- 09/25/99 04:04:23

Comments:


10/12/98 11:36:31

Name: Bad Bunny	My URL: Visit Me
My Email: Email Me

Comments:
Just surfing. Thanks.

jaleen - 01/23/98 03:12:39
My Email:glengirl@hotmail.com
Subculture: mansonite
Special skills: fire eating
Favorite TV show: sold tv to buy drugs
Weight: 289 kg
Type of cancer: prostate

Comments:
i love this! you guys are awesome. shouts to bill and andrew--they can tell you what a freak i am. (heh) tell them i love them both, and if youve heard any dirty rumors about any 16 year old chicks on a ski trip, you know from the source that THEYRE ALL T UE!!!! ---love cab

Kenny - 10/21/97 23:02:54
Subculture: remora
Weight: Huge
Type of cancer: Gold

Comments:
___________________________________________________ The coffee shop. Jerry is sitting alone in a booth reading the menu, which he knows by heart. ___________________________________________________ Elaine Benes walked into the coffee shop at the usual time and sat down across from Jerry Seinfeld in their usual booth. "Hi Elaine." "Hi Jerry." The big, pink-uniformed waitress came over, poured them both coffee, and asked "What'll it be?" "The usual." "The usual." The waitress nodded and shuffled away. "So how's it going?" asked Jerry. "You look kinda tired. Hot date last night?" Elaine shook her head and made a face, her thick, dark hair swishing back and forth. "No date. I just went out with a girlfriend - Alyssa, from Pendant publishing. She works for an internet company now. Remember her?" "Let's see: about five-five, a hundred and ten pounds, long blond hair, cute little button nose, great body, worked in accounting?" "Yeah, that's right," she snorted. "You know, how well a guy remembers a woman is directly proportional to how attractive she is, isn't it?" Jerry nodded and raised his eyebrows. "Now that you mention it, that's exactly right. Very perceptive of you." "Thanks." She stirred her coffee for a few seconds, and said rhetorically "So you think Alyssa is attractive." "Yes, she's quite comely, as a matter of fact. I wanted to ask her out, but you wouldn't let me, remember?" "Right, it was too soon after we broke up." "It was two years after we broke up!" "Was it? Sorry." "Yeah well, she wasn't really my type anyway. She's kind of a giggler, as I recall. A little giggling is OK, but I really prefer a regular laugh to a giggle." Elaine shook her head wonderingly and said "And you wonder why you're still single." "I'm a comedian, Elaine - the laugh is important. So why do you bring it up? Did she ask about me?" "Nope." Elaine looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, and then leaned closer across the table. "I'm going to tell you something, but you've got to put it in the vault, all right?" Jerry made a zipping motion across his lips. "In the vault, you got it." "OK. Alyssa and I went out to dinner, and then we went out to a bar and had some drinks. We talked about all the problems we had with men, what losers they all are, that sort of thing. We both got a little tipsy." "This is just fascinating, Elaine." "OK, ok. Alyssa started telling me how she had a crush on this girl back in college, and now she was wondering if maybe she was a closet lesbian and that's why she can't find a man she's happy with. She's kind of a touchy-feely type, and while she was telling me this she put her hand on my knee." Her voice fell to a near-whisper. "And it tingled." "What?" "It tingled." "What tingled? Your knee?" Elaine looked annoyed. "It. Tingled," she said a little louder. Jerry's eyes suddenly got wide. "Ohhhhh! It tingled!" "Shhhhh!" "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure. It definitely tingled." "Doesn't it sometimes just tingle, sort of randomly?" "No, not like this. This was a more purposeful tingle." Jerry nodded thoughtfully. "Uh, just so we're clear, we're talking about your pussy, right?" "Yes, Jerry, we're talking about my pussy." Neither of them had seen Kramer walk into the coffee shop. "Hey! What are you two talking about? You look like you're planning a crime or something, all hunched over the table like that." Elaine jerked upright, spilling her coffee. She put her hand on her chest and said "God, Kramer, you scared the hell out of me. Do you have to yell?" Kramer slid in next to Jerry. "So what are you talking about?" Jerry said "Well, as a matter of fact, we were on the extremely interesting subject of -" Elaine gave him a look that could have cut through steel. "- dandruff," he finished smoothly. "I mean, when you use one of those medicated shampoos do you really have to feel that little tingle to know it's working? Can't it just work without that special little tingle?" Elaine gave him a dirty look, but then had to laugh. "No, no, no," said Kramer. "You don't want to use that stuff. Orange juice mixed with heavy cream - that's the best thing for dandruff." "Oh, right, that sounds like something I want to put in my hair," said Jerry. The subject having been successfully changed, they chatted for a little while and then Kramer looked at his watch. "I gotta run. Time to pick up my new computer." He rubbed his hands together gleefully. "I'm very excited." "I didn't know you were into computers," said Elaine. "Well, I wasn't - I thought they were just big paperweights. But I was over at Newman's apartment the other day and he really opened my eyes to the possibilities. Did you know you can see pictures of people having sex right on your screen?" "Yes Kramer," said Elaine with distaste. "Everyone knows that." "Well, nobody told me. I'll see you two later." He finished his coffee in one long gulp and headed out. "Nice of him to drop by for a chat," said Elaine sarcastically. "The good news is, he won't come out of his apartment for weeks now. Now, where were we...oh yes! You were telling me about your lesbian experience with Alyssa." "Very funny. Nothing happened, of course. But now I can't stop thinking about it." "Look, what's the big deal? You know you like men - you've always liked men. You know what team you're on...why are you so worried?" "Well, what if I like women too but I just never realized it? I mean, to use your silly metaphor, I've never played for the other team, so how do I know I wouldn't like it?" "Hmmm - this is interesting. You think you might want to play for both teams at the same time?" "I'm not doing very well on my current team, Jerry. Maybe if I spent some time in the other league, it would help my game." He spread his hands apart and said "Well maybe it would. Tell me, are you attracted to Alyssa? Other than the tingle, I mean?" Elaine scrunched up her face and looked at him for a few seconds. "Yeah, I guess I am. I can't believe I'm telling you this. I really shouldn't be telling you this." "It always helps to talk about these things, Elaine. In my opinion, I think it would be healthy for you to explore these new urges. And when you do, I'll be here for you, to help you sort out