This Isn't Happening

Disclaimer: Thanks to the creators, De Meo and Bilson, of these wonderful characters, many of us have spent countless hours traveling into the Sandburg Zone....and what a wonderful ride it has been. Regretfully, the characters are theirs, but thankfully, they allow us to mold and develope them as well. No money is being made from this story, nor is any copyright infringement intended. I write for the fun of it....oh, and to rid myself of these little daydreams I seem to have.

Thanks to Patl for betaing for me....any errors found are my own. I appologize for not having this one up sooner....it's been ready for quite sometime now. :o(

Authors Notes: I have actual dialogue from the S2 ep. This text will be contained within (((( )))).

"It was the craziest thing," the young, dark haired paramedic began, "I mean we took the kid's vitals and found nothing. We did everything that we could to bring the kid back with no success and finally had to give up. The cop freaked. He jumped back on the kid and began to do CPR again. It took several guys to pull him off. He kept fighting the other officers that were holding him, calling out to his friend, insisting that he was still alive. Then all of a sudden he became quiet and said, ‘wait. I hear it.' We thought that the guy was going nuts."

The young man looked at his partner for confirmation. The older man nodded and then went back to filling out the paperwork.

Turning his attention back to the nurse, he continued. "He shouted for us to check again, but to listen longer. The guy was losing it, or so I thought. I placed my stethoscope to the kid's heart. It took a moment but I finally heard it, a faint beat, slow and irregular, but I'll be damned if it wasn't there. We couldn't tell if he was breathing on his own or not, so we bagged him all the way in." The paramedic shook his head in remembered disbelief. " I'll tell you Jackie, I've been an EMT for 10 years and I've never seen anything like it. I just hope for that guy's sake, the kid pulls through."

Having seen the state of Detective Jim Ellison with her own eyes, the young blonde nurse, who was standing behind the admissions desk, nodded in agreement.

Jim paced the waiting area like an expectant father, with Simon right behind him. "Damn! I can't believe this is happening," the detective mumbled, as he continued his pacing.

"Just calm down Jim. I'm sure the doctor will be out with a report on Blair's condition any minute."

Simon's words did nothing to soothe Jim. In fact, Jim only paced faster, looking completely frustrated and impatient.

Simon knew what was running through Jim's head, or at least he thought that he had a good idea.

‘If I could have gotten to Blair sooner...The kid should have been with me, so I could keep and eye on him...'

And he was right, Jim was thinking this and more. He was also praying that the kid would make it.

Simon placed a concerned and caring hand on Jim's shoulder. "Come on Jim. Why don't you sit down. You're just wasting the energy that you're going to need to help Sandburg get back on his feet again."

Jim thought about it for a moment and decided that Simon was right, however this didn't stop him from staring at the doors that stood between him and Blair, while Simon led him to a seat.

Jim took a deep breath and rubbed his stubbled face with his hands then rested his chin in them. He stared at the floor, going over the events of the morning. His stomach tightened, as he remembered seeing Blair floating face down in the cold murky water of the fountain. He wasn't sure what caused him to turn and see Blair, after all, he was prepared to enter the building. But something called out to him. It wasn't a gut instinct, but more of a mental plea....a sixth sense if you will. ‘Oh God. if only Sandburg could explain it to me.' The whole ordeal was so overwhelming that Jim was finding it hard to stay focused on any one idea.

Jim tried to recall if Blair had any visible injuries. None that he could remember. There were no signs of blood in the fountain, so Jim was almost certain that the kid hadn't been shot. ‘What could Alex have done to him? Give me a break, Blair's small, but he's by all means not a wimp. There is no way she could have taken him down....and why in public? Why in the open where there would be a chance that someone might stop her? Surely someone saw something.'

With a sense of urgency, fueled by fear, Jim turned to his Captain. "Simon, we have to question the students, someone had to have seen something! I mean give me a break here. A woman can't just drown a man in broad daylight on a busy college campus and have no one notice! I just can't buy it," Jim ranted, his eyes tired, but determined.

"Calm down Jim. Rafe and Brown are combing the campus now. They won't stop until they get answers."

"This can't be happening Simon. I mean...it just can't." Jim rubbed his face again. He remembered holding Blair's hand as they rode to the hospital. His hand was so cold, his body practically lifeless. They had almost lost the young police observer in the ambulance, but because of the persistence of the EMT, Blair had held on.

‘What if he flat lines again and they can't bring him back?' The knots in his stomach twisted, becoming still tighter. "Simon.....what happens if he...." Jim's voice was heavy with emotion.

Knowing where the question was leading, Simon cut Jim short. In his line of work it was a question often asked. "Jim, don't even think that way. Blair's a tough kid. He'll pull through this."

"Are you sure?" Jim asked, staring blindly at the floor, his weary face reflecting back up at him from the high gloss finish on the white tiles.

"As sure as I can be. I find it hard to believe that fate would allow you and Blair to find each other, to work together, only to end the partnership like this....I believe with everything that I am, that you two were brought together for a greater purpose and that Blair will survive this, in order to fulfill that purpose." Simon focused on Jim, trying to determine if his words were having any effect on the man.

He could tell that Jim was having a hard time with the whole situation. Worry lines were etched across his brow, his eyes saddened and filled with guilt. Jim didn't have to say it, Simon knew the man well enough. He knew that his friend was feeling guilty for the fact that Blair was there in the first place. It was just a matter of time before his emotions came to a head and they would become public knowledge. Simon hoped that he would be the one to talk Jim through it when he finally decided to open up. Yet knowing that Jim would do so in his own time, the captain decided that pushing his friend would only prove to be fruitless. He only hoped that it wouldn't be too late, when Jim did finally face his demons.

Jim was on his feet before the doctor came through the doors and into the waiting area. Even though Simon had known about Jim's abilities for several years, they never ceased to amaze him.

To prepare himself for the worst, Jim watched the doctor's every move, hoping to see something that might tell him of Blair's condition.

The doctor approached and introduced himself to Simon and Jim, taking and shaking Simon's out stretched hand.

"Good afternoon gentlemen. I'm Dr. Kelsey. I've been treating and monitoring Mr. Sandburg's condition since he was brought in earlier this morning."

"How is he?" Jim asked impatiently.

"Well, he's still alive," the doctor said, trying to sound optimistic.

This irritated Jim. He knew Blair was still alive. He had been listening to his guide's struggling heartbeat for the past four hours. "I know that. Will he be alright?"

Simon placed a hand on Jim's shoulder in a silent request for Jim to calm down.

"We have stabilized him somewhat, but he is not out of the woods."

"He didn't only just almost drown did he?" Jim asked, something was telling him that there was something else affecting his guide.

"Well, we are still doing tests, but we did find something strange during his blood work up." The doctor opened up the chart that he had been holding to his chest.

"What?" Both men asked in unison.

"We found traces of a foreign substance in his system. We have sent samples out for further analysis. It's like nothing our lab technicians have ever seen before."

"How is he now?" Jim pressed.

"Well right now he's in a type of stasis."

"Stasis?" Jim asked, immediately thinking that the good doctor had seen one too many episodes of Star Trek. "What's that suppose to mean?"

The doctor gave a slight smile. "His vitals are very close to that of a comatose state. His heartbeat is stronger than it was when he first arrived. It looks as if the drug, whatever it maybe, is slowly working its way out of his system."

Simon let out a sigh of relief, and the doctor noticed.

"I don't want to give you gentlemen false hope, as I stated before, Mr. Sandburg is not out of danger. He still has a long way to go and that's barring any complications."

Another knot formed in Jim's stomach. "Complications?" he asked softly, not really wanting to hear what the doctor was about to say. It was bad enough already.

The doctor closed the chart that he had been browsing through, looking at both men. Hoping to convey how serious the situation was, he continued. "Because of the uncertainty as to how long Mr. Sandburg was exposed to this agent, we are unable to tell if there will be any damage."

Simon and Jim stared at the doctor in disbelief, unsure of what to say. Both men were thinking about how Blair didn't deserve this.

The doctor continued. "The possibility of brain damage exists, due to the fact that his respiration was practically non-existent when he was brought in. His breathing is currently being assisted by a respirator. We hope that we can slowly ease him off if it as he becomes stronger. I'm afraid we won't know the extent, if any, of brain damage, until Mr Sandburg regains consciousness. We are also monitoring his lungs. Since he took in quite a bit of water, we want to make sure that we do not have a case of infection or pneumonia develop.

"When can we see him?" Simon asked.

"He will be moved to ICU shortly. We don't normally allow visitors but in this case I'll make an exception. Give us about thirty minutes to get him situated and we will let you know when you can see him. I have another patient to check on. I'll be back to check on Mr. Sandburg later this evening."

"Thank you doctor." Simon said, shaking the doctor's hand appreciatively.

Jim merely stood there in a state of shock. Something inside of him was screaming to shut down. But then the sentinel said, ‘No. You must protect and care for your guide.'

The sentinel sat quietly in Blair's room, watching his young guide's chest rise and fall with the aid of the ventilator.

A nurse walked into the room carrying a bag. "These are his personal effects. Would you like them or shall I put them in the cabinet?"

