Welcome to Summer's edition of the Girl World Advice Page. Darkmoon! She's baaaaaaaaack.....
I am a gymnast. I am in level 10. It is the highest level before the olympics so I am really short and small. I am 16 years old and I am 4 ft 9 in. I have always been real insecure about this because I thought it always bothered boys. I am a straight a student and so I have a boyfriend. His name is Brandon. He called me the other day and said that he had to break up with me because of my height and that all the boys were making fun of him about it. After he called I was crying for the rest of the night. I have no one to talk to in the house because I have three brothers, 2 younger ones and 1 older one. My
mother is dead and I can't talk to my father about this kind of stuff what should I do?
First of all, you know what? I've had your exact problem too; I'm 4'11" myself, and all my life people have teased me and misjudged me because of my height. It's a very stupid reason- people are idiots. Especially that loser you call your boyfriend! So you're short. Big deal! Look at you- you are GOOD at gymnastics, and your height can only add to that skill. And you know what they say- good things come in small packages. Your "boyfriend" is just too much of an idiot to see that! If anything, I bet it's not really the height that bothers him; I bet it's the fact that you're more athletic than he is. Your talent intimidates him, like being a genius or being a famous actress would too. It's not your fault- people like him who can't see past the outside or the skill to the person within are too immature to waste time on. I hope you feel better, and good luck.
~Daine~
I have a best friend and for ages I've fancied her boyfriend. I've tried telling her and I've even tried telling him but this boy is absolutely gorgeous. I have got off with him and we can't look eachother in the eye and it's hurting my feelings to think that her almost slept with me and is still carrying on with my BEST FRIEND.
What qualities has made you fancy this boy? I see at as a good thing you've tried to tell both your friend and the guy how you feel. You can't keep things bottled up inside of you for so long. When you said you've "got off with him", I'm assuming you've almost had or did have sex together. Under this assumption, I will base my answer. I can only imagine the pain you have after you almost slept with this guy. Did the guy pressure you into sleeping with him? If you said "No", I applaud you. If this guy is carrying on with your best friend after what he did you, I would say that is cheating, extremely close to that. If this is hurting you to such an extent, speak with a trusted adult. Talk to the guy, let him know what's going on. Do talk to your friend and tell her what he did to you. If this still bothers you to such an extent, I encourage you to seek help. I hope you will do well.
-Nancy
I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and it was at the second time we went out and I don't know why I broke up with him. I know he still likes me and I still like him, but I think it would be weird if we went out again, and I don't know what to tell him. Should I and if so, and how?
What made you break up with him in the beginning? Was it impulse or fear of something? I can tell you this; you need to sit down and think on what you want to do about this extremely carefully. What makes you still like this guy? It could be weird if you went out again, but you may need some time to cool off. If your desire is to go out again, you need to start off in a slow manner and not take anything too fast.-Nancy
My good friend started a webzine. I wanted it to appear popular, so I
made
up a persona, one of an 18 year old guy (for
diversity) and I submitted
some stuff in his name. My friend emailed him
back, so to be polite, I
wrote back too, and now she and my character have
been emailing for a few
months. I couldn't see any harm with innocent
emailing, so I never stopped
it. Here's the problem- my friend now has a huge
crush on this guy I made
up- she gave him her real address, she wants him
to write her and send a
pic. Now I can't take this charade any further-
it's gone way too far, but
I can't tell her the truth because she'd be
devastated, and she'd hate my
guts. I know what I did was wrong, but it's DONE;
is there any way I can
get out of this without hurting either of us?
~Anonymous
Here's my advice to you. You have to either find some way to take
Mr. Fantasy Man out of the picture permanently (death, computer being taken offline,
moving, taking vows, etc.), make him completely unattractive or unattainable to your friend (make him infected with some deadly, disfiguring disease, or make him gay; nothing wrong with that, except he obviously wouldn't like her) or tell the truth. Probably the latter would be
best in the long run, even if the friend does hate you...it was done with the
best of intentions after all, or so I gather, and if your friend can't see
that, then she wasn't a real friend to start with. If you can't bring yourself to do that, then
probably a nice elaborate BS-session would work. Don't just walk up to her and say, "The boy you've been talking to would never like you, because it was me all along.", though - be subtle about it.
Ok, well, my friend has a really cute brother. At his school, every girl wants him. I really love him. I really don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about him. All of the songs on the radio make me think of him. Every time I come over to my friend's house, he always flirts with me like heck. He'll slap my butt or ask me if I have a b-friend, stuff like that. With all the stuff my friend tells me about what he says, all very good things, I just get so happy. Plus, at my friend's and her brother's bar-mitzvah, he asked me to slow dance. We danced really close and at the end, he kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him back. But, I don't know what to do. I want to ask him out, but, he's totally in love with this girl Jenny, but not me!! He's going to high school this fall and I will next year. PLEASE respond. I don't know what to do!!!!!
