I AM ZORAK!

ZORAK

ZORAK!!!!


I WANT TO BE THE ALL POWERFUL RULER OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!
 And I want some gum
ZORAK
GOT A PROBLEM? I'm listening...

Space Ghost: The kids at school don't like me.
Brak: My girlfriend says I smell...
 Space Ghost: The teachers say I'm lazy.
 Brak: Sometimes I want to yell!

"Zorak! "
"Can you help me?"

Zorak: Sure kid....Just tell old Zorak. Now what's your problem?
 Space Ghost: This mask is really itchy!
Brak: My underwear's too tight!
 Space Ghost: No one understands me!
 Zorak: Yeah....Right....
Brak: Now it's time for....

ZORAK'S HELPFUL HINTS!

Zorak's Helpful Hints
Space Ghost: Zorak, here's a caller... with a question!
 Caller #1 (Strange Guy): Zorak?
Why I am so stupid?
I'm so stupid I don't know how stupid I am.
You know, I'm not hearing you.
Zorak: Next caller!

Caller #2 (Kid): Zorak, are you there?
Zorak: Yes I'm here. Where are you?
Caller #2 (Kid): I'm here too.
Zorak: Perfect. Go ahead.
Caller #2 (Kid): There's this big bully at my school who keeps takes my lunch money. What should I do?
Zorak: Bullies. You know as a young mantis, I was also plagued by bullies.
Caller #2 (Kid): Really?
Zorak: They would always knock me down!
Caller #2 (Kid): So what did you do?
Zorak: Well I picked myself up. Dusted myself off. And turned to the dark side! Became evil!
Caller #2 (Kid): I don't think my mom would like it if I became evil.
Zorak: Eh! No I suppose not. Oh well, what are you gonna do?
Zorak: Next caller!

Space Ghost: Zorak...Here's a caller, with a question!
 Zorak: Okay.
Caller #3 (Boy): Zorak? Is that really you?
Zorak: Yes. I think so.
Caller #3 (Boy): I wanna ask you something.
Zorak: I'm listenin'!
Caller #3 (Boy): My folks always say it's better to be nice to people.
Zorak: Uh huh.
Caller #3 (Boy): But you're never nice to anybody.
Zorak: So what?
Caller #3 (Boy): You seem to be doing pretty good.
Zorak: Oh yeah, I'm doing great! Held captive in this stinking prison pod, workin' for Space Ghost, no TV, no outside play, no birthday parties, every day I pay the piper for not being nice to people!
Space Ghost: Zorak!
Zorak: Yeah, what is it?
Space Ghost: I really think you can be nice if you tried.
Zorak: You really think so?
 Space Ghost: Why don't you try?
Zorak: Okay. uhhh Space Ghost, you look lovely today.
Space Ghost: Heh heh, oh my
Zorak: And you don't smell very bad either.
Space Ghost: Why thank you!
Zorak: And your big fat head...doesn't look as big and fat.
 Space Ghost: You see, you can be nice!
Space Ghost: We'll be back next week, same time for more of
ZORAK'S HELPFUL HINTS!
Zorak: Bye now! Fathead.
Zorak: The sky is falling!
Space Ghost: Whoa whoa, easy there hombre!
Do you expect me to believe that?
Zorak: The sky is falling!
The sky is falling!
Space Ghost: Oh no! Everybody run for cover! The sky is falling!
 Zorak: The sky is falling!
Space Ghost: Yep, I'm shaking.
Zorak: Hmmmmm, look out! Giant squid!
Space Ghost: Yeah. Right.
The word for today is a slang word... FUNKY

Zorak: Funky?
Space Ghost: Funky Funky Funky.
Zorak: Hey man, this is pretty funky!
Space Ghost: You can funky that again!
Zorak: What's that funky smell?
Space Ghost: Look at the funky chicken!
Zorak: I see a funky monkey!
Brak: Funky funky funky funky funky...Do the hustle!!
Space Ghost: Would you please pass the funky?
Zorak: Space Ghost looks silly in his funky costume.
Space Ghost: Zorak is my very funky prisoner!!
Zorak: Who wrote this dumb sketch?
Space Ghost: I don't know, but he must be really...Funky!
Space Ghost: And that's the word for today...................

Space Ghost: Here's Zorak with today's poignant nugget of joy!
Zorak: Hey.
Quit staring at me!
Do you find me amusing or something?
Quit staring at me or I'll come over and get cha!
Space Ghost: Hey! Now here's Zorak with another nugget of joy.
Zorak: I always wanted a fire truck when I was little.
I never got one.
That's why I'm evil!
Heh heh heh
Space Ghost: And now, here's a nugget of joy from Zorak!
Zorak: After a tough day of conquering and wreaking havoc,
I like to soak my hind pincers in a basin of warm epsom salts
And drink a soothing cup of chamomile tea.
Space Ghost: Chamomile...
Zorak: Mmmmmmmmmm. Precisely.
Space Ghost: Zorak, I've known you longer than I care to mention and I have never seen you drink a cup of tea.
Zorak: You haven't?
Space Ghost: No I haven't!
I've never seen you soak your hind pincers either
And when was the last time you conquered anything?
Zorak: Well let's see, what's today?
Space Ghost: It's been years, Zorak! Ages!
Zorak: Ah...I know I know, I'm a stinky little liar
I'm not even worth the laser power it would take to blow me to smithereens.
Space Ghost: Now I wouldn't say that...
Zorak: No, no, Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Zorak getting blasted Space Ghost

Brak: See, now that was kinda harsh.
Space Ghost: Well yeah I suppose you're right.
Brak: Remind me not to cross you on a bad day.
Space Ghost: Zorak? Oh Zorak? You look like you could use a nice crispy soothing cup of ...chamomile tea.

Zorak's Observations
Space Ghost Zorak Zorak: Look at him, over there.
Space Ghost, what a boob!
Staring off into space, looking stupid as usual
But I know what he's thinking...
He's thinking: Yes!
Zorak is my prisoner, for now
But one day I'll be careless
Let down my guard
And Zorak will escape!
Then I, Space Ghost, will taste the bitter fruit of shame and humiliation
As the all powerful Zorak wreaks his horrible vengeance upon me
Ah HAH!
Space Ghost, uh, what are you thinking about?
Space Ghost Space Ghost: I was thinking about how nice it would be to sit under a shady tree and sing a hap hap happy tune!
Zorak Zorak: Hmmmm, go figure.
Alright alright! Get a move on! Get back over to BRAK!!!!
Zorak drinking coffee
That's disgusting! Zorak spit copier toner all over the place! Ewwww! Look! Another page! Get the boss man on the horn! Why does BRAK!!!!! get ANOTHER page? Everybody loves Brak!
Got a problem? I'm listening. Go visit ME at Zorak's Helpful Hints.
Why does he have his own homepage?
Zorak: Why? Because we loathe you....
Got MORE problems? I'm STILL listening.
Another page of joy? Zorak?.

How do you do it?
Season's Greetings Brak

....SEASONS GREETINGS!....

Are you in the mood for the
Twelve Days of Christmas?
Or would you prefer some
New Years Resolutions!

 Brak's New Years Resolutions
Here are the names of some people, that wrote me letters!
Do you have a question for Zorak?
Then send all your inquiries HERE!
If you've got comments on the page itself drop a line
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Citizens have crashed here since March 7, 1998.

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