Jim looked at the bag for a moment and then reached for it. "I'll take it," he said softly.

The nurse smiled. "He's doing better. His vitals are becoming stronger with each passing hour."

The weary man nodded, although he hadn't seen much improvement himself.

The nurse smiled sympathetically. "If you need anything, anything at all, just call the nurses' station okay?"

Again Jim nodded, without averting his gaze from the bag.

Knowing that would be her only answer from the sullen man, she left the room.

Jim turned the clear bag over and over in his hands, examining the contents within. Opening it, he sighed then began the task of removing Blair's pants, jacket, shirt, and an envelope holding the smaller items. The garments still smelled faintly of chlorine and mold, causing the sentinel to crinkle his nose.

Opening the envelope, he let the contents spill out onto the plastic bag. A necklace, keys, loose change, ponytail holder, earrings, bracelet, Blair's lucky Zuni fetish, and his wallet. Picking up the Zuni fetish, he held it for a moment, gently rubbing his thumb over the cool, hand carved stone. 'Some luck,' he thought. He laid the stone down and picked up the young man's wallet and opened it. The older man smiled when he saw a worn picture of Simon, Blair, and himself, on their last fishing trip, carefully folded to fit the small photo pocket. A student ID, Driver's License, and Police Observer pass with the chain coiled were tucked inside several of the pockets. Jim looked in the money compartment. Two one dollar bills, various receipts for books and such. Then Jim looked at the money again....'two dollars? That's all the kid has?' Jim remembered Blair begging him to meet him for lunch the day before, to try and talk things out. Jim met him, but things didn't get resolved. Jim mentally kicked himself as he remembered that Blair hadn't bought himself anything to eat. He only ordered a Coke and crunched the ice loudly. ‘Damn!' Jim looked up at Blair, his eyes beginning to water slightly. ‘Why didn't I see it? He was hungry and he didn't have the money for lunch. The kid is too proud to ask. Hell, why should he ask me for anything? I threw his butt out....he probably had to use what money he had to find a place to stay.' For the first time since this whole thing started, Jim wondered where the kid was staying, and how he was making ends meet. The older man suddenly felt nauseous, knowing what the young man brought home each pay check and how Blair had to scrimp and save to make ends meet, even with their living arrangement. "How could I have been so......blind? So selfish? I'm supposed to protect you.....not hurt you." Jim closed the wallet and laid it down, then rubbed his face, quickly voiding himself of the tears spilling from his eyes. He carefully placed the items back in the bag and laid it in the chair next to him then walked over to stand next to Blair, hot salty tears streaming down his face. Taking a moment to regain some form of composure, Jim allowed his eyes to take in the small form that lay in the bed. His sentinel vision drifted over the coffee colored curls, his forehead that, at anyother time, would be creased in deep concentration, and the soft eyebrows that the young man would normally wiggle in jest. The long lashes that fluttered over expressive blue eyes when the young man was excited, now still due to his comotose like state. His eyes drifted to the small lobes of the young man's ears, now without the golden hoops that he so adored, then to his his neck, as he watched the pulse beat out a rhythm that only the sentinel could hear and understand. His finger traced the artery and a small welt that was just above it. It didn't register on Jim's weary mind that this was the site where the unidentified substance had made it's entry into Blair's system. Instead the information was filed away for later retrieval, while he let Blair's gentle pulse remind him of how lucky he was to still have his friend. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. " I never meant to hurt you. I love you Blair." He wiped his nose and then brushed his tears away again. "Please give me a chance to make it up to you....Please."

A stray tear rolled off of Jim's face, landing on the top of Blair's hand. The older man watched in facination, as it glistened in the room's lighting when Blair's hand moved reflexively. Jim's eyes widened at the sudden the movement. Quickly, he took Blair's hand in his own. "Chief? Can you hear me? Blair, squeeze my hand if you can hear me," he implored.

After a few moments of silent waiting, the sentinel's hope fell, as his guide didn't respond. Jim was in the process of laying Blair's hand back down when he felt a twitch. "Blair? Do it again Blair," Jim pleaded, but still not wanting to get his hopes up. Finally Blair squeezed Jim's hand weakly. The older man smiled broadly, tears flowing freely. "That's it buddy, you're going to be fine. Just hang on to me partner." ‘I'm never letting you go again.'

Strange sounds played in his mind and a light show of the most spectacular colors flashed on the back of his eyelids, as he came closer to consciousness. Garbled sounds became clearer. The beeping from the monitor became louder and the squeaking wheels of a cart, being pushed down the hall, became increasingly irritating.

Blair swallowed reflexively, even though there wasn't enough moisture in his mouth to swallow. His mouth was so dry and he wanted some water.

He heard voices whispering in the room. He could make out two men. One voice was slightly nasal and the other distant and thoughtful.

‘Maybe they will give me some water.'

Blair forced his eyes to open, but the brightness of the room forced them shut again. He decided to try a bit more slowly, this time allowing them ample time to adjust.

Simon Banks sat by a still distant Jim Ellison in Blair's room. The captain studied his best detective with dark soulful eyes. He could feel Jim's pain as if it radiated from his very being.

"Jim it's not your fault. How many times do I have to tell you this? Shit happens everyday to good people, you can't carry the burden of that. The only thing you can do is move on. What happened, happened and no matter how much you mull over it you can't change the past. You've got to deal with the here and now, not tomorrow or next week, but now. Sandburg needs and more than deserves, your full attention." It was obvious, by his tone, that Simon was still upset about the way Jim had been treating Blair before the attempted murder, but he was doing his best to keep his feelings in check so that he could give his friend the support he needed.

Blair blinked rapidly for a moment, finally his eyes adjusted to the sun pouring through the open blinds. Two blurred forms, sitting close to one another, caught his attention and interest. Blair blinked a few more times, willing his eyes to come into focus with no success.

A deep rattling cough from the bed caused Jim to look up.

Two disoriented blue eyes tried desperately to meet his gaze.

Jim was up and at his side immediately. "Hey buddy." Jim said softly. "How do you feel?"

Blair opened his mouth in an attempt to speak but was rewarded with only a slight squeak and a whisper of a reply. "I don't know. Where am I? What..." Another cough. "What happened?"

"I almost lost you Chief....." Jim hadn't realized what a relief it was to say "almost" until now. "but you're getting better and that's all that matters." Jim squeezed Blair's shoulder, feeling the warmth of his young guide beneath his grip, and allowing it to reassure him that Blair would be okay.

Blair's expression became one of confusion. Clearing his throat he asked. "I don't....understand. What.... happened?" Blair closed his eyes, exhausted from the effort of the few words.

Jim had to lean in to hear Blair's question. His guide was still so weak and his speech was heart breakingly labored. Jim turned and looked at the young man who now appeared to be resting. The sentinel brushed a few curls away from his guide's face, taking the time to smooth the normally expressive brows. "Shhhh. It's over now." Jim lied, he knew it wouldn't be over until he had dealt with Alex personally. "Someone tried to kill you. But you're alright now. You're safe." Jim laid his hand on Blair's forehead and stroked back his hair. The simple act of touching his friend was working wonders on Jim's wounded soul.

Blair's heartbeat quickened and his eyes flew open....his breathing became rapid as panic set in.

"Blair calm down, it's okay. You're okay now. No one can get you here. I promise." Afraid that Blair was becoming too agitated, Jim motioned to Simon to get a doctor.

Simon nodded and left the room.

"I don't....understand. Do I....know you?" His brain was fuzzy, and it was hard to make sense out of anything that was going on.

Jim took a step back from the bed. The shock of the question was like a slap in the face. "Blair, it's me, Jim." Jim watched Blair's face, looking for any sign of recognition. He saw none.

Blair stared at Jim blankly. ‘Who is this? I've never seen him in my life.' "I'm sorry....I just....I just don't remember." Blair swallowed, wincing at the pain in his raw, dry throat. "Was I in an accident?"

Jim was about to say something when Simon returned with the doctor.

The doctor was attempting to check Blair's eyes, but was having a hard time. Blair was still pleading with Jim for answers.

"Doctor Michaels? May I speak with you?" Jim pulled the doctor aside.

"Yes Mr. Ellison?" the young woman asked.

"He doesn't remember anything. He doesn't know me." Jim looked back at Blair.

Doctor Michaels took in Jim's panicked expression. "Don't worry. It could be just traumatic shock. You don't know what he went through before you found him. He may be blocking the whole event out......Think of it as a built in safety feature."

Jim looked at her.

‘Well at least I have his full attention now.'

"His brain will allow him to remember and process what he can handle. Right now he can't handle everything at once. So he may start to remember small bits of information at a time."

Jim looked back at Blair. "Are you sure it's not a form of brain damage."

"I'm almost positive," she said softly, hoping to reassure the older man. "But I will order some tests to be on the safe side." She squeezed Jim's arm. "He's going to be fine, with or without the memories. He's still the same person you have grown to care about. Now, let me see to my patient. Will you be alright?"

Jim nodded, and Doctor Michaels resumed her examination. After checking the dilation of pupils, heart rate, pulse and respiration, Doctor Michaels decided to ask a few questions. "Blair, do you remember what the date is?"

