"Now that I think about it, he's right! It's a matchbox car and a pillbox hat!"-Spencer, Re: Her entry of "Matchbox Hat" in Scattergories
"Now that I think about it, he's right! It's a matchbox car and a pillbox hat!"
-Spencer, Re: Her entry of "Matchbox Hat" in Scattergories
"It was a joint, not a klansman!"
"And we've had this conversation before!"
-Marisa, Becky, to Spencer regarding the character on Big Ass Mike's shirt
"Monogamous."
"Do do do do do."
-Becky, Ethan & Curtis (to the tune of the muppet song that sounds like "Phenomenon")
"He's Crowe-torious."
-Ethan, Re: Cameron Crowe
There once was a woman named Toast
And she was a fabulous host
We ate all her bread
And then she was dead
And then I had sex with her ghost
-Ethan, Curtis, and Mar's limerick about Toast
"They're not bluegrass but they do a cover of 'Love Shack'."
-Bayard, Re: The Nields
"I was in a posse for a semester."
"What did you call it?"
"We called it 'The Posse'. Then we realized we were a clique and disbanded."
-Spencer, Mar, Spencer
"Pork Mi Fun? That is not a dish!"
-Becky, Re: Chinese Food
Editor's note: It is a dish.
"It's important to have an aesthetic."
-Spencer, Re: Being attracted to similar looking people
"I was a lot more scared when we went on The Old Mill."
-Jesse, Re: Playland vs. 'House of 1,000 Corpses'
"...the Lance Bass crack."
-Ethan
"She's French, I mean Australian."
-Becky Re: Kylie Minogue
"We're not the gay Jewish incestuous twins. Well, we are Jewish, but we're not incestuous because we're not related. Well, and we're not having sex."
-Becky, to Ethan
"I don't think it's that difficult to have hos in different area codes."
"It's having them in the same area code that would be difficult."
"You need like, a resource list."
-Becky, Mar, Bayard
"Why did you put pepperoni in the toilet? That's disgusting."
"It was one of those situations where I had too much money..."
-Becky, Spencer
"That's whack! The book ends and she's still a virgin and they're going to get married! What kind of romance novel is this?"
-Becky
"What sport uses shoulder pads? 80's?"
-Curtis
"So, in fact, when you challenge someone, you're really collaborating."
"It's like challenging in the academic sense, as in 'I challenge you to do better.'"
-Becky, Ethan
"I like music with drama."
"Then you should like Meat Loaf! He is all about drama and theatricality."
"I like Meat Loaf b-"
Bayard makes an interrupting motion
"That's all I need to hear."
-Becky, Bayard, Becky, Bayard
"Did you see Bowling for Columbine?"
"I was there with you."
"Oh, sorry."
"It's okay, I said the same thing to Curtis."
-Becky, Jesse, Becky, Jesse (Thanks, Becky)
"I am so circumcised, I was circumcised three times."
-Scott (Thanks, Becky)
"I didn't like this song the first couple times I heard it, but then I heard it when I was driving and I was like, 'This song is awesome."
"It's like Grape Nuts for your ears."
-Bayard, Ethan, Re: The Whole World
"Theme thong."
-Spencer
"I was all, 'Well, do you have hos? When I was a pimp, I had four hos.' and he said 'I have six.'"
-Spencer Re: Their respective pimp Halloween costumes
"But you don't like compliments at all!"
"Kind of."
-Becky, Ethan
"Bush's ass, the mouth of God, there's no distiction."
-Spencer
"You know who your grandfather looks like?"
"That bald dude on Star Trek? Jean-Luc Godard?"
-Bayard, Becky
For the record:
Jean-Luc Godard = French New Wave director
Jean-Luc Picard = bald dude on Star Trek
"I love them, I really do, but who the fuck sends jam through the mail?"
-Spencer
"Do you know how many padiddles I saw in the past 24 hours?"
"How many?"
"I don't know how many but everybody should be making out with me right now."
-Michelle, Mar, Michelle
“The pacing of this line is glacial.”
-Jesse Re: Subway
“That’s a high-tech fan. Who makes it?”
“Van Der Crosser? Oh, Windchaser.”
-Rayme, Dave
“I got into an accident that way.”
“I thought you crashed into a house.”
“I didn’t crash into a house, I drove into it.”
“You parked in the basement.”
-Phil, Dave, Phil, Dave
“I think the waiter is omnipotent ‘cause he knew you wanted onion rings.”
“You mean omniscient.”
“That’s not even a word!”
“Yes it is.”
“Well, omnipotent is the noun form of omniscient.”
“No. Omnipotent is all-powerful and omniscient is all-knowing.”
“Then it is! Because knowledge is power.”