your feelings." She gave him a disgusted look. "You just want me to have sex with a woman and then tell you all the details." "You've got me all wrong! I'm just here for you, as a friend!" The wide smile on his face didn't help his case. "Well, there's one major problem with this scenario." "You don't know if Alyssa is attracted to you?" Elaine looked at him like he was crazy. "Why wouldn't she be? Of course she's attracted to me." Jerry put his hands up defensively and said "Of course she would be. I'm sure she is. I don't know what I was thinking." "The problem is that I set her up on a date with George." Jerry almost choked on his coffee. "You what! Why?" "I don't know...she was telling me how she was tired of dating the same kind of guy all the time, how she wanted to try something different. I didn't realize until later that she was talking about women! So for some reason I mentioned George." "Well, he's certainly different, all right. Is Alyssa really that desperate, that she would agree to go out with George?" "Well, it's not I like I told her George was a loser...I think I told her he was 'refreshingly unassuming', and she thought that sounded terrific." "'Refreshingly unassuming' - nicely put. I guess you probably forgot to mention he was unemployed and living with his parents." "I must have been really hammered," moaned Elaine, shaking her head. "I can't believe this - I'm actually competing with George Costanza for a woman. Just shoot me, will you?" Jerry patted her hand and said "Don't be so hard on yourself, Lanie. This could actually work out to your benefit. If she isn't a lesbian now, a few dates with George will do the trick. I bet Alyssa dumps George after one date and then you can move right in." _______________________________________________________ A quiet Chinese restaurant. George is sitting across a food-strewn table from an attractive blond woman. _______________________________________________________ George Costanza narrowed his eyes and looked suspiciously at the attractive blonde seated across from him. "You do?" "Yes, George - I think it's really nice that you live with your parents. I mean, it must be wonderful for them to have you around all the time." "Oh, absolutely." He nodded solemnly, and his voice took on a self-important tone. "They need me, Alyssa. My mother is always saying: 'Georgie' - she calls me Georgie - 'Georgie, it's so good of you to live with us. I don't know what we would ever do if you moved out.'" Alyssa nodded, a little glint of desperation in her eyes. "That's really touching, George." 'Touching, my ass - it's pathetic,' she thought to herself. As George launched into a discussion of his parents' finer qualities, she forced herself to smile and nod. What did Elaine see in this guy, anyway? Elaine was so funny, so smart, so...sexy. And George - "...they keep offering to move down to Florida, to 'get out of my way', but I won't hear of it - as if your own beloved parents could ever be a bother! I tell them that it's an honor to share the same roof with them, that..." George was a loser. But if this was what it took to get closer to Elaine, then this was what she would do. "You want to go back to my place, George?" she asked abruptly. George looked at her like she was putting him on. "Your place?" "Well, much as I'd love to meet your parents, I think we might feel more comfortable..." She raised her eyebrow meaningfully. "Right. Right! Your place! Sure, your place would be good. What am I saying, good - it would be great! I mean, not great in the sense that I'm expecting, uh, that we're going to -" "OK, let's go," she interrupted mercifully. "Right." ________________________________________________ A short time later, in Alyssa's nicely decorated apartment. ________________________________________________ Alyssa didn't waste any time seducing George. As soon as she closed the front door, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him on the lips. George was too startled to respond. "I always like to have sex early in the relationship," she said, unbuttoning her blouse. "Otherwise it just sort of gets in the way, don't you think?" "Absolutely," croaked George. "That's my philosophy exactly." "Well then, the bedroom is this way." In the back of his mind, George was thinking this was much too good to be true: there had to be a catch somewhere. He cautiously followed Alyssa into her bedroom, and watched admiringly as she took off her blouse and then her skirt, revealing her matching black panties and bra. Her body was even better than he had expected: large, round breasts, a narrow waist, lush womanly hips...raising his eyes from her cleavage, he noticed that she was looking at him expectantly, and he realized he was still fully dressed. "Oh - sorry. I guess I'm a little behind." He gave her what he hoped was an elegant smile and began undressing, starting with his parka. As he lowered his pants, he wished that he hadn't worn his Sylvester and Tweetie boxer shorts. Alyssa came over and put her arms around him again, and this time George kissed her back in a long passionate embrace. They both felt his erection poking her in the stomach, and she reached down and pulled his cock out of the flap in the boxer shorts. Looking down, it appeared to her that Tweetie bird was perched on George's modest appendage, and she had to choke off a laugh. "Let's get these boxers off, shall we?" She helped him get out of the shorts, and then she kneeled in front of him. Summoning her resolve, she took his cock into her mouth in one gulp. "Sweet Jesus!" said George. Alyssa sucked his cock expertly for a few minutes, until she had him moaning and bucking his hips. Then, not wanting him to come in her mouth, she stood up and then reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. George caught his breath in anticipation of seeing her naked. "There's just one thing, before we go any farther," she said, holding the bra against her breasts with both hands. "I'm a little nervous to tell you this..." George, who still had a nagging feeling that things were going much too smoothly, steeled himself for the worst. 