Type : Humor, Song Filks
Rating : G

Summary : After the rousing success of 'The Infinite Paths', the kids have decided to form a band. Radar's on drums, Saavik's on keyboards, Wes is on lead guitar, Will is bass guitar, while Penny and Peter sing lead. We can only pray to God that PK did NOT inherit his father's voice.

( Slowly but surely, the band takes the stage. We see Radar seat himself by the drums, which have 'The Infinite Paths' emblazoned on them; Each band-member's family is out there, in the audience )

Hawkeye Pierce : Duncan, why are we here?

Duncan Macleod : We are his mentors, Hawkeye. We must needs endure this for Walter.

Hawkeye : Yeah, but Henry Blake isn't here.

Duncan : Henry's dead.

Hawkeye : So he gets off on a technicality?

( As Will and Penny emerge, their parents talk with reporters )

John Robinson : Yes, each night we pray for the success of the tour.

Maureen Robinson : And that they both don't go to hell for their relationship.

( Beverly and Deanna are at the concession stand )

Deanna : This is hardly fair. Neither your husband Jack nor Captain Picard have to sit through this.

Beverly : Deanna--they're both dead.

Deanna : So they get off on a technicality?

( Kirk and Uhura watch from the balcony seats )

Uhura : Jim--dear. Now, remember--if you go near that microphone, just call me Lorena Bobbitt!

Kirk : S'okay, honeybunch---remember, I heard your album, too.

Uhura : That's cruel.

( The band warms up )

Radar : How long are the drum solos gonna be?

( Peter looks, and shakes his head )

PK : 0 minutes, 0 seconds

Radar : Geez, guy's got an ego size of Ghidorah!

( Penny sees metallic arms )

Penny R : YES, Robot, I see you. Man!

Will : You can't blame him. Show Biz News was the only Earth Broadcast we could ever pick up. Should we kiss onstage?

Penny : Better not. They firebombed us last time we did.

( Wes fires up his amp )

Voice from Audience : If you hook it directly to the fuse-box, you'll get some real power from that thing, Crusher!

Wes : Yeah, thanks! But I think I'll let that suggestion go, Locarno!

( Saavik turns to Peter )

Saavik : Husband, while we are on tour, who will fight King Ghidorah?

Peter : Not to worry, Saavikkam. I found--six substitutes.

( ANOTHER DIMENSION )

TOMMY : Ok, Rangers! Lets go!

JASON : OH, MAN! Ghidorah's destroyed the Megazord, The Ultrazord, The Dragonzord, The Superzord....

TRINI : Billy, what does Zordon say we should do?

BILLY : Zordon has advised us to bend over and kiss something--but its physically inadvisable to try.

KIMBERLY : Sez You. Like, last week, I...

( Back at the concert )

( Peter takes lead on first song; Penny backs up )

WE DIDN'T START THE AU'S

( To The tune of Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start The Fire' )

Peter : ( Sings ) Starting Over, First Contact, Q-Squared, Parallels, Yesterday's Enterprise, Ancient Destroyer

Kirk is annoyed with me now, Wrath Of Khan had Spock go, Wes is at a Con Show, See a perfect place

Q-Pid and Nicked, Kitty Pryde has been tricked, Never-Ending-Battle, Nazi M*A*R*P*, J*L*A, Novels and 4*0*7*7*

We didn't start The AU's; They were always there since old George Bailey got scared; We didn't start the AU's; We didn't start em' ; But we're trying to chart em''

Will and Penny having fun; Highlander Movie 1, Dark Henry Blake is not who won, Saavik as Valeris; The Mirror U will scare us

Penny in the Movie Reel; Sunshine was without appeal; Its A Good Life In The Twilight Zone;

Japanimeopolis'; Sailor Scouts were undressed; Khan Raised a big fuss; Horsemen Are Heroes; Babylon 5, The Anti-Monitor did not survive; Lots of Veridian Threes; T*R*E*K goes AD-way--what else do I have to say?

We didn't start the AU's; They've been the norm since Old Scrooge Reformed; We didn't start the AU's; We see all these nations and their permutations

Land Of The Lost 70's ; Kevin's Enterprise Awakens; Flowers In The Attic; Godzilla fights himself; MUSH is a lousy toon; Star Wars ends too soon, K/S gets new meaning; Radar's a Colonel;

Robinsons upset again; Blake Pierce tantrums; War nearly breaks out tween the Pierces and The Kirks; We all calm down; Decide to linger in town; The whole thing starts again--its all quite beyond my ken!

We didn't start the AU's; They've been clear and clearer since we saw Mirror, Mirror; We didn't start the AU's; But in another clime they're called Hypertime

We didn't start the AU's; They've been gaining plaintiffs since the very first What If?; We didn't start the AU's--but we did have fun at the Beatles' Reunion-----