Blair furrowed his brows in deep thought. "Ummmm....April the twenty ninth....nineteen ninety... five." Blair's eyes widened at Jim's sudden change in expression and intake of breath. "What?......What's wrong?" Blair demanded, suddenly finding a hidden source of energy. "Why won't someone talk to me?"

He searched the faces in the room. Each of these people seemed to know him, but he didn't have a clue as to who they were. The confused man tried to sit up, wincing at the ever growing pain in his head.

"Mr. Sandburg, please, you must lie back, you need your rest," Dr. Michaels coaxed. When Blair wouldn't comply she pressed the call button.

"May I help you?" Came a female voice, from the nurses' station, over the intercom.

"Lindsey, this is Doctor Michaels. Bring a sedative for Mr. Sandburg."

"No! I don't want it!" Blair choked. Tears were welling in his eyes from confusion and the frustration of not having the answers he wanted.

"Yes ma'am." Within moments the young nurse was handing the doctor a syringe.

Upon seeing it, Blair put up even more of a struggle.

"Why are you doing this to me? I don't even know you people." Tears were streaming freely down Blair's face now. He pulled his arm out of the doctor's grasp, pulling it closer to himself, not allowing her access to the veins she needed.

"Gentlemen, I need some assistance here."

Jim and Simon stepped in closer, ready to take the doctor's direction.

"Hold his arms," She instructed, tapping the bubbles to the top of the syringe, then pressing the plunger slightly to remove them from the golden liquid.

"No!" Blair squirmed trying to free himself from the strong hands that were now holding him. Finally, his strength waning, he relaxed slightly. He was unable to look any of the strangers in the eye, as the doctor gave him the injection. Even though he didn't know these people, he felt that they had betrayed him. The young man felt the effect of the injection almost immediately. His eyelids became increasingly heavy, and his mind fuzzy.

Simon and Jim released their hold on Blair when they noticed that he was having trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Why?" The question was a simple one, spoken softly, but held so much behind it. Fear and anguish were easily detected.

"Rest my friend, we'll talk later." Jim rested his hand on his young friends shoulder, then looked at Simon, slightly embarrassed for the tears beginning to form in his eyes. That feeling eased when he saw Simon mirroring his own emotions.

Blair slept most of that night and well into the next day, waking only momentarily from a nightmare that was forgotten as soon as he woke. Jim was beside him every minute, offering soft words of comfort and willing the man back to sleep.

"Jim, why don't you go and get some coffee. You need a break, I'll sit with junior while you're gone," Simon offered.

Jim was about to object when Simon held up a hand that said, I don't want to hear it.

"That's an order detective," Simon barked softly trying not to wake the sleeping young man.

Jim nodded and walked out of the room silently, but not before checking on Blair one more time.

Simon sighed and smiled. ‘Sometimes rank *does* have its privileges. ‘

Five minutes later Blair moaned as he began to wake. Simon was practically hovering over him.

Blair took in the tired dark features. The man seemed strong, yet caring at the same time. The dark solid features said, ‘don't screw with me', while his chocolate eyes said something totally different. In those dark eyes, Blair saw compassion, strength, courage and friendship. Something deep inside him told him that this man could be trusted with his life. He didn't understand it, or question it. He only trusted it.

Blair's eyes were distracted by something shiny. He looked at the object clipped to Simon's belt, quickly realizing that it was a badge. His eyes became confused as he looked back up at the man above him. "Am I in trouble?" he asked softly, a slight tremor in his voice.

Simon looked at Blair, trying to figure out what the kid was talking about. "Why do you ask?" ‘I couldn't hope to get a confession for something from the kid's past.....could I?'

Blair lifted his hand, weakly tracing the shape of the badge. "Did I do something wrong?" Blue eyes met brown, searching for untold truths.

Simon saw that Blair was becoming scared and that the young man was extremely insecure. Something in Simon kicked in. ‘God, is this what Jim goes through? Is this what he feels?' He suddenly felt the need to protect Blair. It was similar to the way he felt when Daryl was around, though not quite as strong. "No son, you're not in trouble. I'm an officer, but most importantly, I'm your friend." It took everything in Simon's power not to scoop the young man up and hold him.

Blair's tension seemed to ease and his face relaxed. He closed his eyes and within minutes he was asleep again.

Simon took the smaller hand into his own and held it for a long time. A week ago, no one could have convinced him that he would have these feelings for a hyper anthropologist. What a shame it was that it took a near tragedy to discover how he truly felt. He had often teased Jim about his mother henning the boy to death. Simon now discovered that he had the same protective instincts toward Blair that Ellison had. ‘Well, I guess I'll have to be better at hiding them than Ellison is.' A smile crept across his face as he gently laid Blair's hand down and went back to the uncomfortable seat to wait for Jim's return.

Blair's eyes fluttered again around 2:00 p.m. the next day. "Can I have some water?" he whispered.

Jim looked up from the magazine he had been mindlessly staring at for the last few hours. A big goofy smile spread across his tired features. "How about some ice chips?"

"K"

Jim spooned some ice chips into Blair's mouth.

Blair closed his eyes. The icy water felt wonderful as it slid down the back of his throat.

"Do ya want some more?" Jim asked, preparing another spoonful of chips.

Blair nodded and opened his mouth without opening his eyes. He was tired. He still couldn't remember what happened, or who this person was that was determined to see to his every need.

Blair crunched on the ice this time.

"Hungry?" Jim smiled down at the younger man.

Blair's eyes opened and he focused on Jim. "How did you know?"

"You always crunch on ice like that when you are hungry." Jim offered another spoon and Blair accepted. "I'll ask if you can have some soup or something light."

Blair made a face.

"They're not going to give you steak for your first meal Chief."

"Why do you call me that?"

"What?" Jim asked as he placed the spoon back in the cup.

"Chief. You called me that once before. Why?"

"I dunno. We're friends. I started calling you that a long time ago. Now I just do it without thinking. You still don't remember do you?"

Blair looked down at the blanket that covered him. Shaking his head slowly. "No, I'm sorry.....How long have you known me?" He looked back up at the taller man, sadness evident in his eyes.

"About three years."

"I'm missing three years? No way man. There's no way in hell that I could have forgotten three years." Blair was becoming agitated again.

"Blair don't make me call the doctor back in again." Jim sat the cup back down on the table, ready to take action if Blair continued.

Blair looked up, seeing that Jim meant it. He tried his best to calm himself to avoid another trip to La La Land. "Sorry."

‘Who is this guy. Why am I apologizing to him?' Blair yawned. Then looking back at Jim through watery eyes. "So, how do we know each other? No offense but you don't look like the college professor type." Blair cocked his head sideways and really looked at Jim. "But you know?.....Something about you really screams *cop*." On the final word Blair's voice went up an octave and he gestured a quote with his fingers.

Jim couldn't suppress the laugh. "I am a cop. Have you got a problem with that, kid?" He asked teasingly.

Blair held up a hand in defense. "Whoa, hey, Joe Friday, I'm cool."

For the first time, in what seemed like an eternity to Jim, Blair smiled. Even though it was weak, it was still brilliant.

"So, we're friends right?" Blair asked, his eyes studying Jim closely.

Jim nodded.

Blair yawned and snuggled down beneath the covers, getting comfy for the long question and answer session he was planning. "What do we have in common? I mean, an anthropologist and a cop....kind of an unlikely pairing, don't you think?"

Jim turned and pulled a chair up to the bed, straddling it backwards, he began to try to explain their unique relationship. "Do you know what a Sentinel is?"

Blair's eyes lit up instantly, thrilling Jim to no end. ‘Good, this is a good start'.

"That's my field of study and not a topic commonly discussed at the kitchen table over pancakes and maple syrup. So how do you know about it?"

"You told me about Sir Richard Burton and his research." Jim watched the young man closely.

The young man looked confused. "But why?....Why would I tell you about it?....Why would you care?.....Unless...." Blair's eyes lit up as realization hit.

Jim smiled. "I'm the subject for your dissertation."

Blair's jaw went slack as he stared disbelievingly at Jim. "No way. No way! How many senses?"

"All five." Jim boasted. Blair's sudden excitement was contagious. He felt like his old friend was back.

"All five?" Blair asked in awe. "I can't believe this....." He looked around the room, thinking of the possibilities. "...and you're letting me write about you? Study you?"

"Yes. But not only that."

Blair studied Jim. "What more could there be? I mean...this is so unbelievable!" Blair's hands were full of life as his excitement flowed through them.

"You're my guide. You help me with my senses. You've shown me how to control them and how to use them effectively."

"I did that?" Blair asked, slightly self-conscious.

"Yep, and you do a damn good job of it too. Oh, you are also my partner at the station."

Blair narrowed his eyes now at Jim. "No way am I a cop man. I don't even like guns." Blair reached up suddenly checking his hair. He let out a sigh of relief when he discovered that it was still there, even though a little longer than he had remembered.

"Actually, you're an observer. It was the only way we could get permission for you to ride with me, so you could help me with my senses."

