right now, so they can't
say anything. Mutsumi could, but she won't care.
She'll think it's funny."
"Well, today's my eighteenth birthday," Mei whispered
back. "And I'm going to do him whether you do or not,
Ema. It's a tradition here at Hinata Inn, almost an
initiation rite. You come to stay here; you suffer but
never give up; you fall in love with Keitaro
Urashima; eventually you get into Tokyo University;
Keitaro makes you a woman, usually while semi-
conscious."
Ema whimpered, wondering not for the first time if
she'd been wise to come here to live. And if Sempai
really liked her like that. He was so nice to her, but
all the other women were so much more beautiful than
she was...
The three emerged from the tunnel into Keitaro's
bedroom. Keitaro was lying rigid and nude on top of
his futon, eyes glassy, wearing "Mr. Erectronic Mark
10". Above him stood Suu and Mutsumi, both wearing
spooky white robes with hoods up and nothing on
underneath. Dozens of white tapering candles had been
placed around the room, the scent of pine lingering in
the air. The effect was spoiled somewhat by the way
Suu was snickering and Mutsumi giggling.
"Oh me, oh my. Whatever next?"
- - - - - - - - - -
"The children? They're always affected the worst by
these situations," Kitsune said sadly, shaking her
head. "Sometimes... they're affected for the rest of
their lives."
Murmurs of agreement, tinged with outrage, came from
the studio audience.
- - - - -
Ten-year-old Urashima Kyoko chased her half-brother
Aoyama Keiichi and her half-sister Urashima Mitsuishi
down the hall and into the wrong room, trailed by the
two-year-old "twins", Urashima Shinichi and Nyan-nyan.
Their mothers (except Nyamo, who wasn't there)
looked up and glared at them.
"Can't you children be quiet?" Naru snapped. "We're in
an important meeting!"
"I told you having our monthly board meeting here at
the Inn would be a mistake," Kanako replied quietly to
Naru.
"Oh-fu-fu," Mutsumi replied, smiling. "They're the
reason we work so hard. Come here, little ones."
"Particularly since their father's never here,"
muttered Motoko.
"Can't we get Suu or Sara to look after them just until
we finish?" asked Shinobu.
Naru rolled her eyes and replied, "No thanks. The last
time Suu babysat, she experimented on them; the last
time Sara babysat, she spent the whole time telling
them how badly their dork daddy sucks in bed."
Mutsumi clapped her hands and bent down to look Kyoko
in the eye. "Kyoko, you're a big girl now. Why don't
you take your brothers and sister into the TV room and
put on that new disk we bought? The one about your
daddy's discoveries on Madagascar? We'll be out in a
short while."
Kyoko glanced at Naru for permission, then nodded.
"Okay, Auntie Mutsumi. C'mon, guys, lets leave our
Moms in peace." Shortly afterwards, the room was quiet
again.
"About time," muttered Naru. "I have to get back to
the office pretty soon. There's an important vote
tomorrow on a bill I'm sponsoring."
Shinobu rapped her gavel. "Last order of business: is
everyone still okay with the firm's name?"
Kanako shrugged. "Only one 'Urashima' in the firm's
name and there's three of us, but it is the first name
in the list. I've no problems."
Naru and Shinobu nodded agreement.
Motoko dithered. "Four now, if he and I really go
through with it tomorrow. But I have such an
investment in my reputation as 'Aoyama'."
"We can keep 'Aoyama' in the firm's name even if your
name changes," assured Mutsumi. "I've been researching
that point. If we were in America, you wouldn't even
have to change your family name. But here in Japan,
I'm afraid, you don't really have a choice on that."
"It didn't matter to me," Naru added, "since I was an
Urashima even before becoming a lawyer."
"And I didn't even join the firm until after Sempai and
I were married," Shinobu chimed in.
"Let's keep it as is, then," replied Motoko. "I'm kind
of attached to the firm's name after all these years,
anyway."
Later, after the meeting broke up, Mutsumi and Shinobu
wandered out into the TV room. The younger children
watched their father guide the camera on a tour of the
extraordinary Snake Culture ruins, completely absorbed.
Kyoko turned to them. "We're almost done with Dad's
disk. What should we play next?"
Mutsumi smiled and clapped. "I know! Sit your
brothers and sister down and I'll teach you all a new
game. It's called 'Todai Promise', and you play it
for the rest of your lives. You all promise each other
that you'll all get into Tokyo University and you all
study real hard to get there. It's lot of fun,
really."
Shinobu smiled and added, "And it does have a way of
changing your life."
- - - - - - - - - -
The End.
This and other fanfics stored at:
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/5058
Notes:
I finished volume 14 of the translated manga last
night. The idea for this occurred to me this morning
and wouldn't let me go until I finished it.
(
geocities.com/tokyo/Dojo) (
geocities.com/tokyo)