A HIGHER LOVE

by CARLA MCRORIE



Late one summer afternoon, Jamie and Mouse were returning from one of their scavenging forays. This one had been particularly rewarding as Mouse had found several necessary items for his newest invention. They walked a little slower than normal savoring the summer day with its warmth. Though the days were growing long and sultry, the spring park of March had a rival for its beauty on this summer day. The beauty and splendor of Mother Earth surrounded them and the hushed and quiet days of summer would bring renewal to the park. The whole day had seemed to be very special and both were looking forward to an evening with friends and being together.

They were using the exit at the north end of the park because it was less visible to anyone passing by. As they neared, Jamie heard footsteps on the soft ground behind them. The faster they walked, the more rushed the following footsteps became.

Jamie signaled Mouse to be silent. He was until he heard the footsteps following them. "Run fast...safe," Mouse said in a low voice.

"No!" Jamie answered with a defiant set of her chin. "I don't run from anyone." With that, she turned to face whoever was following them.

Her turning on them so quickly, at first, almost made the three punks turn away. But after a few, short looks at Mouse, their courage returned. As they approached, they started moving away from each other until they were coming from three sides instead of just one.

Mouse knew they were close enough to the entrance to reach it safely so he reached for Jamie's hand and started to run. He was so frightened he didn't realize Jamie had yanked her hand away just as he began to run. When he arrived in the safety of the tunnel entrance, he heard the taunts and threats aimed at Jamie.

"Seems your man has a lot of rabbit in him," the closest one to Mouse called scornfully.

"Leave us alone!" Jamie demanded. "We've done nothing to you. Beat it!"

"Maybe we want to party, sweetness," the taller punk smirked as he reached to touch her cheek.

She turned on him with full fury. When her hand connected with his face, Jamie could hear the crack. "Do that again and I will break your arm," she warned.

The slap did nothing but enrage him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her close. "I was gonna save you for myself, but now I think we'll all party," he snarled as he pulled her closer.

That was a mistake. As soon as Jamie was assured she was close enough, she brought her knee up with great force. "I don't party with scum," she spit as the punk went to his knees in pain.

The other two were more cautious after watching what had just happened to their friend. While one kept her attention by parlaying at her from the right, the other circled to the left and grabbed the sleeve of her shirt. This pulled her off balance. When she was close enough, the thug backhanded her then hit her full force in the mouth with his fist. Before she could fall to the ground, he pushed her into the arms of his partner. He, in turn, jerked her around to face him then backhanded her again. This time, she did fall.

Jamie stayed on the walkway for a long moment trying to focus her eyes and stop the earth from pitching in front of her. She knew if she stayed down long, she would have no chance of escape. With one futile look to see if she could see Mouse coming to her aid, she jumped up to try to defend herself once more. She took a wide swing and succeeded in punching one of her attackers in the stomach. The force of that swing sent her back to the ground.

The struggle had given Jamie's first victim time enough to struggle to his feet. Although swaying and unsteady, his anger gave him the strength to get to Jamie where she sat on the walkway once more. "Think you're bad?" he asked as he yanked her head back with a handful of hair. "When the others get here, we'll show you bad--unless you want to party now?" He accented his threat by jerking her hair. He wanted to show her he was in charge.

"Aw man," mumbled the attacker Jamie had punched. "Why wait?" His face was now looming in front of her. "Let's do it now and leave seconds for the others," he said as he started pulling at the buttons on her blouse.

All Jamie would remember about what happened next was her hope that Mouse wouldn't see what was going to happen and how silly it was for her to think that. She looked into faces that only expressed pure hatred for her. Even though she knew she would lose, she wasn't going to give up until she was dead. Jamie ran her hand up the nearest leg as if to caress it then hit the knee with the rock concealed in it with as much force as she could summon.

The man screamed in agony as his knee was knocked out of joint. He, in return, swung out at his prey and struck Jamie across the jaw with his fist. Her eyesight was still blurry from the last blow so she never knew from what direction this one came.

One moment, she had been a frightened captive; the next, she was free. She sat with her head down until she could focus but looked up in time to see the one who had been holding her head land with a thud on the walkway. To her right, she witnessed her second assailant's arm being broken when he tried to knife a blonde-haired man. At first, she thought Vincent had come to her rescue, but as her vision cleared, she saw a man in jeans and checkered shirt.

