Koil Ting's Poems and Shit

The Daemon and The Aliens

I was traped in a prison with a rat
the rat was much more than fat
The reason I'm in this prison is because I own that rat
it ate my good friends cat
In fact that's why he's fat
In this prison it's rather
glum watching all these gay guys cum
There really is nothing to do
except for watch them screw
I once tried to escape
I made it all the way to the gate
where the gaurds caught up
and sent the evil pup
this dog was awufly small
So I smached it with a metalic ball
I then climbed over the fence
That was hence
before I noticed I was in alkatras so I fell into the dark abyss
when I really had to piss
I pissed in the ocean where there was a fish
The fish got mad
so I got sad
when I reailized it was a shark
And it was really dark
It took a bite out of my
leg where it infested a deamon egg
I didn't know the deamon was there
and the gaurds came on a boat called samare
The gaurds took me back to prison
When I noticed my leg was itchin'
And the deamon came with claws
Then he showed the bars his evil jaws
he busted through with seeming ease
Then the gaurds sent the killer bees
But I chucked a sees
lolipop at the bees
The bees went flying into space
and the deamon chomped on a guys face
the gaurds started screaming
and the prisoners started chearing
The deamon freed all the cells
and chaos went threw the realms
Earth was almost instantly turned to hell
Then the mighty deamon triped and almost fell But many saved him by the well
He then ruled all of earth and hell as well
Then a group of christain monks tried to stop him with their spears
but the deamon burned their ears
later he made them pay
by stuffing them full of hay
There was no more rebelion for quite a while
until aliens came from miles and miles
They said they would kill us all
but the deamon made their ships fall
the aliens shot their master death ray
The deamon claimed they were gay
The blast really didn't do shit
so the aliens made a master bit
this bit was very bigand it could destroy all of earth
but the deamon destroyed it while it was in the air
the deamons cried and burnt their hair
the humans laughed and drunk much beer
while the aliens left the planet and dismissed in fear
they would come back in years to come
hoping the evil leader would not get some
when they came later they noticed they were wrong
so they decided to smoke a bong
because their was deamons in the town
There was only two people left on the ground
where they fucked so much
that people came a bunch
eventuly the deamons magic and the humans technology
lead the earth to counqur the galaxy
They together ruled the world
And much mechindice was sold
Then master deamon made me immortal
So we controled all galaxys forever
After words I drunk some of the deamons blood
Which turned my REAL HOT girl friend into mud
SO the deamon made me a new one And we fucked till it was no fun
And i began to run
Now I'm done with this poem
And I'm real happy I don't live in nome.

The Pig

I once met a pig it was rather fat
it ate my hand and spit it out
after that it stared for a while
then gave me a wicked smile
it started grunting some strane sounds
then it's owner called for the hounds
they chased me for 5 hours
then the pig granted them mystical powers
they all started flying and yelped a belch
before striking my can of welch
they ate the juice and wanted more
they all fled to the store
I then thought I was safe
until the pig chomped on my face
I tried to run but the big was fast
almost as fast as it was vast
it pounced at me from a dictance
but missed my face and went down my pants
I then started running around
for the pig had bit somthing that weighed much more then a pound
I ran down the street
until the pig ate my feet
so i colapsed to the ground
and look what I had found
A computer game known as warcraft
A knight jumped out and choped the pig in half
the pig then squilled it's infamous words
"Fuck you ass hole"
the words were herd all over town
next came along a flood and i was sure to drown
but I noticed a little hole
and from it came out a mole
the mole started singing a song
and then hit his sacred bong
but he missed and mashed my shlong(what was left of it)
the guts went flying everywhere
even in the moles hair
the mole got pissed from these guts
so he karate choped my nuts
I of course fell to the ground
but the mole continued to pound
until my balls were no more then mush
I started yelping some strange noise
as I lost all form of my poise
then came a tie fighter from the sky
so the mole through his sacred pie
the pie went swirling in the air
landing in the drivers hair(driver of the tie)
he started spining round and round
landed in the city pound
dogs came running everywhere
even with there burning hair
they cought the whole city to flame
and only i was left to blame
so now i'm in prison enjoying my fame.

James' Poem, But Not

From: Koil_Ting
To: -DarkStar-
Subject: I'll give you somthin' to laugh at!
Date: Sat, 6 Feb 1999 15:22:48 -0900

Two men walked into a bar
one of them had a gutair
He had traveled far
They started to sing a song
Bill smoked his bong
This lasted long
Sally had big breasts
Bill sucked on them with the rest
Bob said she tasted the best
Uhh screw the poems you wanted somthin' funny here it
is:
Rick only has one nut. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!