"And I do help you?" the young man asked, sounding a little unsure of himself.

"Sure you do. Actually, you've turned out to be a pretty good detective yourself. You've proven yourself to be an asset to the department."

Blair blushed slightly. "So let me get this straight....." He held out his hand and began to count off the things that Jim had told him. "First of all, you're a sentinel with all five heightened senses?"

Jim nodded.

Blair grinned and continued. "Secondly, I am your "partner" on the force and I actually help you fight the bad guys?"

Jim laughed at the look of pure astonishment on Blair's face. "Yep."

He held up a third finger. "I'm your guide...and I have actually helped you with your senses?"

Again Jim nodded, he was so happy to see Blair like this. The kid was practically bouncing in bed.

"And you are letting me document everything for my dissertation?"

"With a few rules as to what you can and can't publish."

"That's kewl....I think.....All five huh? Prove it." Blair crossed his arms over his chest waiting for proof.

Jim shook his head and closed his eyes.

Blair watched with growing curiosity as Jim cocked his head and began sniffing.

"Your lunch is coming. Broth....chicken broth....and strawberry Jell-O."

"No way!" Just as the words fell from Blair's lips, the door opened and an attractive nurse came in carrying a tray. She set it on the table positioning it in front of Blair.

"Try this today, if you don't have any trouble with the light foods, the doctor may step you up to something a little more substantial tomorrow." She smiled and left the room.

"She's cute." Blair said absently, thinking that he needed to get her number.

"Her name is Lindsey."

"Nice." Blair wiggled his eyebrows.

"Stay away from the table leg Chief."

Blair looked at Jim, silently questioning the comment.

"It's another story. Eat your soup before it gets cold."

Blair made a face as he lifted the cover of the tray, revealing what appeared to be a very bland broth. "It looks like hot water. Are you sure it's chicken?"

"Yes, now hush and eat."

Blair took a few bites of the hot liquid. It was awful. He decided to play with the Jell-o instead. He liked Jell-o. Especially red Jell-o. It didn't matter what flavor, as long as it was red. He took a bite and grimaced. Correction, he liked *cold* red Jell-o. Not warm Jell-o. Still making a face, he pushed the tray aside.

"Come on chief, you're going to have to do better than that if you expect something more substantial tomorrow."

Jim tried to give Blair another bite of the warm rubbery substance.

"No way man. That's not dinner. That's torture." He flicked at the tubing of the IV. "I'll take this over that any day." Then trying to get Jim off of the subject of food, "Tell me more about us."

Jim rolled his eyes. He knew the decision was made about the food and a *discussion* on the subject would prove to be fruitless. He pushed the tray aside, much to Blair's pleasure, and sat back down in the chair. "Well, you've lived with me for almost three years now."

Blair held up a hand. "Whoa, wait......I live with you?" Blair began to look around the room quickly. Eyes darting back and forth.

Jim could sense Blair's uneasiness and realized what the kid was thinking. "It's not what you think Blair. We're not.....lovers." Jim had to laugh at the expression of relief on Blair's face.

"Oh good man." Blair let out a sigh. "Cause I *really* like girls man, and I didn't want to hurt your feelin's."

"No problem kid. I find them pretty attractive myself." They both grinned. "Let's see...we've been to Peru together, to save Simon, and then we had to go through some pretty scary stuff in the mountains to save him again."

"It doesn't sound like we have problems with boredom. This Simon must get into a lot of trouble if we have to keep saving him."

Jim laughed at the comment. "Actually, Simon and I spend more time getting you out of trouble," he stated matter of factly.

Blair raised an eyebrow. "What did I do?"

"It's what you don't do that gets you into trouble, like not listening to me when I tell you to stay put. I don't know, you just seem to be a magnet for trouble. Not that you mean to be, it just happens."

"Am I a nuisance?" Blair asked quietly, suddenly feeling ashamed for troubling Simon and Jim.

"No. Hey buddy, you are anything but that." Seeing the saddened expression on Blair's face, Jim moved closer. "Hey, you've saved my sorry ass a few times."

"You're just saying that." Blair picked at his blanket, looking like a sullen child.

"No I'm not. In fact, you saved my life the first day we met." Jim watched as Blair became interested again. "I was having some type of zone out. You ran over and pushed me to the ground just before I was about to be plastered by a garbage truck. You've been by my side ever since." Jim looked at Blair, who seemed to have a puzzled look on his face. "You okay kid?"

"Yeah, I think so. I thought I remembered something." His head was starting to hurt again.

"What? What did you remember?" Jim leaned forward in his chair.

"I don't know. I think I was pretending to be a doctor or something. I remember having a white coat on." He rubbed a temple, willing the pain to go away.

"That's when we first met. Chief, you are starting to remember!" Jim calmed himself before continuing. He was so excited that his guide had remembered something that he didn't notice that the young man was in pain. "You were at the hospital, pretending to be a doctor. You gave me your card and told me to come to the University if I wanted some answers." When Blair didn't share in his enthusiasm, Jim looked at him.

Blair had his head leaned back against his pillows, squeezing his eyes shut.

"What's wrong buddy?" Panic filled Jim's voice.

"My head....it hurts when I try to remember." Blair replied through clenched teeth. "Make it stop...please." he whispered, fearing that anything more would cause the throbbing to increase.

Before Blair had realized what was happening, pretty nurse Lindsey was injecting something into his arm. "What?"

"There's no need for you to be in pain Mr. Sandburg. Just relax, soon you will feel better." Lindsey smiled at Jim before leaving the room.

"I don't want to go to sleep. I want..." He yawned. "...some more good stuff." Blair began forcing his eyes open, trying to fight the sleep that was slowly winning the battle.

"I'll be here when you wake up. We'll talk more then. You rest now." Jim tucked the covers around Blair and brushed the hair from his eyes again.

Blair closed his sleep heavy lids, and mumbled, "Thanks Jim." Before drifting off.

"Anytime my friend."

Six hours later Blair awoke scared half to death. Jim was beside him trying to talk him back into reality.

"Lash?" Blair croaked. "Was...it Lash?" His fear filled eyes pleaded for answers.

"Blair, Lash is dead. Do you remember?" Jim's concern was growing with each passing second. ‘Should Blair be so disoriented? Is this normal? He's remembering, but why Lash, of all things to remember first?'

Blair looked around the room, searching his memory for anything that might help him find the answers he so desperately needed. "No....I remember.....him....taking me." Blair was sobbing now. The drugs and his confusion were causing his emotions to run wild.

Jim rubbed Blair's chest in an attempt to calm the young man. "Lash is gone. It's okay, he can't get to you now."

"How?" Blair's eyes met the older man's, silently pleading for answers.

"How did he die?"

Blair nodded.

"I shot him. He won't hurt anyone again. I made sure of it."

Blair reached up and took Jim's hand in his. "I'm sorry I let him get me." His eyes were closed again and his heart had slowed to an almost normal rhythm.

Jim furrowed his brows. "Blair, it's okay. That happened almost two and a half years ago. It's over and done with now and we've moved on." Jim squeezed the smaller hand.

Blair's eyes opened and the rapid heartbeat returned. "No......it just happened.....I remember it clearly."

"No Blair, it happened a long time ago. Lash isn't the reason you're in the hospital."

"He's dead?" Blair was still trying to shake off the residue of the dream. It had seemed so real, but if Jim said it happened along time ago, then it must have. If Jim said that it was over and that Lash couldn't hurt him, then he should believe him. Blair trusted Jim, but for some reason, he knew something was wrong. He just couldn't put a finger on why he was having these strange feelings of betrayal.

"Go back to sleep. It's okay, I promise."

Blair held onto Jim's hand and closed his eyes. Jim listened as Blair drifted off again.

Blair awoke to new memories. Memories that both scared him and broke his heart. Simon was standing at the window looking at the city of Cascade from the 10th floor. The view from this height always fascinated him. Jim was sitting, looking through one of Simon's fishing magazines.

Blair sniffed, bringing the other two men out of their thoughts.

Simon was the first to notice Blair's tears. "What's wrong Blair?" The older man was quickly by his side, trying to console the young man.

Jim came up on the other side of the bed to assist.

Blair pointed at Jim. "You! Stay away from me!"

"What? Blair what's wrong?" Jim looked at Simon, totally confused with Blair's sudden attitude towards him.

"You lied to me!" Anger flashed in the young man's eyes with the accusation.

Jim tried to take his hand, tried to reassure Blair that everything was alright, but Blair pulled back from him.

"No! Don't touch me. I don't want you near me!" Tears were running freely down Blair's face.

Jim could feel his own tears sting his eyes as he looked into Blair's. In those beautiful blue eyes, Jim saw betrayal and pain.

Simon motioned for Jim to step back. Hoping that Blair would calm down enough to tell them what was wrong. "Talk to me Sandburg. What's wrong."

"He lied." Blair wiped his eyes and sniffled again.

Simon handed the young man a tissue from the night stand. "How did he lie?"

"He said we were friends."

"Blair...." Jim began only to be silenced by a look from Simon.

Then Simon turned his attention back to the distraught young man. "Why do you think he lied?"

