A man walks into his doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."

Doc: Does your penis burn after intercourse?
Patient: I don't know..... I never tried lighting it.

The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know, why do men always want to marry a virgin?

To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?"

The little girl stayed silent.

Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?"

Again, the little girl was silent.

Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heartbeat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?"

"Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants. Ma, are you sure this guys a doctor?"

Did you hear the joke about the man and his doctor? He had been going to the doctor for about seven or eight months. Of course a very substantial bill had been accumulated during this time. During his very next visit, the doctor told him he had some very bad news for him. He only had 6 months to live.

The man sat back in his chair said, "Oh my, this is awful! Oh what am I going to do?"

The doctor told him that he completely understood his reaction. The man told him he just could not see how he could possibly get his bill paid off before he would die in six months.
So the doctor turned to him and said, "I can sympathize with your problem and am willing to give you six more months to live. Will that help?

Mr. Lee was terribly over weight. His doctor put him on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat this procedure for two weeks. Next time I see you, you'll have lost five pounds.

When Mr. Lee returned he had lost nearly twenty pounds. "Why that's amazing," the doctor said. "Did you follow my instructions?"

Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you this. I thought I was going to drop dead by the third day."
"From hunger?"
"No, from skipping.

Old woman takes her hard-of-hearing husband to the doctor. Doctor asks for stool, urine and sperm samples.
Old man..."Eh, what did he say?"
Old woman..."He wants your underwear."

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. The first surgeon said, "I think that accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second surgeon said, "I think that librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything is in alphabetical order."

The third surgeon said, "I think that electricians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything is color coded."

The fourth surgeon said, "I think that lawyers are the easiest to operate on. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their ass are interchangeable."

A fellow goes to his doctor and says, "Doc, you got to help me. My penis is all orange. Something's wrong!"

The doctor calls for the fellow to pull down his pants so he could see for himself and sure enough a very orange organ confronts him.

"Damn, that's an orange one alright. Danged if it ain't!" says the surprised medical man. This is strange, yes, very strange. Sometimes such a malady is caused by stress, yes, lots of stress. Hummm, we've got to get down to the causes of such a thing. How are you doing down at work?"

"To be honest with you doc, I don't think it could be job related. You see I was fired six weeks ago."

"Perhaps that's the cause of the stress," answered the doctor, nodding his head as though agreeing with himself.

"No, I actually had little say in anything happening at work. No stress there. Of course I was working a lot of hours with overtime and everything."

"Lots of work, huh. Then you got laid off? Well, that can cause stress."

"You don't understand. Got a new job right away at double the pay and I can set my own hours. The boss is a great guy and there's little work involved."

The doctor shakes his head puzzled and says, "I guess that can't be the reason." Then a new thought occurs to him and he asks: "How's your home life?"

"Got divorced about eight months ago."

Now a new light appears in the doctor's eyes as he figures that this is the cause of the poor man's stress and peculiar condition. He suggests the divorce as a possibility.

"No, that can't be it. For years and years all my wife did was nag, nag, nag. I was happy to see her go. Lordy, am I ever glad to be rid of that old bitch."

Well, what could it be, wondered the doctor to himself. "Do you have any hobbies or social life?"

"No, not really. Most nights I sit alone, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos."

Man goes into a doctor's office and when his turn finally came, he dropped his pants and says: "I've got a red ring around my penis, doctor. It worries me and won't go away."

"Hummmm," mutters the physician. "I've got something here that might help," he says reaching up into his glass cabinet. "Try this three times a day. If it doesn't work, come back tomorrow."

So the man goes off with the tablets in his hand, but the next day is back. When his turn comes he says, "Sorry doctor, but what you gave me didn't work at all. The red is still there. It didn't work."

"Try this instead," says the doctor handing him a bottle this time.
Next day the man comes back all grins and says, "That worked like a charm. What was it you gave me?"
The doctor replied slowly, "Lip-stick remover."

A mixed-up lady swallows a brand new Gillette razor blade. Her doctor discovered that not only had she given her doctor a tonsillectomy, appendicectomy, hemorrhoidectomy, and a hysterectomy, and that she had also castrated her lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, and given the minister a hair-lip. Amazingly enough, there were still five shaves left on the blade.

A couple, aged 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked: "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled but agreed.

When the couple had finished, the doctor said," There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse, and he charged them $16.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment; have intercourse, pay the doctor, and leave.

Finally, one day the doctor asked," Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married, and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $50.00, The Hilton Hotel charges $70.00. We can do it here for $16.00, and I get back $12.80 from Medicare for the doctor's office visit."

This guy goes to the doctors office and tell the nurse that he has to see the doctor....nurse said what is the problem....he said I'm too embarrassed to tell you....

She said sir I am a professional and I screen all the doctors patients...don't worry.....

So they go into a room he drops his pants and there is this 3 inch thing between his legs.... The nurse can't help herself and begins laughing...

The guy said, "I knew you were going to laugh. It has been swollen like that for 2 days now!"

