1) Bart with Lisa and Maggie Phone call for Al...Al Coholic...is there an Al Coholic here? Wait a minute... Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass, if I ever find out who you are, I'm gonna kill you! Bart and Lisa laugh
Bart with Lisa and Maggie Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff! Marge picks up the extension and hears: Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!
Bart with Lisa Uh, I.P. Freely? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely! Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half! Bart and Lisa laugh
Bart with Lisa Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap! Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood! Bart laughs
Bart with Lisa Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz! Oh, wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew! Bart and Lisa laugh
Bart (in Principal Skinner's office) Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual! Homer says "Don't look at me!" Oh, no... You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off! Skinner, on the other end of the line, says "You'll do what, young man?"
Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately? Listen, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!
Bart with Mrs. Krabappel and one of the Sherri/Terri twins Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt Oh, wait a minute... Bart laughs; Mrs. Krabappel sees him and then laughs as well
Bart Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass! There is a Hugh Jass at Moe's; he takes the call
Bart Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here? Barney says "You sure do!" Oh...it's you, isn't it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains! Bart laughs
Bart Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss? Barney says "Maybe your standards are too high!" You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt! Bart tells Moe his name is Jimbo Jones and gives his own address: Jimbo and Laura Powers are making out in Bart's living room
Laura Powers with Bart Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tankle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle! Laura and Bart laugh
This isn't at Moe's; Moe is taking over as the substitute teacher for Mrs. Krabappel's class during the strike OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath? The students in the classroom laugh All right, settle down. Anita Bath here? More laughs All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks! Still more laughs Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that! Moe runs out of the classroom crying as Bart crosses Moe's name off of a list of what are now former substitute teachers