As the last attacker tried to come to the aid of his friend, the blonde stranger dropped him with a kick to the throat. He fell within a foot of Jamie and she knew he would not be bothering anyone for some time. As she turned to say thank you, the man turned to her and she then heard what had his attention--more running footsteps--too many footsteps.

* * * * * *

"VINCENT...HELP...URGENT!" was the message being repeated over and over on the pipes until it suddenly stopped. The pipes stood silent sentinel as if, through their silence, they could send the help on its way.

Vincent stood for a short moment longer as he listened to Pascal's message informing him from where the message had originated. When the message was finished, he started running through the passageways toward the entrance that would lead him to the person in need.

As he rounded a corner at full speed, he had to catch himself to keep from knocking Catherine down.

"Vincent--what's wrong?" she asked breathlessly. "Tell me?"

"Someone was calling for me. I must go," he answered hurriedly as he turned to leave.

"I'll come with you," Catherine said as she moved to his side.

"I do not know what is wrong. You could be..." The determination in her eyes stopped him in mid-sentence. To argue would be pointless. He took her hand and they both began running.

* * * * * *

As they approached the entrance, a frightened Mouse signaled silence and then they heard the fighting. Without a word, the door leading into the park was moved cautiously aside. Once opened far enough, they saw a young man being beaten and heard Jamie screaming.

"Stop! You'll kill him!" she cried as once again the man was kicked in the ribs. "Stop..." she started to cry as she tried to pull the man off him. A slap across the face was what she received for her efforts. The slap was hard enough to send her sprawling onto the ground. Jamie would not be stopped that easily, however. Quickly, she was up again and this time managed to scratch her attacker's face.

Even though she was outnumbered five to one, she knew she had to try to help him. Three lay unconscious but no one could go against this group and win; at least not Jamie and the man lying so still at her feet. Once again, she was slapped hard enough to knock her backwards and this time she landed in one of the other gang member's arms. Those arms tightened around her as she started kicking and trying to get away.

"Hey Jo-Jo, the hellcat's got you!" the ruffian holding her laughed.

"Yeah, I know," Jo-Jo answered with a snarl then reached up to wipe the blood from his cheek. "Now it's my turn, hellcat." He advanced on her. "What you got that I want?" he laughed maliciously as he tore her blouse. "Your friend can't help you now."

The sound of Vincent's growl rid the gang of their courage. Even the drug induced false courage they used to bully and assault passers-by with vanished with the sound. The growl had turned their blood to pure ice and in an instant, they became the hunted, not the hunters. They were even too frightened to take the time to grab their fallen friends and left them to live or die where they lay.

Immediately, Jamie turned toward the sound with a look of relief. In the next instant, she knelt beside the man at her feet. Slowly, she turned him over and held his head in her arms as she tenderly moved his hair from his eyes. "I can't leave him here," she pleaded as Vincent bent down to look at him. "He helped me when that gang came after me. Those three over there," she nodded to indicate the three laying a short distance from them. "They were the first ones. They just kept coming!" Her voice bordered on hysteria and her arms tightened around the man they held. "I WON'T leave him. I WON'T!" she screamed.

Realizing there would be no talking her out of taking the man with them, Vincent took the man in his arms. "We shall take him to Father," he said very slowly.

Jamie relinquished her hold reluctantly. All her strength was gone. She looked up into Catherine's concerned face and smiled. "He saved me Catherine--like Vincent saved you."

Catherine helped her stand but as they walked to the entrance, Jamie's knees buckled. She and Mouse managed to help her into the threshold. Once the door was closed, they all stopped long enough for Mouse to tap another message on the pipes to tell Father to be ready for patients.

"Saw trouble...but would not run. I ran...fight not fair," Mouse said apologetically.

"You did the right thing in calling for help, Mouse," Vincent said. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."

The traveled through the passageways slowly with Vincent following until they were met by a few of the men. Jamie was still trying to focus her attention when she became aware of Mouse's presence by her side.

"Jamie?" Mouse said softly. "Hate me?"

"No, Mouse," Jamie said as she looked at him then slowly felt herself sink into oblivion.

Catherine looked over at Mouse from the other side of Jamie. "Long story...not here."

Quickly, yet tenderly, Mouse took Jamie's full weight into his arms and adjusted her so he could carry her. He headed, at a full sprint, for the hospital chamber. Vincent, Catherine, and the others followed behind him at a slightly slower pace.

* * * * * *

In the hospital chamber, they were met by Father and Mary who had already been alerted that there would be two to treat instead of one.