"I remember. I think we were friends at first. But then he hurt me....I remember things." Blair's head was beginning to pound again. ‘Why can't I just remember everything. Why does my head have to hurt so much?..... Why do the memories have to hurt so much?'

"What do you remember? It's okay, you can tell me." Simon couldn't recall ever speaking this softly to Daryl.

"I remember little bits and pieces of things." Blair blew his nose before continuing. He turned to face Jim. "I remember you asking me why I was in your face. I was trying to help you and you slammed me against a wall, then you called me a....a neo hippy witch doctor punk. Man that really hurt." Blair was glaring at Jim now.

Simon gently touched his hand. "What else do you remember?"

"A lot of bad stuff." Blair sat there for a moment, playing with a wrinkle in the blanket that covered him, while trying to gather the thoughts in his pounding head. He was finding it hard to concentrate because of the headache. "Kind of remember being....shot? Twice I think." Blair looked at Simon for confirmation and Simon nodded. Then Blair looked at Jim. "Because of him right?"

"Whoa, wait a minute chief!"

"Gentlemen!" Simon stepped in, sensing Jim becoming defensive and knowing that Blair didn't need a confrontation in his condition. Simon turned his attention back to Blair. "Actually, I was the reason you were shot the second time. You and Jim were trying to rescue me and you caught a bullet in the leg for your efforts. The first time you were shot was when you were undercover. You were wearing a vest, so you weren't really hurt, except for a few bruised ribs. But no, Jim was not the reason you were shot," Simon threw an irritated glance in Ellison's direction. "Although he did carry enough guilt around about it."

Blair seemed to be satisfied with the answers Simon was giving him. "I remember him yelling at me. Telling me he *thought* that we were friends. He said that he couldn't trust me anymore. He said that I should find someone else to do my paper on and he made me move out of the loft." Blair pushed his head into the pillow, wincing against the pain of his head and memories, while hot tears streamed down his face. He looked at Jim. "You said that you needed your space. But it was only my stuff in the boxes...You wouldn't talk to me about what was wrong...You just told be that you wanted me out before you got back...I was willing to do whatever I had to, to make things right, but you wouldn't let it go...I never meant to bother you....I only wanted to help. I only wanted to be your friend....." Blair took in a deep ragged breath. "I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much, but I'm sorry. The things that I remember most are emotions. The feeling of being lost and alone. Empty and lonely......I'm sorry. I'm sorry for whatever I did to you. I'm sorry for everything. I just wanted to help you." Blair turned his face towards the window. "Please leave. I want to be alone." Blair wrapped his arms around himself tightly, trying to control the tremors that ran through his body. He wished that his head would stop pounding and his heart would stop breaking.

Jim was about to say something when Simon took him by the arm and led him to the door.

Once outside, Simon finally spoke. "Give the kid a few days Jim. His memories are mixed up. But I have to agree to some of the feelings he has. You hurt him when you pushed him away. I told you at the station that you were being too hard on him. He would never tell you, so he kept it bottled up. That's probably the reason for the amnesia. The past several months you have been nipping at his heels about one thing or another. Now the feelings he was trying to bury are coming back to haunt him." Simon put a brotherly, reassuring hand on Jim's shoulder. "Let him rest. You need some rest too. A little time away from each other may do you both a world of good. Come back tomorrow, and talk to Blair. Who knows, by then he may remember some of the good times. Things may be better." Simon patted Jim on the back. "Go on home now. I'll watch after Sandburg."

Jim turned and looked at the door of Blair's room. He didn't know what to say. He knew he had hurt Blair and he could still hear the young man crying. He knew he had some mending to do. Major mending. "Maybe you're right Simon. Maybe I'll have better luck tomorrow." Jim turned and walked toward the elevator at the end of the hall, feeling defeated and very much alone.

The sound of Blair's breaking heart kept him company during his ride in the empty elevator.

A good night's sleep may have been what he wanted but it was not what James Ellison got. He tossed and turned all through the night. Blair's words haunted him endlessly. He knew he had to talk to Blair, to make him understand what was happening. This whole thing had to be resolved before Blair came home. He only hoped that Blair would be in a frame of mind to listen.

Jim crawled out of bed at 5:00 a.m. knowing that any further attempts at sleep would be futile. He showered, shaved and then ate a quick breakfast. Knowing it would be a few hours before Blair would be awake, he stared at the boxes he had brought back from the basement the night before. Blair had stored his things down there until he could find a place of his own.

Nine boxes. Quite a leap from the three the kid had moved in with. Jim smiled trying to figure out how the young man had managed to sneak so much into the loft. How had he snuck into his life and into his heart? He shook the question off. The answer didn't really matter now. The only thing that mattered was putting Blair's things back in their proper places. He began moving things around on the shelves and putting Blair's things back where they belonged. Two hours later Jim stood in the doorway of Blair's room, admiring his work. The room looked perfect, just the way Blair kept it, plus a few new things Jim had bought, the day before, as a home coming gift for his friend. Jim looked at his watch and decided he had just enough time to dispose of the boxes and leave for the hospital.

Jim used the drive to the hospital to collect his thoughts, he wanted to make sure he said the right things. He pulled into the parking lot and secured the truck.

Now he stood in front of Blair's door. He didn't remember walking through the hospital or the ride up the elevator. His mind had been filled with different scenarios of what he would say to his friend. Finally, deciding it was now or never, Jim took a deep breath, then opened the door.

Blair was curled up, on his side asleep, while a nurse inserted a new I.V. needle.

He was amazed that Blair didn't wake up. Jim watched her for a moment before speaking. "I didn't think he needed an I.V. anymore.

The nurse finished and looked at Jim. "He didn't as long as he was eating. He refused to eat yesterday and his tests came back showing that he was becoming dehydrated again. So until he starts eating again, he's back on fluids." The nurse walked to the door and gently touched Jim's arm. "He's depressed," she whispered. "He doesn't care anymore so he wants to give up. It's a normal response when someone goes through what he has been through. We just have to make sure he bounces back." She waited until Jim nodded that he understood before she continued. "He had a pretty rough night of it last night, he had to be sedated. So it may be a while before he wakes up. But you're welcome to stay."

Jim smiled. "Thank you."

She returned his smile and left the room.

As the door closed softly behind him, Jim walked to the side of the bed. Blair seemed to be resting peacefully. Jim gently stroked the curls away from the kid's face, revealing angelic features.

Blair stirred slightly at Jim's touch, burying his face deeper into the pillow before slipping back into waiting dreams.

Jim stood there for a moment, agonizing over what to say to the young man when he woke. Finally, after no answers came, he settled himself in one of the chairs and flipped through one of the various magazines that Simon had left behind. All he could do now was wait.

The fishing magazine that Jim browsed through made him recall happy times of camping and fishing with his little *guppy*. Images of an excited guide, holding up the largest trout he had ever seen, played in his mind, as a smile played across his lips. Brotherly teasing around the campfire followed by serious talks. Each man opening up to the other, revealing small parts of their souls, fears and desires. Never judging or laughing at the other. There was only acceptance and a growing bond of love and friendship. The smile grew wider on Jim's face. It felt good to have that kind of relationship.

"What are you smiling about?" Came a sleepy voice from the bed, shaking Jim out of his thoughts.

Jim looked up to see Blair blinking sleepily, while trying to shield his eyes from the sun streaming in through the open blinds.

"Just thinking about some of the fishing trips we went on together," Jim said, getting up and closing the blinds. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks." Blair rubbed his face and then pushed himself up a bit in an attempt to sit up.

"Here let me help." Jim rushed to the young man's side pressing one of the buttons allowing the head of the bed to rise. "Let me know when."

"Okay." Blair shifted a bit while Jim adjusted the pillows. "Thanks man." Blair smiled.

Jim looked the kid over. Blair still looked a little sluggish. He guessed that the sedative was still trying to work its way out of his system. The kid was still pale and he looked too thin. "Are you hungry?"

Blair had to think about it a minute. "Maybe a little."

"What do you want? You name it and I'll get it for you." Jim was beyond caring about hospital policy. He wanted something solid in his guide's belly and if it took smuggling something in, then so be it.

"You promise you won't laugh?" Blair asked sheepishly.

"I promise." Jim smiled.

"I sorta want some fries."

Jim's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Fries?"

"Yeah." Blair grinned. "I don't care what kind, anything would be fine."

"Catsup?"

"Of course." Blair's stomach growled, causing Jim to have to resist the urge to tease the young man.

"I'll be right back."

"I'm not going anywhere." Blair pulled the covers around him. He felt so cold. Jim was about to walk out when Blair added. "Thanks Jim."

Jim turned and smiled. "No problem, buddy."

Jim wondered what brought this new change in his friend. The other day Blair didn't want Jim around him and now it was as if nothing happened. Blair was acting more like himself.

Jim got a double order of fries deciding he would eat what Blair didn't. He grabbed a handful of catsup and salt packets, then headed back to Blair's room.

Blair appeared to be sleeping when Jim came in. Balancing the tray and using the toe of his shoe, he pulled a chair to the bed. A check on Blair's heartbeat revealed that Blair was only cat napping.

