kangr@oxy.edu (Robert Ja Kang)
Here's an interesting little story...
Standard disclaimers: Not intended to infringe on either Rumiko
Takahashi or Katsura Matsura. A work of fiction, for fun. Please
don't infringe on my work, though feel free to distribute it (though
I can imagine your mom reading the story...)
NOTE: VideoGirl video cassettes are real. People really do rent
cassettes which contain one-sided discussions. Please keep this
in mind.
A little caveat: Anticipate everything. Re-read sections that made
you think, "wait, did he REALLY PUT THAT IN?!?! You'll have more
fun.
______________________________________________
The pitch of night. A house coming into focus. The
slamming of a door. A click of a lock. A nervous boy slipping
a tape from a plain, brown, paper, bag while looking around
nervously.
Ranma is making sure he's covered.
He slips in the tape, then prepares himself by sitting
lotus-position on his futon. Inhale. Exhale. Strong fingers
capable of punching holes through wooden boards now fumble
nervously with a VCR remote. Ranma presses the "play" button
and VOILA! She's there! The Video Girl!
"Hi, I'm Amano Ai, Video Girl," says the image on the
screen. "Pleased to meet you."
Light brown hair which, when she turns this way or that,
reveals hints of gunmetal grey; very appealing in its own way.
Almond eyes, wide, soft, and empathic, framed in a heart
shaped face to die for. What a girl! And that voice...Ranma
didn't know what it was, but there was simply SOMETHING
about that voice!
At the *very least* it was most comforting.
And right now, Ranma felt the need for some serious
comforting. Even if it came from a pixelated picture on a video
screen.
And almost by coincidence: "She doesn't understand
you?
Darn right she doesn't, thought Ranma. Images of a
different short haired girl came to his mind, equally cute to
the girl on the screen, though THIS girl had dark black hair
and somewhat larger eyes. But an image of that same face,
with smoldering eyes and thinly compressed lips
superimposed itself on the more pleasing image, which rather
ruined the effect for Ranma.
"Damn tomboy," muttered Ranma. "Don't understand
anything about guys. Don't you know, we're different from girls?
That we have NEEDS that are different? "
Well speaking about needs, right now, Ranma
needed a bit more of that wonderful, amazing, voice!!!
Ranma wondered why he liked it so much. Maybe because
in some weird sense it seemed so familiar...the voice of his
On second thought, the concept opened up certain
avenues that were, in retrospect, rather disturbing. Ranma
might not have been aware of Oedipus Rex, but the whole
idea of liking that voice because it reminded him of his mom
was just a bit too complex. Ranma decided he liked the voice
because it was so comforting. It was, after all, the more safe
route.
Heck, it was probably true, for that matter. The
voice...it was more then simply comforting! Waves of
empathy, so tangible, so REAL he could almost feel it
enveloped Ranma like a glove. The closest equivelent of
that feeling was when Ranma focused his ki for certain
difficult martial arts techniques: the feeling of almost LIVING
LIVING ambient energy. But the ki effect was a natural physical
outcome of certain demanding mediations. The effect from
this video girl shouldn't be this powerful, this affecting. After
all, she wasn't anything but an image on a television, for
cripes sake! Was it NORMAL for him to get such a physical
reaction from a VCR tape? Was it right? Ranma considered
these deep philosophical points for a second longer, then did
what any normal male in his position would.
He firmly told the rational part of his mind to shut the
hell up.
Heck, he had NEEDS, and if this VideoGirl Amano
Ai could provide for them, so be it. At this point, Ranma wasn't
too picky about his situation. And when the girl on the screen
said, "Well, I'll be with you from now on," Ranma was forced to
close his eyes; the unearthly sympathy affecting him with the
force of a physical blow. Hesitantly, tremblingly, Ranma began
to lay down, fingers fumbling at the base of his pants, his eyes
still closed. As his body began reclining, Ranma felt something
smooshed against his body -the television controller against
the small of his back. While the idea of anything long and hard
rubbing against his body was something that would normally
command his attention, Ranma didn't care at this point.; his body
demanded release. As he flopped against his futon, Ranma
heard the "click" of the television as he inadvertently hit the power
switch. But that was okay. He still had the VideoGirl's image
etched in his mind's eye, so the fact that his physical eyes were
closed, and the television was off didn't bother him. It was instead
a different part of his anatomy that demanded attention.
