The List

GRACIE
Thomas Edison, Winston Churchill. How can they pick men like that to head the list?

GEORGE
I'm intrested to know, Gracie, who is your choice?

GRACIE
Need you ask, George? I'm thinking of a man whose glorious romantic voice has thrilled millions.

GEORGE
'The birds are sweetly singing and perfumed flowers are bringing in the wind-'

GRACIE
No, a man whose charm and talent are world-famous.

GEORGE
Gracie, this is getting embarrassing.

GRACIE
Only one man should top this list--Charles Boyer.

[laughter]

GEORGE
Charles Boyer?

GRACIE
Uh-huh.

GEORGE
You put him ahead of Edison?

GRACIE
Yep.

GEORGE
Edison invented the electric lights.

GRACIE
With Boyer, who needs them?

[laughter]

GEORGE
Gracie, there are some pretty great men on this list.

GRACIE
Not as great as Boyer. Well, look at these names. Arturo Toscanini, conductor. How do you like that? A man who punches transfers.

[laughter]

GEORGE
He happens to be a musical conductor.

GRACIE
All right, so he hums while he punches transfers. And here's another one, Einstein. Now what did he do?

GEORGE
Einstein?

GRACIE
Yes.

GEORGE
What did he do?

GRACIE
Uh-huh.

GEORGE
He's the father of relativity.

GRACIE
Oh, what does she do?

[laughter]

GEORGE
Relativity Einstein?

GRACIE
Yeah.

GEORGE
She's at Warner Bros.

[laughter]

GEORGE
You know, Gracie, for a minute there, instead of Boyer, I thought that you thought that I belonged on that list of great men.

GRACIE
Oh. Oh, well, you see, George, you're my husband and I don't think of you as a man.

[laughter]

GEORGE
Well, thanks.

GRACIE
I mean, I don't think of you as a man who does anything.

[laughter]

GEORGE
Thanks again.

GRACIE
I mean, I don't think of you as a man that does anything romantic.

[laughter]

GEORGE
A triple thanks, and stop thinking about me.

GRACIE
Aw, now I've hurt your feelings, and I didn't mean to, George. You know, I'd rather be married to you than any man on this list: Churchill, Edison, Stalin, Hitler.

[laughter]

GEORGE
You have just earned me fourth 'Thank you.'