What makes you love this guy so much? How well do you know him? This sounds like a really big crush. It seems like you have yourself worked up about this guy. You need to sit yourself down and ask yourself these questions: Is he worth being so wound up about? What does he see in me? What triggered these feelings in me? Why does he ask me if I have a boyfriend and flirt with me while he has a girlfriend? There are other questions that you could ask yourself, and these are just for starters. The fact that he's slapped your rear-end on one occasion or two, that's really not a good thing. How do you feel when he does that to you? Do you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? It's also said that you kissed him back at the bar mitzvah. Do you think you gave him a wrong indication of your feelings? When he asks you questions if you have a boyfriend, slaps you on the rear-end, that should make your brain say, "Hold on, wait a minute! Reality check! What's going on here?"
The other fact that he does to you while he has a girlfriend is a problem also. You need to try and talk to him, (on the phone would be advised) and ask him specfically why he does to you. You need to tell him how you feel inside. I don't want to make it sound like he could be cheating on his girlfriend, but that is something to consider. Think this through with a clear head, think wisely. You need to think what is going to be best in the long run. I suggest talking to someone you trust about what you want to do before you talk to this guy. Think this through clearly.
- Nancy
Darkmoon adds: Five exclamation points! Are you insane?
Seriously, though. It could just be "brotherly" affection. Don't misread him. Also, I get the feeling that you're really exaggerating. You "really love him" and "can't stop thinking about him". This sounds more like a teenage crush, or infatuation, to me. What about him are you in "love" with? His looks? Or his personality? It makes a difference in the way you should act.
I'm going to a new school new year, and I want the other girls to like me. How do I become more cool? I need to know real bad! Help!
~Megan~
Dear Megan:
Let me start by saying that I know exactly how you feel. All through the sixth grade, I was an outcast, someone different who was therefore classified as "uncool". All I wanted to do was fit in.
However, I'm going to give you some advice - and some facts - that you're probably not going to like.
There is no one "way" to become more "cool". It's different all over the country, and different in different schools. And I'm certainly not the best one to tell you how to be "cool".
However, it was the sixth-grade experience that convinced me of something. Being cool is not worth it. The cliques, the shunning, the laughing - it's too high a price to pay. And even more so - wanting to be "cool" can lead to eating disorders such as anorexia. ("If I weren't so fat, maybe they'd like me!"! Some people I know who are considered popular are really selfish, undeserving people and / or shallow. But all of them were conformists. I firmly believe that the only thing to do is just be yourself, and if you're not cool, well, then the popular people don't deserve you.
I am a 13 year old who lives in Louisiana. What should I do about abuse? No one belives me whan I tell them what is going on. I even called the cops and my parents denied it , completely. I don't know what to do or who to talk to. What should I do? I don't know how much longer I can do this. Help.
~anonymous~
Now, this may sound unfair, but the law says that unless there is a mark
(bruise, welt, cuts, etc.) left by what your parents are doing, it can't be
used to file a report against them. And since it can't, it probably isn't a
good idea to call the police again. You should go to a local abuse center or
call an abuse hotline, and someone there will most likely be able to help
you.
However, if it does leave a mark, go straight to the phone and call the
police
again, and this time don't tell your parents. Tell the police every detail
of
the abuse, however painful it may be to talk about it; they will need it to
file a report, and show them the marks as proof. If they are still
skeptical,
then go directly to the nearest abuse shelter and talk to them. The important thing is to find someone who believes you and will listen. If
not the police, then the abuse shelter or hotline, if not them, then talk to
another trusted adult. Someone will listen; just keep hope.
Dear Starlight:
Hi!I cannot sleep at night at all! I've tried everything I know of!I just sit here every
night just thinking!Please Help Me!
-Sleepless
Well I have had the same kind of problem too. One thing that caused me not being able to get to sleep was I was online for about an hour or so right before I went to sleep, so my mind was still wide awake, even though I felt tired. Also if you wake up at noon and try and go to bed at 9, it isn't going to work! What you might want to try to do is make sure you don't drink caffeine for about 4 hours before you plan on going to bed. You also might want to try and drink hot tea or warm milk before you go to sleep. I hope I helped!!!
This is Darkmoon. I agree with almost everything Starlight says, but would like to add something. Hot tea is, in my opinion, not the greatest idea, because most tea has caffeine in it. Try herbal teas, specifically chamomile tea - it puts you to sleep. Also, you might try dimming the lights for about 30 minutes before you go to bed - lack of light stimulates the production of melanin (or something like that), a chemical that helps you sleep. Thanks!
Starlight
Starlight