The television had accidentally turned off? Didn't matter.
Didn't care. Didn't need the television mage no more. After all,
Ranma had the bachelor's best friend at hand. So to speak.
A shriek of pure pain snapped Ranma back into the
world of reality. Leaping up in the air and landing in a combat
crouch, Ranma's now open eyes scanned the room whose only
difference from three seconds ago was the girl lying
comatose in front of his futon.
The girl?
The girl.
The girl from the video.
More beautiful in person then in the confines of the
television screen, far more shapely then her image, which
was largely confined to her Head and Shoulders
(An image of Shampoo flashed before Ranma's eyes,
much to his confusion)
revealed. Now Ranma knew he wasn't exactly the
quickest person on the mental uptake (though he would have
killed before revealing it), but having a gorgeous woman pop
magically out of a screen was a *GOOD* thing, wasn't it?
Wasn't it? Heck, was she even real? Was she real?
Hesitantly, with a delicacy unaccustomed to him, Ranma gently
extended a finger and prodded the VideoGirl's nose. It felt soft
and satisfying.
Idly Ranma wondered what other parts of her anatomy
would feel soft and satisfying.
Ranma considered his options.
1) There was a beautiful girl in his room.
2) That girl did not come by normal means. That meant
she was magic.
3) The only beautiful, magic, girls Ranma was aware of were
genies who granted wishes.
4) One of Ranma's secret wishes was for a sweet,
submissive, girl like the one in the video.
5) That beautiful, magic girl did not have any male kinfolk
of which Ranma was aware of.
(VERY IMPORTANT, #5 was.)
Ranma catalogued what else he knew about magical girls.
Zip.
This all rather reminded Ranma of an anime he had seen
some time ago...in which a nerd received the blandishments of
some Norse Goddess. But that had been through a telephone,
not a tv, right? Whatever. While that particular OAV had been a
real Belldandy of an anime, to Ranma all Japanese animation films
were ultimately the same...characters with impossibly huge eyes
and sappy love triangles. Nothing relevent to HIS life.
(Though he had to admit, that "Maison Ikkoku" series WAS
pretty good. What was the creator's name again? Takahashi?
Odd...simply mentioning the name gave Ranma the willies.)
Still...onto the important stuff. And anime certainly
couldn't be important in any rational person's estimation. By
contrast, what he had at hand certainly WAS: A copy (?) of
VideoGirl Ai. Or was she an original?
Copy or original, there was still a beautiful, unconscious,
magic girl, in Ranma's room. A girl who had just demonstrated
she was vulnerable, willing, and pliable. Where did that leave him?
"Aw boy, this is the shits," said Ranma, grinning.
*************************
VIDEO GIRL RANMA?
"You dumb schmoe, so you accidently turned off the
television. No wonder I'm hurtng so bad." Ai rubbed her arm
hesitently, making sure everything was in working order. Her
delicately girlish arm, though somewhat sore, had not suffered
any real damage. Neither (thank goodness) had the rest of her
being. Though for some reason Ai could not quite fathom, she
felt somewhat less like a girl then before. Something felt...
missing...diminished. Well, she would eventually find out what
it was that was making her feel that way. Heck, the answer
was probably right underneath her nose.
Ranma grunted. To his ears, Ai's voice, not nearly as
comforting as it was previously (To Ranma) held a hint of
accusation.
"Say," asked Ai. "Can you get me some water?"
Ranma silently handed her a glass of water.
"Hello?" Ai waved a hand across his face. "Anyone
out there? Why aren't you saying anything?"
"Shock."
"That's not much of an answer. Accurate, though."
Ranma took a couple steps away from her and with
silent eyes, began studying her.
"Hey, you have any green tea?"
"The teapot's in the cabinet above you. Tea's next to it."
