TOP TEN CRAPPY IMPERIAL JOBS
10. AT-AT jockey
9. Ewok patrol, forest moon of Endor
8. Cleaning the inside of Vader's helmet
7. Emporer's manicurist (must wear asbestos gloves)
6. Valet job parking Star Destroyers
5. Liaison to Alderaan
4. Garbage compactor monster wrangler
3. Interrogation droid tester
2. One of those little toaster robots that hum
1. Death Star Firing Sequence Officer (also known as the Dorky Hat Patrol)

TOP TEN CRAPPY REBEL JOBS
10. Guy stationed next to Cliff Claven
9. Cleaning the medical tank at Hoth Base Medical Station
8. Combing the surface of Bespin, looking for Luke's hand
7. Admiral Ackbar's personal masseuse
6. Cleaning the tauntaun pens
5. Monitoring Imperial broadcasts for any news about secret blend of herbs and spices
4. Manually reloading the ion cannons
3. Chewbacca's chess coach
2. Any job whatsoever if you're stuck with a stupid degrading name like "Porkins"
1. Bothan spy

TOP TEN HOBBIES OF DARTH VADER
(By David Hitt, mrkenobi@aol.com)
10) Making prank "heavy breathing" phone calls
9) Sneaking up behind Star Destroyer crew members, covering their eyes, and demanding "Guess who?"
8) Practicing throwing Palpatine doll down pits
7) Genealogy
6) Using the force to learn to juggle
5) Mortal Kombat 5436
4) Using mind-reading ability to win at Battleship
3) Late nights with a pain droid
2) Sending anonymous love-notes to Mon Mothma
1) Checking Imperial Deli to see if they've named a sandwich after him yet