I'm supposed to be responsible. What actually is responsibility? Isn't it fucking up, yet still doing what yer supposed to do, when yer supposed to do it? I mean i'm up late right now, and I have school in the morning. Well would the "responsible" thing be to go to school even though I got like no sleep? My mom thinks I'm gonna skip, which is so not my thing. I find it pointless. I never skip school, unless its like some bullshit class that I don't actually have to be there for. Or if I leave early b/c itz a half day, and I have already been to all my classes, and all I have is my lunch period left. I mean other than that, I'm at class, or I'm home sick. I don't skip class. I don't want to skip class. There is no point. I mean jeezy peezy. Why would I skip for one period and get caught, and then have to go to a Saturday School or something. Why would I wanna wake up that early on a Saturday?!?!? Besides that whole not learning thing. Which is pretty important to me. Tonight my mom yelled at me b/c I came home late and I have my first day of school in the morning. Even though I feel I'm responsible enough to do what I have to do. Obviously my mom has no faith in me. Why should she. I mean itz not like I lie to her everyday or something. Itz not like I'm a fucking stoner, who goes and gets high everday. I mean what if I did do that, then would she actually trust me? Probably. Hell maybe if I was normal, maybe she'd trust me then. So I got a fucked up sleep schedule, why should she care if I work my ass off and do what I need to do when I need to do it. Fucking pisses me off and makes me depressed even more so. She has no idea how much her yelling at me affects me. I've been trying to function, and get my life on track. But apparently itz not a good enough attempt since now I gotta pay my way through college, b/c she thinks I'm gonna fuck up my senior year. In otherwords she has no faith in me. She thinks I'm some stupid little slut that is never gonna amount to anything, and that i'm gonna fuck up my life. I got some news for her. I'm not. Even though with that kind of encouragement it wouldn't be a surprise to me if I failed b/c I had no real support from a person who is supposed to be there for me through thick and thin. Blood is thicker than water right? Well I'd like to see how little she supports her friends then. I mean if her own daughter gets treated like shit b/c she has problems I'd hate to see how her friends treat her. Yeah I know my mom does a lot of shit for me, and maybe I don't show enough appreciation. But I also don't get a heck of a lot of appreciation. I swear my Dad seems to appreciate what I do more than my mother, and I hardly ever see my father. Well I think I've cried about this enough for one night. And I guess I'll just go on strong now, maybe. Nite.

~Lynne