Wanna Bet?
(original version 19 Oct 98; revised 23 Oct 98)
A Ranma 1/2 spamfic by HKMiller
(Crossover warning; spamfic parodying "The Bet",
originated by Gregg Sharp, using characters copyright
Takahashi Rumiko and many, many others...)
- - - - - - - - - -
Somewhere, a black cat greets the arrival of the god of millipedes
with a sweatdrop. "One timeline change for every four limbs, yes?"
The black cat runs away screaming.
- - - - - - - - - -
"There is tragic legend, VERY tragic, of young sorceress who drown
in spring... seven thousand year ago! Now whoever fall in that
spring take body of young sorceress!"
Ranma, now a thin, orange-haired young girl, opens the top of
her gi and looks down at herself in horror. At least I don't
have any breasts to speak of, she thinks.
- - - - - - - - - -
Later, Nerima...
A middle-aged white-gi-clad bald martial artist kneels with a very
thin, orange haired girl on one side of a room. On the other side
we see one olive-gi-wearing black-haired man and five teenage girls.
Soun pours hot water, misses the dodging Ranma, and remarks
"...but HOT water turns you back into a BOY!
"No sweat. Your problem isn't so terrible after all! My daughter
Kasunamidandi, age 19..."
- - - - - - - - - -
Flashback 1: A three-year old Kasumi falls off of a high cliff.
At the bottom, as she lies near death, a light-brown-haired
goddess and a light-blue-haired female entity appear and begin
arguing over which one gets to merge with the dying child to
save its life. Eventually they both do.
- - - - - - - - - -
"and Nabisa, age 17..."
- - - - - - - - - -
Flashback 2: A money- and pro wrestling- obsessed teenage girl is
approached by autonomous alien battle-armor about defending the
earth...
- - - - - - - - - -
"and Eikane, age 16..."
- - - - - - - - - -
Flashback 3: Two gaijin parents, whose glasses don't really
conceal their heroic-looking bodies, are celebrating their new
baby girl in one hospital room. In the next, Soun holds hands
with his wife, just recovering from labor. Outside in the hall,
a nurse gets two baby tags mixed up.
- - - - - - - - - -
"My adoptive daughters Shampu-shampu, age 16..."
- - - - - - - - - -
Flashback 4: We see Cologne in a dim cavern, huddled over a
table containing a dying neko-Shampoo and an advanced android
body, conveniently female...
- - - - - - - - - -
"and Ukyagi, age 16..."
- - - - - - - - - -
Flashback 5: A pretty sailor-suited Ukyagi holding a crystal
spatula and yelling, "In the name of the Moon..."
- - - - - - - - - -
"Pick the ones you want. They'll be your fiancees: all of
them, if you want." Soun goes on to think that it's convenient
that polygamy and polyandry were just legalized the previous
week.
Ranma stands and replies indignantly, "This is no time for
fiancees! I'M SO HUNGRY! I'm gonna cast a 'Dragon Slave'
if I don't get some FOOD!"
- - - - - - - - - -
The god of millipedes shrugged its first hundred shoulders.
"Boy Ranma marries all five girls, check. Boy Ranma now
magician, check. Everyone more powerful, check. Seems like
requirements met to me."
THE END.
- - - - - - - - - -
Where does this go from here? Who knows?
I envision the girls all looking much like their normal Nerima
selves, except that Kasumi's hair is longer and has blue tints
in it, and those odd, overlapping markings on her forehead.
Nabiki has a tendency to occasionally use Nagisa's pro wrestling
techniques on others, dropping to the floor and using her legs
to slam others to the floor also. Akane looks slimmer than
normal, but has black hair (possibly dyed?) in order to fit in
better. Shampoo looks completely normal, but doesn't change
into a cat. Ukyou's brown hair is odangled and longer. and she
has her own normal personality.
(
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