A doctor started having an affair with his nurse, and shortly after this started, she announced that she had become pregnant. Not wanting his wife to find out, he gave her a large amount of money and asked her to go out of the country, to Germany, to wait out the pregnancy and have the baby over there.

"But how will you know when our baby is born?" she asked.
"Well", he said, "After you've had the baby, just send me a post card and write 'sauerkraut' on the back".
Not knowing what else to do, she took the money and went off to Germany.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at his office. "Dear, you received a very strange post card in the mail today," she explained. "I don't understand what it means!"

"Just wait till I get home and I'll read it," he replied.

Later that evening, the doctor came home and read his post card, which said: "Sauerkraut is made and ready for you."

This guy goes on a business trip to the Far East, and while there partakes of some pleasure with the local girls. A few weeks after this, he comes back. He notices that his penis has a red ring on it. Figuring it's not too serious he ignores it until the next day when he notice a blue ring behind the red ring. Now he panics and goes to the doctor.

By the time the doctor examines him, he's now got a green ring behind the blue and red ones!

The doctor tells him he's never seen anything like this in his life, but it's obvious that it moving fast and might be gangrenous. He recommends amputation of his penis as the only way to save his life.

Well, our guy is not about to have THAT cut off. So he leaves the doctor's office and starts thinking. "I was just in the Far East and I probably got it over there." So he takes the next logical step and looks up an Oriental doctor...Dr. Wong.

So it's off to Dr. Wong for an exam. Wong looks at the poor O guy's penis and immediately declares, "Oh you got red, blue, green on yow dick!"

Relieved, our guy asks, "You've seen this before?"
"Oh sure," says Dr. Wong. "Let me ask you. You go to Orient O about a month ago?"
"Yes," says our guy.
"You fool around with girls there?"
"Yes!"
"Then you get red, blue, green on your dick."
Relieved that Dr. Wong knows what's going on he tells him how he almost had it amputated.
"Who tell you to do that?" Wong asks.
"My American doctor."
"Aw, American Doctor don't know shit! You no have to cut off. Wait a week, it fall off by self."

Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work. For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset gave him the eye as he passed. Of late she took to showing him parts of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good husband and family man and didn't want to cheat on his wife. However, lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out of his mind.

After spending many sleepless nights he went to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his wife. "What should I do?" he pleaded.

The psychiatrist said: "Take Melrose avenue."

While on a tour conducted by a head nurse, the new hospital administrator happened to glance into a patient's room. He was shocked to see a nurse giving the patient a hand job! "What's going on in there?" he demanded.

After glancing into the room, the head nurse replied, "Oh that. That patient has a very rare condition. He must ejaculate every hour, or he'll die!"

Though somewhat irregular, the administrator realized that he had seen stranger things in his time, so he continued the tour without further comment. But when he looked into another room further down the hall and saw a nurse giving a patient an oral treat, he exploded. "And what the hell is going on in there?" he yelled.

The Head nurse looked into the room and calmly replied, "Oh that patient has the same disorder, but he has better insurance."

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a light pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her back. "Step aside lady," he barked. "I've taken a course in first aid.

The woman watched him for a few minutes, and then tapped his shoulder. "Pardon me," she said. "But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.

This woman of forty, being a rather vain person decided she needed a face-lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy.

The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used. After the operation the doctor told her that he had put a screw behind each ear so that she could tighten as she needed to keep her fresh young look.

The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor's office demanding to know why there were bags under her eyes.

The doctor replied, "Lady those aren't bags, they're your tits, and if you don't stop turning those screws your going to have a beard.

A man has an operation to lengthen his dick, which involved the insertion of a baby elephant's trunk. Two weeks later he is back in action and he takes a young lady out to dinner. Halfway through the meal his member pops out of his trousers, whips up onto the table, grabs a bread roll, and then disappears.

The young lady didn't believe her eyes, so she ignored it and continued with her meal.

Ten minutes later, it happens again. This time she says, if I just saw what I thought I saw, could you do it again please, And he says, I'd like to lady but I don't think my arse can take another roll.

There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.

After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.

"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem." "A gas problem?" replied the doctor. "Yes. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had (blush) four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"

"Well," said the doctor thoughtfully, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands' performance as a lover. The first woman says "My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that."

The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that."

The third woman just shakes her head and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."

A gynecologist decides to that he wants to change occupations and be an auto mechanic. So he goes to auto mechanic school. It comes time for the final exam. He takes the exam and when he gets the test back he's shocked at the test score. One hundred percent would have been a perfect score, but he received a 200%! How was this possible? So he goes to talk to the instructor.

The instructor said, "Well, you got 50% for taking the engine apart correctly, 50% for putting it back together correctly, and an extra 100% for doing it all through the muffler."

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.

"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow-up."

"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."

The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear."

"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.

"Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts. And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"

The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy. Besides, it's difficult to describe pain."

"I know, but can't you give me some idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your nose!"