-Dave, Mike, Dave, Mike, Dave, Mike, Mar (recorded by Michelle)
“Aren’t I always singing? When I speak, don’t it come out as melody?”
-Dave
“No secrets! Who are you, Ya-ya Queen of the Damned?”
-Phil
“If I could go back in time and I could only do one thing I would stop myself from breaking my tooth in first grade and see how my like turns out differently.”
-Craig
“I’m retroactively saying ’Come on.’”
-Craig
“I went to see a band with nine drummers…no, one drummer.”
-Arjun
“Who was that guy who did things? He had that ship ‘The Beagle’?”
“Darwin?”
“Yes.”
-Dave, Craig, Dave
“Also, there is a smaller, greener rabbit.”
-Arjun, never having mentioned an original rabbit
“What’s making that noise? Oh, there’s a quarter in my tissue box. Maybe it’s my peso! Nah…just a quarter.”
-Jesse
“Xaviers in the night…”
-Jesse, Re: two stuffed animals name Xavier slow-dancing
"Maya, Maya the Bee,
I still love you Baby!"
-Ethan, combining the theme from Maya the Bee and
"Don't Cry" by Guns N' Roses
"Cumguzzler? Splooge gargler?"
[laughter]
"That makes me want to give head-- I mean. Not right now-- but, just so I can gargle."
-Nick, all, Becky
"I had a dream once where Bayard and I were in a contest and we had to lick up splooge running down a hill."
"Who won?"
"I did, Bayard wouldn't do it."
-Nick, Becky, Nick
"A mouth full of bling-bling is, like, the definition of thuggin'."
-Nick
"Because. It's... a hole. Do you get what I'm saying? How can I put this? It's-- not a desert. More like a marsh. Am I right?"
-Becky, on the questionably merits of girls wearing boxers
"MERYL STREEP!"
"Streep: (noun) the sore throat that you get from running naked in the cold. 'This looks like a particularly Meryl case of Streep.'"
-Everyone, Ethan
"See, I would snog, but I don't think I would shag."
-Becky
"She's like the boring part of Who Wants to be a Millionaire."
-Mar
"I know 1,000 people who looked just like that and they're all the same. They live to infect, they don't create."
-Bigass Mike
"I can't think of anyone I'd want to burn."
[Gasp]
"Carrot Top!"
-Kate
"I think there should be a ban on sentences that start, 'It's just like in "The Wall."'"
-Val
"Like dogs. Dogs smell great and are attractive."
-Nick, sarcastically, Re: Dogs
"Do you see that big breast on the wall?"
"You mean the bowl?"
"Yes."
-Becky, Nick, Becky
"Read two books for one class? No. I'm reading zero books for two classes!"
-Bayard
"Now I have to go drink this communist peasant water."
-Jesse, Re: Drinking Brita water when there was no juice
"That class is called 'Daughters of Demeter.' I'd take it if it were called 'Sons of Mr. T.'"
-Jesse
"I think lying and stealing are sort of the same thing."
"No they're not! If someone asks me if I steal, I say 'Yes!'"
-Ethan, Becky
"That's like that movie we saw...'The Cell.'"
"It'd be funny if that were Jell-o."
"If that were J-Lo? J-Lo jigglers!"
-Becky, Michelle, Ethan
"Oh come the fuck on."
-Michelle
"Ukelele? I hardly know her."
-Ethan
"Who is Jerry Garcia?"
[laughter]
"I have these blocks against dead people from the 60's!"
-Becky (who also forgot who Keith Moon was)
"Jeeves, I rather fancy myself in the mood for a nice chianti. Will you be so kind as to fetch one from the kitchen at once?"
"You mean milk?"
"Cripple slave boy! I said fetch me a fine chianti!"
-Jen, Nick, Jen (she got milk)
"I got scissors; I got a razor. We can get you bald in a few minutes."
-Nick Re: Val
"I had that book."
[slightly after]
"That was...a book."
-Nick, Michelle Re: The Red Balloon
"I am all about Shriners."
-Becky, Re: The Shriners
"At least in my family when we're sick we crawl off into the woods, and if we survive we come back, and if not, we die."
-Ethan
"Alan Thicke was hot in the 80's."
"Alan Thicke was never attractive. It's like the first line in the Bible."
-Becky, Ethan
"You can really like someone and have a conversation with them and not have sex with them."
-Becky, Re: Steve Buscemi
Michelle draws a stick figure
"This is how I actually used to draw people. No bodies. Heads, arms, legs, and knees. Knees were very important."
-Michelle
"I'd rather have him be gay than be a patriot."
-Becky Re: her brother
Category: Things That Are Collectible
"Plates."
"Becky said that already."