"Good Lord in heaven!" Father exclaimed as he saw Jamie's face bruised and beaten. "Who did th..." he started to ask as he watched Vincent lay the man down on the bed next to Jamie. "Why in God's name did you bring him HERE?" he asked as he looked from one to the other.

"Jamie would not come without him," Vincent said honestly.

"She was almost hysterical and she didn't pass out until we were halfway here," Catherine added.

"But to bring him here?" It was then Father began to notice how extensive the man's wounds were. "Mary, tend Jamie. I must see to this young man immediately," he instructed then began to cut the man's shirt off. He hesitated a moment then drew the curtain between them.

It was then Mary took control. "Mouse, you and the others...outside!" she ordered. "Catherine, please help me get her blouse off." She then dismissed everything from her mind except her patient and what she needed.

Catherine assisted Mary in tending Jamie's cuts and bruises and watched with admiration as the older woman skillfully put two stitches in her lower lip. Then together, they finished removing her torn clothing and dressing her in a hospital gown. After settling her into bed, Mary administered a light sedative then kissed Jamie's forehead. She looked over at Catherine silently. That gesture was her way of asking her to stay with Jamie while she assisted Father. She nodded in agreement.

Vincent was very glad to see Mary appear around the curtain and almost laughed when she moved between him and the bed to assist Father. He was being dismissed. He decided to join Catherine at Jamie's bedside.

Several hours passed before Father and Mary emerged from behind the curtain. After checking Jamie over, Father signaled for all to come outside into the passageway. There they found Mouse pacing frantically, his face pinched with worry. "She seems to be resting well," he said. "We shall go to my chamber to talk about this--matter." His tone left no room for argument.

Upon entering Father's chamber, the group was assailed by people asking about what had happened to Jamie and how she was. They all wanted to help. After sending Rebecca to sit with Jamie, Father dismissed the others so that he could talk with those he needed to without distraction. As the last ones were leaving reluctantly, Mary came back into the room carrying a tray with tea on it. She served the others then took a seat. The gesture obviously dared Father to ask her to leave.

Father noted her determination then turned to Mouse. "What happened Mouse. You were with her, were you not?"

Mouse looked up over his cup then gulped down another sip before he answered. "Yes...No. Ran!" he said then hung his head. When he looked up, he seemed to plead with Father to understand. "Too many...fight...called for Vincent," he admitted with regret. "Heard Jamie scream. Vincent said right...call him?"

"Of course you were right in calling Vincent," Father assured him then smiled as he saw Mouse's tension visibly decline. "I guess you do not know much more than what Mouse just said?" he asked as he looked from Catherine to Vincent then back again.

"Just that there were at least eight attackers and that she was determined not to leave that man," Catherine answered.

"It would seem he came to her defense," Vincent added. "There were three attackers unconscious when we arrived. The others ran without a fight when I CALLED to them," he answered as he tilted his head to one side.

All too well Father knew what the attackers had heard. He smiled a knowing smile when he visualized their fear when Vincent CALLED out to them. "Jamie said nothing? Did she tell you anything about what happened?" Father asked as he looked at the three in front of him.

"No--no more than the man had helped her and that the attackers seemed to keep coming and coming," Catherine said then laughed softly. She noticed the puzzled looks on Father's and Mary's faces so she continued hurriedly. "Jamie gave them a fight," she said. "One was holding her and she was kicking and screaming all the time. If I remember correctly, one called her a hellcat," she commented with a smile.

"Yes, they did," Vincent agreed when he noticed her amused smile. "Jamie came up scratching after being knocked down. She would not give up."

"No wonder she had such a gash on her lip!" Mary said in amazement. "I had to put stitches in her lower lip to close it."

"I depend on your ability," Father responded as he voiced his approval. "Thank you, Mary." He smiled and everyone watched as she glowed with his praise.

"What of the man, Father?" Vincent asked. "Shall we contact a helper and get him into a hospital before he awakens?"

"There is no hurry," Father answered. Those few words got everyone's attention. "His injuries are serious enough that he should not be moved. The worst trauma was to his head." He paused a moment then looked at Vincent. "I am afraid that blow may have blinded him," he said quietly. "I am sure of temporary blindness, but if will be permanent or not, I do not know. I'll send for Peter shortly and have him look at him."

Mouse decided to join in the conversation. "Who...him?"

