Playing For You

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Ian Ware and Reggie Higgins belong to MGM Studios. The song "Playing for You" was recorded by Ronnie Milsap and is on the "True Believer" album, written by Anderson/Stegall, and released on Libery/EMI.

It was just a small club in Los Angeles. He shouldn't be this nervous. He'd travelled all around the States and Canada. He'd even been to Europe, playing in places ten times the size of this.

But the club that held three hundred was full to capacity - probably past that - and they were all there to see him.

In the old days, he'd loved that.

Now he was just terrified.

Sitting alone in the dressing room, he fought a war with himself.

You wanted to do this he told himself sternly. You need to do this

That don't make it any easier

Way back in the old days, back when performing had been easy and writing easier, he never got stage fright. Just the opposite. He couldn't wait to get out there, show them his stuff, prove just how good Ian Ware was. The critics had raved about him, about his promise.

Things were going fine until he started believing them.

Living the rock and roll lifestyle.

Fast cars.

Fast women.

Fast living.

If he was honest with himself, there was always a part of him that was uncomfortable with what he was doing. It was the old Ian, the Cockney kid who'd come from London to New York to study at the School of the Arts. When he thought back to the people he'd known there, and thought about how they must be seeing him, he felt terrible. So terrible that drink and drugs were the only thing that blotted out what he'd become. But the more he tried to block it out, the worse it got - a vicious circle they called it in rehab.

The only trouble was there was one thing that even the booze and drugs couldn't block out.

One person.

"You ok Ian?" a soft female voice asked, startling him out of his reverie.

"I'm fine Jess"

"Sure?" Ian was grateful for her concern. Jess was the drummer in his band, and a good friend...a very good friend.

"Sure I'm sure. Have I ever lied to you?"

Jess arched an eyebrow. "Oh no, you've never lied to me. Cheated on me. Stood me up. Messed me around while you were out of your mind...but you've never lied." Her words were cruel, but her tone was joking.

"You wound me Jessica" Ian joked.

"You told me you were fine then too. All the time. Right up until..." Jessica couldn't go on. Even after all this time, it was still too painful to talk about.

"You said it Jess. I was out of my mind."

"And now?"

"And now, I'm still out of my mind. But I'm clean. And I'm gonna stay that way. It was too hard getting off it once. I'm not doing it again."

"Is that why you were drinking last night?"

"Booze I can handle Jess, you know that. The other stuff....it's gone. Never again."

"I hope you mean it Ian. Because I have to tell you, I can't go through all that again."

"Me either" Ian tried it as a joke, but he could tell Jess didn't find it funny. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"You were there through everything. When I was stoned, when I was in the hospital, when I was in rehab...you had every reason to walk out, but you stayed. Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not to me."

Jess smiled sadly. "Because I love you, you dummy. No matter how messed up you were, or what you were doing or saying or thinking, I loved you. I loved the you you were when I joined this band. I loved the you that I knew was in there screaming to be let out. And no," she told him, seeing his surprised look. "I'm not going to jump on you, or propose to you, or suggest that we take up where we left off. I know you won't do that. And I know why."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Ian lied.

Jess shook her head. "Ian...you said you never lied to me. But you did. Every time we were together. Because no matter how much you deny it, no matter how much I didn't want to believe it, you weren't in love with me. You weren't making love to me. It was always her." There was no bitterness in Jess' voice. "You can't deny it can you?"

"No." The voice was barely audible.

"I accepted that a long time ago Ian. I'm grateful for what we had, and for what we have. And I do still love you. But it's not like that any more. Am I making sense here?"

"A lot of sense."

"Good." Jess leaned over and kissed his forehead. "You've got five minutes before you have to be onstage. These people paid money to see us. You're not going to disappoint them."

"Yes Ma'am!" Ian tossed off a jaunty salute as Jess left. Her words echoed in his head. No matter how much you deny it, no matter how much I didn't want to believe it, you weren't in love with me. You weren't making love to me. It was always her.

Her.

The one person Ian couldn't get out of his head.

Reggie Higgins.

His old girlfriend from the School of the Arts. The woman he truly believed was the love of his life. He hadn't seen her since the reunion, just after he'd finished his first album. He was about to go on tour, and they'd decided that it was better to call it off. Long distance relationships never work he remembered saying. Now he wished they'd given it a try. She had left New York herself then, he remembered her saying, she was joining a travelling acting show, going to travel all over the country. He wondered how she was, if she was happy.

She should be. Danny had said in his last letter that he'd heard she'd gotten engaged.

That news still hurt Ian. Oh, he'd had other women, not just Jess. But she was still his Reggie. She'd always be his Reggie. His best friend, his champion, who believed in him when no-one else did. He missed her.

A banging on the door announced it was showtime.

The show was going well, when halfway through, the rest of the band went offstage, leaving Ian alone on stage with his piano.

"You all know this is one of the first gigs I've played in a real long time right?" he announced to the crowd, and was greeted by whoops and whistles. "Well, this gig is goin' out live on the radio, so I 'ope you're all be'avin' yourselves!" His accent was more pronounced and deliberately so. As expected the crowd cheered.

"Well," Ian continued. "We're gonna slow it down a little. This is one of the first songs I've written in a while....I had a slight case of writer's block.....and it's special to me. I hope you enjoy it."

The crowd hushed as Ian began to play, mentally thanking Shorofsky for all those hours of practice and training.

There were a few whistles as the crowd broke into applause during his piano solo.

Ian smiled as the crowd applauded. Thanks Reggie. I hope you're happy....

Somewhere in a New York suburb, a young woman switched off her radio, wiped away a tear and smiled. Thanks Ian.....