Gates - Unplugged
Before we begin, I would like to inform
you that the information presented here is not fact, but actually
the funniest stuff you will ever see.
The president of Lotus walks into an elevator with a gun
in his hand.
In the elevator are: Sadam Hussein, Timmothy McVeigh, and Bill
Gates,
but there are only two bullets in the gun!
Who does he shoot???
Gates, twice to be sure.
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Dead MS-Programmer
Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died?
He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you
go to Heaven or Hell.
The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter
and asked him if he wanted
to see Heaven and Hell before stating his preference.
"Sure," he said, so an angel took him to a place with a
sunny beach, volleyball, and rock and
roll, where everyone was having a great time.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!"
"Wrong," said the angel. "That was Hell. Want to
see Heaven?"
"Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. Here a
bunch of people were sitting in a park
playing bingo and feeding dead pigeons.
"This is Heaven?" asked the Windows programmer.
"Yup," said the angel.
"Then I'll take Hell." Instantly he found himself
plunged up to his neck in red-hot lava, with the hosts of the
damned in torment around him. "Where's the beach? The music?
The volleyball?" he screamed frantically to the angel.
"That was the demo," she replied as she vanished.
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Note about Winblows '95
Windows '95 supports Plug 'n' Pray peripherals!!!
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What's the difference between Bill Gates and Robert Tappen Morris,
Jr.
(the Internet Worm Hacker)?
Robert Tappen Morris, Jr., got six months in jail for crashing 10%
of the
computers that Bill Gates made $100 million crashing last weekend.
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MS-Employee
A poor employee had been suffering dreadfully during the building
of Gates' infamous new home. The poor architect had used a Mac to
undertake the interior and the wrath of Gates had fallen upon him.
In fact, this guy was so distressed at the thought of using
Windows in a design environment that he just got up one day and
took his own life.
He reappears at the gates of heaven where St.Peter is sitting
with his clipboard. Nervously he walks up to St.Peter."Ah",
St.Peter says, "you're the poor fellow who suffered at the
hands of Gates. Don't worry, you're in heaven now. Everything is
allright."Still quivering, the poor architect says: "At
last, that's wonderfull. But you promise me that Bill Gates won't
appear here."
St.Peter lets out a broad laugh: "Is the Pope Catholic ? You
know what they say about rich men, needles and camels ... anyhow,
we use Amigas ..."Then, suddenly, beyond the pearly gates a
familiar figure appears. The poor architect falls into an
apoplectic fit: "Look, look, you told me he'd never find a
place in heaven, but it's him."
St.Peter turns around to see the sight. "Ah, no my son, that's
God, he just thinks he's Bill Gates ..."
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The world's smartest man
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere
above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot,
Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly,
an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage
compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke.
The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad
news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey.
The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one
of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and
jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen,"
he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs
great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have
a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the
remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the
night.
Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's
smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's
smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one,
and out he jumped.
The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the
Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived
a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment.
You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will
go down with the plane."
The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude.
The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
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New feature in Windows 2000
Yesterday, Bill Gates said that there will be a new feature in
Microsoft Windows 2000: when you will choose "Shut Down"
and then "Restart computer and launch MS - DOS" you
will get an orange-colored message "It is safe now to use
your computer."
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Disasters of our century: Hiroshima '45, Cernobyl '87, Windows '95.
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Car problems
3 persons had a drive in a car: mechanical engineer, electrical
engineer and Microsoft programmer. But the car suddenly broke
down.
Mechanical engineer said: "Hey! It has to be change gear.
Lemme fix it."
The electrical engineer didn't agree: "It's magneto probably.
I will fix it."
Microsoft programmer shoke his head and said: "Hey guys, I
have a simpler idea: Let's just close all the windows, get out of
the car, get back into it, and it might be running!"
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What you can't get for $40.000.000.000
At yesterdays Windows 95 launch event in London after seeing the
Bill Gates video addres, Jonathon Ross, who was compere-ing the
event, is reported to have told the assembled guests "money
can buy you many things, but it does not necessarily buy a decent
haircut".
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Bill in the Heaven
Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Bill Gates all die in a plane crash.
They are standing before God, seated on his throne. God asks Al:
"What do you believe ?" Al Gore says: "I believe
in the earth. I believe if we don't protect it, the whole earth
will die." God says: 'I like that, come sit to my left."
"Bill Clinton, what do you believe?" Bill Clinton says:
"I believe in people. I believe the people should be
empowered. I believe no one has the right to tell someone else
what to do." God says: ' "I like that, come sit to my
right." "OK Bill Gates, what do you believe?" Bill
Gates says: "I believe you're in my seat."