Everyone looked at each other questioningly. In an attempt to find an answer, Mary left the chamber and returned with the man's meager belongings. She handed them to Father who immediately opened the bundle and picked up the man's wallet.

"Benjamin Haile," Father read aloud from a card in the wallet. A further search revealed nothing. "There is nothing more about him!"

"Nothing?" Catherine asked. "Not even where he is from, some kind of ID...anything?" she questioned as she moved beside Father and took over the search. "This is strange!" she mumbled as she went through all the compartments of the wallet.

Joining her at the desk, Vincent asked, "Could he have been robbed by those who ran away? That could be the reason for no more than a name."

"I guess that must be it but why didn't they take the wallet?" she wondered.

By that time, everyone was at the desk looking at the wallet. After inspecting it for himself, Mouse commented, "Not want."

Noticing how old and ragged the wallet was, everyone agreed with Mouse's conclusion. As they looked through Benjamin Haile's belongings, they noted that he did not seem to have many personal effects with him. As Mary searched through the wallet, a hotel key fell from the very back compartment.

Catherine picked up the key and studied it. "Hotel Driscoll," she read aloud. "Not very nice but clean and cheap," she commented to all assembled. "I'll go and see what Room 114 tells us." After dropping the key into the pocket of her jeans, she walked toward the entrance.

Vincent came around the desk from the other side and said, "I will show you the shortest way." Everyone knew his true motive was to be there in case of trouble.

* * * * * *

The search of Benjamin's room helped very little as there were few items in the room other than clothing. A small duffel bag was found in the closet and Catherine packed the few personal items on the dresser and his clothes. In the chest of drawers, she found a small Bible, rosary, and a small locked case. She added those to the bag.

After identifying herself as a Deputy District Attorney, she inquired at the front desk about the man's bill. She discovered he had been there for almost a week but only owed for this last day's rent. After paying the bill, she left the hotel hurriedly leaving the desk clerk to draw his own conclusions about the mystery man's whereabouts.

She slipped into a dark side alley and watched until assured she not being followed then entered into the world Below. There she found Vincent awaiting her and she told him of the scanty possessions she had found. "It would seem Mr. Haile owns little and requires even less," she summed up her findings as they walked.

"His identity is as much a mystery now as when we found him," Vincent agreed with a deep sigh.

They walked the rest of the way back in welcomed silence. It was the silence of shared understanding between two people who did not need words communicate. It was also an acknowledgment of their deep love and respect for each other. Soon the pipes disturbed the moment and they quickened their pace.

The news about what had happened to Jamie and her mysterious savior rang along the pipes. The messages were also attempts to reassure and comfort the citizens of the community. They were a family and one of their own had been violently attacked. They needed to communicate their fears and have them eased.

* * * * * *

A long night was spent by everyone as they worried about Jamie but no one spent a longer night than did the forlorn Mouse. He spent the entire night by her side refusing to go to his chamber to rest even for an hour. He could not leave her side until he was positive she did not hate him. He had seen how she looked into the man's face and cried, heard in her voice the hysteria brought on by the fear of leaving him behind and he couldn't forget it.

Sometime in the early morning hours before the sun rose, Jamie moaned and moved her head to face where Mouse sat. He reached out with shaking fingers and softly pushed the hair aside. "Rest...Mouse here," he said softly. As he bent to kiss her forehead, she moved her head away from him to face the opposite side of the bed.

Mouse feared Jamie was trying to tell him how much she hated him. He dropped his head to the bed and started crying until he cried himself to sleep. He slept so soundly he never knew when Jamie opened her eyes and saw him beside her.

She smiled as much as she could then reached to touch the top of his head with her fingers. When she brought her hand back down to rest on the bed, she turned her head and caught sight of the blonde hair just beyond the half drawn curtain. It was the blonde hair she had seen coming to her defense. With a deep sigh that brought pain from her bruised rib, she groaned slightly then fell back into a restful sleep.

* * * * * *

After several days of Mary's tender loving care, Jamie was able to go back to her own chamber. Under strict orders from Father, she was not allowed to go back to her duties so she spent all her spare time helping Mary tend to her defender.

It was Jamie who washed his face with a cool rag, kept water and ointment on his lips to keep them moist and watched over him. Her care of him was watched from outside by the ever present, miserable Mouse. When the man moaned and she soothed him with "I'm here for you," Mouse ran from his hiding place in the passageway to his chamber.