One day a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
"Eighty dollars," the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to sixty dollars."
"That's still too expensive," the man says.

"Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging twenty dollars."

"Nope," moans the man, "it's still too much."

"Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just ten dollars."

"Marvelous," says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband rapped her in a towel, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car, and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining the young woman, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice the insect out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her, and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The husband agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion.
"If neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstance, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered his prick with honey, and mounted the woman.

The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrusts continued for several long minutes.
"Hey! What the hell is happening?" the husband exclaimed.

"Change of plans," the physician panted. "I'm going to drown the little bastard!"

A man picks up a girl in a party. They proceed to her place and things are starting to heat up.... He takes his shirt off and washes his hands. He takes his pants off and then washes hands again.

So the girl tells him: "I bet you're a dentist".
Surprised he says: "that's correct, how did you know?"
You washed your hands a few times, so I figured you're used to it ...
They go on and they have sex.
Then she says: "you know what? I'm willing to bet you're a very good dentist".
"How can you tell?" he asks.
"I didn't feel a thing..."

Lou goes to the doctor's office complaining of not feeling well. The doctor runs some test on him and in a few minutes comes back in. The doctor says, "Lou, sit down. I've got some bad news. You don't have much time to live." Lou is obviously upset about this, but asks, "How much longer do I have doc?"

The doctor says, "10."
Lou says, "10 what? 10 weeks...10 months...10 years?"
The doctor replies, "9...8...7..."

There was this guy who owned a very fast motorcycle. His friends would always tell him, that because he only had one good eye (the other being a glass eye) that if he didn't slow down when he rides his motorcycle, he would someday be involved in a serious accident. But the friends' warnings were to no avail.

One day he did get into a terrible accident out on a lonely, rarely used stretch of highway. The driver and his passenger were both eye doctors. There was no one around when the accident happened. So one turned to the other and said, "He just seems to be knocked out cold."

They checked the cyclist over and he seemed all right, except he had excessive damage to his eye. The driver then said to his friend, "Why don't we take him to our eye clinic, fix his eye, and then put him and the motorcycle back where the accident happened. We put him near to a tree, so that no one will think that anyone else was involved in the accident." So they did just that.

The next day, the local newspaper reported the accident. The headline read, "Mysterious Auto Accident Involving Cyclist with Two Glass Eyes."

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"

As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?"

"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "Pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately."

"You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"

"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.

"Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes," answered the patient. "You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there -- if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?"

The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"
"Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for forty-five minutes!"

A guy out on the golf course takes a high-speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor and asked, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week." So he took four tongue depressors, formed a neat little four-sided bandage and wired it all together -- an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl; marries and goes on his honeymoon. That night, in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of knockers. This was the first time he saw them. She said, "You're the first, no one has ever touched these breasts. "

He whips off his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

A fellow went to the doctor who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So he decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his pastor if there was anything he could do.

"What you should do is go out and buy a late '70's or early '80's model Dodge Pickup," said the pastor. "Then go get married to the ugliest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma."

The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"
"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have seem like forever."

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

A man was working with an electric saw when he accidentally sawed off all ten fingers. He quickly rushed to the emergency room. The doctor there told him, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."

"But I don't have the fingers!"

"What! You don't have the fingers!?" said the doctor, "You should have brought them to me. We have all kinds of operations we could have done like microsurgery and stuff. We could have put them back as good as new."

"But Doc, I couldn't pick them up."

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. "'Step aside, lady, " he barked. "I've taken a course in first-aid! "

The women watched for a few minutes, and then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"

The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."

The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

In the prime of her career, a world famous painter started to lose her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall.

When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art -- the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

The eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank God I'm not a gynecologist.'

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.

When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?"

"Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed."

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"
"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.
"What's so funny about that?"
"I'm a gynecologist."

A lady in her late 40's went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The doctor told her of a new procedure called "The Knob." This small knob is planted on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up the skin to produce the effect of a brand new facelift forever. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Fifteen years later the woman went back to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years everything had been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I've loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems. First of all, I've got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She replied, "Well, I guess that explains the goatee."

At a big cocktail party, an obstetrician's wife noticed another guest, a big, over sexed woman, was making overtures to her husband. But it was a large, informal gathering, so she tried to laugh it off, until she saw them disappear into a bedroom together.

At once she rushed into the room, pulled the two apart and screamed, "Look, lady! My husband just delivers babies, he doesn't INSTALL them!"

Then there's the woman who goes to the dentist. As he leans over to begin working on her, she grabs his crotch. The dentist says, "Madam, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The woman replies, "Yes. Now, we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, aren't we?"

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!", he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home.

"What took you so long to answer?" he asked her. "I was in bed", was her response. "What were you doing in bed this late?" he asked.

"Getting a second opinion."

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him, and asked, "What's the matter?"

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be all ight.'"

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" explained the nurse. "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

The famous female Olympic skier Picabo Street (Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say, .... "Picabo, ICU."

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