'Please, please, please, don't tell me you used to be a man,' he thought to himself. He swallowed hard and said "What is it?" ________________________________________________ Jerry's apartment - George and Jerry are talking. ________________________________________________ "Oh my God!" said Jerry, his eyes wide. "You're kidding! Nipple rings?" "In both nipples," said George, beaming. "And she was actually worried that I might find it unattractive!" "Perish the thought!" "Now a penis - that would be unattractive." "Very much so," agreed Jerry. "But nipple rings are hot." George jumped up from the couch, too excited to sit still. "I'm busting, Jerry, just busting! She's unbelievable! I think she might be the one. I owe Elaine big-time for this." "Elaine will be *so* thrilled for you. You know how she loves to make other people happy." The irony in Jerry's voice went right over George's head. "Alyssa even got me a job at her company, can you believe that? I got a job and a girlfriend in the same night." "A job, really? Doing what?" "You're looking at the new Erotic Internet Marketing Strategist at Lovenet Communications," said George proudly. "I start tomorrow." Jerry couldn't help laughing. "The new what? Did you say erotic?" George nodded. "That's right. They run a bunch of adult web sites. It's a booming business these days, according to Alyssa." "But you don't know anything about programming web sites. You don't even know very much about sex...what exactly are you going to be doing?" Spreading his hands, George said "Who knows - a job's a job. Whatever they want me to do, I'm sure I can handle it." Just then the door opened and Kramer, Jerry's lanky neighbor from across the hall, walked in. He was bare-chested and was muttering to himself distractedly. Ignoring Jerry and George completely, he walked over to the paper towel dispenser and pulled off several sheets. "Help yourself, Kramer," said Jerry dryly. "Mi casa, su casa." "Oh...thanks Jerry. I'm completely out." He sliced his arm through the air for emphasis. Then he took the entire roll of paper towels off the dispenser and took it with him back to his apartment. "What's with him?" asked George. "That was your number-one customer, right there. He just bought a computer, and he's been doing nothing but surfing the net for porn for the last two days. His Visa bill this month is going to be staggering." "You see? This is big business! Alyssa says there's a ton of money to be made in this field. And I'm going to be a player, Jerry. A major player." "Yeah, you're a player all right." The door opened again, and this time it was Elaine. "Elaine! My buddy!" George ran over to her and gave her a bear hug. "Alyssa is great! Were going out! She's perfect for me...you're brilliant!" Elaine extricated herself from the hug. "What? What are you talking about? You and Alyssa are dating?" "They slept together last night," announced Jerry with a smirk. Elaine looked back and forth between them, horror-stricken. "You slept with Alyssa?" "That's right," said George. "I think she might be the one...and I owe it all to you." He looked a little confused at Elaine's negative reaction. "Isn't that fantastic, Elaine?" said Jerry cheerfully. "They slept together! Wild, uninhibited sex!" He was taking a sadistic pleasure in this. Elaine was biting her lip and staring at George like she wanted to kill him. "Yeah, that's...great." she said with an effort. "I thought you would be happy," said George. "You don't look happy." "I'm delighted," said Elaine bitterly, collapsing onto the couch. George snorted. "Well, you certainly don't look it." He looked over at Jerry, who shrugged theatrically and said "Women." George headed for the door. "Well, I have to go. Elaine, Alyssa told me to say hi for her." Elaine looked up. "She did?" George nodded. "She talked about you a lot, actually." "Really? What did she say?" "Oh, lots of stuff. What a good friend you are, how funny you are, how much she likes you. She said she wishes she could spend more time with you." Elaine shot a triumphant look at Jerry. "Well, it was very nice for her to say all that! Be sure and tell her that I say hi right back at her." "Right back at her," repeated George, glad to see that Elaine was cheering up. "You got it." When George had left, Jerry looked at Elaine and said "Well, well. This is an unexpected development." "Don't you see what's happening, Jerry? Alyssa is just dating George so she can see me!" "I don't know, how can you be so sure? Maybe she really likes George." Elaine just stared at him. "No, I guess not. Silly me. So what are you going to do?" "I don't know...this is kind of awkward. You think I should call her?" "Absolutely! This poor, tortured woman is having sex with George just so maybe, just maybe, she can hear your voice. Don't let her suffer a minute longer." He picked up his cordless phone and handed it to her. "You're right - I should call her." Elaine got up from the couch and handed Jerry the phone back with a smile. "From the privacy of my own apartment, Mr. Busybody." Jerry gritted his teeth in frustration as she left. ________________________________________________________ A corporate office. A teenage boy in a three-piece suit is sitting at a big mahogany desk. George is sitting across from him, looking uncomfortable. On the walls, clashing with the corporate decor, are several posters of nude women. ________________________________________________________ Arnie Kitzenburger, the head of internet marketing for Lovenet Communications, shook his head slowly as he scanned down the sheet of paper in his hand. George felt like getting up from his swivel chair and throttling the condescending little twerp. "I don't know George, is this the best you can do? These slogans aren't very catchy." His high-pitched voice took on a sarcastic tone. "You *were* told that the slogans should be catchy, weren't you?" "Yes. Yes, Mr. Kitzenburger, I believe the word 'catchy' was mentioned," said George, laughing awkwardly. Inside he was seething - how old was this little nerd, anyway? Sixteen? Not old enough to shave, that was for sure. The young man read aloud from the sheet: "Come see our hot naked women. Our babes are hard to beat. Sexiest chicks on the net." He laid the sheet down on his desk and stared at George owlishly through his glasses, which were much too big for his face. "These slogans aren't the least bit catchy. They are positively uncatchy! No one looking through a newsgroup or reading their morning email is going to be intrigued or amused by this lifeless drivel. It isn't even graphic! No mention of orgasms, or sperm, or even tits." "I'm sorry, Mr. Kitzenburger," said George, who was a pro at groveling. "It is my first day, after all. I'll get back to work, and come up with something better for you tomorrow." "See that you do, George. Or you won't last long at Lovenet Communications. Dismissed." ______________________________________________________ Elaine and Alyssa are sitting in a restaurant together. ______________________________________________________ "I'm so glad you called me last night," said Alyssa, smiling at Elaine and taking a sip of wine. "Well, after you said such nice things about me to George... I thought it would be nice if we saw each other more regularly." Alyssa looked down at her plate. "Actually, I was worried that I turned you off the other night, telling you all that stuff about how I was attracted to women. I must have been pretty drunk." "Oh that," said Elaine, blushing. "No, that didn't turn me off, Alyssa. Really, that didn't bother me at all." Alyssa smiled at her, making eye contact. "Well that's a relief." Elaine swallowed nervously. This was difficult. "So George