I'm Dr Hammer and it would be my honor to introduce you to this here page! First off...what y'all see here is an offshoot of the Special Needs Children website. If you just happened to surf onto this page then you need to go check out the homesite first. Don't worry, this page is linked from that one so you can come on back whenever you're done browsing around there.
WARNING: The Special Needs Children website is addictive! Some have been known to stay there for days getting to know all the parents and gushing over all the pics of the kids - they're the most adorable bunch of little angels you've ever seen...guaranteed!
!!!NEWSFLASH!!!
YeeeeeeHaaaaaaaaawwww!!!!! The results are in!!!! The polls are closed and the votes are counted!!!!
Load up the coolers and lawnchairs in the back of the pickup, drop off the yunguns at Mamaw 'n' Pepaw's, and head on down to Dr Hammer's Ranch for the hoedown cuz it's PARTY TIME!!!!
The Lighter Side Saga: Act 1, Scene 1
[We fade in to a raucous bonfire scene in a secluded area of pasture next to a pond somewhere in Kansas - Land of Dorothy and Her Stupid Little Dog.
Brooks & Dunn can be heard belting out a popular redneck tune from the extremely loud stereo of any one of 20 vehicles lined up next to a nearby row of hedge trees.
DrHammer is standing on the tailgate of a beat-up Chevy truck illuminated by the orange glow of a blazing bonfire and the occasional glint reflected from several dozen silver cans in the possession of his fellow party-goers. He appears to be in 'Soapbox Mode'........]
DR HAMMER: "Fellow Netizens! We are gathered here this fine Midwestern eve with a most bodacious and kewl bonfire, 127 kegs of the finest beverage ever made with barley and some bitter stuff, and enough Chevy pickups to stretch end-to-end from here all the way to Timbuktu...to celebrate a most glorious occasion:
The funny pages at The Lighter Side are UP AND RUNNING!!!!
[The crowd goes wild, out of control...]
Yes, it's been a long, hard road to travel. I've slaved for many hours compiling submissions. I've whined and begged and pleaded for feedback. I even fought a corrupted registry - and WON!
[The crowd ooooohs and ahhhhhhhs]
If it weren't for the feedback I received from you, my faithful cyber-friends and Storkie-buddies, none of this would have been possible...the fight would have been lost soon after it started. This giant mousepad callous on my wrist woulda been for NOTHING!
I have seen sites go down in flames; I have witnessed loved ones lose their ISP; I have smelled the stench of defeat (but I wash them on a regular basis now - they don't stink anymore).
My friends.....I have been to the EDGE. Join me. We will venture off into that great unknown together. We will face the dragons and demons of cyberspace. We will conquer the devils of slow connection speeds and server malfunctions....
Reach out your hands...come with me. For I have been to the EDGE AND BACK!!!!!!"
[We fade out to the captivated audience going wild and rushing the pickup which DrHammer is standing on. They lift him up and carry him on their shoulders around and around the blazing fire chanting/singing a familiar redneck cantation.]
CROWD IN UNISON: "I've got friends in low places, where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases my blues away - I'll be ok!"
[Last frame....the crowd looks around dumbfounded as they experience what seems to be a most awe-inspiring red and blue flashing display of those beautiful Northern Lights, apparently brought on by the amazing speech they just witnessed. However, the mood is rudely interrupted by a high-pitched, twangy voice over a loudspeaker..."THIS IS THE COUNTY SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT. THOE DOWN YER BEVERGIZ AND PUT OUT THAT THAR FIRE! Y'ALL PEOPLE ARE IN VIOLATION OF COUNTY ORDNANCE 104.3247 SECTION 2.49 AND......."]
[Hero flick Batman style suspense music begins] [We hear narrator's voice doing prologue]
Narrator: "Is our hero jailbound?!?! How can he ever completely finish The Lighter Side from behind bars? Who will save Dr Hammer from the evil forces of County Sheriffs, Barney P Coletrain and Roscoe Fyfe?
Tune in next week to find out what fate has in store for Dr Hammer!"
And now, what you've all been waiting for............*drumroll*.............THE FUNNY PAGES!!!! I can hear the questions now...."What's the layout like? How will the contests work? Is this something my kids can view? Will you have streaming XXX videos?" Ok, maybe not THAT one. (We did have ONE request for "Lots of porno!" and I can't tell you her name, but her initials are KellyD) Enough already - I'm getting a headache. Go check out your feedback results...after all, YOU chose the layout and content!
