Author's note-
     I wrote this about ten months ago and entered it into a writing contest at the college where I work and attend classes.  It didn't win, but the story that did was written by a classmate.  In any case, I decided that instead of letting this just sit on my hard drive, I would share it with you all and see what you all think.  Any comments can be sent to jaderyan@oocities.com.

Thanks.
JR
--
 
 
 

FLICK, SNAP

by JadeRyan
 
 

"Would you just stop? You're going to wear a hole in the floor." Renee stopped pacing and looked at him.
"Get off my back," she said. "I'm stressed."
"So is everyone else," Bret said. "We're all waiting too."
Renee glanced around the small waiting room. He was right, of course, the pompous ass. Angie's folks were here, along with Keith. You could tell from the look of abject terror on his face that this was his first shot at fatherhood, she thought. She looked back at Bret. He was looking at her the same way like she had just done something that defied logic.
"What?" she asked, her voice cutting through the muffled silence. "I don't drink, I don't drug, I don't eat when I'm stressed. And I gave up smoking six months ago. All that is left for me is to pace. So leave me alone, dammit." She began pacing again, wishing for a cigarette. Leave it to Ang, she thought, to have a textbook pregnancy. Yeah right. Textbook until two hours ago. Then she had doubled up in pain and said that the epidural stopped working. The nurse had come in and taken one look at Angie and ordered all of them out of the room.
"Renee?" Angie's dad had managed to walk up behind her.
"Yeah?"
"Why don't we go get some coffee from the machine?"
"No thanks," she said, brushing his hand off her arm. "I don't feel like coffee right now."
"Why don't we go anyway? We can bring some back for Keith. He looks like he could use some. So do you," he said. "You both have been here for over twelve hours. You should be getting some sleep-"
"I'm not leaving," she said, cutting him off.
"I know that. And since both of you are being so stubborn and pig-headed and won't get any sleep, I figured the coffee might do you some good."
"Fine. Go ahead. Go to the machine and get some coffee. For Keith. I don't want any. And I'm not leaving." They both stared at each other, a war of wills being waged in silence. Finally, he turned and walked away, shaking his head.
"I just don't know what my little girl sees in you, " he said, his voice barely audible.
"Whatever," she said. She sees someone who doesn't pay more attention to his lawn then to his kids, she thought. She turned and looked at the clock on the wall. As far as she could tell, the hands hadn't moved at all. She wished again for a cigarette. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small, silver Zippo lighter. She flicked it open, hearing the sound of it snapping open, then flicked it closed. Flick, snap, flick, snap, over and over. It had a calming effect on her for some reason. She glanced at the group of people sitting on the overstuffed couch across the room. She doubted very much that the sound gave them any comfort. Oh well, she thought, looking at the sofa itself. Why hospitals insisted on furnishing the waiting rooms with ultra comfy sofas was beyond her. Did they think that somehow physical comfort made the anxiety go away? Flick, snap. She personally felt that if you were going to be miserable, then you might as well be good and completely miserable. Flick, snap, flick , snap. She felt a warm hand cover hers, and looked up to see Keith standing besides her. He quietly too the Zippo out of her hand.
"You know Renee," he said. "I haven't seen you play with this lighter so much since you quit smoking."
She gave him a small smile and took the lighter back. One last time, she thought. Flick, snap. She put it in the back pocket of her faded blue jeans.
"Yeah, I guess your right," she said. "I feel about as nervous as a whore in church." She nodded towards the old man sitting in the corner of the couch. "I think I may have pissed off 'Daddy' just a bit."
"Just a bit? Oh well. He'll get over it. I managed to piss him off on a regular basis just by breathing. And yet he still keeps coming back for more."
The smile that had danced around the corners of his mouth faded as he looked at her. "Ren, you look like hell. Why don't you go home? Take Bret with you. He looks like he could use some quality time with his pillow. At least go and get some food in your system."
"Yeah right. Tell you what. I'll go when you go."
"I'm-," he began.
"Not going anywhere. Yes hon, I know that. Guess what? Neither am I. So now that we have that settled, do you happen to have a cigarette on you?" She pulled the Zippo out of the back pocket and began patting herself down, searching for a cigarette.
"Uh, Ren? I really hate to remind you of this, but you quit smoking. Remember?"
"Oh yeah. I forgot. Well hell. If it makes you feel any better I'll send Bret home. You're right. He does need to get some sleep."
"So do-"
"Forget it. I ain't going. You should know by now that you can't get rid of me that easily. But like I said, I will send Bret home. Fair enough?"
Keith looked at her and sighed. "Not really. But I guess it will have to do. For now."
"I always said that you were good at listening to reason," she said, giving him a quick hug before going over to where her husband stood.
"Babe?" she said. He turned towards her.
"Yeah?"
"Why don't you go ahead and go home." A look of relief washed over his face.
"You sure?" he asked.
"Yeah. You look like hell. I'll call you if anything changes."
For a split second, he looked like he was going to insist that she go home with him, then he apparently thought better of it. "Ok." He picked his jacket up of the couch. "You planning on being home anytime soon?"
"Doubtful," she said. "I'm not leaving until they kick me out or I know that Ang is ok and I see the baby." She avoided his gaze, knowing what his reaction would be.
"All right," he said. "I'm going to go and get some sleep. Call me if there is any news." He bent down and kissed her. "I love you."
"I know hon. I love you too. Now go get some sleep." She watched him leave the crowded waiting room then began her pacing again. Angie was going to be fine, she thought. She had to be. She thought back to this past Christmas and pulled out the Zippo. That was when Angie had given to her.
 