tells me you two really hit it off the other night. That's really great." Alyssa made a little face. "Well, I don't know. George and I..." There was a pause, and then she said "Elaine, I have a confession to make. I didn't really want to go out with George. I just did it because..." "Because what?" urged Elaine. "Because I wanted to be with you. You told me how you and George and Jerry and that other guy, the weird guy, always hang out...I thought if I was dating George, I would see you more often." "Are you saying...?" Alyssa nodded. "Yes. I'm sorry if I'm making you feel uncomfortable. But I want you to know that I have a crush on you." "Alyssa..." Elaine was, for once in her life, at a loss for words. "I'm not sure, but I think I'm attracted to you too. It's just that I'm not...I don't...I've never..." "There's always a first time." Alyssa reached out and took Elaine's hand. "Oh! There it is again," said Elaine with a giggle. "There's what?" "The tingle." "Ohhh, the tingle!" Alyssa winked at her. "I've got one too. You know, my apartment is just two blocks away..." "Don't take this the wrong way," said Elaine. "But I really think I need a few more drinks first." Alyssa giggled and squeezed her hand. "You and me both. Waiter!" _____________________________________________________ Jerry's apartment. George is sitting despondently on the couch. _____________________________________________________ "Tough day at the office?" asked Jerry. "It was awful," moaned George. "My first day on the job, and they actually wanted me to do some work! No easing-in period, no time to arrange my desk and settle in...they wanted results!" He took off his glasses and rubbed his face. "I'm already in danger of being fired." "Sounds like a real sweatshop. What do they have you doing?" "Writing advertising slogans for their adult web sites. Short, catchy little phrases to induce people to log on and spend their money. My boss is this teenage dweeb who didn't like anything I wrote." "Advertising slogans?" said Jerry suspiciously. "Right. They put them everywhere - newsgroups, banners on other web sites...they even email them to people." "George, that's spam!" Jerry's voice became shrill with emotion. "Don't you know what's happening here? They're turning you into a spammer!" George looked at him like he was crazy. "A spammer? What are you talking about?" "Spam! It's the scourge of the internet! I log into my comedy newsgroup, and it's crammed so full of this stuff you can't find the real messages. Sperm this! Anal that! Teenage bimbos in heat!" He stopped to catch his breath. "Take it easy, Jerry. It's just a job." "Just a job! George, you have to quit. If this gets out, you'll be an outcast from society - a pariah. Everyone hates spam. Especially dirty spam." "I can't quit. Alyssa got me this job, remember? If I quit she'll dump me like a week-old egg salad sandwich. Besides, how would becoming an outcast from society change my life?" "Well..." Jerry realized he couldn't think of a single thing. George was basically on the fringes of society already. "I just think that you -" Just then the door opened and Kramer stumbled in, wearing nothing but a pair of stained polyester slacks. He looked around the apartment with glazed eyes, ignoring Jerry and George, until he spotted Jerry's computer in the corner of the living room. He walked over to it and unplugged the keyboard. "My keyboard is, uh, on the fritz," he mumbled. He tucked Jerry's keyboard under his arm and headed back into his apartment, banging into the doorway as he left. "How do you like that?" said George. "Not even so much as a hello." "How do you think I like it?" said Jerry, shaking his head. "Listen Jerry, I was really hoping you would help me with these slogans. You're funny and creative - I bet you could come up with some terrific ones right off the top of your head." "Well, let's see...How about 'Come see us exploit young women!'...or maybe 'We're taking over the internet - join us or die!'..." "Very funny," said George tiredly. From across the hall they heard Kramer's voice: "Oh babeeeeee!" "You see what this stuff does to people?" lectured Jerry. "It's turned Kramer into a pleasure-seeking zombie. He's like one of those lab rats that chooses the cocaine instead of the food and starves to death." "I think you're exaggerating a little. These web sites are perfectly legitimate entertainment." They argued back and forth for a little while, and then the door opened and Kramer walked in again. This time he was fully dressed and looked a little more alert. "Here he is - the Lawnmower Man himself," said Jerry. "I was afraid you might have been sucked into your computer by now." "I think I need a little break," said Kramer. "What time is it anyway? I'm starving." He opened Jerry's fridge and started pulling things out randomly and setting them on the counter. "It's eight-thirty pm, on Wednesday. You've been at it for, let's see, sixty-three hours straight." "Whoa! Has it been that long? No wonder I'm hungry." Kramer quickly slapped together a big, messy sandwich and sat down next to George on the couch. "So what's going on? Did I miss anything?" "You missed plenty," said George. "I have a new girlfriend and a new job, thanks to Elaine. But I'm going to lose the job, and probably the girlfriend, because Jerry refuses to help me out." "What kind of a job?" asked Kramer, through a mouthful of food. "Erotic Internet Marketing Strategist." Kramer nodded knowingly, swallowed, and said "Spam." "You see?" said Jerry. "Even Kramer knows about spam." "Oh, I know spam," agreed Kramer. George said, "Jerry thinks that adult web sites are evil and immoral, and he refuses to help me out. What do you think, Kramer?" "Oh right," said Jerry. "Let's ask the addict. Nothing like an unbiased opinion." "What do I think?" said Kramer. He got a faraway look in his eyes. "Cum guzzling teens...Big-breasted whores who love it in the ass...Barely-legal sluts who want to suck me off..." He shook his head reflectively, a little smile on his face. "It's all good." "Disgusting," said Jerry, cringing. "Hey Kramer, that's not half-bad," said George. He reached for a pad of paper and a pencil. "In fact, it's much better than anything I came up with today at work." He jotted down some notes. "Maybe I'm asking the wrong guy for help." "Maybe you are," said Kramer. "I bet I could help you out." "Ha! Now you're talking," said George gleefully. He clapped his hands together and shouted "I'm back in business, baby!" "I don't believe this," said Jerry. "I really don't." "Just a second, George," said Kramer. "What do I get out of this deal?" "Um, I don't know...my undying gratitude?" "No, no, that won't pay the piper. I need free access to your company's web sites. I've racked up fourteen thousand dollars in fees already - my credit cards are maxed out." "You got it," said George. "They gave me a private access code you can use as much as