Jim waved one of the fries under Blair's nose and the young man's eyes opened slowly, eyebrows creasing. When he saw the fry he opened his mouth allowing Jim to pop it in.

Blair smiled as he chewed. "S'good."

Jim nodded helping himself to a fry. He wondered if he should talk to Blair now about what happened or if he should wait until Blair was finished eating. He didn't want to upset the kid and ruin his appetite so he decided to just wait.

Blair surprised Jim by eating more than half of the fries. Jim smiled as Blair leaned back against his pillows, eyes closed, and rubbing his belly.

"Did you have enough?"

"Yeah." Blair winced at the pain in his stomach. "Too much. My stomach hurts now."

Jim patted Blair on the shoulder gently and then gave it a slight squeeze. ‘It's now or never.'

"We need to talk buddy."

Blair's eyes opened. "‘Bout what?" He burped, with wide eyes he said, "excuse me." a nervous laugh escaped his lips.

Jim's seriousness faded, as he shook his head at his partner. Some of the tension he was feeling dissipated.

"We need to talk about what happened." Jim looked down at the floor.

"What's there to talk about?" Blair looked at Jim innocently.

Jim faced Blair, confusion evident on his face. "Me throwing you out, among other things."

Blair waived a dismissive hand. "Oh, I'm cool with that man." The act was a hard one. The memory of that night still hurt him and he found himself unable to look Jim in the eye as he told the lie.

"You remember?"

"Yeah. I think I remember everything now. It's okay. I understand."

"No it's not okay. I hurt you. I didn't listen to you, and pushed you away when you only wanted to help me. That wasn't right."

Blair picked at the blanket. " I betrayed you. You had every right to throw me out. You had every right to be angry with me."

"You didn't betray me Blair....you were just being you. You're a guide, so you felt you had to help Alex. You couldn't have known what she was up to. I was wrong for punishing you for following your heart and instinct. You're a good person. You don't like to see anyone suffer, not to mention you have the curiosity of a cat. You could never resist a chance to learn more about this Sentinel thing. I know you had our best interests in mind when you tried to help her. Sometimes I forget that this Sentinel thing is just as new to you as it is to me. I guess I just take for granted that you should know everything there is to know about it. I never thought about you having to deal with the trial and error thing." Jim took Blair's hand. "I guess I'm just trying to say I'm sorry.....can you forgive me?"

"Yeah...I can." Blair looked at Jim for a moment, unsure what to say. His voice became softer as his thoughts changed to another subject. "It's not easy you know."

"What?"

"Being a guide....I don't know everything. I have read everything I can get my hands on, the rest just comes from dumb luck. There are times I'm so afraid that I'm going to tell you the wrong thing. I'm afraid you'll go into a zone that I can't pull you out of, or I'll tell you something that gets you......hurt. And now there's this Shaman thing.....I wish Incacha could have told me what to expect, what to look for. I mean, it's not like there is any kind of instruction manual on any of this stuff." Blair shifted slightly, feeling both physical and emotional discomfort.

This didn't go unnoticed. "Hey, do you need anything?" Jim looked on with concerned filled eyes.

"No," Blair waived Jim off and then smiled. "My stomach is just protesting the sudden intake of grease. I think it's going into shock."

Jim smiled, then became serious again. "Why didn't you ever say anything? We're friends right?"

Blair nodded.

"Well then...we should be there for one another. If you have a problem or a concern, I want you to come to me." Then Jim looked at the floor. "I promise I won't push you away again."

"Come on man. We have to get past that. Like you said, we're friends. And although at times our relationship isn't perfect, we work through the problems and we get back on track. That's what friendship is all about man. We'll have our differences, that's what makes each of us individuals. But it's our friendship that helps us to bridge the gaps so that we are able to meet in the middle. We're building that bridge now Jim, don't you see it?"

Jim looked up, his eyes locking on two of the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Those eyes were filled with wisdom beyond their years and seeking his acknowledgment that he understood. Jim nodded. Wondering how he ever became so fortunate as to have a friend like Sandburg.

One who could dive into the murky waters of his heart and soul. One who could see his darkest self and not judge, only accept.

"We have to move on man. We *will* get past this. It won't be easy, but we'll do it together." Blair reached out his hand allowing Jim to take it. "Together?" he asked.

"Together buddy." Jim agreed.

"Great." Then Blair's face fell. "Oh man....since we're in this together....would you mind helping me to the bathroom? I don't feel so good."

Jim laughed at the sudden look of discomfort on Blair's face. "Serves you right for making a pig of yourself."

"That is like *soo* cold man....come on, help me up. And don't ogle my butt," Blair said, as he gripped the back of his gown tightly.

"That takes all of the fun out of helping you Sandburg."

The next day Simon stopped by, happy to see that his best team was getting along. It looked as though things were back to normal. "We finally got the lab report back on the substance that was used on Sandburg."

Blair winced as he watched Jim take the folder from Simon.

"RVS319? What's that?" Jim asked as he read through the file.

Blair looked from Jim to Simon with curious eyes.

"RVS319 is a new drug that they are working on at Rainier University. Its primary usage is to slow respiration. They are hoping that it can be used to prolong the terminally ill until a cure is found for their ailments. It's suppose to be an alternative drug for use with cryogenics. It's still highly experimental and in the early stages of development. Actually Sandburg, you're the first human it has been used on."

"Should I be flattered?" Blair looked at Simon with a mask of mock shock on his face.

"They assure me that the dosage you received was not enough to cause any damage. I'm not sure how it got into your system though.

Jim looked up from the folder, remembering a small bit of information that had been carefully tucked away. "His neck." Jim took a step toward Sandburg, gently touching his neck. "He had a welt on his neck, probably from a dart or syringe. I'm not sure which, and now the wound has closed up enough that I won't be able to tell."

Blair looked up at Simon, while unconciously rubbing his neck. "How did she get this stuff?"

Evidently, Alex stole it when she stole the other canisters."

Blair became slightly nervous at the mention of the other sentinel's name. His increased heart rate caught Jim's attention. "Speaking of Alex, has anyone found her yet?"

Now it was Jim's turn to look questioningly at Simon.

"No. She seems to have disappeared. We've had all of the train stations, airports and bus terminals covered. We've even been doing some road blocks. Nothing has turned up yet. My guess is that she's hiding out, biding her time, hoping that the search will lose its steam so that she can make her get away."

"She's already gone man." Blair said as he averted his gaze to the window.

Jim looked from Simon to his partner. "What makes you say that, chief?"

Blair looked at Jim. Then with a slight chuckle in his voice, "You do. Don't you see the difference in your behavior? You're not as possessive as you were. Not so .....uptight." Blair looked as though he were scanning his memory for some bit of information for a moment. "You sensed Alex when she first hit Cascade, remember?"

Jim nodded.

"You hadn't had contact with her yet, but you still sensed her presence. Well, I think that you would still sense her now, that is if she were still here."

"I think you're right. I feel a sense of peace right now that I haven't felt in weeks. The whole time she was here, it was like I was on guard. I had this nagging feeling, warning me that something was about to happen. But it's gone now."

"Now we just have to figure out where she went." Simon pointed out.

"Yeah....too bad her apartment was destroyed from the blast," Blair said thoughtfully. "We may have been able to find something to lead us to her."

Simon couldn't suppress the smile the comment brought. If the remark had been made by anyone else he wouldn't have had the same reaction.

The thing he found most amusing was the fact that Blair had used the word "we". ‘The young man may not be a cop in the legal since of the word, with a badge or a gun, but he is one at heart. I can't believe there was ever a time that I wanted to talk Jim into getting rid of his new found shadow. Now I see what a mistake that would have been.'

Something was bugging Blair. It was on the tip of his brain, just teasing him to remember. He felt so frustrated he slammed a fist into his mattress, drawing the attention of the other men in the room to himself.

"Chief?"

"Sorry. It's just that I've been in her apartment several times. I've seen things. I know the answer is here somewhere." Blair motioned toward his head. Again it was beginning to pound with the effort to remember, but he was getting better at hiding the pain. The pain served as a reminder that he was still alive, and that he had a purpose.

"Don't force it buddy." Jim took a step closer, placing a hand on the frustrated man's shoulder. "It will come back to you in time. You just need to give yourself a break and relax. .."

"That's just it man. We're running out of time. She's walking around with something that could take out millions of innocent lives. We have to find her." Blair's face was filled with determination.

"We're working on it Sandburg. We have every available man on it. Something will turn up," Simon stated.

"But how long can you keep so many people on the case without turning up any leads? Face it Simon, without any hard evidence, you'll be forced to pull them and place them on other cases."

‘Damn. When did the kid get so good at procedure.' Simon knew Blair was right. The brass would demand proof that the investigation was leading somewhere or else demand that the investigation be given a different priority level. "Why don't you let me worry about that Sandburg? After all that's what I get paid for."

Blair nodded. "Sure Simon...Whatever you say." It was evident, by the look on Blair's face, that the young man wasn't letting it go. Putting on his best poker face he looked at the Captain. "So...where do we go from here?"