****

"Come on, Ang. Tell me what you got me."
"No. If I told you, it wouldn't be much of a surprise, now, would it? Christ, Ren, you're acting like a six year old."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too." Angie looked at Renee, and they both broke out laughing. The laughed until tears started to form at the corners of their eyes.
"Well," Renee said, wiping a small tear, "If I'm acting like a child, what does that make you?"
"Oh I don't know. A hypocrite, maybe?" Angie said, grinning. She walked over to the fridge and pulled out a can of Pepsi. "Want one?"
"Sure." Angie handed her a can and then sat down at the kitchen table.
"So are you gonna let me open up the present now, or are you going to make me wait until tomorrow?" Renee asked again. Angie laughed.
"You know," she said. "For all your bravado, you can sure act like a kid when the mood hits you."
"Thank you. I think. So are you going to let me open it or not?"
"Who knows? If you behave, I might let you open it later."
"Oh gee thanks, Mom," Renee said, rolling her eyes.
"Don't call me Mom like that, you twit. You know it drives me up a wall," Angie said, throwing an oven mitt at Renee.
Renee ducked. "Your aim sucks," she said, walking over to the oven. "So how did it go yesterday at the doctor's?" Renee bent down and peeked inside. "Pie's almost done."
"Go ahead and take it out. We'll just throw in back in there tomorrow before dinner."
"Okay." Renee slipped the oven mitt onto her hand. Reaching in to grab the pie with one hand, she turned the oven off with the other. "Look out, coming through. Hot, hot, hot. Ow. Damn, that's hot." She set the pie on the counter quickly, then pulled the mitt off and stuck her thumb in her mouth. "I think I burned my thumb," she said.
"You okay?" Angie asked.
"I'll live. So did you hear from the doctor?"
"Yeah. And, by the way, I also heard from my mother."
"No wonder you're so moody today. So what did the old battle ax have to say?"
"I am not being moody," Angie said, smiling. "And you know she just said the usual type of stuff. 'How ya doing? When are you going to make me a Grandma? When are you going to divorce that worthless bum? When are you going to start having real friends instead of that tramp Renee?' Like I said the usual."
"Lovely. So what did the doctor say."
"About my mother?"
"No, smart ass. About you being sick all the time."
"Well I don't have the flu bug."
"Then what the hell is going on?" Renee asked, sitting down on the stool by the counter. Angie didn't say anything.
"Ang? You gonna answer me?" Renee stared at Angie for a few seconds before the realization hit. "Holy-. Your pregnant, aren't you?"
Angie just looked at her and smiled like she was the damn Mona Lisa or something.
"You are, aren't you?" Renee began dancing around the kitchen, singing "you're gonna have a baby, you're gonna have a baby." She stopped. "Does Keith know?"
"Well, no. I just found out myself today. And I wanted the time to be just perfect. I was thinking that I might tell him tonight. Kind of like a early Christmas present. What do you think? Do you think he'll be happy about it?"
"Of course he's going to be happy, you silly twit. How could he not be? So how far along are you?"
"About a month and a half," Angie said. "My due date is in early August."
Renee got up and gave Angie a big hug, then began singing again. "You're gonna have a baby, you're gonna have a baby." She stopped. "Hey does this mean I get to be an honorary aunt?"
"Of course it does, you silly goof. Now do me a favor and quit singing before Keith hears you."
Just then Keith walked in. "What's going on?" he asked. Both women looked at him for a few seconds, then broke up laughing.
"What?" he asked, with a confused look on his face.
Renee gasped for air. "Nothing. Nothing's going on."
Keith just looked at the two of them. He turned and walked back towards the living room.
"Women," he mumbled, as he left.
Renee bit her lip and turned back to Angie. "So have you told your parents about your little bundle of joy?"
"Yeah, right. If I had told my mother then she would have been on the first plane out here and by this time tomorrow I would be neck high in baby booties and disposable diapers. She would have made me pull out my hair strand by strand. Quit laughing." She threw a plastic cup at Renee, who ducked, laughing.
"Again, your aim sucks," she said. She stopped laughing and took a drink of her soda. "So did you get a chance to talk to your dad or was he too busy playing golf at the club to be bothered?"
"I talked to him. He gave me a hard time about Keith-"
"Now there's a first-"
"And he wanted to know if you were still around. And if you and Bret were still together."
"Idiot. He can't stand me but he think Bret is like the second coming or something."
"Bret is a nice guy."
"I know that. That's why I'm still in love with him after ten years. But he still doesn't get why I hate your dad so much."
"You still haven't told him that Daddy made me get an abortion and made a pass at you when we were fifteen?"
"What would've been the point? No one except you ever believed that he did that anyway. I just have as little to do with the man as possible. Now can we talk about some else. Thank you. Change of subject. So what did you get me for Christmas?"