* * * * * *

Peter came to check on the man for about a week and agreed with Father's findings about the head wound. Benjamin Haile remained in a light coma while murmuring things no one understood. He started fading out and in the following week then awakened fully one night when everyone was at dinner--everyone except Jamie.

"Where--am--I?" he asked hoarsely as he tried to move his head. The pain that movement caused overwhelmed him.

"You're safe," Jamie answered softly as she bent down beside him. "Moving around causes the headaches, you need to lie still. Here's some water. It will make your throat feel better," she added then helped him get a sip from the cup.

"Thanks," he answered then smiled. "Why is it so dark in this place?"

Without thinking, Jamie replied, "It's not dark. The candles provide plenty of light."

Then, in a panic-filled voice, he demanded, "Then why can't I see? Dear God, tell me I'm not blind!"

"Please--please lie still," Jamie pleaded. "If you will be still, I'll get Father and he'll explain everything." She moved over to the wall and tapped out a message for Father on the pipes. "He will help you understand," she tried to reassure him.

"What was that?" Benjamin asked as he bolted upright then, with a groan, fell back onto the pillow. "I am blind. Why Dear Jesus?"

"I will try to explain," Father replied calmly as he entered the hospital chamber.

"Who's there?" Benjamin asked as he once again bolted into a sitting position.

"It's alright," Jamie tried to soothe him. She took his hand in hers. "Father is a doctor. He took care of you." She smiled when she looked down and saw his hand clutching hers.

"All that moving gave you a thunderous headache, did it not?" Father asked as he reached the side of the bed. "When I am through examining you, I'll give you something for it."

"Please tell me why I can't see? Please?" Benjamin begged.

"Mr. Haile, you were severely beaten. Do you remember any of it?" Father asked. When he saw no response, he continued. "You came to Jamie's rescue. You're holding her hand now. You were severely beaten around the head it would seem," he continued. "I would like to be able to tell you that it is only going to be temporary, but I can't. I don't know how damaged your optic nerve is. You may start getting your vision back within a week or you may never get it back at all." Father waited a moment to let that sink in. "Once you are well enough to move, I know another doctor who will be able to do more extensive testing if you like."

"So there is no way to know if I will see or not, right? But you do think there is a chance?"

"I pray that you will in time see again," Father answered.

"So do I," Benjamin said almost to himself. After a long moment of thought, he asked, "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for everything you've done for me--and for your honesty."

Father didn't know exactly how to reply to that. "Here, this will help your headache," he responded as he handed him some pills and a cup of water. He waited for him to swallow the pills then moved toward the entrance of the chamber. "Jamie, I will be in my chamber if there is further need of me."

"I'll call if I need you," Jamie answered back.

"Do get some rest yourself. You are not fully recovered either," Father reminded her then left the chamber.

After she helped Benjamin settle back on his pillow, Jamie sat down once more in her chair by the bed. Looking down at her hand, still clutched in his, she noted that it was going numb. She didn't say anything.

As if sensing what she was thinking, Benjamin eased his grip on her hand but did not release it. "I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something earlier?" he asked. He was trying to picture what she looked like. "What did he mean by you not being fully recovered yourself?"

"You don't remember anything about rescuing me from those punks?" she asked with a distainful emphasis on the last word. "You had just finished three off when the others showed up. I tried to help you, but..." she did not finish.

"They were beating you--in the park?" Benjamin asked as some memory returned.

"That's right! You were just turning to me when..."

"I was hit by something. They seemed to come from everywhere. Who were they? Why were they attacking you?"

"They were the scum of the city," Jamie answered derisively. "I'm sure you can guess what they wanted if you tried hard enough." Those words caused a shudder she experienced every time she thought of what could have happened.

"It's alright, Jamie," Benjamin said as he applied a very gentle pressure to her hand. "It is all over and you're safe."

"Because of you," she answered softly. She realized he had said her name for the first time. "Because of you--Benjamin."

The love that flowed through those words was not lost on Benjamin as he drifted off to sleep, his medication finally taking effect. Nor was it lost on the man standing in the shadows in the passageway. Her gentle look, a look he wished he could have, was not lost either. Slowly he turned away from the chamber door and, with a deep sigh, made his way home with heavy steps. Once there, he threw himself on his bed and tried to imagine a life without her.

* * * * * *

As the days passed into weeks, Jamie was constantly at Benjamin's side and Mouse was seldom seen. Vincent became aware of the situation and decided to keep a silent watch over him until he felt the matter needed discussing. The boy's misery was almost touchable in its depth. He spoke rarely and stayed in his chamber doing nothing most of the time. Upon finding Mouse in Father's chamber, Vincent decided it was time for a talk.