Summer - 10/17/97 18:31:51
My Email:GoIDFingeR@Aol.com
Age when you lost yer virginity: young!
Special skills: skanking
Favorite TV show: south park
Weight: 90lbs
Type of cancer: breast

Comments:
:Þ :Þ

Mad Willy - 10/15/97 23:18:25
My Email:SKAKiD@aol.com
Subculture: amish
Age when you lost yer virginity: when i get married i am amish
Special skills: none
Favorite TV show: south park or chris rock
Weight: 110
Type of cancer: one i got from that rob kid following me

Comments:
hey ross whats up? that was cool how you kicked robs ass and it was funny. -willy

CC - 10/15/97 19:06:29
My URL:http://www.insaneclownposse.com
My Email:bosstone@columbus.rr.com
Subculture: Dumb wanta be skater
Age when you lost yer virginity: 32
Special skills: masturbation. tagging.
Favorite TV show: Real World V
Weight: 150
Type of cancer: Breast

Comments:
I just want to say I knew your friend gabe in his hippy loving days. I rocked out to the Dead with him while we looked at are home made mush rooms and wished we had some real ones. Actualy none of this stuff above is true and I am just a wanta be skater k d. YOur page sucks. And never forget PON for life.

- 10/15/97 07:05:00

Comments:
Gabe's got gorillas in his back yard. Theyre very territorial and one beat the lawn mower guy to death with his own leg. By the way, where does his dad practice his heart surgery?