****

They had ended up exchanging gifts that night, after all. Renee had given Angie a blanket she had crocheted. Keith had looked at her in amazement.
"You made this??" he asked.
Renee gave him a dirty look. "Yes. I made it. I can do stuff like that, you know. It's not like I'm totally bereft of domestic abilities."
He had laughed then and turned back towards the tree. Renee leaned over and whispered in Angie's ear.
"If you had told me sooner, I would've made the damn thing a lot smaller."
"Smart ass. Now be quiet before Keith hears you."
"Nag, nag, nag. Now where is my present?"
"Over there, on the end table by the kitchen door."
"Really?" Renee asked. "Can I open it now? Pretty please. With sugar on top?"
"Is that going to be the only way I can get you to shut up about it?"
"Yup."
"Fine. Go ahead and open it," Angie said.
Renee clapped her hands like a three year old and sort of skipped and ran over to the end table. She picked up the small box sitting there and shook it slightly. "Well, it's too small to be a big screen TV. It's tiny. What is it?"
"I ain't telling. Open it and see."
Renee turned the box over in her hands. Finally, she gave up trying to guess what it was, and just ripped the festive wrapping off. She opened the box. Inside was a small, silver Zippo lighter. It had a paisley design etched on it, along with on word. She looked closer at it. It read, "Friends."
"I hope you don't think it is too sappy," Angie said. Renee shook her head, still looking at the lighter.
"Ren?"
"Hmm?" She looked up. "No I don't think it is to sappy. I like it."
"Well I figured that it was better then those matches you are always using."
"Cool." Renee smiled and put the lighter in her back pocket, and then gave Angie a hug.