There's something here for everyone (except maybe for the extremely perverted), so enjoy!!!
It's A Kid Thang!
This page is about as "G-Rated" as they come. It's soon to be chock full of nothing but jokes told by kids, to kids, for kids, about kids, etc, etc, etc.... You get the idea! There are just enough kid jokes here to get things rolling - need submissions! (It seems that more of you were inclined to send 'adult-related' material....TSK TSK!)
Kids Are The Bestest Teachers!
Here are some.....uh.....lessons taught us by OUR KIDS! Some ofMost of which we wish we had never had the *pleasure* of learning. *NOTE: This page will feature a "Weekly Top Ten" contest!
Rated NC17: The Following Program Is For Mature Audiences Only!
Jokes for the more mature, definitely not for kids. There are some which contain adult language or reference sex, bodyparts, death, and/or ethnicity, however....they're all hilariously funny! If you find any of these jokes offensive and out of place, DO NOT HESITATE to email Dr Hammer and voice your opinion! All material considered too offensive will be removed from this section.
PARENTAL NIGHTMARES
A collection of stories taken from the day-to-day lives of honest-to-God, real, live parents. Recounted are both moments of utter embarrassment, as well as those of sheer, unadulterated, heart-stopping terror - compliments of..........the kids!
COMING SOON!
Kids Say The Darndest Things!
To The Moon, Alice!!!
Why Are There Interstate Highways in Hawaii????
WARNING: Perverts Only!
DR HAMMER'S LINK PAGE
No, this section's not done, YET. But, that's ok...I'll at least give you my very bestest most favorite link for now {:-)
Hey! Don't complain! There'll be more links here once the webmaster quits procrastinating - too many for you to get through in a day - I promise!
The Special Needs Children Website
A site developed by and for a very special and wonderful group of parents who share a common bond in that they all have children with special needs. This site is the greatest on the entire net! (Ok, so maybe I'm a little biased :))
Thanks to your patience and most excellent feedback, the funny pages are finally a reality! Hoooooraaaaayyyyy!!!
I couldn't have done it without you...in fact YOU did most of the work here. I'm forever in your debt. *sniff* Ok, enough mushy stuff...I can't get emotional over this - I'm s'posed to be a tough guy!!!
I'm leaving a form here for the sheer purpose of making this page look bigger. Bigger is better, right? (Hey! Get your mind out of the gutter!!!)
Even so, it would be stupid to have a form with no real purpose, so I'm disguising this one to look like a feedback form! Plus, forms are kewl...babes dig guys with forms :) And if anyone tells my DW I said that, you're toast! So help me, if I spend ONE MORE NITE in that rinky-dink doghouse.....
Remember, the sole purpose of this addition to the Special Needs Children website is to create an environment of lighthearted fun! It's meant to be a release...a 'let your hair down' kind of place. The Special Needs moms and dads need a tension breaker every now and then - more often than most folks.
You see, bringing up any child is hard work - let alone a child who was born with or has acquired any of a wide array of medical problems and/or developmental delays.
This site is for them! They can all use a major stress buster once in awhile...
If you're not a parent of a child with special needs... then buzz off. Go somewhere else.
JUST KIDDING!!! Everyone's welcome here! Furthermore, everyone who visits this page has every right to offer their input - WE WANT YOUR FEEDBACK! If you have any suggestions or ideas whatsoever, please put 'em down in the comments section of the form below.
Also, you're all encouraged to drop ol' Dr Hammer an email if you have jokes, stories, humorous graphics, animated gifs, URLs to hilarious sites.....anything you'd like to submit for the funny pages.
Submit your silly kid jokes, grownup jokes, hilarious true stories,
things your kids have taught you, blonde jokes, men jokes, political
jokes, even inspirational stories here...
INTRODUCTION
WARNING: The Special Needs Children website is addictive! Some have been known to stay there for days getting to know all the parents and gushing over all the pics of the kids - they're the most adorable bunch of little angels you've ever seen...guaranteed!
!!!NEWSFLASH!!!
COMING SOON!
No, this section's not done, YET. But, that's ok...I'll at least give you my very bestest most favorite link for now {:-)
Hey! Don't complain! There'll be more links here once the webmaster quits procrastinating - too many for you to get through in a day - I promise!