"Mouse, I'm glad I found you here," Vincent said as he entered the chamber.

Mouse said nothing.

"I have not seen you for several days. I wanted to see if you were alright," Vincent said as he approached him.

"Okay...good...okay...fine," Mouse replied but his words were very flat and without feeling.

"You know you can talk to me, Mouse," Vincent said as he put his hand on Mouse's arm. "Tell me."

"Said, okay," Mouse answered as he tried to pull his arm away from Vincent. "Tired."

"If you are truly tired, I'll let you rest," Vincent responded. "If you change your mind, I'm always here for you."

The sobs came out quietly and Mouse's shoulders began shaking. "Jamie...not," he cried. "Jamie...hate."

Vincent listened patiently until the crying ceased. He then stroked Mouse's hair. "Jamie does not hate you. You only believe she does."

"Loves, Benjamin," Mouse stammered. "See her with him."

"Yes, she may think she loves him but it is not the kind of love she has for you--or you have for her. He rescued her from something horrible and she sees him as a hero. It will pass, Mouse. He will leave and she will be the Jamie you love once more."

"Save...Catherine. Love you...still loves," Mouse responded.

"Yes, I did save Catherine. But there was a bond that kept us together, that still keeps us together." He stopped to find the right words. "You love Jamie, tell her."

"Too busy with him."

"Make a time for the two of you. Tell her."

"Not know how," Mouse said sheepishly.

"Your heart will give you the words when the time is right. Follow your heart, Mouse. It will not fail you."

"Okay...good...okay...fine!" This time the words had their old spark back.

Those words spoken with their old enthusiasm reassured Vincent that the old Mouse was back. As he turned to go, Mouse beat him to the stairway. He placed his hand on the young man's arm. "Where are you going now?" he asked.

"Hungry!" he declared then ran cheerfully from the chamber.

* * * * * *

The following days found Mouse no longer hiding in the shadows whenever he saw Jamie and Benjamin. He now boldly stepped up and spoke to him. That allowed him to discover just how hard it was not to like the man and a tentative friendship began.

During that time, Benjamin began walking and discovering the strange world he found himself in. Of all the curious things about this new world, the biggest mystery of all was the man they called Vincent.

"Vincent is Father's son," Jamie tried to explain. Benjamin's perplexed look told her she wasn't succeeding.

"Then--Vincent is your brother."

"No!" Jamie answered.

"But he's your father's son?"

"We all call Father that because he takes care of everyone. Only Vincent is his son," she continued.

"Oh, now I understand. He isn't your father but you call him that out of respect."

"Right! Out of respect for all he does."

"And Catherine--she's Vincent's wife?"

"Now you have it right!" Jamie responded with a smile.

* * * * * *

One evening, the children were having a concert so Benjamin asked Jamie to take him. Arm in arm they walked down the passageway. Upon entering the chamber, Benjamin was overwhelmed at the many voices he heard. "Somehow, I never imagined this many people lived down here with you," he commented as he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"There are many down here and all of them are friends," Jamie replied as she took the hand that now rested on her shoulder. "Let's sit over here."

Among the voices, Benjamin heard a deep, unfamiliar one. "Is that Vincent?" he asked.

"Yes," Jamie answered simply. She wasn't sure if any further explanation would make much sense to him right now.

"He must be very tall," he observed. "His voice comes from far above us," he explained before she could ask.

Vincent was aware of their presence and sensed that he was the topic of their quiet conversation. He decided it was time to introduce himself. "Benjamin, I am Vincent," he began. "I am glad you were able to be with us tonight."

"Thank you, Vincent. I'm glad to be here with all of you," Benjamin replied as he wondered why Vincent had not shaken his hand as the others had. The music soon began, however, and everything but the beauty of it was forgotten for a while.

* * * * * *

Over the next few weeks, Benjamin's condition improved enough for him to take longer walks through the tunnels. He also became more aware of Jamie's feelings for him. He could hear it in her voice every time they spoke. That's when he began to distance himself from her and rely more on others in the community.

One night after dinner, Peter stayed and questioned Benjamin about how he was feeling and whether he still suffered from the headaches as before.

"I think you will see again," Peter finally stated. "It may come back a little at a time, fuzzy at first, or one day you may awaken and find that you can see. It seems you may have just had severe trauma and not permanent damage to the optic nerve. There is hope for the return of your vision."