- 10/15/97 06:44:38
Subculture: Fecal Freak
Age when you lost yer virginity: Raped with a frozen turd
Special skills: Projectile turds. Ow it hurts so much though
Favorite TV show: I cant see the screen. I shit on my tv when I see women on it
Weight: 180lbs. 250 with loaded bowels
Type of cancer: I deposit it in the toilet every five hours

Comments:
Hi im one of Bill's boys and I must say he opened my eyes to many new sexual sensations. My favorite was when he put serran wrap around my face, dropped his drawers, and exploded buttmilk all over my face. I could see him smile and my reflection on his av ator sunglasses. Now I cant get enough of the warmth of crap on my mug. So gimme your smellies cause I cant controll my bowels. Ohhhh God not again......Ohhhhhh OWWW!!!!

Bill Riccio - 10/15/97 04:49:52
My URL:http://www.homocore.com
My Email:LeatherBoy88@homocore.com
Subculture: Gay Aryan Skin Heads
Age when you lost yer virginity: Gabe robbed me of my anal virginity at 15
Special skills: I give great reach-arounds
Favorite TV show: Happy Days
Weight: 90 lbs. I have AIDS
Type of cancer: None, my AIDS is more than enough

Comments:
I'm so hungry. i just can't seem to keep anything down thanks to the AZT. Oh god, why can't I just die? Please let my disease racked corpse rot. I'm sorry for fucking all of those little boys...

Dan - 10/14/97 04:16:07
My URL:http://you
My Email:mrgrog@aol.com
Subculture: i don't belong to one, there aren't any rudies in columbus.
Special skills: eating bread.
Favorite TV show: Richard Diamond: Private Detective
Weight: 190 lbs.
Type of cancer: i'm an aries.

Comments:
i was going to write something, but i've decided not to. is "punx'n'skins" a joke?

Emma - 10/06/97 00:27:49
My URL:http://bullthebuffalos.com
My Email:sledehammer@werewolf.com
Subculture: imaginary (girl)friend
Age when you lost yer virginity: 13 to some old japanese guy
Special skills: not being Ross' girlfriend -ever!
Favorite TV show: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Weight: 10 bags of rice
Type of cancer: oriental

Comments:
Ross and I love to ejaculate on one another (i'm a girl who squirts) while listening to the DK live cd. I'm getting kinda nervous about that new girl moving in on my territory. There is only so much of Ross to go around (except for his acne of course). I uess I'll have to shanghai her back to Hiroshima and irradiate her gothic ass. This is Emma saying Sayonara

New Fat Girl - 10/02/97 04:10:27
My URL:http://hi, i'm fuckin huge@cellulite.all over me
My Email:youcanfindme@jennycraig
Subculture: pseudo-punk
Age when you lost yer virginity: does my oedipus complex phase count?
Special skills: adding to ross's fine STD collection
Favorite TV show: Wan Can Cook
Weight: oh you don't wanna even know the half of it. soooo fuckin huuuge.
Type of cancer: vaginal

Comments:
yeah i got some fuckin comments, goddamit. not that there is a god to damn. first of all, this page fuckin SUCKS shitballs. but whatever. it's ross. did any of us expect more from that puss-filled-STDengulfed-aryan-pseudo-bitter-laurenlusting-patheticall optimistic-about-his-life which-fuckin-SUCKS-PAMsmelling-mass-attention-seeking-piece-ofshit with that trademark profuse layer of acne on his back? of course not. so whatever. only thing left to say is, "hey where'd you get that cannibal corpse shirt?" a ahhahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha oh. laughing at pain and misfortune and down syndrome kids makes my fuckin day. damn. i suck. ok that's all for now.

MaMMa OneTon - 10/02/97 03:54:18
My URL:http://www.mhal.holowww.com/as2/images/fat/fat.html
My Email:iamfat@lardass.com
Subculture: Just Being Fat
Age when you lost yer virginity: the age of Fat
Special skills: Steam Roller
Favorite TV show: Fat Albert
Weight: 2000lbs, Duh
Type of cancer: Cellulite

Comments:
i am fat and i'm Quite offended by your web page... Keep up the good work!

Kleetus McFatBaLD - 09/25/97 05:39:46
My URL:http://www.theonion.com/
My Email:Kleetorama@yourLardy-Fat.com
Subculture: Skater-Skin
Special skills: secret tear in the space time continum
Favorite TV show: Star wars!
Weight: 2000lbs
Type of cancer: Anal cleft