"Well," said Ai brightly as she bustled about, preparing
her tea. "You're just a fountain of words, aren't you?" Ranma
silently absorbed that statement then decided he was being
insulted. He began to steam up more then the bubbling kettle.
The two were in the kitchen, getting snacks and
Ranma wasn't exactly in the best of moods. In his room,
he had waited patiently for a whole five minutes for the VideoGirl
to awaken. Images of activities currently illegal under Japanese
law flitted through Ranma's mind. To say he was pumped and
ready would be to say he was ready to pump. Considering
Ranma's rather macho upbringing and current endocrine gland
output, his confusion might be understood when he stood by as
the unconscious girl, just before waking up, underwent a certain
unusual physical transformation. Where her bosom had been quite
impressive before they, in front of Ranma, they began to SHRINK!!!
Now Ai-chan's breasts were quite modest...perky really. And
while the girl was still marvelously cute, it was now in a tomboyish
way, as opposed to her earlier, more voluptuous, beauty. And
while Ranma normally thought there was something absolutely
irresistable about girls who kinda looked like boys, he was not
exactly in the mood for a tomboy right now.
(Images of Akane flashed in his head. Akane and
something...fat and...meaty...in her hands.) Involuntarily,
Ranma shuddered.
All things considered, Ranma was in a decidedly
depressed state of mind. And coming down from such a
previously amazing high, that major a drop was simply not
healthy. And with that particular letdown, Ranma was hit
with the double whammy of the girl copping an attitude on
him. She wasn't soft and submissive...she was brassy and
assertive. She was willful. She was...
She was another TOMBOY, for crying out loud!!!
(And she had whapped him good when he tried to
change her into one of Akane's spare bathrobes...for her
own comfort, of course. He was doing her a favor, really.
And yet she had whapped him! The memory alone was
enough to reheat Ranma to a state of powerful frustration.)
"I DO NOT NEED THIS!!! WHY DO I GET ALL
THE TOMBOYS?!?!? I AM SO TIRE-URK!!!!"
Ranma turned around, hand rubbing furiously
against the growing bruise on his head. In one hand,
Ai was sipping her hot green tea with dainty movements
(?!?!). In her other hand, she was carrying a dented spatula.
(Ranma got the weirdest feelings of dei ja vu).
"You okay now," asked Ai, still sipping. "You were
going rather ballistic there.
"You HIT ME?!?!? AGAIN?!?!?!??!"
Imagine if you will, that most famous television political
advertisement from American history where a peaceful scene is
suddenly ripped asunder by a mushroom cloud of radioactive
material. Then imagine a young boy who has been frustrated
by a girl in the morning. Then frustrated by a VideoGirl in the
evening. Then frustrated THRICE by a girl. All within 24 hours.
If you know anything about the ways of sexually
frustrated sixteen year old boys, you know a 100-megaton
yield doesn't even come close.
"You...you @$*%(!!!!! What is with you? Do you always
hit guys?! You said on the tape you were here to comfort me...
well if hitting me is the way you comfort, I'd hate to see what
happens if you ever want to hit ON me...you are so bad...you
%&^$*@...how could I ever have liked your voice...eat at Joe's...
who does your hair, it looks like a helmet...you weren't worth that
150 yen rental fee...you $^%@^&..."
Ai continued sipping her tea, but also continued to
listened avidly. What was this, after all, but a unique
opportunity to improve her vocabulary?
"...you $*&$*@...and what's more, you're a tomboy
too, with those tiny little breasts!!! Heck, you really remind
me of a boy!!!" Ranma finished his expository, proud of having
done the male race a justice.
What was that saying? "Hell hath no fury like..."
The words simply don't do the aphorism justice.
While most of Ranma's mouthings were only of nominal
interest to Ai, his last comment made her gasp. That feeling of
loss...of feeling LESS LIKE A FEMALE...Eyes wide, Ai-chan
put down the stuff in her hands and clamped them to her chest.
Ai-chan's delicate fingers probed her rather reduced bosom,
exploring the extent of the loss. The loss was considerable...
about as considerable as her bosom had once been. Ai began
to get angry.
