"You know it was different times back then. People were dying of wounds and many of them were younger than you are," Hawk said at an interview 30 years after the war ended.

"How come you stopped operating?" the interviewer said nervously.

"None of your business," Hawk ran out of the stage. When he got to the dressing room he found his manager. "Why did that reporter ask me that question? I thought you got them to not ask."

"Well everyone wants to know. That reporter didn't guarantee that he'd not ask."

"Well then you're not a good manager. You're fired."

"Hawk why not go see BJ or any of the other people you knew from the unit?"

"I haven't talked to them since we said good-bye. Alright you won't be fired just get out of here."

His agent left. Hawk left. He wasn't in the mood for more reporters with the same question so he sneaked out the other side. He went home. It always seemed the same place he left when he went to Korea but every time he saw it it felt like it wasn't the same.

He walked into the house like it was the first time again. He always treated the home like it was the first time he walked in. It was a stranger in a strange place. "Dad I'm home."

"Hawk you got three letters from BJ again. When are you going to answer him?"

"Dad stop hassling me. I'll do it when I'm good and ready."

"Okay son but I think you should do it soon. Here." Daniel hands him the letter.

Even though Hawk doesn't answer the letters he always reads it. What he doesn't know is that Daniel mails letters explaining all this to his friend Beej.

The first letter:

Dear Hawkeye,

My family is doing great. Erin finished her residency today and she is planning on being a surgeon just like her dear old dad. The whole family is proud of her. Our new son Hawkeye was born two months ago. He's doing great. I was glad to see we named him after you after long discussions. He has my eyes and Peg's nose.

Hawk please write back. I want to know you're well.

Your friend

BEEJ.

Second letter.

Dear Hawkeye,

Great news. Erin has become the chief surgeon in Hunnington Hospital. The whole family is celebrating at the best restaurant in town. Hawkeye just said his first word.

Hawkeye please mail me. I want to know how things are going. I know you stopped operating. Why?

Your good friend

BEEJ

Dear Hawkeye

Now I am pleading. Hawkeye is dying if he doesn't have a transplant soon he'll die. You're the best heart surgeon I've ever seen. Please come to California and do the operation. I know you know the procedure. I also know that you've been only helping patients not operating but I need your help. Please Hawkeye.

Please from a pleading friend

BEEJ.

Hawkeye jumped up. Surprised by what Beej just said. "Dad. Come I got to talk to you," Hawk said.

"What is it son?"

"I got to go to California will you come with me?"

"Yes of course son but why?"

"Read this, while I go pack," Hawk handed him the letter.

5 minutes later in Hawk's room. Daniel walked in. "Hawk are you going to operate on Hawkeye?"

"No you are," Hawk said.

"What Hawk? No way. You're the surgeon in this family. I haven't done surgery since Med. School. Hawk you got to operate."

"I'm not. I can't."

"Ben I know how you feel. You got to do it though."

"You haven't called me that since Mom died. And no one knows how I feel."

Daniel left. He knew Hawk wouldn't tell him. Hawk hasn't talked about what happened to anybody since he came home two weeks after the war ended and Hawk seemed to be defensive about the reason. That's why when BEEJ wrote Hawk Daniel was so hoping that Hawk would answer back from what he read of Hawk's letters they were so close good friends in the war. It just disappointed Daniel to see that Hawk hasn't written Beej. Maybe now there will be some talking about the reason.

The next day. On the airplane.

Hawk wasn't really talking to Daniel. Actually he was doing nothing at all. Daniel just nodded it off as being tired. Hawk didn't sleep last night at all.

When the stewardess came to offer drinks. "I'd like 2 martinis please."

"Hawk I don't drink martinis."

"I know."

Daniel left it alone. Hawk hasn't been drinking that much since he got back. He probably could use a belt. And what can Daniel do, forbid him to drink? That'll be cruel. Besides they weren't getting to California till tomorrow so it left plenty of time to sober up.

In California at Beej's house.

"Peg. I just got a telegram from Daniel. They're coming to California."

"Great but why?"

"I have to tell you something Peg."

"What?"

In the airport.

"Let's get our luggage. Then we can pick up a cab and take it to BJ's house," Daniel said hoping.

"Yeah I could use a smiling face," Hawk said going to the baggage claim.

When they got to Beej's house it was just like BJ described it in Korea.

Hawk knocked nervously at the door. He misses his old friend but hasn't seen him since Korea and really hasn't wanted to see him since.

BJ opened the door and tried to look surprised. Hawk noticed but didn't say anything.

"So where's Hawkeye? I mean at which hospital?" Hawk asked as politely as possible.

"Am Hawk. I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

Peg walked in with Hawkeye. "That better be a new baby or someone you're sitting with," were Hawk's words exactly.

"No it's Hawkeye that's what I'm trying to tell you. Hawk already went through the operation the day he was born."