"Well, You work on getting yourself back to 100%. We'll keep on working on the trail that Alex left. She's going to get too confident and then she'll make a mistake. We'll find her." Simon tried to sound reassuring.

Jim didn't need sentinel hearing to detect the doubt in Simon's voice, but to keep his partner out of trouble, he agreed. "That's right Blair. You've had a long day today, and your physical therapy starts tomorrow. You need your rest." Jim turned to Simon. "Why don't we go back to the station and see if Rafe and Brown have turned up anything new."

Simon was about to agree when Blair spoke up.

"I'm fine...I don't need therapy. You know if you really wanted to, you could get me out of here."

‘Oh great, here we go. I knew it was just a matter of time. I was just hoping it would be later.' "Blair you're not ready to be released yet."

Blair was about to protest when Jim continued. "And yes. you do need the therapy. You're weak, it will help make you stronger. You'll need your energy if you intend on helping me solve this case."

Blair suddenly became still and a smile graced his face. "You mean...you'll really let me help? You really want me to?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way....Partner." Blair's smile was infectious as each of the men in the room mirrored his emotions. "Come on Simon. Let's let happy boy here get some rest."

"That's Mr. Happy Boy to you." Blair grinned, as he used the controls to lower the bed.

"Get some rest Sandburg." Simon growled, hiding his smile, as they left the room.

His night had been anything but restful. His dreams were invaded by images of Alex and her apartment. What was his subconscious trying to tell him? Several times he had to play opossum when a nurse came in to check on him. He wasn't about to run the risk of getting another sedative just because he was having trouble sleeping. No. He needed a clear mind to figure out where Alex might have gone.

He closed his eyes again, allowing visions of the beautiful blonde to fill his mind. In his mind's eye, he followed the young woman around the apartment, taking in the details of everything that surrounded him. He studied several of her paintings.

(((((("When you told me you were an artist I had no idea....did you know that all this stuff is rooted in Sentinel symbolism? You've got the jungles. You've got the jaguars. You've got the Indians...I mean for cryin' out loud, you've even got the eye."

"When I saw the pictures in Burton's book, I knew you had to see this. The ideas just come to me, I have no idea why." Alex handed Blair the book.

"Well, there's a whole mystical side to this that you're obviously tapped into somehow."

"Yeah, when my senses started going crazy, I was frightened. But now that I'm starting to understand all of this... I like it."

"Good... good." Blair nodded.

She leaned over and kissed Blair. "Thank you."

"You're welcome...yeah.")))))

Then his memory changed from Alex's apartment to his office. Alex was there describing a reoccurring dream.

(((("Well I was in the jungle except I wasn't myself. I was some kind of warrior, with a bow and arrow and my face was painted. Um...and then the jungle parted and I saw this huge ancient temple, it looked like it was a thousand years old. And there was um...there was a stone pyramid and right in the middle there was a statue of a leopard or panther or some cat....."

"Jaguar." Blair answered.

"What?" She asked incredulously.

"Well the first known civilized people in South America were the Olmecs . Legend has it that they built a temple in the middle of the jungle. Now supposedly, sentinels would go there and have a mystical experience so powerful that they would see the eye of God."

Alex leaned forward with curiosity. "Does it really exist?"

"Well it was always believed to be a myth, but three years ago an archaeologist in the in the Yucatan, named Feliz Santiago, came across some carvings that he believed depicted the Temple of the Sentinels." Blair got up and pulled a photo from his filing cabinet. He turned and handed it to Alex.

"This is it. This is the place in my dream."

"Yeah, I know. It's exactly like your artwork. I mean, you're obviously tapped into some primal ancestral memories.")))))

Blair's eyes flew open. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!!" He smacked himself in the head, wincing momentarily at the pain. "How could I have missed that? The temple of the Sentinels." He looked at the bold face clock on the wall. It was only three a.m. and he knew that Jim would be at home....hopefully asleep. He picked up the phone and dialed the number. Praying that he wouldn't draw any unnecessary attention from the nurses station right outside his door.

The phone was snatched up rather clumsily by a sleepy sentinel. "Ellison."

"Jim it's me."

Jim blinked a few times as his guides voice penetrated his sleep fogged brain. "Blair?" He looked at the clock and winced at the time. "What the hell are you doing awake?"

"I know where she is Jim. I figured it out," Blair said in a rush.

"Calm down Blair....just take a deep breath." Jim pushed himself into a sitting position. "What did you figure out." He rubbed the remaining sleep from his face.

"It was right there man, the whole time. I can't believe I didn't see it. I mean it's her destiny just like it's yours."

"Sandburg! Calm down, you're rambling."

"Oh...sorry." The young man took a calming breath and then continued. "Jim she had these paintings....Things she said that she was seeing in her dreams...Like the ruins of a temple in the jungles of Peru. She's having the same dreams that you've been having. I think that at some time, every Sentinel has to visit this temple."

"What....you think she's gone to this temple?" Jim listened, as he continued to rub eyes.

"I would almost bet my life on it Jim. You said yourself you don't feel her here anymore. I think she's looking for answers and since this temple is consuming her thoughts, it's only natural that she tries to find it."

"So, do you know where this temple is?"

Blair was silent for a moment. "No....not exactly, but it shouldn't be too hard to find. I think that Sir Richard Burton had made some references to it in his chronicles. We may be able to get a general area from them.....Why don't you swing by here and pick me up, we can go to the University and pick up the book."

"No way Sandburg. There is no way I'm springing you before the doctor gives you her blessing."

"But Jim this...."

"No *buts* Blair. I'll go by the U in the morning and pick up the book. You get some rest."

"Whatever." Blair said indignantly.

"I don't want attitude Blair. If I did, I would go to the station and piss Simon off."

Blair smiled slightly. "That would do it." Then Blair tried to reason with Jim again. "Jim I just..."

For once Jim was thankful he couldn't see the puppy dog eyes he was sure were on the other end of the line. "I know buddy. But I'll take care of it in the morning. It will keep until then. Get some rest okay? I need you at 100%."

"Sure Jim." Blair sighed. "I'll see you in the morning?"

"You betcha."

"Okay....night Jim."

"Night." Jim hung up and laid back down. Blair's words played in his mind. Was it his destiny to visit the temple? As he drifted off to sleep, visions of the jungle filled his mind.

Meanwhile, Blair Sandburg sat up in his bed. "In the morning it will be too late. I have to do something now." Blair picked up the phone again and quickly dialed a number that he knew almost as well as his own, thanks to his beloved Volvo. "Yellow cab? Yeah, ummm...can you send a car to pick me up in front of Cascade General? Blair Sandburg.....15 Min? Yeah that's great, thanks." Hanging up the phone, he knew that he would have to face the wrath of an angry Sentinel, but that was one bridge he would willingly cross when the time came, if he could bring them closer to catching Alex.

Slowly his feet touched the cold tile floor. On shaky legs he made his way to the cabinet on the other side of the room, quickly retrieving his clothes and other personal effects. It took a little longer than he had anticipated to get dressed. The effort made him short winded and he had to sit and rest for a moment. Then a thought crossed his mind as he thought about the cab that would be waiting for him momentarily. "Money...oh man...how am I going to pay the cab fare?" From the envelope, he pulled his wallet out and opened it nervously, knowing what he would find. To his surprise, however, he found the two one dollar bills and something else. Curiously, he pulled the folded bill out and unfolded it and the note that was attached to it. He smiled as he recognized Jim's writing and read the note out loud. "In case of emergency." It was a twenty dollar bill. "Well, I think this qualifies Jim. Although, you may not see it that way in the morning." Blair stood up, shoving the wallet into his back pocket and then placed the remaining contents of the bag into his pants pocket.

He looked at the clock, it was 3:45. The cab would be there in a few minutes. He knew he would have to sneak past the nurses' station. Luckily they made rounds at 3:30, so he hoped that they were still checking on patients. There was a down side to that. He knew that he would be discovered missing pretty soon and that they would call Jim. "That just means I have to find the answers we need faster." Blair cracked open the door to his room and peeped outside. The coast was clear. He let out a sigh of relief as he quickly left his room and stealthfully made his way to the elevator at the end of the hall.

Again the sentinel was awakened by the ringing of the phone. "Damn it Sandburg, I said we would check on it in the morning. Now go to sleep," Jim growled.

"Mr. Ellison?"

Jim's tone was quickly calmed by the soft, intimidated, female voice on the other end. "I'm sorry. Yes this is Jim Ellison."

"Mr Ellison, this is Mandy Cox. I'm a nurse at Cascade General. I'm afraid I have some disturbing news."

Jim listened as nurse Cox went into details of discovering Mr. Sandburg missing and her search, but still not finding the run away. "Thank you nurse Cox. I think I may know where he is....Yes ma'am...I'll let you know when I find him and I'll talk to your superiors. I'll make sure you don't get into any trouble for his actions....yes....thanks again for calling me. Goodnight." Jim hung up the phone and let out a frustrated grunt. "What is he thinking. He has no business out and about in his condition." The angry sentinel crawled out of bed and quickly got dressed.