Comments:
"The Sesame Street Gang Learns Something New" Grover was really bored, one day.. Big Bird was collecting cans for the poor, and Oscar the Grouch was in one of his pissed-off moods again. So he decided to go over to Maria's house. "Hi, Maria!" Grover exclaimed as he entered. The sight he saw was one he would not soon forget. Maria lay on the couch,wearing nothing but a pair of high-heeled shoes. She had one of her fingers deep inside her wet pussy, the digit probing and caressing her inner membranes. She looked up and saw Grover, and was startled; she had not expected any company. But a lewd grin soon replaced her initial look of apprehension; she invited Grover to join her on the couch. Now Grover, you see, was a virgin. He didn't ever admit it to any of the other Sesame Street gang, but he had never even felt a girl's tits. So you can imagine the wave of pleasure that swept over him. Without a word, Grover approached Maria, and crawled on top of her. Since muppets don't wear clothes, he didn't have to undress. He reached between his legs, and from the jungle of blue fur extracted a huge blue cock, hairy from end to end. It was already fully erect, and fit to burst. With one deft move, Maria parted her pussy lips, already wet from masturbation, and Grover soon filled her void with his heaving azure member. He pumped up and down on Maria, the sensuous movement bringing his excitement to a fever pitch. The puppeteers had their hands full that day! Maria was experiencing a whole new world of pleasure, herself; she had never fucked a muppet before, and it proved to be an incredible experience. Grover soon exploded inside her, his warm fuzzy dick going off like a cannon deep within Maria. She screamed, as she was climaxing at the same time. She grabbed ahold of Grover's blue shoulders, and almost wept on his shoulder, so powerful was the experience. But Grover wasn't done yet. His furry member had gone soft, and he wanted it hard again. So he leaned over, and took one of Maria's pert breasts in his mouth. His plush tongue caressed and fondled the nipple, and Maria moaned at the pleasure of it. The nipple was very hard, and Grover was having a delightful time, tasting bare tit for the first time. Soon Maria decided it was her turn to have a little "taste" of the action. She shoved Grover off her tit, and bent down. With both hands she grasped his monstrous cock, and began to stroke it, slowly at first, then with greater and greater intensity. Grover (actually Frank Oz) moaned and cried at the incredible feeling. The member was soon hard as a rock, and Maria lifted it to her eager lips. She devoured his cock with great appetite, sliding her mouth up and down the plush boner, and with her hands she stroked his blue balls. Grover, by this time, was about ready to come, and he cried out; simultaneously, great bursts of white cum exploded from his member into Maria's mouth, and she eagerly swallowed the divine nectar of his loins. She was pleasantly surprised to find it tasted like marshmallows. Grover knew he must have more. He turned Maria around, so she was on all fours; he licked and sucked her ass and pussy, burying his big furry head between her creamy thighs. Soon, he was erect again; and without another word, he proceeded to drive his massive rod into her ass, again and again. He was like an animal. Maria cried out in a mixture of pain and ecstasy: "Oh, Grover, Yes, Grover!" Grover knew, as he came one more time, that learning letters and numbers just wasn't going to cut it anymore. At about this time, Bert and Ernie stopped by Maria's. They were going to go miniature golfing. But when they saw the vicious fucking on the couch, they knew that they were staying right there. They quickly stripped, and Bert fucked Ernie's ass so hard that Ernie screamed. Bert bucked back and forth like a kid on a rocking horse, and held on to Ernie by Ernie's own cock. Of course, by this time, Grover and Maria were aware that they had company. They watched the pair butt fuck, becoming aroused themselves; then they decided that they wanted to join in. After Bert had climaxed, Maria shoved Ernie onto his back, and straddled him. She began rubbing her fuzzy mound, just to tease Ernie; he cried out for her to stop. She then took his swollen member in her hand, and guided it gently into her soaking wet pussy. She began to move up and down; she became so aroused that vaginal juices were dripping down from her pussy onto Ernie's pubic region. Before Ernie could come, she pulled herself up off him; and then, without a word of explanation, turned around, and sat down on his cock with her back facing him. She leaned forwards, as if to touch her toes, and Ernie was amazed at how deep he could penetrate her in this position. Regions of Maria never touched before by muppet dick were now being slammed again and again by the furious force of Ernie's dick. He finally came, great bursts of white hot jizzum swimming through her inner recesses like a school of fish. She moaned in ecstasy, knowing that muppets make the best lovers. All this time, don't think for a minute that Grover and Bert were idle. Janice, from the muppet show, had stopped by; and God knows Janice never misses an opportunity for a good fuck. She had stripped within seconds, and lay down on the floor with her legs spread far apart. Bert knelt down in front of her, and shoved his massive cock into her tight hot pussy. Janice cried for Grover, and he crammed his dick into her eager mouth. Janice was having a fine time, let me tell you! She hungrily ate up Grover's dick, and deep-throated it, quite an accomplishment when you take its size into account. With one hand, she rubbed and fondled Grover's balls. With the other, she assisted Bert, spreading apart her pussy lips, and guiding him in as efficiently as possible. Soon, Bert came, in a furious thunderclap of semen; and just as she felt his burning love course through her, Grover's dick spurted in her mouth, the delicious elixer trickling down her thirsty throat. Before long, Maria and the muppet's energy were spent. They had had a fine time, and Grover had learned a lot about women. Grover's sexual knowledge before was minimal; Cookie Monster had once tried to explain masturbation to him, but a strange look in his eyes had frightened Grover away. The count insisted that sucking blood was only one thing you could suck, and certainly not the best thing. And when the big purple two-headed monster tried to show Grover that it actually had four heads, he ran away screaming. But now Grover knew about the intimate parts of women very well. Some questions remained unanswered, however; questions that he knew may never be answered. 1.Why is Oscar so grouchy all the time? Does it have anything to do with Elmo? 2.What sex is Big Bird, anyhow? 3.How big is the snuffolafagus? 4.Where is Kermit's pecker? He doesn't seem to have one at all. 5.Is that really Gonzo's nose? 6.Why is Miss Piggy such a bitch all the time? (refer to #4) 7.Why are there so many little kids always running around? 8.What do the "Pigs in Space" do for fun? Do they all share Miss Piggy? 9.Are those two old guys in the balcony gay or something? 10.How come there are no Native American muppets? 11.What does Mr. Rogers do all day in that big house of his?