"Thank you," Benjamin said quietly. "I am happy to hear that. I have been praying for a miracle and you may have just given me the hope that a miracle will indeed happen."

"I know Jamie will be pleased," Peter commented.

"Please don't tell her just yet," Benjamin pleaded. "I need time to tell her--other things. I fear she loves me," he admitted then hung his head in sorrow.

"Is that so bad?" Peter inquired compassionately.

"Yes," Benjamin answered dejectedly. "I cannot--love her in return and I must find a way to tell her."

During their conversation, Jamie was just outside the chamber entrance. She had started to enter but when she heard the word love, she stopped in her tracks. When the conversation ended, she ran down the passageway until she was far away from everyone and broke into tears.

She was crying so hard, she wasn't aware of Vincent and Catherine standing behind her. When she saw them, she blurted out the reason for her misery and fell into Catherine's arms sobbing. Catherine held her close and let her cry. She gave Vincent a knowing look then led Jamie back to her chamber and stayed with her until she fell asleep.

* * * * * *

The next morning, Benjamin awoke to find he had very blurry vision. He could make out shapes in front of him but could not distinguish features. He decided to keep this development to himself until he was sure he was really improving.

In the early afternoon, Vincent came to him and asked that he walk with him. Holding onto Vincent's arm, Benjamin felt the strength and power under the cloak. His quick glances only assured him of his height as his shadow blocked out the light from the torches.

They walked slowly, making idle conversation about the world Below until they reached the waterfall. There, Vincent described the scene so well Benjamin knew it's beauty without being able to see it. He also knew something was troubling his guide. His limited vision could barely make out the blonde hair above the dark cloak.

"What is troubling you, Vincent? Something weighs heavily on your mind."

"Jamie heard what you said to Peter. She was in tears when Catherine and I happened upon her," Vincent calmly replied.

"Oh God! I wanted to tell her myself but I couldn't find the words. How is she?"

"Hurting--still. Unable to understand why you will not let yourself love her."

"It isn't that I will not love her; in fact, I do love her as a--sister. It is that I CANNOT love her," Benjamin tried to explain.

"Why can't you? Are you married?" Vincent asked.

"In a sense, yes, but not to a woman."

"I don't understand. What are you trying to say?"

"I am a priest, Vincent. I am married to the church, not an earthly woman, but to God."

"A priest," Vincent repeated. "Why were you in a hotel and dressed as you were if you are a priest?"

"It's a long story," Benjamin confessed. "Let's just begin with I grew up with wealth and went to the best Catholic schools and colleges. Very early, I knew I wanted to be a priest."

He took a deep breath, before continuing. "I thought I wanted to do the Lord's work but I have come to realize I was only willing if it meant a Cathedral or teaching at some large college." He stopped once more and listened to the waterfall.

"After I graduated, I was given my assignment. When I saw it, I ran and that's how I came to be where I was. I wanted to think and didn't want anyone to know who or what I was."

"Were you running from your assignment--or from God?" asked Vincent quietly.

"The darkness has been a blessing of sorts," Benjamin laughed sarcastically. "Not being able to see outward, I could only look inward and I haven't liked what I've seen there. I felt it was from God I was running but I know now it was from where he wanted me to be. I did not want to do that. I had other plans for what God wanted of me--big plans."

"What was so horrible that it would make you run and make you doubt your calling so deeply?"

"I was sent to a small school on a Navajo reservation where I would be both priest and teacher."

"Why was it so distasteful that you felt you had no way out but to run?"

"I wouldn't have been teaching literature--but literally teaching people to read. People who saw me as an outsider. You can't understand how it is to be an outsider, not able to fit in with the society around you, having no one but yourself, the aloneness. Some of the people even saw me as an outcast and some ran from me. God had sent me where I didn't conform and would not be accepted readily. Into a culture where I would be distrusted solely because of my looks. You can't understand that," he insisted.

"I understand far better than you could ever imagine," Vincent replied with a deep sigh.

In the following silence, both men sat absorbed in their own thoughts. One thought of his life as it now was while the other reached out with his heart to God and asked for the strength to carry on the work he had been called to do.

At last, Benjamin turned to Vincent. As he sat looking at him, his vision cleared enough to see Vincent's face. It was then he realized the emotion behind his words.

"Of all men, you are able to understand, my friend," Benjamin said softly then laid his hand on Vincent's.