Jim pulled up at the university and parked the truck. His frustration grew realizing how cold it was and knowing that Blair only had a thin jacket with him. "What's he thinking?" Jim mumbled as he made his way up the steps of Hargrove Hall. Luckily the doors were unlocked and he let himself into the quiet building. Sparse lighting lit the halls just enough to keep a person from slamming into a wall. Luckily, with Jim's heightened senses, it was almost like daytime. He easily made his way through the dimly lit corridors to Blair's make shift office. The light streaming through the window of the office door, told Jim that his hunch was right. He opened the door to find Blair napping at his desk. The young man was using one of the opened books as a pillow. His hand still held a pen and rested on hastily scribbled notes. Jim felt his anger melting as he took in the all too familiar sight. ‘God....I'm so thankful that he's still alive. How can I stay mad at him?'

Jim took a step towards the young man and gently patted him on the shoulder. "Blair?" he called softly.

Blair jumped, looking wild eyed around the room and panting from fear. Flashbacks of Alex standing just inside the door and holding a gun on him filled his mind.

Jim sensed the sudden flare up in his guide's respirations. "Blair...it's me Jim. It's okay."

The image in front of him slowly shifted from Alex to Jim. "Jim?"

"Yeah, it's me buddy, just calm down. It's alright." Jim was afraid that Blair's heart was about to burst through his chest. "That's it...just breathe for me buddy."

After a few moments of deep cleansing breaths, Blair was able to gain some control over the tremors that racked his body. "I'm sorry Jim......" He ran a still shaky hand through his hair. "....I didn't mean to totally freak out on you." The young man looked around the room nervously as if to check the shadows for something that didn't belong. "I guess I was having a bad dream or something."

"It's understandable Chief. You've been through quite a bit in the last week. Your body is still responding to the stress of it all."

Blair nodded. "Yeah....I guess you're right."

Knowing that his partner was in a better frame of mind, Jim decided to find out what was going on. "What do you think you're doing Sandburg? Do you realize you have half of the hospital looking for you? I told you that I would come by here in the morning and pick up your book."

Blair cringed slightly at Jim's scolding. "I'm sorry Jim. I know that you wanted me to stay put..." Blair flashed large blue soulful puppy eyes at Jim. "It's just that the longer we wait about trying to track her down, the farther away she gets."

"Alex?" Jim sighed. Would the kid be able to heal knowing that she was still out there?

"Yes Alex! Man, who do you think I'm talking about?" Anger quickly replaced the innocent expression, causing Blair's eyes to change from cerulean to an almost electric blue. He jumped up out of his chair and started pacing back and fourth in front of a set of metal shelves heavy laden with books and artifacts. "My God Jim....she almost killed me! Surely you don't think I'm going to lie around in some damned hospital bed and let her get away."

"Chief." Jim approached the young man trying to block his path.

Blair stopped in front of him, throwing up his hands in a "don't touch me" gesture.

"Calm down Blair. Getting all worked up won't get us any closer to finding her, nor will you collapsing."

Blair rolled his eyes, but Jim continued regardless.

"You need rest. You're still trying to recover. Going on a witch hunt isn't going to help you."

Blair grinned, an evil gleam in his eye. "Witch hunt? I like that." Auburn curls bobbed as he nodded. "Yeah....witch hunt." He began to pace again. "Actually it's more like a bitch hunt," he mumbled.

Jim was quickly losing is patience with his guide. "Get your jacket on, we're leaving."

"I'm not going back to the hospital Jim. I feel like I'm caged there."

Again Jim took in another deep breath, slowly counting to ten. "Okay. We'll go back to the loft."

Blair stopped his pacing for a moment to study his sentinel's face. "Really? You're not just trying to trick me into leaving are you?"

"Scout's honor." Jim held up three fingers.

"Okay. I am kinda tired." Then he looked back at the open book on his desk. "Oh...I should tell you about what I found." He started back around his desk only to have Jim grab his shoulders, steering him to the door.

"We'll take the books home with us. You can tell me all about it in the morning over a good breakfast....but only if you get a good night's sleep."

Blair's mouth opened to argue, but seeing the look in his sentinel's eyes, he knew that it would be an argument he would easily lose.

When they finally made it back to the loft it was well after 5am. Jim unlocked the door and walked into the loft, quickly remembering to turn on the light for his friend and then shrugging out of his coat. He had just placed it on the hook when he realized that the door was still open and that Blair had yet to enter the loft. Jim stepped around the opened door and saw Blair still standing in the hall. "You coming in sometime tonight chief?"

Blair cleared his throat. "Ummm...yeah." He really didn't want to come into the room. He remembered all too well the way it had appeared the last night he was there...the night after he had been thrown out of his home. Hesitantly he stepped through the doorway. He took a slow look around the room amazed to find that everything had been put back in its place....everything....including his books and miscellaneous artifacts.

"Looks like you've been busy."

Jim felt a little self conscious. "Yeah, I have been."

"You found my things in the basement?" Blair walked further into the room, gently touching different objects on the shelves.

"Yeah." Jim felt like he did when he was in the Rangers. Yet those inspections never meant that much to him, he only hoped that he passed this one.

Blair sighed and nodded. His eyes drifted over to the French doors that once went to his room. He wondered silently if Jim had placed his things back in there too.

"Come on kid. Let's get you in bed." Jim walked over to Blair's room and flipped on the light then stood in the doorway waiting for his hesitant anthropologist to follow. When Blair didn't move Jim decided that there were other things that needed to be discussed, and they weren't going to wait until breakfast. "Blair...I put your things back in here too. This is your room....." then he gestured to the loft. "....your home."

"You took some liberties with things didn't you?" Blair remained in the living area looking at the sentinel. "I mean, I didn't agree to move back in, but you seem to have made that decision for me."

"Blair I want you back here. I..."

"See?!!! That's part of the problem man! It's always what *you* want...what *you* need." Blair took a few steps toward the older man. "What about what I want....What I need?"

Jim was confused. Blair was throwing off so many signals that the detective couldn't figure out which ones to follow. "I thought that you liked it here...that you wanted to stay here."

"I did....but what I wanted didn't seem to matter when you threw me out. What's to stop you from doing it again?"

"Whoa chief. I thought that you said you were okay with this."

"Well I guess I was wrong. I guess you're not the only one around here that can change his mind." Blair went back into the living room and plopped heavily onto the couch. "Man this just burns me," he growled. The young man took a few deep breaths trying to bring his anger back under control. He knew that throwing a fit would not solve their problems, only add to them.

Knowing that sleep wouldn't be in his near future, Jim took a deep breath and walked back to the couch where Blair sat fuming. "I'm sorry Blair. I don't know what you want from me. I thought that you would be happy to come back here."

"I am Jim." He started, his voice a little calmer and some of the anger gone from his eyes. "But I just hate it when you take it upon yourself to make my decisions for me." Blair ran a hand through his hair trying to calm himself. He had to find the right words to make Jim understand. "Jim, I've been on my own since I was sixteen. Sixteen, Jim. I've taken care of myself since even before that. Naomi was great and all, but give me a break man, she's no June Cleaver."

They both smiled at the comparison.

"I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I'm 29 years old.....I'll be thirty this year. I think I reached the point of manhood sometime back and I've earned the right to make decisions for myself."

"Blair I never..."

Blair held up a staying hand. "I know Jim. I know you've always done what you thought best. I know you care for me. But there has to come a time when you let me fly. I'm afraid that if you keep being so protective and hovering over me, you're going to wind up making me resent you and forcing me to leave." Blair's eyes pleaded for understanding.

Jim thought about what Blair had said. ‘What was that about resentment and leaving? Is he threatening me?' "What are you trying to say?"

Blair felt that Jim was becoming defensive. "I'm not trying to hurt you Jim. You're the closest thing to a brother I've ever had. I never want to lose what we have. But man... there comes a time when you have to let go. Naomi had an easier time of it than you seem to be, and she gave birth to me."

"So you want to leave...is that it?"

"No Jim..you're not listening to me. I want to stay...but that's my decision, not yours. You have to let me think for myself."

Jim nodded, relieved that his guide was staying. "So are we okay?"

Blair studied the older man's face for a moment. "Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah...I think so. It won't be easy though. It's like something inside me feels the need to take care of you. It's hard to explain. Sometimes the need is so overwhelming and I can't resist it."

Blair nodded. "You know, I was only kidding when I made that blessed protector comment, but I think that somehow you're genetically inclined to protect me. You know...a sentinel/guide thingie. But Jim, you're going to have to resist those urges....well, unless my life is like in serious danger and all. Then you can protect all you want....I won't complain."

Blair's brilliant smile practically lit up the loft as did the rising sun.

"I think if we hope to get any sleep at all, we should go ahead and turn in." Jim prompted.

"Yeah, you're right." Blair stood up to make his way to *his* room, turning around just before going through the french doors. "Jim?"

The older man stopped at the base of the stairs. "Yeah buddy?"

"I didn't answer your question before."

Jim looked a little confused, prompting his guide to explain. "We're more than okay.... we're getting better."

Jim smiled and then nodded. "Night chief."

"Night Jim."

End

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