Kleetus - 09/21/97 03:20:00
My URL:http://members.aol.com/meanasskin/skinbird.html
My Email:MEaNaSSKiN@aol.com
Subculture: Baloney-Tugger
Age when you lost yer virginity:
Special skills: Archery, Bubble Blowing, Speling
Favorite TV show: The incredible Hulk
Weight: Small
Type of cancer: Corpal-Tunnel

Comments:
haha i just wanted to Show you the Picture i Drew of Ross while i was inspired sipping a sweet beverage at a Jock Bar.... it shows the True Power behind Ross's Big RaVER Pants!

Ross - 09/16/97 04:28:44
My URL:http://youarestupid@here.com
My Email:ianmackaye@aol.com
Subculture: Epitaph Skater Punk
Age when you lost yer virginity: 13 bitch.
Special skills: Jumping over things. Parading. Bleeding at inopportune times.
Favorite TV show: Prolly the Simpsons
Weight: Oh my God, so fuckin huge
Type of cancer: Nose.

Comments:
I don't give a fuck whose web page it is, i will sign the guestbook. Um... that is all. I hope that you're born dead. I was once a man before I transformed into this molester, freshly deceased children You have born, torn by my rape The dead are not safe, the lifeless child corpse I will violate Pleasure from the dead, complete satisfaction I open the coffin Sick thoughts run through my head as I stare At the dead, over and over, I can't escape I begin the dead sex, licking her young, rotted orifice I cum in her cold cunt, shivering with ecstasy for nine days straight I do the same She becomes by dead, decayed child sex slave her neck I hack, cutting through the back I use her mouth to eject Here I cum, blood gushes from bleeding black blood her head disconnected As I came, viciously I cut, through her jugular vein She's already dead, I masturbated with her severed head My lubrication, her decomposition Spending my life molesting dead children Intercourse with infants Curing heads on top of spikes boiling skulls Skin sliding off of bones Voices The voices call Voices The voices are calling me Buried dead I've spiritually infected Call to me from beyond their graves Bleed I now bleed pus I bleed, the blood of the dead I bleed on her livid skin Thrusting myself within Beginning to chop through her hairless crotch Beyond what we know as death It haunts me everyday I hear the voice of every child That lies next to me decayed A fresh corpse, to fill with my infection Tortured before death, no orifice left unfilled Violated after death Virgin hole infest Anal pore spewing cess The sacred juice I injest Your dead child I defile Necropedophile

Anne Eller - 09/15/97 22:19:07
My URL:http://www.rash.com
My Email:leahcim117@aol.com
Subculture: marxist ska kid
Age when you lost yer virginity: who'd wanna fuck a beast like me?
Special skills: being a pinko, posing off gabe
Favorite TV show: The Democratic Left on ACTV
Weight: 60 kilos (like a true Ruskie i use the metric system)
Type of cancer: testicular

Comments:
Hi I am an anti-american piece of shit. I'm what's wrong with America today. :) Not only am i a socialist traitor to Democracy, but I am a heinous copy of Gabe (the O.G. ska kid). i'd much rather fuck gay looking loser druggies from Holland than remain fa thful to me ignorant, camel-headed, pig-nosed, stinky boyfriend. {:) Oh yeah, I kissed T.J. at the Business show!!!

jen - 09/15/97 21:34:37
My URL:http://members.aol.com/sknbird106/index.html
My Email:I3enWahJen@aol.com
Subculture: skinhead. duh.
Age when you lost yer virginity: 4. My parents loved me very much
Special skills: i give exceedingly excellent head
Favorite TV show: leave it to BEAVER
Weight: 1004
Type of cancer: face and clit

Comments:
okay, so im fat. but that will not stop me from bending you over and fucking you in the eye. oh, my god. listen to this: tj is SO hairy. i swear that shit is like kudzoo. his hair is going to grow at an unbelievable rate, and soon it shall devour this w ole page. i was just telling you for your own self preservation. whatever. actually, i dont care if his hair eats you. actually, i dont care about you at all. ACTUALLY, i hope you die of flesh-eating virri, RIGHT NOW. :*

Kyle - 09/15/97 16:28:19
My URL:http://www.oocities.org/sunsetstrip/studio/6964
My Email:KyleT@netwalk.com
Subculture: RAC anklebiter
Age when you lost yer virginity: Ask me in a few more years
Special skills: kicking spoons into Ross' eye, converting other people's sexual orientation, getting called a nazi by my "friends"
Favorite TV show: 60 minutes
Weight: 138 lbs
Type of cancer: endoplasmic reticular

Comments:
you smell adopted, you cancer riddled fat person. Now am i cool?