MY JOURNAL  - BD

                           (Before Dana)

December 16, 1997

It happened I took three days off from my work, just wanted to spend a few days at home, to bring it to 'homey' look and think... Suddenly I felt urge to do some handcraft, though never did before. It turned into not bad kitchen towels, haha.

On the third day - another urge, to remember my period is late, 10 days, oh it must mean something, and I go to my doctor... She doesn't want to believe I'm pregnant, but I know it for sure - never, never in my life felt I a want to sew something!

January 22, 1998

All the city is in the know of our pregnancy, at least, not the lest and I guess   the best part of it. And every day of my life I'm proving that DJ's have children, as well. Though I feel sleepy every time I put a slow music on the air, and almost every time I begin to forget what I wanted to say, turn my micro on, and suddenly say - something like 'haha'. At the same time I  show the best of example how a pregnant woman must look like. At least my chief daily says so, flatterer!!!

April 24, 1998

The main thing here is to keep writing.

A month ago I quit my job, at least for a year or so, I'm tired of everything in the world, but my baby kicking, and my husband loving me... us.

I've never thought I whoud be like the rest of the pregnant world - to feel morning sickness, crave for salted foods, have changes in my figure (for better in some parts, too, lol). And the best of it all, the thing I've been wanting for seems like all my life - a good tummy.

I realized, I'm not an I any longer, I'm a jar, a root, a branch, the one to give my littleone his (or her?) juice to grow. And - honestly - I feel like unchaining my not so big, but still a belly, for a while, to jump...But it's okay, 3 1/2 astronomical months are left till I see you, my whoever you are, boy or girl! I can't wait to see you, my baby!

On March 12 you should have seen your Daddy's face while he was watching you waving your hand on US screen! You were swimming, changing your legs positions, waved your arms, you, our Sun. (son?) Oh, for G-d's sake, if you're a girl, forgive me for that slip of the tongue and male gender I use sometimes to talk to you. Well, the US doctor zoomed your heart, showed us your trunk (very straight) and your brain (very UNstraight). You put one leg on top of the other, and didn't show your sex. That's okay, I don't want to know! I was  laughing happily, Nikolai was staring numb, and you were jumping topsyturvy and back again. The doctor said, 'Oh, stop it a moment, Miss or Mister Topsyturvey' and took a picture.     

At that moment I didn't feel you move in my tummy  yet,  and frankly speaking I hardly had a 'tummy' at all. On March 25 I felt, it was you. It was something like a bubble, going up and never bursting.

Now that I can't wear my usual clothes it seems like I feel your fingers touching my belly inside, your elbows punching, and your hiccups.. They are  funny and very rhythmical. And I read my pregnancy calendar, for today it says, "Baby continues to urinate and drink amniotic fluid, which is exchanged every 3 hours". And by this moment, you're quite a 'miniature human', 30 cm and 650 grams. Quite a 'young man' (or a girl) and there's the only thing you can't do on your own - to breathe. It will come to you with your coming to us. By August we'll have had to finish that refurbishment we've started in our new apartment and prepare your room.

Your Daddy loves you punching and kicking his ear when he tries to listen to your little heart beating.

July 3, 1998

You start feeling pregnant when you start seeing air and you know for sure you never have it enough.

I've got one more feeling. The year you'll go to school, will be the year for just girls going to school. I got that feeling looking around, all my girlfriends gave birth to girls this year. But you still have a chance to cheat us all and the Ultra Sound doctor.

When you were 28 weeks old, the doctor told me  you were a girl, and had a nose different from mine and that you were a coquette, 'just like her Mom', that's what he said, because you didn't let him see your mouth, you were hiding  it with your hand, very gracefully though... At 31 weeks the same doctor as the first time, said again, you are a girl, but she's not sure, 'men still can hide in the same way', but - you're 'a harmonious baby'.

To be honest, I didn't expect you were a girl, and had a few tears in my eyes first, but then your Daddy began kissing my belly and shouting wildly, 'My little daughter, my beautiful one!' and I calmed down. And even wanted to coax you by knitting  a dress for you, when suddenly a man working for the company where we were buying our big wardrobe said, 'You're having a boy', and added 'I'm never mistaken for such things'. So your dress will wait...

Every day and every night your Daddy negotiates with you, on not coming out till the end of the refurbishment. Remember, you due date is August 12? He talks to my navel as to a microphone, he talks to you,  my baby, my Dana, my daughter, my little one. By the way, such a little thing, but you've already covered a long distance by plane. When we went to Israel, on our way there you were kickin like crazy, but on our way back home, you seemed like got used to being on air, and were sleeping all the time.

July 23, 1998

Well, baby, it seems like you'll be born in the same hospital where I was born, and your uncle. At least, the conditions there sound sweet and attracting. And your Daddy will be with us, and he'll be able to visit us as much as he likes afterwards, and we'll be having a telephone right in the ward. So, how do you like that?

Judging by the tummy, you're not going to arrive withing the next 2 weeks. We love you, our beautiful one! I still remember the perfect form of your head since the last Ultra Sound. I hope it won't be much distorted while making your way out to this world...Your room is waiting for you, but, please, wait till August, okay?

July 24, 1998

Since your existing in me, my tummy has grown 30 cm! I myself have grown a thousand years, but your Daddy has got thin...

Well, we're waiting for you to come out on August 12. Your clothes are waiting, and even medical things for your natural wound, the navel one. You're a joy of my life, growing in position No.2. LOL.

August 6, 1998

Well, Miss Shashirina, the time's getting close, isn't it? Not so long ago your Daddy told me he loved just 2 girls in the world, Natalia and Dana. Doctors in the hospital are waiting for our arrival...

Your arrival is awaited by all the nature and unusually  hot summer. And fruitful one, for the first time in my life, I see pregnant women in such an abundancy!

I'm getting bored expecting you, I'm trying to imagine you and our life together. One week more, oh, even less, and we'll have been together, we'll have been a bonded family. And less than 2 weeks more, and your Father will bring your up the staircase home. He'll become a real Father. And I will be your real Mother.

August 10, 1998

The obstetrician in the hospital told me it could happen any moment, I'm dilated 5 cm!! 2 days earlier it's okay. I'm not afraid so much as I thought I would be... I can imagine the process, and the doctor said it won't take long, so... I won't scream, don't want to scare you... But I don't feel anything...

August 12, 1998

Nothing happened, LOL. I'm tired of waiting for a pain I don't know anything about! I'm listening to my bodym and don't hear anything... You behave in your usual way, hiccuping and kicking, my little one.

The doctor said, we can't wait anymore, so if  you're not going to come out till tomorrow morning, she'll summon you in her way...By the way, I was born the same.

We're awaited at 8 AM tomorrow. The things are packed.