****
 

Renee loved that stupid lighter. She never went anywhere without it, even when she had quit smoking. Come to think of it she didn't know why exactly she had quit. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that Angie had asked her to be godmother. Or maybe it had been seeing Angie's first sonogram. Nothing like seeing a live grow in someone to realize your own mortality. Or some hokey shit like that.
A loud wail came from the corner of the room. A voice buzzed in Renee's mind. Oh God, she thought. She slowly turned around. Angie's mother was sobbing loudly, her father patting her shoulder, shaking his head. And Keith. He was just standing here, a blank look on his face.
She's fine, Renee thought. She has to be for Keith. For the baby. The hell with them. She has to be fine for me. She has to be okay. She has to be okay. She is okay.
"What's wrong?" she asked. The doctor just looked at Keith, who nodded.
"There were complications with Angie's delivery. When we increased the level of medication through her epidural, she went into shock.." NO! Renee's mind screamed. She couldn't be dead. Oh God, not Angie. She couldn't hear the rest of what the doctor was saying. Angie was dead? What would she do now? Who would take care of her and keep her from taking things to seriously? Renee couldn't think anymore. Her ears were filled with white noise turned up at full volume. Then she heard it. One word. Baby.
"What about the baby?" a voice asked. She was surprised to realize it was hers.
"The baby is fine. We plan on keeping here at the hospital for a day or two to keep an eye on a mild case of jaundice. He's in the nursery. I can have a nurse bring him out."
"Fine," Renee said. "Just give us a minute." She turned Keith so that he was facing her. "Keith?" He looked at her with a dazed look in his eyes but didn't answer. "Keith?" she said, a bit louder this time.
"What?"
"They are going to bring out the baby, honey. You have a son," she said. "Don't you want to see your son?" She felt like she should be bawling her eyes out or something but she couldn't.
"I have a son?" he said. "I want to see my son. I have to tell Angie. We have a son."
"No Keith. You can't go see Angie." She nodded at the doctor and motioned towards the door.
"I'll have a nurse bring him out," he said, turning and walking out the door.
Renee took a deep breath and looked at Angie's parents. Her mother was still crying, mumbling incoherently. Her father was staring off into space.
"I'll make the arrangements," he said finally.
"No," Renee said. " I'll do that."
"Why should you do it? I'm her fam..."
"What? Her family? You arrogant son of a bitch. I really hate to rain on your parade but she is, was, a part of my family and, like it or not, I was a part of hers. That is the way she wanted it. So who the hell are you to try and argue with that? I said that I'll take care of the arrangements and I will. Why don't you take care of your wife for once in your life."
The door opened just then and a nurse brought out a bundle of blue and yellow flannel. Keith looked up and took the baby in his arms. He smiled sown at the tiny face. Renee turned and headed towards the door.
"Ren?" Keith said. "Come look at the baby. He has Angie's eyes." She smiled at him and shook her head.
"I have to make some calls. I'll come back at look at him later." She turned and walked out of the room.

****

"You're not the only one who lost her, Ren. And you don't have a patent on pain," Bret said, looking at the reflection in the bathroom mirror. The reflection closed its eyes briefly and then opened again. She said nothing.
"Dammit, Renee, will you at least say something?"
"Something."
"Very funny. It's been a week since Angie died and you have barely said more then ten words to me. Of course maybe that is because you have spent all your time over at Keith's taking care of the baby."
"Quit saying that," she said, her voice little more then a whisper.
"Quit saying what? That Angie is dead? She is, you know. She died while giving birth to son that she wanted more than anything else in the world.."
"Shut up."
"No. You've been walking around here like a zombie ignoring me, and spending every damn waking minute over there with the baby, and why? Keith doesn't need you there.."
"Shut up."
"The only thing you've managed to accomplish is to antagonize Angie's dad at the funeral. I must say that was amazing even for you. Seriously, when you called him an over-the-hill, decrepit, ignorant, pompous sorry excuse for a human being in front of everyone at the gravesite, it was a new level, even for you. How could you embarrass me like that? You sure do have a strange way of showing your respect.."
He barely saw her turn around, and he never saw where her hand came from. But he did feel the slap. It connected with enough power to cause his head to turn sharply, pulling a muscle in his neck.
"What the hell?" he said.
"I said shut up," she said, her voice becoming louder. "How dare you bitch about me embarrassing you. Is that all you care about? You have no idea what is gong on, as usual. You can't begin to see what I do and how much that baby needs me. That innocent child will never know first hand what a wonderful, kind and generous person brought him into this world, and how empty it is going to be without her."
"Renee, you are not the only person who knows that. Everyone who knew her knows that," he said. She shook her head.
"You still don't get it do you? You think that we were just buddies. Someone we could gossip with. We were more then that." She paused, trying to regain some measure of calm. "She was the one person who gave damn about me."
"I give.." he began.
"I know. You care. But no matter how much you love me, there is a part of you that wants to change a part of me. You want me to keep my temper in check, to not be so moody, to some kind of Pollyanna that is more personable to others. She accepted me for who and what I was, without questions, without complaints. I could be completely honest with her. She looked beyond all the crap and saw who I was, the REAL me. And she understood that. Do you have any idea how often that happens?" She turned and looked at their reflections in the mirror. "If a person is very lucky they might, maybe get someone like that in their lives once. Some never get that. I did. And now I don't. So please forgive me if I don't act the way that you think I should."
"Renee," he said, coming up behind her to give her a hug. She shrugged his arms off hers, and pushed past him. She grabbed her leather jacket and her keys from the table by the bed. She stuffed the keys in the pocket of the coat, and her fingers brushed up against something cold and metal. She slowly pulled the lighter out and looked at it.
Oh God Angie, she thought. Her vision blurred slightly and she thought that she finally cry. Got to get out of here, she thought, running out of the room. Got to find, Angie. Got to talk to Ang. She'll have some perspective. She'll understand. She always does.
Angie'll understand.