"You son of a...." Hawk stormed out of the place.

Daniel started running after him but BJ stopped him. "I'll go talk to him. Stay here," BJ said.

While outside. "Hawkeye Hawk. I'm sorry. But that was the only way to get you here."

"Who operated?"

"Hawk."

"Who operated?" Hawk asked in a louder voice.

"Charles."

"Charles?" Hawk yelled.

"Yes Charles. He was in California at the time. I had no time to tell you."

"But Charles?" Hawk said quieter.

"He's a good surgeon. And we needed him. Besides you stopped operating. Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Hawk sooner or later you're going to have to talk about it. I heard you're still in private practice though."

"Yeah. I help with all sorts of patients and usually refer those who need surgery."

"Why don't you see Margaret? You know she lives close to me."

"I haven't seen her since we said good-bye. What if she doesn't recognize me?"

"She never forgets a face."

"Alright where does she live?"

A few hours later at Margaret's house

Hawk knocked at the door worrying that she might be married, with someone or who knows.

"Who is it?"

'Ah that familiar voice I missed so much. Calm down be ready,' was all Hawkeye could think. "It's a friend of Margaret's." 'Don't want it to be someone else that I don't know.'

Margaret started opening the door. 'No it couldn't be Hawkeye. He hasn't talked to anyone since the war. Not even Beej.' "Hi Hawkeye," Margaret said as she opened the door, surprised as heck.

"Hi Margaret. Is that really you?"

"Yes it's me. Come on in."

The next morning Hawk woke up in Margaret's bed. He slowly got up and left. 'That's the second time I let myself do that.'

He went back to BJ's house where he found BJ fast asleep on the couch waiting for him.

Hawk puts a blanket on him as soft as possible. He woke up. "What took you so long?"

"Just liked talking to Margaret. Is that a crime?"

"Till 6 am the next morning."

"Well I like talking to her."

"Okay Hawk. Goodnight. I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight BJ."

At BJ's room he picked up the phone and called Margaret. "Margaret did Hawk talk to you about why he stopped operating?"

"No, we didn't talk at all."

"What happened then?"

"Don't ask."

"Okay Margaret." Hawkeye the baby started to cry. "I'll see you later."

They hung up. When BJ went to the baby's room Hawk was there with him rocking him to sleep. Actually it was more like both were rocking each other to sleep. By the time Hawk fell asleep BJ put little Hawkeye into the crib. BJ went to bed.

5 hours later

BJ went back to Hawkeye jr.'s room. Hawk wasn't there. BJ started looking in every room in the house. Then he heard the sizzling of the plates. BJ went to the kitchen to find Hawk making spaghetti. "Hawk what are you doing?"

"Preparing dinner."

"Hawk we don't have dinner till 8 and my wife doesn't cook spaghetti till 5. It's one o'clock. Besides you're making a mess. Come on Hawk let's go," BJ said while touching him.

"NO," Hawk screamed and shook BJ off. BJ was shocked. BJ left Hawk in the kitchen didn't know what to do.

BJ went back to his room and picked up the phone. "Sidney I need you to come to California to talk to Hawk."

"What's wrong now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone is complaining about Hawkeye."

"Really. Come over I think he really went over the edge. What do you think it might be?"

"Probably post traumatic stress syndrome. It surprised me that the whole camp didn't come up with it."

"When can you come?"

"I'll be there tomorrow."

"Great see you then."

The next day. Hawk answered the door when Sidney knocked. "Oh I can see you found me."

"Listen Hawk BJ isn't the only one who has been trying to get me to help you. There's something going on that you haven't told anyone and I want to know."

"I don't want to talk about it. Why can't everyone just leave me alone?"

"Hawk let's go to the guest room."

"Okay I guess."

They go to his room.

"What's going on Hawkeye?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Hawk if you don't talk I'll have to commit you to the insane asylum until I think you can get out. Now talk."

"Alright. I'll probably be committed anyway but here goes. On the way home the chopper fell somewhere around the Sea of Japan. We landed on a deserted part. I saw Henry Blake there and twenty others all alive. I was so happy to see him."

"Where is he now?"

"Two days passed without a sign of being able to go home. Henry Blake and the other twenty were shot by enemy soldiers also in the area. I operated on them all. None made it past the operating table including our beloved Henry Blake. I stopped operating since."

"Oh my. Hawkeye I think you should tell the world this story."

"No way. Why should I?"

"Because it might be better to get it off your chest to the country. You've been hiding this pain for too long and too hard. Besides the fact that it would help the people know what really happened in that war."

"I can't."

"You have to. I think this is the best way besides committing you. I don't want to do that. Hawk if you don't I will commit you."

5 days later.

"Henry and many others died that day. Even though the war ended the battles still went on," Hawk finished his story to the interviewer.

"Well there goes it. One man's pain and suffering from a war that killed many."