Vincent looked deeply into Benjamin's eyes and detected a clearness of thought and vision that had not been there earlier. "I believe you understand what you must do now, Father Benjamin."

He used his title to let him know he understood.

"Yes, I do--now." Benjamin smiled. "Will you show me where I may find Jamie?" he asked. "Never fear, my friend, your world and your secret are safe with me."

"I never doubted that." Vincent smiled then stood and led Benjamin back to the hub.

This time, as they walked the passageways, Benjamin marvelled at the miracle this community truly was. As they neared Jamie's chamber, a great commotion was heard. As they approached a group of residents, Vincent asked what was going on.

"Old Robert had another heart attack or something. He was clutching his chest. Catherine, Jamie, and Mouse took him to Father," William responded.

* * * * * *

They made their way quickly to the hospital chamber and found a small crowd outside. The group parted as Vincent entered the chamber. Inside, they found Father examining an elderly man on the table while Mary assisted. Jamie stood at the cupboard looking for medication while Catherine and Mouse stood over to one corner lending support to one another. As soon as Jamie found what she was looking for, she turned to see Benjamin. She stared at him intently for a minute then took the medication to Mary.

"Don't--worry--about me," Robert said as he panted for air. "You have done so much already."

"Robert, be quiet," Father instructed. "This should help ease the pain. I'll send for Peter..."

"It's--alright, Jacob. I'm not--afraid," the old man responded. "I have--lived long--been happy--here." He took Father's hand in his.

"Rest now. We will have time to talk later," Father said in an effort to reassure him. The look on his face, however, gave him away.

"No regrets--just wish..." Robert mumbled as he fought to catch his breath. "I could have some sort of preacher close. It's been quite a while--I'd just feel better."

Vincent turned to Benjamin and he looked back searchingly into Vincent's eyes. Then with a quick look over at the bed, he walked over to the corner where he had been sleeping these past weeks. He retrieved a bundle from under the bed that contained the locked case. He unlocked it with a key he produced from his wallet but did not open it.

Everyone in the chamber, except Vincent, was puzzled by his strange behavior. Jamie moved to stand with Catherine and Mouse and Vincent joined them thinking she would need his support.

Benjamin moved to the foot of the bed and laid the case down. He opened it and retrieved a purple parament. Reverently, he kissed it then placed it around his neck.

Upon seeing that, Mary took several steps backward and Benjamin moved to the head of the bed. Once there, he spoke words so softly to Robert that the others could barely understand them then administered the Last Rites. Afterward, Robert asked for confession. Father and Mary joined Vincent and the others.

To everyone's surprise, it was not shock or despair that registered on Jamie's face, but relief. Relief in knowing that it was not anything she had done to turn him away washed over her. She also realized, in that moment, that it was not really love she felt for him but something else. Something she couldn't explain, even to herself.

During his confession, Robert quietly died. The pain that had brought him to the chamber was now gone. Father Benjamin prayed for him softly then beckoned the others to join him. Once the circle was complete, he led them in a prayer thanking God for the life of the man now departed from them. After the prayer, everyone silently left the chamber except for the one who would make the arrangements.

In Father's chamber, Benjamin took Jamie aside and spoke with her. "I hope you understand now?" he began as he took her hand. "I was on my way to you when this happened and I had no other choice but to fulfill my calling."

"I understand, more than just this," Jamie said then added with a gasp, "You can see me! You can see!" She hugged him without thinking.

Father heard Jamie's remark and came over to them along with the others. "Well--yes, you can. I'm so happy for you."

"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away," Mary recited and thought once more about Robert.

"Yes, my blindness is gone--not only from my eyes," Benjamin replied.

The next few minutes were spent telling them what he had told Vincent earlier. Afterward, he let Father have a closer look at his eyes. While Father was examining him, Mouse took Jamie's hand and led her away from the others.

"Thought...lost you," he said shyly as he held Jamie's hand tighter.

"I know, Mouse," Jamie replied as she put her other hand to his face. "But don't you know you can never lose me?"

"Do now," he replied with a smile.




THE LIGHT FROM WITHIN


By Carla McRorie

During troubled times
when nothing seems to fit...
Go within to listen to the
music of your own heartbeat.

Soon your spirit
will find wings again
and your soul
will soar above it all.

All experience serves a purpose
it is from the darker ones
that you emerge stronger.
So hold on to the light from
within you and move onward.




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