****

She heard footsteps in the grass. She looked out the corner of her eye and saw Keith coming towards her.
"How'd you find me?" she asked, then inhaled on the cigarette that she held. He just looked at her for a few seconds.
"I thought you quit smoking," he said.
"I did. Then I started again," she said leaning back. She could feel the cold from Angie's tombstone seep through her T-shirt, giving her goosebumps.
"Where is your jacket?" he asked. She looked down. He saw now. He raised his eyebrows a little as if he was asking a question.
"The grass was wet, so I decided to use it for a seat cushion," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "How did you find me?"
"Lucky guess. Bret called me and told me about your fight. I guess he figured you'd be at my place. I thought that if I were you, I'd be in the one place I could talk to Angie. Looks like I was right."
"I wonder why people have such elaborate markers," she said. "Mystic angels, crosses, even little cherubs. All to mark a glorified worm farm." She flicked the cigarette towards the marker across from her.
"You can't go on like this, Ren. You need to let go. Otherwise you are going to break down. Ang would not have wanted that."
"You know what? She may not have wanted it , but she would have understood." She lit another cigarette, inhaling the smoke deep into her lungs. "I can't. It hurts to much."
He sighed, then stood up. "Well, I had hoped that it would not come to this, but maybe you better not come around the house for a while."
"Why the hell not? The baby needs me."
"That may be so. In fact, it probably is. But right now you need the baby more then he needs you," he said. She shook her head. "Yes, you do. And as his father and also your friend, I think he deserves more. I think it's for the best."
She could not believe what she was hearing. "The hell with what you think! You're a fine one to be talking about letting go. Like you have. You spent the past week blubbering like an idiot. And who stayed and took care of the baby? Me. Not you. So spare me your little platitudes, okay? That boy has already lost one mother." She didn't really want to hurt him, but she could not stop herself.
He sighed and pulled an envelope from his pocket. "Renee, she knew that she might not make it through the delivery..."
"What?!"
"She told me that if anything happened to her, I should give you this. I haven't read it. Maybe you should. Come and see me when you have. Then we'll talk." He handed her the envelope and walked away, his shoulders shaking.
She watched him walk away, then looked down at the envelope. She should open it, she thought. But she was scared. Very slowly she slid her thumb under the flap and tore it open. There was a letter inside.
 

Dear Renee,

Oh God, she thought. When did she write this? She looked at the date. June 17. That was two months ago.

Dear Renee,
If you are reading this then something has gone wrong with the delivery. They told me it might. Something about my blood chemistry or something like that.
I decided not to tell you because, lets face it you would have spent the next few months hovering over me, worrying about me. We both know that you aren't half as tough as everyone seems to think you are. Besides I didn't want to worry you, because there was a chance that I would be fine.
That said I need you to do a favor for me. I want you to take care of the baby. And of Keith. But most importantly I want you to take care of you. You are my best friend and I would hate to think that I made you sad. I love you.

Angie
 

Renee put the note down and rubbed her eyes again. Dammit Ang, she thought. Why didn't you tell me ? I could've helped. I should've helped. You should've told me. Oh God, why didn't you tell me?
She rubbed her eyes again. Her fingers ere wet, and she was crying. She cradled the letter to her chest and just let the tears flow. Everyday she had known Angie, she remembered, some in more detail. But all remembered. She reread the note and this time she heard Angie's voice, telling it was ok to let go and to keep an eye on Keith and the baby. Through the tears she smiled
"And so it begins, eh, Ang?" she said, then laughed because she realized how pretentious she sounded. If Angie were here she would've said...
"Get over yourself, Ren. This is me here, remember?"
Renee allowed herself to laugh as she pulled out a cigarette. Flick....
"You know Ang, I guess this damn lighter is coming in handy after all. Especially since I started smoking again." She smiled and snapped the lighter closed.
 
 

Revised 4/8/98

 © JadeRyan 1998-2000.