['A Damsel in Distress']
[starring Fred Astaire, George Burns, and Gracie Allen]
 George: Gracie, what day is it today?
Gracie: Well, I don't know.
George: You can find out if you look at that paper on your desk.
Gracie: Oh, George, that doesn't help. It's yesterday's paper.

George: Look, it's got a coat of arms. It's a bonified castle.
Gracie: Oh, that's where Napolean came from.
George: Napolean?
Gracie: Yes, Napolean Bonified.

George: ...Since the 15th century Totley castle has been the seat of the earl of...
Gracie: Oh, George, you must get rid of that Brooklyn accent. You mean "oil."
George: No, I mean "earl." "Oil" and "earl" are two different things. You're daddy doesn't go to bed "oily" did he?
Gracie: He did when he worked for the gas station.
George: Listen, Gracie. In England there are different titles for the nobility: lords, dukes, earls,...
Gracie: Oh, that's my daddy. If he ever gets his dukes on the earl company's money, Lord help him! I made that up myself.
George: You did?
Gracie: Yeah!
Fred Astaire: Good old Totley castle.
Gracie: Isn't it beautiful? It's almost pretty enough to be a filling station
George: Filling station? This castle is more than 300 years old.
Fred: Oliver Cromwell went through here in 1648.
Gracie: Well that was good time in those days.
Fred: I mean he went through the castle, Gracie.
Gracie: Couldn't stop the car, huh?
George and Fred: No! Couldn't stop the car!
 Gracie: Oh, George. Imagine meeting a deep-sea diver here of all places.
George: Deep-sea diver? That's a suit of armor.
Gracie: Mr. Armor must be somewhere in his underwear, he's not in his suit.
George: Probably stepped out for a smoke.
Gracie: Oh.
Keggs (butler/tour guide of Totley castle): Admission is one shilling.
Gracie: Well, we usually get more than that, but give us our shillings and we'll go in.
Keggs: But I don't pay the people madame, the people pay me. Gracie: Oh, well then give me my money back.
Keggs: But you didn't give me any money!
Gracie: That's not my fault!
George: Here's your money mister.
Keggs: Thank you! [George enters the castle]
Gracie: How much did he give you?
Keggs: Two shillings.
Gracie: And how much is the admission?
Keggs: One shilling.
Gracie: Oh. Well, give me my change!
Keggs: Oh, I beg your pardon madame. I was a little confused for the moment.
Gracie: Uh-huh.
[George and Fred Astaire during the shoting of 'Damsel in Distress']
Scene: inside the tunnel of love
Reggie (Gracie's escort): Lovely weather, isn't it?
Gracie: Yah, it's a shame we can't see it.
Reggie: Rather.
Gracie: By the way did you see the papers this morning?
Reggie: No, did you see them?
Gracie: No but I wish this were yesterday. Although I didn't see the papers yesterday morning. Did you see the papers yesterday morning?
Reggie: No.
Gracie: I never see the papers, but they're nice to talk about.
Reggie: Yes, they're so true to life.
Gracie: Oh, aren't we all?
George: Does he heard sheep?
Gracie: Oh, George, you can't say "does he heard sheep." You should say "does he hear sheep" or "has he heard sheep," but you can't say...
Together: ..."does he heard sheep." NO.
Gracie: Come on, George. It's lots of fun having fun even if you DON'T enjoy it.

[Fred Astaire, Gracie Allen, and George Burns in a dance from 'Damsel']