Video Shop Gokurakuu's VideoGirls are fabulous
constructions, with hearts of gold and the power to soothe
tortured souls, both male and female. But make one mad
and you're asking to play with thermonuclear fire. And of her
entire body, Ai had liked her breasts the most. With her left
hand, Ai grabbed the neck opening of her costume, pulled, and
looked down. IT WAS TRUE!!! The evidence was there:
her breasts weren't.
"You took my breasts!!!" she shouted at the top of her
girlish lungs, voice raw with anger, yet somehow quite feminine
nonetheless.
Ranma, who had bested anyone and everyone who had
ever challenged him, found himself flung back by the power of
Ai's glare. She didn't touch him, but he felt himself knocked back
anyways. Idly he wondered if she could teach him that move, but
he had no further chance to think, or protect himself for that matter,
when a deluge of kitchen utensils suddenly began raining down on
him. Amazingly enough, Ranma knew how disappointed Kasumi
would be if he dented any of her utensils, so he didn't try to pulverize
them with some superpunch. Instead, he used his energy to
redirect the utensils away from him while causing the least damage.
Amazing what one thinks of while under attack by angry
kitchenware, eh? Ranma WOULD have wondered how Ai had
thrown a white porcelein kitchen sink at him (when to the best
of his knowledge, the Tendo's didn't HAVE such a sink), but then
again he was a bit too busy to think of such things
But WE still can, can't we? For that matter, we may
wonder just how it is physically possible for the amount of
acumulating material on Ranma's side to mass more then
the entire contents of the Tendo's kitchen. Images of pocket
universes or an animator's overexuberance come to mind.
It almost settled down to a rhythm. Ai was impossibly
fast in throwing X numbers of kitchen utensils, and Ranma was
impossibly fast in deflecting. All in all, it became a rather
comforting, pleasantly mindless, physical ritual when Ranma
saw the mug containing the remnants of Ai's hot tea -now
quite cold- arrowing in with digital accuracy.
"Oh shit," he managed to say. before getting whapped
again.
The rain of utensils stopped. Ai squinted.
"Hey," said Ai, surprised. "You're a girl."
Now admittedly, Ai-chan was rather surprised at this
turn of events. But her mind, able to process more
information then a fractal-image videotape, was not about to
let the situation go without comment. Suddenly she smiled
devilishly and added, "that must mean you're not only a
wimpy girlyman, but a **girl at heart too**."
Unknowingly, Ai had just pressed one of Ranma-chan's
buttons...perhaps the hottest button of all. It was an attack on
his male dignity...an absolute affront! With a high-pitched cry,
Ranma-chan launched a devastatingly powerful
crescent kick that promised annihilation to anything silly enough
to be in its way.
"You take that back," she shouted at the top of her
girlish lungs, voice raw with anger, yet somehow quite feminine
nonetheless.
Ai-chan backpedaled with all the speed of a VCR
on fast-rewind, consequentally robbing Ranma-chan's attack of
much of its power. Cloth ripped instead of flesh where Ranma-
chan's foot connected with Ai's costume. Still, while Ai-chan
avoided the kick itself, the small sonic boom created by the air
rushing to fill the space carved through it by Ranma-chan's foot,
caused Ai-chan to reel back uncontrollably and fall on her cute
duff.
"Say," sputtered Ai-Chan. "You sound just like me!"
Ranma-chan, about to throw a punch, suddenly stopped.
She looked at the VideoGirl closely and then remarked, with
some surprise, "you're right."
Then she noticed the rent in Ai-chan's leggings, created
by the force of his attack. Ranma had noticed her legs before...
long and slender, they seemed to go on forever. Now, the
shredded material revealed the healthy color of those legs...
flushed to the point of glowing with exertion, and slicked shiny
with sweat...Ranma-chan's eyes grew. A hint of frilly white panties
showed itself and Ranma-chan FREAKED.
A trickle of blood came down her nose.
Ai, who had seen that look (and reaction) before, prepared
herself for what promised to be a unique experience and wondered
if this would constitute a "love triangle built for two."
"You're having perverted thoughts, aren't you," she
remarked.
**********************
End, chapter 1
(
geocities.com/tokyo)