"No, mine are the non-collectible kind."
-Ethan, All, Ethan
"...If you fry it like a scrambled egg..."
-Becky, Re: Placenta
"Oh! Chinese beer! Chinese beer! He laid it on you!"
-Nick
"You douche."
"Douche not!"
"Douché."
-Becky, Ethan, Becky
Category: Bands Named After an Animal
"Fiona Apple!"
-Val (and we let it go for a second)
"Jeffrey Dhamer, Brian Dennehy..."
-Bayard, on who is a cannibal
"Muhmuhmuhmuh Faye Dunaway."
-Michelle's version of "Take On Me."
"Four of us drinking is practically drinking alone."
-Becky
"35mm! I'm going to cry!"
-Jen (Re: Moulin Rouge)
"Yesterday was so surreal. I mean, I don't usually get in trouble with the law."
-Bayard
"You can only have an anti-drug if you're good at something."
-Dave
"Someone at that table is drinking O'Doul's."
"O'Tools!"
-Mar, Michelle
"Ok, everyone, we're gonna play my game now! Actually, wait, Dave, do you have Trivial Pursuit? That's a better game."
-Arjun
"I know tomorrow my mom will be all 'Dave, we bought that chicken in March 1995, before your Bar Mitzvah.'"
"You ate Dave's Bar Mitzvah Chicken?!?"
-Dave, Michelle
"We went to soyouwannacookchicken dot com."
"No, we searched for 'Cooking Chicken For Dumbasses.'"
[In the voice of an announcer]
"Are you a retard?"
"Do you have a chicken and a fire?"
-Mar, Dave, Rayme, Dave
(Synthesis)
"Are you a retard with a seven year old chicken?"
-Dave
"Was that my ass?"
"I dunno, it's got a good sound?"
-Mar, Craig Re: Playing Mar like a drum
"Ready for Tonsil Hockey?"
-Dave, Re: Sugar Hockey
"Craig obviously knows more numbers than you!"
-Dave, Re: Screaming Numbers (Craig vs. Amanda)
"She has the personality of a mousepad."
-Mom
"You are the weakest drink, goodbye!"
-Everybody at Ken's
RE: Leaving a note on the table about going to California (Like Mom)
"Your father is different from your grandfather...I'll catch up with you in Chicago."
"And kill you."
"Yes, kill me so that nothing bad happens to me on the way to California."
"No, it's about respect."
-Dad, Mom, Mar, Dad
"I have a really broad interpretation of cute. Like that ketchup bottle is really cute."
-Mar
"Remember that I was gonna annoucne my TV show idea? Now it's the most inappropriate thing. Ok, it's called 'Animals...When You Least Expect Them.' Not like today, but it's like a corporate meeting where you get to meet the big boss for the first time and the chair spins around and it's a monkey or something...it reminds us that we're all animals. Like, they pick a new pope and it's a cat."
-Arjun
"How do you take it off, Dave?"
"One button at a time."
-Phil, Dave, Re: Phil's hard drive
"I want to work at a country club, I mean, it begins with cunt!"
-Phil
"Someone on my hall started a band called The Honesty Hats because when the kid down my hall was yelling at his girlfriend, he told them to put on their honesty hats for a minute."
-Craig
"I meant for the environment, you alcoholics."
-Matt, on why we should carpool
"It's Wesleyan. They have to respect the diversity of your injury."
Overheard
"I thought of a title for our first song. 'Rip Van Twinkle.' Get it? We sleep. We're stars. Do you get the triple irony there?"
-The Guy Ahead of Me In Line
I don't see the irony at all
"I'm a Soprano."
"I am an Alto
You bettah step, ho
Or I'm gonna get yo."
-Mar, Jen, to the tune of "Survivor"
"No, it's true that islands are social constructions. Everyone says that Australia is the only island continent, but it's not true. We're an island. They're all islands. But you know what's not an island? Rhode island!"
-Bayard
"I will do nothing practical today."
"We'll only do things that are practically stupid."
-Mar, Bayard
"Porn is a social construction."
-Michelle
"Nick's line, 'I can get off crossing the street.'"
"You gotta do it right."
"Main street is pretty wide."
"What do you think the hand on the signal is for?"
-Ethan, Nick, Bayard, Ethan
"This is fucking yoga."
"No, fucking yoga is the kama sutra."
-Someone, Bayard
"But if someone walks in on you while you're having sex, you're having sex!"
-Michelle Re: If it's better to have someone walk in on you having sex or singing loudly
"Magical realism can kiss my ass."
-Becky
"I swear there's only one Bozo the Clown."
-Becky
"I got the bends on that one."
"What do you mean?"
"'Cause I'm rising!"
-Becky, Mar, Becky
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